Her knees were fluffed up by the elegant blue gown she knelt on, sprucing her height up an inch. She smiled serenely at me like I was her entire world when I knew I was only a part—a shattered part of what remained with her departure.

Craning her jewelled neck to look at me, parting her curls from her face while with the dark blue sky above, and the emerald green grass shining in the moonlight as witnesses, she vouched that it was going to be a big day for her. Taking one of my hands gently in hers, she rubbed her thumb along the back of my palm thoughtfully staring at my knuckles, "I've never said this to anyone before, nobody, but you need to hear this." My eyes closed automatically, allowing the moment to pass without hindrance to my unavailable heart. I knew I needed to.

It had been three years since she was gone. Abrupt and sudden, I could still picture her bleeding frame clasped tenderly between my muscles. I felt a shudder down my back, even with my jacket over me, her loss was cold as ice.

Even with her, I couldn't save her. There was nothing in my power to protect her, as I promised I would. She left merrily, knowing someone finally loved her with all his heart, and could do anything for her—but she left me alone, with her haunting soul that forbade me from a peaceful sleep.

There were several nights when her absence became intolerable. My heart would suddenly ache like thousands of kilograms sat over it, crushing me slowly and causing fatigue. Violent shrieks and uncanny cries were the mildest ways for me to alleviate myself, but nothing, not even drugs subsided the affliction.

"Manik... Manik?" An unfamiliar vision came into picture. It was a blur. A woman in a long white coat sat by my side as I squirmed only muttering one name, Nandini.

My wrist was clasped and an empty syringe was pulled out of my body. "Shit, he's overdosed. Call the ambulance." She yelled, but I could hear a faint angelic call behind my head.

A set of objects jingled together as footsteps approached. Her hair was undone, and as she leaned over my head, it fell over her face. She looked just the same as the last time I saw her. I gaped as she pulled hair sections behind her ear and smiled at me beautifully. Dressed in the baby pink salwar, that was now devoid of blood, with her pink bangles stacked up on both wrists signifying a newly wed bride, she looked like a fairy that descended from the sky.

"Come to me, come to me, Manik. It's so beautiful up here. See, you're going to love it." Her arms were stretched out, and her never ending smile felt more welcoming that any other place in the world.

I felt like I was floating as I was lifted to the sky on all fours. Nandini, I whispered as her figure followed me eagerly, until she caught my hand firmly. "I've set up our little bedroom, look... it's all themed in red." She pointed around a dreamy haven, that positioned a warm white bed with rose petals over it, red velvet pillows and a crocheted maroon throw. "Let's celebrate our wedlock, Manik, this time more grandly."

Tubes were pierced into my skin and a gush of liquid dripped into my bloodstream. "Is he going to be okay?" She said, holding his hand scared to let go—by his, I mean the other Manik, the one still on Earth.

"It's too early to tell, did you check his dosage?" She shook her head, terrified and now mildly sweating. She pat his cheek, trying to stabilise him, but his heart rate dropped by two scales at a time.

"Manik, Manik listen, you cannot leave me."

I'm coming to you, Nandini.

Then the voice came again. "Manik, we're going to be fine." Nandini. She fluttered a warm, wet kiss over my forehead, not letting go of my hand.

"Manik... Manik, don't leave me. There's so much more ahead of us..."

"That's it, Manik. Don't fight it. Let go. Come to me."

"Nandini..." I hardly mumbled before the heart rate meter beeped.

Zero.

Zero.

Zero.

Zero.

Zero.

The doctors sighed, pulling their masks off. Even dialysis couldn't work that fast. They needed me to stay up, and in control but I had already ascended to a space above land, to a world higher than the Earth.

"Just don't leave me like Nandini left you. Don't leave another woman hanging, don't put her through what you've been." A head pressed into my chest, where my heart sat motionless. My eyes fluttered open, to a scenario where I laid on an ambulance bed, bound to it and Nandini sat beside me, refusing to let go. It was a deja vu.

Only Nandini and I had switched places.

My plastered hand stretched desperately to feel her beautiful skin, skin that was scarfree and silky smooth like shea butter. She smelled like vanilla. My trembling fingers only made it halfway, as I had no more courage in me.

"If I leave now, what will you do? Can you promise me you will move on, with someone else?"

"If you make me promise to you, I won't go back on my word to you."

