24.

JACE FOUND ME slumped against a tree outside my house, my face buried in my hands. I sobbed, my entire body shaking as I wailed into my dirt-covered palms, the grit digging into my cheekbones.

I heard his shoes sink into the grass in front of me. He didn't hesitate. He dropped to his knees beside me, pulling me into his arms. I cried out, letting him pull me close, letting him wrap his arms around me.

"You're okay," he murmured beside my ear. "It's okay."

He rubbed his hand over my back, and I rested my forehead against his chest, the cries tearing through me. My leg twisted awkwardly beneath me, throbbing after I'd run all the way home. My fingers grabbed at his shirt, tugging him closer, hiding my face from him.

I was embarrassed.

I was ashamed.

I couldn't even sit in a car for a five-minute drive. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe I was weak. Maybe I'd never go back to normal.

My heart ached and I let out another sob, feeling my throat scratch with each wail.

No matter how much I tried – no matter how much I pretended – I'd never be normal again. I couldn't sit in a car. I couldn't go to parties. The colour red wasn't the colour red anymore. It was blood. It was the red light that the other driver sped through. It was the red sirens on the ambulance.

Nothing would ever be the same again. There was no point.

"Jasmine," Jace muttered. He carefully peeled himself away from me and I hiccupped, swiping at my eyes. I knew they were red and swollen. I probably looked horrible right now, but I didn't care.

Nothing mattered, really.

"You did so good."

I blinked. "What?"

"You did great. You got in the car while I drove. You did it!"

My face burned. My entire body burned. The very blood in my veins burned. I turned away, glaring into the ground beside me.

"I did horrible, Jace," I spat. "I lasted, like, a minute. The entire time I thought I was going to vomit or pass out. I'm broken, Jace. I broke the day Amber died. Nothing's going to change that. It's all pointless."

He was silent for a moment. Then, he grabbed my arms, so tightly that I winced and spun to face him.

"Ouch, Jace –"

"Don't you fucking dare say that."

"What?"

He glared at me, the gold in his eyes darkening to bronze. "Don't you dare say it's pointless. Don't you dare call yourself broken like it's a bad thing or give up on me like that."

"But I am broken, Jace! Whether you want to admit it or not, I'm broken! I can't even get into a fucking car anymore! It's so fucking pointless –"

He cut me off by grabbing my hand and shoving my sleeve up, revealing the raised, white skin on my wrist. My old scars.

"Nothing is pointless," he said sternly. He traced a finger over my scars. A shiver scuttered down my spine. While the hand gripping mine was tight and painful, the finger that traced over my wrist was gentle – barely there. "Did you forget what I taught you? Maybe you broke when Amber died. Maybe you'll never be the same –"

"Gee, thanks."

"But –" he interrupted, cutting me a sharp look– "that doesn't mean you'll never be happy again. That doesn't mean trying is pointless. Your history – your scars – it makes you stronger. You can get through this, Jasmine. If you could survive that accident, if you could survive losing Amber and relearning to walk, you can survive this. You've gotten so far already."

I frowned at his words. He was right. I was being ungrateful.

Maybe I wasn't the same as I was before the accident, but I could walk now. I could go to school instead of being taught from my hospital bed. I had Piper. I had my parents and my little class at the physio centre.

I sat in a car today and drove halfway to school.

I was moving forward without realising it.

Living with depression was like living beneath water. Every step was slower than the last. Your energy seemed to vanish with the slightest movement, your tears blending into the salt around you.

And yet, you were moving.

You were wading through the water, each step taking you further than the last. And as long as you kept moving, you'd reach somewhere. It might take all your energy. Some days, your shoes might sink into the sand, but you'd get there. Eventually. Right?

Jace loosened his grip on my hand then, sheepishly smiling at me.

"Sorry," he said. "I may have gone a bit overboard."

I let out a watery laugh, rubbing at the skin he'd grabbed. "It's fine. I've been through worse."

"It's not bruised, is it?"

I shook my head, chuckling at him. "No, Jace. I'm fine. Really. Thanks."

He frowned, taking my wrist gently back into his hands and rubbing his fingers over it. "For what?"

"For calming me down," I said honestly. He looked up, blinking at me, and I smiled through bloodshot eyes and tearstained cheeks. I nodded towards my backpack, slung over his shoulder. "For bringing me my keys."

He followed my gesture, releasing my arm and pulling the backpack down to place it beside me. "I was wondering why you were sitting here instead of inside your house."

I glanced down at my hands, dusting the dirt off them. I'd fallen when I reached this spot. My ankle couldn't take it any longer and when I'd realised that I didn't have my key anyway, I didn't bother getting up.

Even now, it throbbed painfully, and I knew it was swollen. I had barely registered the pain as I ran. All I'd thought about was Amber. Getting away.

I sniffled, leaning back against the tree behind me. I probably looked like a wreck. But Jace watched me with gentle eyes and his lips curved when he looked at me, and my chest swelled from the soft expression on his face.

I realised then how close we sat. He still kneeled in front of me and even leaning back against the tree meant we were only separated by a few inches. He rested an arm on his knee, leaning towards me and pushing my hair out of my face, which had stuck to the drying tears on my cheeks.

I warmed at his touch, avoiding his eyes. "You're going to be late for school, you know?"

"I already missed half a year," he said. "What's one more day?"

I snorted, looking up to meet his eyes. He still watched me, the sun fanning over his skin, turning his eyes a glittering gold. I swallowed thickly beneath his eyes.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" I asked.

He blinked. "Like what?"

