34.

PIPER STARTED driving me to school.

Actually, Piper started driving me and Jace to school. It was nice, because Jace still hadn't gotten his car back from his mom, but it was also just overall different.

It seemed that after I'd spoken with my mother, word had gotten to Piper and she showed up one evening with my favourite ice cream and two seasons of America's Next Top Model that we decidedly didn't pay any attention to.

Instead, we broke apart, arms wrapped around each other on my bed.

The tension that had built around us over the past year burst and we cried – we released tears and spoke words that had been stifled for months.

I told her about how suffocating it was to be constantly watched, for people to treat me like a piece of porcelain, waiting to crack. I told her I dreamt of Amber, of her screams and her blood staining my fingertips.

She told me about how she'd worried about me every day since she saw Amber's car, smashed and bent into pieces. She hadn't seen us. No, she'd come afterwards – when we'd been sped off to the nearest hospital, and only a mangled piece of metal remained – but she still dreamt of it.

Sometimes, she dreamt of me and Amber in it, imagining the way our bodies contorted against the broken metal. She said she dreamt of me leaving her, of me taking my own life, like Jace had tried. She dreamt that she hadn't done enough.

We cried.

She understood that I felt guilty for worrying her, that I just wanted her to treat me normally. For her to be my friend. I understood that she was doing her best to be a supportive friend. She had stuck by me when no one else had, and I'd always be grateful for her.

And then, we talked about Amber.

We talked about Amber's dumb jokes, the way she was always late to school, the way she had all the teachers wrapped around her finger, the way she squealed when we past dogs on the street, the way she slurped her milkshakes so quickly she ended up with chocolate staining her lips. We laughed about how Amber fantasised about running away to Hawaii. We cried because she never got to go.

It felt good just to remember. Remember when she was alive. When there were three of us.

Sometimes, I forgot that Piper was friends with Amber too. I forgot that she missed her too. That I wasn't suffering alone.

"Right, Jas?"

I blinked, meeting Piper's eye in the mirror. "Huh?"

She rolled her eyes but explained anyway. "I was telling Jace that you haven't been to a party in over a year."

Because the last party I'd been to, Amber had died, and I ended up with a fractured leg.

"Yeah," I said slowly.

I still wasn't used to Piper not censoring herself around me. She seemed unused to it too, by the way she quickly shifted her eyes back to the road and chewed her lip.

I decided to make it easier for her.

"The last party I went to, I was t-boned by a drunk driver on Simon Street, but hey, I got a pretty cute boyfriend out of it."

Jace frowned at me and I giggled, leaning into his side.

"It's fine, Jace," I said, nudging him. "I just – it never really occurred to me to go to a party again. Kind of like how I never thought I'd be here." I gestured vaguely to the car we sat in. "And, I mean, it's not like anyone was eager to invite me to one."

"Did you used to?" Jace asked. "Go to parties?"

"Oh, Jasmine?" Piper laughed, scoffing. "She went to, like, three a week. She rarely showed up to school without a hangover or hickey of some sort."

"Hickey, huh?"

I turned, expecting to see Jace glowering at me, but instead he smirked, a brow lifting mischievously. I shrugged.

"Amber was popular, and everyone knew that we were stuck at the hip. Where she went, I went. And she went to a lot of parties."

I could still remember how Amber would show up in my bedroom in the middle of the night, dragging me out of bed to random parties, hang outs – once we even drove to the next town for a college party.

"And don't act like you're innocent either, Piper," I shot back, twisting to shoot her a glare in the rear-view mirror. "I vaguely recall you sitting your SATs with a hangover after a three-day bender."

Piper warmed, sticking her tongue out at me as Jace laughed.

"Piper?" he asked, chuckling.

I nodded. "Oh, yeah. She was a party animal."

"I have to see that."

It was a pretty funny image. Piper had always been the quiet one of our group – before the accident. She barely spoke to anyone other than Amber and me, but when she had a few drops of alcohol in her, all her shyness dissipated.

After Amber left, there was a hole that needed to be filled, and with me motionless in a hospital bed, Piper took it upon herself to be outgoing enough for the both of us. A party would be good for her.

