23.

I GUESS my bad feeling was accurate, because by Monday morning, my mother was back on my case.

"Who's this boy you've been hanging out with?"

I turned on my heels, my hand hovering over the door handle. So close.

My mom stood behind me, her hands on her hips and a frown pulling at her mouth. I sighed, my bag slipping from my shoulder. Piper must have told her about Saturday. The only question was – how much did she tell her?

"What boy?" I asked.

She raised a brow at me, her lips curling. "Don't get smart with me, Jasmine. The boy who has been walking you home."

I bit back a groan, fighting to keep a neutral expression so that she wouldn't think I was being disrespectful.

"It was one time, Mom," I said gently. "He's just a friend. You've met him before, remember? Tall? Brown hair?"

She hummed for a moment, clicking her tongue, before saying, "The white boy?"

I snorted. "His name's Jace."

"Jace," she repeated. She shook her head, releasing a heavy breath through her nose. She stepped forward, sending me a gentle look, though I could see by the way she was pursing her lips that she had a long lecture about the dangers of men written in her mind. "I just want you to be careful. You can't trust a lot of people these days."

"I know, Mom."

"I am not sure you do," she said, her accent thick on her tongue. "Listen, habibti. Some people... they will not treat you properly. They will be selfish. Piper – she is a good girl. Maybe you should stick with her for a little longer."

"I thought this was what you wanted, Mom," I said, lifting a brow. "For me to be normal again? I had plenty of friends before –" my voice threatened to crack but I pushed on – "before Amber died. Remember? Amber, Piper, Sana, Henry, Jack –"

"I remember," she interrupted bluntly. She shook her head, holding a hand to her forehead. "I know. I do want you to make friends, it's just – I worry for you."

I scratched at my wrist, frustration building inside of me. She worried when I didn't have friends. She worried when I had friends. She worried when I didn't leave the house. She worried when I did leave the house.

What was I supposed to do?

What did she want from me?

I was so tired of guessing – so tired of failing. It was like my entire life this past year was trying to please my parents. Trying to stop everyone around me from worrying. Trying to convince them that I would be okay – eventually.

But no one believed it, and slowly I stopped believing too.

And it had turned into a game of acting as happy as possible when all eyes were on me. When people skirted around me, like I was contagious. Like they were waiting for me to fall apart – or do something.

And my mom was the same.

I could see it in her eyes every time she looked at me. I could hear it in the sigh that characterised every one of our conversations. She worried because, to her, I was fragile. I'd never be better. She pitied because, to her, I was beneath a normal person. I was damaged and had to get back to normal.

To her, I was broken.

I tugged at my sleeve, sucking in a deep breath. Sure, maybe I was damaged. Maybe I didn't think the way I used to. Maybe my shoulders tensed every time I heard a car drive past. Maybe I didn't have as many friends as I used to. Maybe I'd never go to a party again, never drink again.

But that didn't make me any worse than I used to be. It made me stronger.

So, I sent my mother a smile and said, "I'll be fine, Mom. I'll see you home, okay?"

She nodded and I kissed her cheek, grabbing my backpack and slipping out the door. I shut it behind me, listening as the locks clicked into place before slumping back against it. I scratched at my wrist, feeling my nails scrape over the raised skin from my old scars. My head was pounding and it was barely eight in the morning.

What a great way to start my day.

"Hey! Are you coming or what?"

I blinked, looking up to see Jace leaning out the driver's window of his car. His eyes glanced down to my wrist and I stiffened, immediately dropping my hand. He waved me over, smiling goofily. My chest swelled.

At least there was one thing to look forward to today.

I smirked, grabbing my bike, and heading down the porch towards him. "You're not going to give up on this whole car thing, are you?"

He shrugged. "It's like the lottery, right? If you try every day, you've got to win at some point. Maybe this will be my lucky day."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"No need to stomp all over my hopes and dreams like that, Ali," he teased. He lifted a brow at me and let out a low hum. "So, is it?"

"Is it what?"

"You know," he said, his lips tilting up at one corner. "The jackpot. The one in a million. My lucky day."

I paused, pursing my lips. My mom thought I was a fragile, injured bird. I eyed the car in front of me – not anymore. I wasn't going to sit around wallowing in grief. I could do this.

"You know what?" I started, tugging the passenger door open. "It is."

His eyes widened. "Wait, really?"

I nodded, slipping into the car. The leather seats creaked under me and I fought the image of Amber's mangled car from surging forward. I tried not to picture the shattered window shield or the blood splatters across the seats. My leg ached and I clawed at my knee, forcing myself to stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about the crack of bone when the car had been hit. Stop thinking about the cast that wrapped my leg for weeks afterwards.

Stop thinking.

Instead, I turned to Jace, focusing on him. He glanced at me, wide-eyed and slack jawed.

"You're being serious?" he clarified.

"I'm being serious," I affirmed. I tossed my backpack into the backseat. "Get a move on, Wilson."

"Officially, it's Walker."

I cut him a playful glare. "Do you want to go or not?"

His smile grew and he immediately jumped out of the car, stashing my bike in the trunk, and closing my door for me. He paused, leaning over the opened passenger window.

