26.

NOVEMBER 18TH was a reminder.

Last year on November 18th, I'd been in the hospital, relearning how to walk. I'd been busy attending physiotherapy, and counselling sessions, and catching up on schoolwork in a hospital bed.

I hadn't had time to think about it.

This year, though, it was a Sunday and I had the whole day to my own thoughts.

Piper had texted me all night and early this morning. I knew she was worried for me, but I didn't have the energy to see her – to fake a smile and pretend I wasn't drowning on the inside.

Being Sunday, both my parents had the day off from work, and I could hear them shuffling downstairs, mumbling quietly, waiting for me to come down. My alarm clock continued ticking beside me, glowing neon red in the darkness of my curtain-drawn room.

It was almost ten. I'd been lying in bed for three hours now. I'd have to get up eventually.

But it was harder than usual today. Harder than ever. I was underwater. The oxygen had been suffocated from my lungs and my chest was closing in on me. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

Because today was November 18th.

Amber would have been eighteen today.

I buried my face into my pillow, feeling my hot breath melt into the pillowcase, blending with tears from my sleep. I'd dreamt of her again, except it was worse than usual.

This time, she was alive.

She wasn't mangled in the car, bleeding, crying, begging me to help her.

No, this time she was alive. She was in a dress – a dress we'd bought together. A dress she never got the chance to wear. I wondered if her parents still had that dress.

In the dream, I was beside her, wearing a dress myself, with my hair done up and my make up perfect. Make up which I hadn't done since that party. That stupid party that we never should have gone to.

We stood together, laughing, smiling, hugging. It was her birthday, after all. She was eighteen. We were celebrating.

And then I woke up in the dark. I woke up, a smile still pulling on my lips, until I blinked, and my mouth trembled, and salty tears were dripping down my cheeks.

Amber never made it past seventeen.

Vaguely, I heard a knocking downstairs, and I released a grumble. That was probably Piper, ready to distract me all day in that round-about way everyone seemed to love – dancing around Amber's name. Pretending she never existed.

I grabbed my pillow with both hands, pushing my face further into it and pulling the sides around my ears. Would I be able to just sleep through today? It was worth a shot, right? My parents wouldn't come into my room. That'd mean they'd have to talk about Amber. Talk about my depression. They wouldn't do that.

People preferred to avoid difficult topics like that.

Suddenly, a knock came from my door. I stilled, my fingers turning stiff around my pillow. My breath caught in my throat and I waited – waited to see if I was hearing wrong, or if the person would give up and leave. Maybe they'd think I was asleep. I held my breath, not daring to make a noise.

But no, there was another knock. Then another.

I blinked, twisting in my bed to stare wide-eyed at the door. No. I didn't have the energy to fake a smile. I didn't have it in me to pretend I was okay. To pretend Amber never existed. Not today.

I wanted just one day – one day to feel sorry for myself. To let myself cry and feel sad and miss Amber without guilt. Without feeling like a burden or worrying others.

Except there was still a knocking coming from my door.

"Don't worry, Mr Ali. I can handle it from here."

I narrowed my eyes at the muffled voice from behind the door. It wasn't Piper's voice. It was Jace's.

"Alright. I'll just be down the hall. Call out if you need me," my dad replied.

I listened as his footsteps pattered away and exhaled sharply through my nose. A year ago, there was no way in hell my parents would leave a boy alone with me in my room.

My parents were always pretty strict. It was expected. Being born and raised in Egypt, they raised me with traditional values that they were raised with themselves. They loosened up a little when I reached high school. I'd been friends with Amber for years already and they trusted her. They trusted me to be responsible around her.

But then there was the accident, and I caved in on myself. And their rules became pointless. What curfew would I miss if I was in bed, crying all day? What boys did I have to avoid when I refused to speak to anyone, including my own family?

Eventually, my parents gave in. They didn't care if I went out partying, at least I was out of bed. They didn't care if I texted boys or went on dates. At least I was talking to someone. At least I was simulating the life of a normal teenage girl.

Sometimes, people believed what they wanted to believe because the truth was too difficult to face.

I couldn't blame them. Not when I did the exact same thing.

"Jasmine?" I swallowed thickly, returning my attention to the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes," I replied easily, my voice cracking with lack of use.