"Wait," I said, blinking. "Why are you bringing this up, anyway?"

"Well..." Piper began, glancing at me as she drove. "I just thought you should know that Daphne's invited us all to her eighteenth this weekend."

"Daphne?" I echoed. "Daphne Kent?"

Piper nodded.

"I haven't spoken to Daphne Kent since we were in ninth grade."

"Is she the one with the milkmaid braids?" Jace asked. He tugged at the air beside his ears, imitating the braids that Daphne had been wearing daily since middle school. "She reminds me of a Wendy's."

I snorted. "She's got the red hair and everything."

"The blue ribbons too," Piper chimed in with a grin.

"So, are you gonna go?" Jace asked.

I turned to him. "Go?"

"To the party."

I blinked. "Oh. Well, I didn't really consider it... I mean, I have therapy this weekend."

Jace nodded in understanding. It was my first session since speaking with my mom, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. What if it wasn't what I expected? What if she was like all the others I'd seen?

"Jasmine," Piper said suddenly. She stopped at a red light and turned in her seat to properly face me. "Do you want to go?"

I stilled. I thought of what it used to be like – before the accident. It was dancing to music, pretending I had no homework, no assignments, no responsibilities. It was Amber, grinning at me, screaming when her favourite songs came on, pulling out her worst dance moves without a care in the world. It was us lying on my mattress after each party, holding hands, feeling the buzz of alcohol start to wear off.

I had been able to get in a car again. A party would be nothing in comparison, right?

Piper was still watching me. The light had turned green and the car behind us was beginning to honk at us.

"I..." I swallowed. "I'll think about it."

She nodded and continued to drive us to school. Jace leaned into me, slipping a hand around my waist.

"If you want to go," he murmured beside my ear. "I'll go with you. We both will."

I turned to him, melting in his golden-brown eyes, and I smiled.

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

Dr Lindsay was a sweet Chinese woman with an under shave and five piercings on each ear. I counted.

Since it was our first session, she asked me questions ranging from what my favourite subject in school was to all the little details about the accident – about Amber. She was kind. I could see empathy in her eyes, but no pity, and when I mentioned Jace, she happily allowed me to rave about him for the next fifteen minutes.

And then I mentioned the party.

"I understand that the accident happened after a party," she said. "But why exactly don't you want to go? What are you afraid of?"

"Afraid of?" I let out a quiet breath, my eyes turning to the colourful rug beneath my sneakers. I wasn't afraid of anything. Not necessarily. Alcohol and music had never really triggered any flashbacks. Most of my PTSD lay in the car accident itself. What was I afraid of?

"I've never been to a party without Amber," I said finally. "It was our thing. I don't – I don't think I can do it without her."

Dr Lindsay hummed. "Do you think Amber would want you to go to this party?"

I snorted. "Amber would want me to go to every party. Something about living the teenage life to the fullest."

"And... do you enjoy going to parties?"

I frowned. "I mean, yeah, but that was because Amber was always there."

"And what about Jace and Piper? You think you won't have fun with them there?"

"No, it's not that..." I trailed off. Arguably, I'd have even more fun with Jace there. I blushed, snapping that image out of my head. "I just – I think that – it's been a long time. I haven't been to a party in a year. I just... I don't know anymore. And – and what if people stare? Whisper? Talk about me – the freak going to a party after almost dying at the last one? It'll be the talk of the school. The whole town."

Dr Lindsay leaned forward in her seat, sending me a gentle smile. "Jasmine, no one should hold you back from what you want to do. If you want to go to that party, then go. I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun with Jace and Piper. And if you don't, well, at least you'll know now, right?"

And five hours later, I was sitting at the edge of my bed, glaring at my old heels.

"Jasmine," Piper said, leaning against the wall behind the pile of shoes. "You don't have to wear heels, you know? Sneakers are fine."

"I don't know, I mean, I always felt confident wearing heels before, but now I just... My leg is sore, and I feel like sneakers would be better..." I released a huff of a breath. "I don't know. What will people think? What do you think?"