"Last chance. You sure about this?" he asked, giving me a wary smile.

I laughed and, in a moment of confidence, reached forward to brush his brown hair off his forehead. His cheekbones reddened at the touch. "Jace, you worry too much. Let's go."

"If you say so," he said. He drummed his fingers against the door before rounding the car, hopping into the driver's seat. He buckled his seatbelt and the engine roared to life. My heart jumped, but the car didn't move. I turned to see Jace watching me carefully. "Anytime you want me to stop, just tell me, okay?"

My breath caught in my throat. His eyes – normally light and sweet – had turned dark and serious.

"I don't want to rush you," he clarified.

"You're not," I said. "It's all me. I made the decision. Don't worry about it, Jace. Really."

He pursed his lips for a moment, studying my face, before asking one last time, "Are you sure?"

I nodded and he smiled gently, gesturing towards my seatbelt.

"Well, buckle up then," he said, winking. "Let's get going."

I nodded again, taking a deep breath as my fingers hovered over the belt. I was stalling. I knew it. But the last time I'd put this belt on, my mind had gone back to a year ago.

I remembered the feeling – the feeling of being trapped and choked. I'd seen the windshield smashing in front of me again. I'd seen the airbag deploying in an instant. I'd seen Amber beside me, bleeding. Dying.

Not this time.

My fingers tightened around the cool metal and I tugged it across my body, buckling it with a small click. I released a breath, letting myself relax into the seat, letting myself get used to the feeling of the seatbelt again. I could do this.

Suddenly, a hand was on mine. I turned to see Jace smiling at me, his palm resting over my clenched fist.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded, offering a wavering smile. "Ready."

He nodded back, releasing my hand to grab the steering wheel. He sent me a look.

"I'm going to put the car into drive now. Okay?"

"Okay," I said.

He lifted his hand, slowly pulling on the gearstick to change the car into drive. It hummed to life, vibrating beneath us. He paused, turning to me.

"Doing okay so far?"

I nodded, unable to speak. It wasn't as bad as I'd expected, but I knew this was just the beginning. We hadn't even begun to move yet.

"I'm going to slowly take my foot off the brake now. Just tell me if you want me to stop. Okay?"

I nodded again and Jace lifted his foot. The car slowly rolled forward. My heart jumped into my throat and I grabbed onto the seat, my fingers digging into the leather.

I could feel every bump in the road. I could feel the wheels moving beneath us. Every jolt and every pebble we skimmed over, I felt it. Cars flew past us, but Jace continued to drive at a slow, steady pace, beginning to increase the speed.

I swallowed thickly. All I could see was Amber in the driver's seat, giggling to some stupid joke, the T-intersection we were approaching, the car on the other end, the red light – I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to bear looking at the road.

"Okay?" Jace asked.

I nodded. His hand rested on mine.

"We're coming to a red light now," he said. Red. I hated the colour red. Too many things were red. I kept my eyes closed. "Almost there."

Almost there.

We were close.

I could do this. Just a little longer.

My heart pounded in my chest. I released my fingers from the seat beneath me, flipping my hand to intertwine my fingers with Jace's.

"We're fine," he said slowly. His thumb stroked the back of my hand. "You're doing great, Jas."

Except I wasn't. Blood rushed in my ears. I couldn't stop hearing Amber's voice beside me. I couldn't stop hearing her screams, her cries, her pleading – am I dying?

My lies.

"It's green now. We're going to speed up again." Jace squeezed my hand. "It's Simon Street. Just three more minutes, okay?"

Simon Street.

My eyes opened and I saw the green light. I saw the wilted flowers someone had left on the side of the road. I saw the stump where a tree used to be. I saw blood on the roads and shattered glass and Amber dying beside me.

I saw the car smashed to pieces, me and my best friend trapped beneath it.

"Jace," I croaked.

He glanced at me.

"Jace, I can't – I – stop the car."

"Alright, I'm pulling over," he said, but I could barely hear him over Amber's screams.

"Jace," I repeated, his name barely a breath. "Jace. Please. I – stop."

I felt my face burn. Tears fell, slipping over my lips and leaving a salty taste in my mouth. Salty and metallic. My chest swelled painfully, and my throat had dried up.

I had to force the words out of my mouth. "Jace. Please."

"You're okay, Jasmine," he said. I could see him glancing at me, his brow wrinkled, and lips pursed. The car slowed down, pulling to a stop on the side of the road.

Jace had barely put the car into park before I'd torn the belt off from me and pushed the door open, stumbling out and onto the grass. My knees burned where they hit the pavement and my vision blurred.

"Jasmine!" I heard him call, but he was too slow.

I pushed myself up from the ground, the dew on my palms feeling so much like blood. I swiped at my face angrily, forcing myself forward.

I didn't know what I was doing, where I was going. All I knew was that Amber was in that car, screaming, crying, begging me to hold her, and I needed to get away.

I needed to leave.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hey! A lot happened in this chapter, I hope you all liked it! It was fun reading all your reactions last time hehe let me know your predictions for next time!

I'm about to start my finals week (2 weeks really 😭) soo I might go MIA for a bit but then I'll have more time to write! Thank you for reading, commenting and voting! See you soon!