The handle turned and light flooded in as Jace slipped into the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself. Immediately, he was beside me, pulling me into his arms.

I sighed, pressing my face into his chest and wrapping my own arms around his, allowing him to pull me closer until I was straddling his lap. We held each other tightly, our chests rising and falling in silence.

His hand rubbed my back gently, stroking soft circles for a few minutes before he finally pulled back to look at me.

He swept my knotted curls out of my face – messy from having just woken up – and sent me a small smile.

"You okay?"

"Great," I muttered. "You?"

He laughed quietly, shaking his head. "I've been texting you all morning. Figured you'd probably be lying in bed with nothing but your thoughts."

"You figured right," I said. I'd left my phone on silent after shooting Piper one last text before the sun had even risen. I hadn't seen it since I woke up. It was probably somewhere on the floor now, plugged into its charger.

I gazed up at Jace, realising he'd fallen silent. He held me at my hips now, his fingers digging into skin. His eyes were dark, and a tight frown tainted his expression.

"It's November 18th," Jace said.

"It is."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault she's dead," I replied.

Jace's grip on me tightened, then he was pulling me back into a hug. I fought a sob that threatened to rise in my throat, instead forming into a tight ball that refused to be swallowed. Jace's arms wrapped around me and he buried his face into my neck, his breath hot on my skin.

"I know you miss her," he murmured into my hair.

I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut. "She'd be eighteen today."

He stayed silent and I sniffled, forcing the words out. Words I ached to say, no matter how difficult it was to remember.

"We bought dresses for her seventeenth last year," I said, my voice faltering. "She died in October before she ever got to wear hers. We were going to go to a fancy restaurant and spend all her birthday money on mocktails and cakes."

I released a bitter laugh, shaking my head. Instead, I spent her seventeenth feeling my leg scream under my body weight, and she spent it buried in a grave. I threw the dress away as soon as I got released from the hospital. Tore it out of the brand-new box, tags still on it and everything, and dumped it right into the kitchen trash can.

I wasn't thinking. All I could think was that Amber was dead. Her dress was somewhere across the country with her parents and the rest of her stuff. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to be reminded.

"It's gone now," I said finally, my stomach twisting. "Gone like her."

Jace was silent for a moment. Then, he was pulling away from me, his eyes frantically searching my own.

"Do you want to visit Fairview?"

I blinked. Fairview was the name of the cemetery on the edge of West Mormet – the soils Amber was buried in.

It was a twenty-minute drive from my house, but there were no buses there, so I hadn't visited since her funeral. Back when I had been so loaded with painkillers, I barely registered the drive there. I couldn't even remember what her grave looked like now.

Amber's funeral was an event. Almost the entire town had attended.

Amber had always been popular. She was friends with most of the school. Everyone loved her. Everyone missed her.

I was there too. In the front row, sandwiched between her sobbing mother and my own, clutching my hand like I was going into the grave with Amber. I sat in a wheelchair, my leg plastered and bandages still dotting my skin, painkillers flowing through my bloodstream.

I didn't cry.

I was too tired, too sore, too in shock. In my mind, Amber was still alive. She was waiting for me in my room, Netflix pulled up on her laptop, ready to binge watch some new reality TV show or Chinese drama. The crash three days before hadn't happened. The body in that casket wasn't Amber.

It wasn't real.

Except, it was.

I spent the rest of the week crying in my hospital bed, refusing to move.

"I'll take you to Fairview," Jace added carefully. "I'll drive you there. Do you want me to?"

My body felt numb. My ears buzzed. All I could think of was Amber and the small snippets I could still remember from her funeral.

All I could think of were the flowers we'd laid on her casket – pink, her favourite colour. All I could think of was her mother's tears, her mother crying out in Chinese, praying, her father holding her. All I could think of was my wheelchair sticking in the grass. My dad struggling to push me towards the grave.

I nodded, my voice refusing to come out.

Jace lifted his chin in the resemblance of a nod, his hands drifting to my arms as he stood from my bed.

"Alright," he said. He helped me to my feet. "I'll go tell your parents. Will you be alright getting ready yourself?"

I nodded again, this time forcing my voice to come out in a small squeak. "Thank you."

