20.

THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

I stood at my kitchen window, watching as Jace tapped his steering wheel, checking his watch for the third time. He was in his mom's minivan – blue and sturdy – parked outside my front door.

In fact, he'd been parked there for five minutes now.

His eyes drifted toward my house and I squealed, ducking behind the wall to avoid his eyes. I paused, my heart bursting in my chest for a moment before peaking around the corner.

He was back to checking his watch.

I released a relieved breath when a voice echoed from behind me.

"Is there something interesting in the street today?"

I jumped, spinning to find my dad smirking snidely at me. My face turning warm, I quickly stepped away from the window and heaved my backpack onto my shoulder.

"Not particularly."

"Really?" he hummed, clearly not buying my innocent act. "What have you been staring at this entire time then?"

"The sky," I said.

"The sky?" he echoed.

"The sky," I confirmed.

He quirked a brow at me, his eyes glancing towards the window – at Jace sitting in his car – before his lips twitched up in a smile.

"Ohhh," he said. "The sky."

I blushed, shoving past him and storming towards the door. "Don't say anything to mom."

"My lips are sealed."

"Dad."

He held his hands up in defence, grinning. "Hey! I promise, kiddo. Now you'd better get going before the sky gets impatient."

I rolled my eyes but quickly pulled my shoes on anyway. I reached for the handle, the cold metal touching my skin, when I paused.

On a whim, I ran my fingers through my hair, fluffing my curls out a bit.

I'd washed my hair last night. And not in the obligatory way – with the required amount of shampoo, conditioner, and scrubbing. No. I'd broken out the entire curly hair routine.

I deep conditioned. I plopped with a cotton t-shirt. I dug out my old curl cream from months ago and slathered it into my hair. I reeked of coconut. I'd even done a little bit of skin care, with my limited supplies.

My fingers teased my roots self-consciously. This was stupid. I looked stupid. I'd done too much, hadn't I? He'd notice the difference and think I was an idiot for doing all this for one measly car ride.

A part of me wanted to run upstairs and put it all back into its usual messy bun, but I stopped myself. I sucked in a tight breath. If I didn't leave now, I'd be late.

So, I tugged the door open and forced my stiff legs to step out of the house. I grabbed my bike, wheeling it off the porch and towards the waiting death trap, otherwise known as a car.

Immediately, Jace's eyes snapped up to me. Then, a slow smile crept across his lips. He hopped out of the car, rounding it to meet me at the foot path.

"You look beautiful, Jasmine," he said, smiling a glittering grin. He shuffled on the curb, pulling at his own hair as he said, "I like your hair when you wear it like that."

I warmed, tugging at a curl. "Oh, it was nothing."

"Are you ready for the best car ride of your life?" he asked, pulling the passenger door open.

I raised a brow at him. "It's not a very high bar to beat."

"Well, I'm glad I can set a new standard for the rest of your life." I laughed and he grinned at me, holding the door open wider. "Ladies first."

I stepped closer to the door, passing my bike to him. He paused, arching a brow at it.

"Such little confidence in me, Miss Ali?"

"Close to zero," I teased.

He scoffed, holding a hand to his heart. "I'm truly hurt. Guess I'll just have to prove you wrong."

I sent him a nervous smile as I rested my hand on the door, feeling the metal under my skin. Such thin metal. Metal that would easily fold under pressure – wrap around a pole or flip onto its side.

My hand moved down, touching the leather interior. An image ripped through my mind of leather dotted with blood and screams. I could almost feel it as my fingers ran over the textured material – almost feel the slick warmth of my blood. Amber's blood.

I swallowed thickly, moving forward to slide fully into the passenger's seat. Jace didn't close the door immediately. He waited, holding it open, gauging my reaction.

My fingers drifted over the dashboard. I glanced at the windshield. So fragile. I remembered the sound it made when it had shattered over me and Amber. I remembered picking the pieces out of my hair for days, knotted with blood and sweat right to my scalp.

When I'd sat in this van last time, I had sat in the backseat with Jace beside me. But today – the passenger seat was so different.

The view was slightly warped, blending with the accident a year ago. It was like I could see the whole windshield and the shattered one at once. I could see the clean dashboard and the mangled, bloodied one at the same time.

I could hear Jace's breath and Amber's screams.

My fists tightened and I shut my eyes, letting myself feel the seat beneath me and hear the birds in the distance. I listened to the wind whispering through the trees. I breathed deeply and deliberately.

I was okay.

I was alive.

People drove every day. It was safe. It was morning. What were the chances of it happening again?

I opened my eyes; my trembling fingers moving to grasp the seatbelt and buckle it around me. I felt the cold metal on my skin. And with a small click, I clicked it into place.

And with the sound of that short click, I broke apart.

I was back there. I was stuck in the car with Amber beside me. I was being suffocated by the leather strap around my chest. It dug into my skin, stabbing at me, but I didn't care. I didn't care how it cut into my skin.

I couldn't reach her. I couldn't hold her one last time. This stupid belt – this fucking belt – it just wouldn't release me.

I couldn't escape it.

"You're okay."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, gasping for breath.

