15.

"JASMINE!" my mother shouted before the car had even come to a stop.

The wheels squealed to a brake, staining the asphalt black, and she immediately rolled her window down, her wide eyes frantically taking me in.

"Are you okay?" she asked, reaching towards me. I sighed, letting her pat my face and scan my body. "Piper called me. You look horrible. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Mom," I said, frowning.

She ignored me, shaking her head, and clicking her tongue. Her fingers reached up, brushing my swollen under eyes. "Look at you. Oh, your eyes, Jasmine. Have you been crying?"

Her voice was thickly accented, which only meant one thing – she was upset.

I gently batted her hands away, taking a step back. "Mom, it's fine. Honestly."

"And your face. So, swollen."

"It's fine," I repeated because it was. Sure, it was a difficult day. Even now I thought of Amber and when my eyes shut the mangle wreck flashed in my mind. But now we were standing here in the parking lot, Piper and Jace watching behind me.

My face warmed and I clenched my teeth, willing myself to stay calm. Behave normally and she'll forget it.

But when has she ever let things go when I needed her to? I thought bitterly.

She's worried, I bit back.

Everyone is. I wish they weren't. I wish I was normal.

"You are not fine," she snapped, tutting. "You skipped a compulsory school event, Jasmine. You swore at Piper. That is not fine."

"Mom," I breathed, the urgency raising in my voice. Behind me, I could hear Piper shuffling on the gravel. Of course, she'd recounted the entire day to my mother. "Mom, really. I'm okay now. Can you please let it go? Just – not here?"

"You told me you'd be okay, this morning," she said pointedly, ignoring me. "Jasmine, why didn't you speak to me?"

Something inside of my snapped. It was like everything had been slowly simmering for weeks, months, and now – I was boiling. I was overflowing.

And before I could stop myself, I was shouting, "Because you do this, Mom!"

Her eyes widened and she paused. Everyone paused. My breath caught in my throat.

"Excuse me?"

My voice wavered but I refused to back down. Not now.

"You – you worry and hover and –" I sucked in a tight breath – "It's not that big of a deal, Mom! Amber died one year ago today. So, what if I cried a bit? I just got a little sad for a moment."

"Jasmine, honey. I thought we'd worked on this. It's been a year."

"I know, Mom."

"You said you were better. You said you weren't having nightmares anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"You know I worry about you."

There it was. I squeezed my eyes shut, blinking hard, and turned my gaze to the ground.

"I know," I said. "I know that."

"I worry every night," she continued to rant, her voice on lifting, and I was keenly aware of Piper and Jace, still waiting behind me. Hearing everything. "I worry about you every minute. Every time I see you frowning. Every time your grades slip. I worry and think, what am I doing wrong? You're taking years off my life, you know that?"

"I know, Mom," I repeated, my voice rising. My hands curled into fists by my side and I glared at my shoes. "I know, you never stop telling me. I'm sorry that I worry you. I'm trying not to. I'm trying."

"Every time I see those bags under your eyes or the redness in them, my heart aches, sweetheart. I'm so worried."

I frowned, my nails digging into my palms. "I get it, Mom. I'm trying. Don't you see? The past year, all I've been doing is trying."

She sighed, running a hand over her tired face. I saw the bags under her eyes and the worry lines on her forehead – wrinkles that hadn't been there a year ago. My chest grew heavy with guilt.

"Get in the car," she said eventually. "Dad's waiting at home."

I released a tight breath, the hum of the engine drilling through me. "No, I'll – I'll just meet you at home."

She watched me carefully for a moment, her eyes weary and tired. Not hopeful, like they'd been in the first month. Not pleading, like they'd been in the next three. Tired. Given up.

My face burned and I turned away, avoiding her eyes.

Because I knew I was disappointing her. Every time I refused to get into her car, every time I had a nightmare, every time my chest felt empty and hollow inside, I knew I was disappointing her.

Why couldn't I be enough?

My mom ran another hand over her face, shaking her head.

"I just want you to be normal, sweetie," she said finally. "Like before."

My heart dropped.

Normal.

It sounded so simple. Sitting in a car. Smiling. Laughing. Why was it so difficult for me? How did everyone else do it so easily?

I couldn't even remember what normal felt like anymore.

My face felt hot and for once, I didn't feel numb. I didn't feel sad.

I felt angry.

"I'm fine, Mom," I said, my voice growing in volume. "I'm completely normal. Can you please just drop it?"

"Normal?" she echoed, her eyes widening. She scoffed. "Show me your wrists."

She lunged out, her arms reaching out of the car window to grab at my arm. I inhaled a sharp breath, stepping backwards and ripping my arm from her grip.

"No, Mom! Stop, I'm fine!"

"Show me."

"There's nothing there!"

"Show me, Jasmine."

She lunged forward again, sticking her chest out over the window. I staggered backwards, clashing awkwardly into Jace. His hands grabbed my hips, steadying me. I ignored him, narrowing my eyes at my mother.

"I'm fine!"

"No, you're not, Jasmine!" she was shouting now. "You think I haven't noticed that you don't go to parties anymore? That you don't have friends anymore? Hell, you can't even sit in a car like a regular kid!"

"She has friends."

I blinked, turning to see Jace glaring at my mother, his jaw set.

"She has friends," he repeated, louder. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Mrs Ali. But Jasmine does have friends. I'm her friend. We were actually going to hang out today."

My mother's eyes narrowed, darting between Jace and I. She scanned him slowly, from head to toe, her eyes raking him for every detail – from the scuff of his shoes to the slick of his hair. She frowned, though I saw that brightness in her eyes, that tiny tilt in the corner of her lips and raise of eyebrows. She was pleased.