"That!" I said, vaguely waving towards him. "Like – like –" I waved my hands at him again – "That!"

He lifted a brow at me, tilting his head sideways. "I'm not looking at you in any special way."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You are."

"What's so special about it?" he replied.

"You're just – I don't know – it's like you're staring at a disgusting soggy fry dipped in a milkshake."

He huffed a laugh. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know! Just stop!"

"This is how I normally look at you!"

"Oh," I said, raising a teasing brow and smirking at him. "So, you spend a lot of time looking at me?"

"Yes," he replied bluntly.

My breath caught and I stilled. "What?"

"I said yes," he repeated. Now he was the one smirking. He leaned closer, a hand reaching up to brush the side of my cheek. I swallowed thickly, my eyes flickering down to his lips. "I look at you all the time, Jasmine. When I'm in a crowded place, the first thing I do is search for you. And somehow, my eyes can always find you."

I leaned further into the tree, feeling my hair catch on bark. "I don't understand."

He lifted a brow. "Don't you?"

"Jace Wilson," I said because I didn't know what to say.

His smirk grew. "Jasmine Ali."

"You're – I –" my mouth had turned dry and it took all my willpower not to glance down at his mouth again. Did I glance already? I swallowed hard/ "You said – you said we shouldn't do anything until we were better."

"I know what I said." His breath fanned over my lips when he spoke and I suddenly forgot everything, my eyes flicking down to his mouth and refusing to move. He seemed to hesitate, wavering on the spot. "I know what I said, but I just –" he released a frustrated groan – "We are getting better, right? And I just – you – you're –"

He cut himself off with a pained sigh before finally meeting my eyes and saying, "This doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to."

My heart thundered in my chest.

He was so handsome, especially up close. Since he'd started jogging, his skin had tanned slightly, and faint freckles were beginning to appear on his nose. His eyes – I loved those eyes of his. Golden and brown and so sweet I couldn't get enough.

And his lips.

God, I wanted his lips.

I wanted him to kiss me.

I leaned forward, brushing my lips over his.

"I want this to mean something."

And I kissed him.

He immediately responded, his hands grabbing my face, pulling me closer. His thumb stroked my jaw as his fingers buried into my hair. His lips were as sweet as his honey eyes, and he kissed me slowly, tracing his tongue over my bottom lip.

I sighed into his touch, opening my mouth and letting him kiss me anyway he wanted. He tasted fresh, like mint toothpaste, and I could smell his cologne. Light sandalwood – barely there.

This was what I'd been waiting for – what we'd both been waiting for.

He pressed forward, pushing me further against the tree as the kiss turned heated. My lower stomach felt hot and filled with butterflies.

I hadn't kissed a boy for over a year – I'd forgotten what this felt like. I'd forgotten where to put my hands. I lifted them, settling for grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer. I wanted him closer. I wanted to feel his skin on my skin – his warmth on mine.

He seemed to want the same, his lips hungrily taking mine, tilting my head and kissing me deeper, his tongue slipping past my lips and into my mouth. His fingers gripped my sweater at my waist, balling it into his fists and pushing me hard against the tree. He groaned against my lips and I shivered, pulling him closer, kissing him harder, moving towards him –

Suddenly, a car sped past, honking loudly.

We both pulled apart, my head hitting the tree trunk. Jace's eyes went from the road to me and he frowned in concern, his hand moving to hold the back of my head.

"Are you okay?" he asked, still catching his breath.

I nodded, speechlessly. Jace's face had turned pink and my own felt warm after that. God. I'd forgotten where we were. At least my parents were at work and everyone else would be at school.

I met Jace's eyes. Our chests heaved in sync and I could still taste him on my lips.

Then, he started laughing.

I blinked, watching as he tossed his head back, releasing a hearty laugh. His eyes crinkled in the corners, watering as he laughed and laughed.

I stared at him, bewildered. Then, slowly, I released a chuckle. Which turned into a laugh. I slapped a hand against my mouth but laughter slipped through my fingers, tears spilling from my eyes.

"I can't believe it," I sputtered between laughter. "How embarrassing!"

"Really!" Jace nodded. "We go this long trying not to kiss each other, just to have a full on make out session on the side of the road. What would our mothers say?"

"Mine would probably just be glad I'm not crying alone in my bedroom, honestly."

Jace snorted. "Honestly, mine too."

"We are so fucked up," I laughed, shaking my head.

He nodded, taking my hand into his. "We really are. In kind of the best way possible."

I smiled, glancing down at our intertwined fingers. He squeezed my hand comfortingly and my heart settled, feeling calm.

"Jace," I said after a pause. I met his eye and my lips tugged at the corners in a semblance of a smile.

"Jasmine," he echoed mockingly.

"I think I'm going to get over my fear." I turned to the road, my jaw clenching. Jace's hand rested in mine. My blood still rushed in my ears with the adrenaline of kissing him. I turned back to him, my smile growing. "Amber would have wanted me to live a proper life. Be happy. I'm going to do it."

Jace nodded, squeezing my hand again.

"For her," he said.

"For us," I added.

He smiled, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to my lips.

"For us."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

I can't believe we went 24 chapters without a kiss lmao I hope you all liked it! Tell me your thoughts! Predictions!

Also wtf this story was ranked #20 in newadult! Thank you all for reading! I really appreciate it!

I have one more final left and then hopefully I can spend more time writing and editing cause this chapter really needs it 💀💀 Thank you for all your well wishes last time! I think yall made me really lucky cause I actually understood my neuroanatomy exam lmao