He softened, releasing a small breath. His hand lifted, brushing hair out of my face, and cupping my cheek, and he smiled at me. "I'm here for you, Jasmine."

His thumb stroked my cheek and he leaned in to press a quick kiss to my lips – a simple gesture of comfort. I melted into his touch, my lips tugging into a smile. He stepped back.

"Get dressed. I'll meet you downstairs, okay?"

I nodded, watching as he paused at the door, sending me a final smile before slipping into the hallway and closing the door behind him. I sighed, my hands falling to my sides.

Amber's grave.

I did want to go. I'd wanted to go a million times since the accident, but now that it was happening... I felt sick. I wasn't sure what to expect. What if I broke down? What if I felt nothing? A part of me had always hoped for a sign from Amber – some symbol of her presence.

But what if I got there, and there was nothing? And she was truly gone forever?

I shook my head, beelining for my closet. There was no point standing here, overthinking everything. I had to go. I had to see for myself.

I pulled on a comfortable outfit – leggings and a sweater – before brushing my teeth, washing my face, and pulling my unruly curls into a loose bun. Sucking in a deep breath, I steeled myself, finally descending the stairs to meet Jace.

He waited in the lounge room, chatting easily with my father. When his eyes cut to me, he stood, the conversation abruptly ending.

"Jasmine," he said, his brows raising. "You ready?"

I glanced at my father, still sitting on the couch. He smiled at me, and for once, it seemed genuine. Like the lines that usually marred his forehead had eased slightly.

"What were you two talking about?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"You," Jace said nonchalantly. He shot me a smirk. "I'm learning a lot about you, Jasmine Ali."

My face burned at the way he said my name and I turned away, cutting my father a sharp look. "Where's mom?"

"She left a few hours ago to run some errands. Should be home soon."

I nodded silently, my face still burning with embarrassment, and I turned to Jace. "Well, I'm ready."

He laughed at my reaction, reaching a hand to shake my father's.

"It was nice meeting you, sir," he said. "We'll be back in a few hours."

"Nice to meet you too, Jace. Take care of my daughter, alright?"

I glowered, my entire body suddenly feeling flushed with embarrassment. "Dad."

"Don't worry, I will," Jace interrupted, his voice sturdy. My dad nodded and they let go of each other's hands, Jace turning to me with a smile. "Let's get going?"

I mumbled in agreeance, heading for the door to tug my shoes on and leave.

"Stay safe, you two!" my dad hollered from the couch.

"Yes, Dad!" I shouted back, eager to leave. Before he could say anything else, I ripped the door open and stepped out into the cold wind.

Jace followed after me, chuckling. "He didn't say anything bad, you know."

"Give it a minute," I muttered. "I'm sure he'll think of something to embarrass me."

Jace's minivan was parked at the curb. He pulled out his keys, unlocking it and slowly shuffling towards it, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Will you be okay if I drive?"

I inhaled sharply, realising I'd frozen at the edge of my porch. I nodded, skipping down the steps and catching up to him.

"I'll be okay," I said, more trying to convince myself than anything else. "I need to do this. I can do this."

Jace paused, his lips tugging up into a smile before he turned, shrugging and grinning widely. "Alright. Let's get going."

He pulled the door open for me and I slid into the passenger seat, feeling the cold leather under my fingers. I could do this. It was only a twenty-minute drive. I could do it.

I grabbed the seatbelt, buckling it over my chest as Jace got into the driver's seat. I felt like I was being choked, but I resisted the urge to tear it from my body. He strapped his own seatbelt on, inserting the key and starting the engine with a low rumble. I jumped, my hands flying to grab my seat.

Jace's hand immediately moved to take my own, his fingers brushing over my own and pulling the tension from my body. I turned to meet his gaze and he smiled gently at me.

"Alright?" he asked.

I nodded, flipping my hand to intertwine our fingers, and swallowed thickly.

"Alright."

"Well," Jace said, giving my fingers a squeeze. "Let's get moving." 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hi everyone! This has been a very eventful week but I hope you enjoyed this chapter hehe! Next time, we'll be visiting Fairview and learning a little about Amber and Jasmine. Any predictions?

Thank you so much for reading as always! And let me know what you think of the new title!