"Jace," I sputtered, my lips trembling, my fingers trembling, everything trembling. "Jace. Jace. I – I'm stuck. I – Help – I can't – the belt –"

"You're okay," he repeated. He leaned over me, unclicking the belt. Immediately, I shot out of my seat, pacing as far from the car as my shaking legs would take me. I fell into Jace's arms and he pulled me up, rubbing my shoulders gently. "See? You're fine. You're okay."

"I'm sorry," I managed, my breath still coming out in short pants, my legs trembling with my weight. "I'm sorry, Jace."

"Why are you sorry?" he asked, smiling. "You did it, Jasmine! You sat in the front seat. You buckled your belt. I'm so proud of you."

"Proud?" I repeated, shaking my head. "I had a panic attack from sitting in an unmoving car. What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you, Jasmine Ali," he said sternly. "Nothing. You sat in the car. That's the main thing. You did it, Jas."

I shook my head again, releasing a bitter laugh. "I'm so broken, I can't even buckle a seatbelt like a normal person."

"Hey," he snapped, shooting me a sharp look. "How can you keep saying that? Jasmine, you went through something traumatic, but look at you. Look at how strong you are. Even when you wanted to turn back, you still got in, didn't you? Even when you wanted to get out, you put that seatbelt on, didn't you? Sure, maybe we didn't close the door, but I bet you that next time we will. One step at a time, Jas."

I clenched my jaw, letting his words wash over me. He was right. He was always right, wasn't he? I had sat in the passenger seat of the car. I had buckled the belt. I hadn't been able to do that since – since the day of the accident.

I needed to stop bashing myself for everything I couldn't do. I had to start focusing on the positives – the beauty in the scars. Sure, I found it harder to get into a car than another person, but that only made it that much more rewarding when I did.

Kintsugi.

It was easier said than done, but like Jace said – one step at a time.

I sucked in a deep breath, my lips finally twitching up into a sheepish smile. "Sorry Jace, but I think I'll have to ride my bike for today."

He paused, quirking a brow. "For today?"

I shrugged, moving to grab my bike from the grass where he'd left it. "I can't speak for the other days."

He said nothing, his eyes widening and an impressed smile curling his lips. I turned, sliding my bike onto the sidewalk. "See you at the physio centre, then?"

He snapped out of his daze and a cheeky grin pulled at his mouth. He jogged past me, rounding the van to slide into the driver's seat. The engine roared to life and the windows rolled down.

"We can still go together," he shouted out the side of the car.

"Like this?" I laughed incredulously.

"Yeah!"

I rolled my eyes, hopping onto my bike and beginning to pedal towards the physio centre. The car lurched forward beside me, slowly crawling at my slow, pedalling pace. I rode for a minute or two, shooting glances his way before finally giving in.

"You're going to hold up traffic that way," I pointed out.

He glanced at the car mirror before quirking a brow at me. "Oh, yes. The traffic that's just queuing up behind me at eight in the morning on a Saturday. That traffic?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "That's the one."

"Well, lucky for us, it looks like they decided to skip the traffic jam this morning," he teased.

"How lucky," I affirmed sarcastically.

"It's like the universe just holds us in its favour, huh?"

I barked out a laugh and he grinned at my reaction, wiggling his brows at me. I knew he was joking. The universe, loving us? A depressed teenager who attempted suicide and a girl who couldn't even sit in a car. That sounded likely.

I rolled my eyes, shooting him a playful glare. "Try to keep up, if you're so lucky."

With that, I pushed harder, pedalling my bike faster down the hill. Jace lagged for a moment, processing my words, before his car revved and matched my speed.

We were flying.

Soaring down the hill, wind whipping my hair in my face. Jace was beside me and I could hear his car rumbling, the engine running loudly and the metal of the van occasionally bumping and scraping the road, but at that moment, it was just me and Jace.

Suddenly, a loud bump came from the car and he cursed loudly.

I turned to see he had driven over a speed bump too quickly. I slowed down and sent him a smug look.

"Best driver in the world, huh?" My voice carried over the sound of his tires.

He scowled.

"Hey, don't blame me," he yelled back. "I'm disabled. That was all the leg."

"Right," I hummed. "You know, I'm starting to think that my bar won't be raised, after all."

"Jas!" he whined, pouting. "It was all the leg. Aren't you my physio coach? Shouldn't you be a little more, I don't know, understanding?"

"I understand that you're a terrible driver."

"Jas!"

I laughed, rolling my eyes, and turning back to the path ahead of me.

"Alright, I'll re-assess," I teased. "But try not to hit any speed bumps this time. Or pedestrians. Got it?"

"Yes, Miss Ali," he joked, dragging his voice out.

"Okay," I jested. "Try to keep up."

I pushed forward, my bike rolling down the hill. Jace's car lurched forward beside me and I raced him, our laughter carried on the wind.

And this time, he didn't hit any speed bumps. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hi everyone! Sorry for the late update! If you've seen my Instagram you probably already know I really didn't have it in me to update last night, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! We're about half-way through the story now! eeep!

Hope you all had a good Easter! Thank you as always for reading!