"She didn't tell me," my mom said finally.

"She was probably busy," he said slowly. Behind me, he took my arm in his hand and stepped back slightly, angling his body in front of me. "I'm sure she meant to. She must've forgotten. Actually, since you've already called to sign her out of school, would it be okay if we hung out now? We've got this huge chemistry project due next week."

My mom chewed at her bottom lip unsurely, her brow wrinkling. "Oh – I don't know, today's –"

"Really, we should've started it weeks ago. Our teacher already pulled us aside today to remind us about it," Jace interrupted. "I'd really appreciate it if you'd let her."

He'd laid his charm on thickly, and my mother's expression shifted.

"Oh – well, I suppose if –"

"Great!" he cut in, grinning widely at her. He took another step back, pulling me with him, my bike in his other hand. "We'll see you later then. Don't worry, I'll get her home safely."

"Oh – I mean – Just make sure you –"

"It was lovely meeting you, Mrs Ali!" he called, slowly walking us away from the car. He turned to Piper, who stood there with raised brows and a slack jaw. "Mind if I grab her bag?"

She blinked in response and he let go of me to grab my backpack from her slack fingertips, slinging it over his shoulder.

Then, he took my hand, and we ran.

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It wasn't until we were three blocks from the school that I snapped out of my daze.

We were walking slowly now, avoiding roads, instead walking through grass and cul-de-sacs. My backpack was still slung lazily over his shoulder and he pushed my bike beside us with one hand, his knuckles turning white. I wondered briefly how difficult that must be.

I blinked, realising my hand was clenched tightly in Jace's. His palm was surprisingly soft against mine and he made no move to let go of it. I squeezed his fingers and he turned to me, his honey eyes wide and sweet.

"Thanks, Jace," I said before he could speak. "For saying all that to my mom. I really mean it. It was..." I trailed off, chewing on the inside of my cheek. After a second of silence, I said, "You can go now."

"Are you giving me permission to leave?" he asked, raising a brow at me.

I frowned. "I guess?"

"Thank you for the permission," he said, his lips twitching, "but I think I'll stay. If that's okay."

"Oh," I said stupidly. "I just thought you..."

"Jasmine," he started slowly. "I said all that stuff because it was true. Well, partially. You are my friend. I'm here because I want to be here. I'm not doing you a favour, Jas. If anything, you're doing me one."

"Me?" I repeated, chuckling in disbelief. "How?"

His cheeks tinged pink and he turned away, his eyes drifting to the road in that distant sort of way they tended to do.

"By hanging out with me," he said.

I laughed. "Jace, you've been in West Mormet for half a term and you're already more popular than me."

"That's different," he said pointedly. "You're different."

I blinked. Then, my face grew warm and I found myself staring out at the road too. "Oh."

A breeze pushed past us. Our fingers clamped together, making no move to release each other. I liked the way his hand felt pressed against mine. Grass tickled my ankles as we trudged further to the outskirts of town, until we reached a road crossing.

Jace paused, turning to me. "Which way's your place?"

I glanced around at the roads before nodding towards the left. "Twenty minutes that way."

He nodded, beginning to walk in the direction I'd nodded in. I made no move to follow and he stopped, our arms outstretched, and fingers wound together.

"What?" he asked, quirking a brow.

"What about you?"

"What?"

"Where's your place?"

He blinked slowly, gazed around the place, then shrugged. "It was the other way from school."

"That's going to be, like, an hour from my place," I said, my eyes widening.

"Huh." He nodded nonchalantly. "I guess so."

"Jace, you've already helped me so much. You lied to my mom for me. I can't ask you to walk me all the way back to my place."

His brow furrowed and he stepped closer, allowing our hands to fall slack between us, still held together.

"That was nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Seriously, Jas. I know what it's like to have a mother who won't let things go."

I narrowed my eyes at that. I'd met Jace's mother. Anna seemed like an angel compared to mine.

"Really?" I asked, sceptic.

"Trust me," he sighed, his eyes dropping to the floor. His shoes shuffled awkwardly, and he kicked at the pavement. "You're not the only one being coddled."

I frowned. What was that supposed to mean? My curiosity sparked and I wondered if that had something to do with why he was here – why he moved to West Mormet in the first place.

I bit on my tongue. Now was not the time to ask.

"Besides, I don't want to go home just yet," he added. He stepped back, tugging on my hand and smiling. "Let's go."

I nodded wordlessly, following as we jaywalked across the empty roads and began the slow journey towards my house.

My mind whirred. My mom had said that my dad was waiting at home. And if she'd left work early, she'd be there too.

I could imagine them now. My mother pacing the floor, chewing anxiously on her lip as she raved on and on about how I wasn't better, and I'd never be better. About how we should move to California for sunlight or Texas for a new alternative treatment.

My father was probably sitting in a chair, worried – more about my mother than about me. He was probably checking his watch every five minutes, trying to find an opening to interrupt her. His hair had become greyer over the past year.

I was probably the cause of that.

My mouth twisted sourly. I didn't want to have this conversation. Not today. Not on Amber's one-year anniversary.

I'd put it off for a year. Surely, I could put it off for one more day.

Suddenly, Jace came to a stop. My shoes bit the pavement as I staggered to a pause beside him. He watched me carefully and his lips twitched into a mischievous grin.

He nodded to the shop beside us – a small, mostly empty, diner complete with checker tiles and squeaky booths.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

I swallowed thickly. Somehow, he'd read my mind.

"Let's eat."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Take a shot every time Jasmine blinks

Thank you for reading, commenting and voting! I hope you all liked this chapter! Seems like JJ (that was the ship name right???) is going on a lil date hehe let me know your thoughts!

I hope you all had a great week! See you soon!