"I think..." she hesitated, wringing her fingers together. I sent her a look.

"Be honest with me, Piper."

No more walking on eggshells. She met my eye and I tipped my head in a short nod. She pursed her lips, inhaling through her nose, before saying, "I think no one's going to be talking about your choice of shoe wear."

I snorted. That was an understatement. Jasmine Ali showing up to a party after a year – my shoes would be the last thing on peoples' minds. Especially if I was showing up with Piper and Jace.

"You're right," I said. I slipped off my bed, grabbing my worn-out Adidas sneakers and shoving my phone into the pocket of my jeans. "Ready?"

Piper nodded, pushing off the wall and taking the lead out of my room. She paused at the doorway, turning to face me.

"Listen, Jas," she started. "Before we go, I just want to say – and God, this is awkward – but I'm really proud of you, okay? I mean, seriously. If that was me... If it was me in the car that day... I don't know if I would..."

She trailed off, her eyes on the floor. I stepped forward pulling her into a hug which she happily accepted. She wrapped her arms around my waist, squeezing me close.

"I know," I muttered. "Thanks, Piper. I'm glad I've had you by my side all this time. Thanks for sticking by me."

"I did a pretty rubbish job at it –"

"Hey!" I interrupted, pulling back to cut her a glare. "You did what you thought would help, and that's what matters to me. You wanted the best for me."

"Yeah, but –"

"No buts! You're three months younger than me. You were bound to make some mistakes."

"Three months isn't a lot of time, Jasmine."

"I beg to differ." I hummed. "I'm your elder. You should be serving me, really."

She barked out a laugh. "Alright, Miss Ali. What would you like?"

"I would like you to drive me to this party so I can get drunk and make out with my boyfriend," I said wisely. "Being sober for a year does things to you."

"I can imagine," she teased, stepping back. "Party time?"

"Party time," I confirmed.

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

It was not, in fact, party time.

I'd made it down a total of three steps before my parents caught me.

"Jasmine Ali, where are you going dressed like that?"

My mother's voice. I pressed my eyes shut, willing God to give me patience before turning and smiling at her. "Daphne Kent's eighteenth. Remember? I told you about it. Do you like my outfit?"

"Yeah," my dad chipped in. "Where's the rest of it?"

I'd worn a pair of baggy black jeans, hoping they made up for the fact that I'd had the gall to wear a silk, emerald green crop top with it. Not to mention the mostly open back. I tugged at it self-consciously.

"Good one Dad," I said. "I'll be home by midnight, 'kay?"

He opened his mouth to protest, when my mother cut him off.

"Eleven," she said.

"Eleven thirty."

"Ten," my dad said.

"Dad!"

"Mr Ali!" Piper joined in.

"Alright, alright, eleven thirty." He pointed a finger at me, narrowing his eyes. "One minute late and I'll be having a word with that friend of yours."

"Boyfriend, sweetheart." My mom took his arm and held it close to her chest. "It's her boyfriend."

My face was burning. "Alright, alright. I'll be home soon, okay?"

"And put a jacket on!" he called after me.

I ignored him, continuing to walk as Piper said her goodbyes, promising to force a jacket over my shoulders. I dropped my sneakers to the floor, pulling them on and stepping out onto the porch.

Jace was already there, leaning against the door of Piper's car. She'd lent it to him after school since we both knew he would take hours if he had to find his way here by walking.

"Jacket," Piper said, appearing behind me and tossing a jacket into my arms. I lifted a brow at her and she flashed her teeth. "Relax, I'm not actually going to make you wear it."

She hopped down the stairs, throwing me one last smile. "I mean, I think your boyfriend is a big fan of the top. I couldn't do that to him."

I followed her gaze back to Jace. He'd pushed off the car and stood there smiling sheepishly at me. I warmed, ignoring her smirk, and walking towards him.

"Jace Wilson," I began teasingly. "Does your mother know you're here?"

"She knows I'm going to a party," he started. "She doesn't need to know the specifics."

He reached out, immediately pulling me into a hug, and I was suddenly grateful for wearing a crop top. His warm hands slid over my skin and around my waist, holding me close to him.

"You look beautiful," he muttered into my ear, and my heart jumped. He pressed a quick kiss to my cheek before pulling back and shooting a smile at Piper. "Piper."

"Jace," she replied, grinning. "You ready to party?"

He frowned at her. "Why are we speaking like we're in a Disney Channel Original?"

"Oh, don't be a buzz kill!" she shot back, tugging the backseat door open and sliding in. She closed the door and shouted, her voice muffling, "Come on! I want to get fucked up!"

Jace snorted, his fingers finally releasing my waist, and he pulled the passenger's door open for me. I smiled in thanks, stepping in, but he caught me before I could sit.

"Did I ever tell you green is your colour?" he murmured, drawing his face close to mine.

I warmed. "I don't think so."

"Well," he said. His eyes dropped down to my body, slowly making their way up to my face. He smirked, his tongue darting out briefly to wet his lips. "It really is."

"Save it for later, Wilson," I teased, moving into the car completely and buckling my seatbelt. It felt tight around my chest and I kept my fingers secured around it, willing my skin to stop sparking at the feeling. Jace stared after me for a moment before closing the door and rounding the car to the driver's seat.

"Alright," he said, starting the engine. The car roared beneath us and I felt my heart skip a little, as it always did. "Where is it?"

"Daphne's place."

"Right," Jace said. "And where's that?"

"Griffin Street."

"Right," Jace said again. "And where's that?"

"It's near Wood's Point, across the intersection at Mulhall's –" Piper paused, catching Jace's blank stare, and begrudgingly began to direct him through the streets. It was a short drive, and we could have easily walked, but considering Jace and I both had old injuries, we thought it'd be better to drive.

I was regretting that decision now. Maybe if we'd walked, I would have had more time to calm my nerves – to think about what might happen, the questions I might receive, the way I should react, or behave.

And within minutes, I could see Daphne's house, her front lawn lit and scattered with giggling teenagers. And my heart was racing, and my fingers were tightening around my seatbelt, and I really wished we walked.

I could hear the music, the chatter of the party, the occasional shout. Lights flashed in the windows. And suddenly, Jace was at my side, pulling the door open.

"Jasmine?"

I blinked, turning to face him. He nodded at my hands, gripping the seatbelt so tightly that my knuckles had turned white. I sighed, releasing it and unbuckling myself, stepping out of the car. The wind hit me immediately and I shivered. Jace frowned, pulling me close to him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, lowly.

I nodded. Then, released a breath, and frowned. "I'm nervous."

"I know," he said. He took my hand and squeezed my fingers. "Honestly, I am too."

"Really?" I asked, meeting his eyes. He nodded and I realised then how his eyes darted around, how his grip had tightened around my hands.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I nodded and he leaned closer to whisper, "I've never been to a party before."

"What?" I sputtered. "But you're – I mean, not to put it lightly, but you're hot, Jace. How –?"

He laughed, shrugging. "I mean, unless you count elementary school birthdays at Chuck-E Cheese. I just – I was invited. Sometimes. But I never wanted to go. Being depressed, it's like everything takes so much effort and energy, and socialising is the absolute worst, you know? And I guess I just said no so many times that they stopped asking."

I smiled, lifting a hand to his cheek. He leaned into my touch, tilting his head slightly to press a light kiss to my inner wrist.

"Well, lucky for you, I'm an expert at high school parties," I replied. "I've experienced everything, I mean everything."

Jace chuckled, his eyes darkening as he smiled gently at me. "Lucky me."

The way he said it made my chest warm and I swallowed thickly, dropping my hands to my side. Piper waited on the other side of the car, determinedly staring at the house, and not at us. I chuckled, grabbing Jace's wrist and tugging him towards her.

She turned, pushing off the car to face us.

"Party time?" she asked.

Jace groaned and I laughed, nodding.

"Party time."

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Surprise update! And it's super long because ily guys. Let me know what you thought of this chapter! I want to start updating more often since we have the last 6 chapters to go now! Next time: the party hehe

See you Friday!