Zero.

Zero.

Zero.

Feeling her hold still firm, I exhaled, feeling like I was in a parallel universe, where two women merged into one.

4/2.

12/8.

34/15.

The woman in the pink salwar kameez was walking away, her hand withdrawing from mine slowly. I held on tighter, jerking some motion on me. "Manik..." Her voice echoed and merged into Nandini's silent call for me until she transiently separated from the vicinity in a whiff.

"Don't ever do that to me." Behind her I could see the figure of the girl I loved, with everything left in me. A pair of lips pressed into my cheekbone, and at a distance on the road, the woman dressed in pink smiled, blowing a gentle flying kiss, until a bus bumped into her, and through her.

My body jolted up, like an electric shock passed through. The female doctor who'd rescued me was shedding tears helplessly. "Hold on, warrior. You're going to be alright."

I owed her my life, or much more maybe. Yet, not a single syllable left my lips. "I know your past. I've told myself so many times, to stop feeling this way for you. I can't help..." Her fingers wrapped around the tips of mine desperately holding on.

She was one of my closest friends, supporting me immensely after Nandini left. I knew most things about her, like the left dimple that creased every time she saw something beautiful, or the way her slender fingers pointed uncontrollably as her jaw dropped when something marvellous caught her attention.

I could tell she was holding her tears behind. I didn't want to break her, but I didn't want to commit to something I'd never be able to give her. I shook my head, disapproving myself of the right to make her, or anyone for that matter, cry. "Mukti..." I tugged the hand that she held me with.

She stood up quickly, whisking her stinging tears off. I took a step closer and fit her petite body comfortably in my arms, caressing her hair as I felt her hands claw my shoulders from behind. "I'm sorry." She whispered in the hollow gap between my shoulder bone and neck.

Confessions since then were too hard. A lot has changed, I've grown so much, but some scars cease to fade. Some worries fail to seek validity. Even promises could break. What could I give her to hold on to?

"I wish I could help you."

As tears left her waterline, she pulled her eyelids closed and then tapped my back gently, before grasping my shoulders. "Can you just give me one chance, only one, to pull you out of the darkness you live in—for your sake, and mine?"

***

Jabbing my keys through the keyhole, I let myself into the home I had built from scratch. It was such an important day, and I really wanted to be home earlier than nine in the night! The aroma of butter chicken filled my lungs with immense joy. Though all the lights in the house were on, but the two of them were nowhere to be found. Placing my office bag on the shoe rack, I began my hunt.

"Mukti..." I sought the living room that had toys scattered all over. I resorted to my second escape. "Nandini..."

Two arms wrapped around my waist, while a tiny head pressed into my buckled back. "Shh... She's asleep already! I put her to bed early." She said, before fluttering a kiss onto my dirty shirt, that had cologne leaked over it. Apparently, she loved the smell of it more than anything else.

I smiled, turning her around to have a good look. My present looked splendid on her collarbone, and her saree though disheveled and tucked incorrectly deserved credit, points for the effort. "Happy Birthday honey!" I kissed her forehead gently, while she closed her eyes and tapped her fingers flat over my chest.

Over her frame, I peeked into the room where an angel resided. "I'll just be back, haan?" She watched me leave her field of vision, as I escaped into my toddler's room. Her tiny body was snuggled into a cocoon with a fleece blanket, and the air conditioner blew on her soft baby tresses. Beside her laid her cute dolphin soft toy that was almost as big as her whose neck was scrunched up by her little arm hugging it.

I sat beside her pillow running my fingers through her curly hair. "Nandini..." I whispered, just the name I loved to say out loud. Sometimes when I saw her running around on tripping on things without watching out, she'd remind me of someone dear to my heart. Her incessant apologies, and cheeky smiles when things worked in her favour, only made me think she was a reincarnation of the art I worshipped.

Her colouring books beside her feet restricted her movements, which I decided to put away. Her name labels read: Nandini Manik Malhotra, English stream 1B. A lot of holy scriptures speak about afterlife, and hope for eternal salvation. Myths say afterlife only happens when a soul rests in peace.

"I kept my promise, Nandini. You have my word. I hope wherever you are, you're in a better place now."

——

(There's the much needed closure. This is more like an alternative ending to the fangirls who couldn't stand her death. I really love how this has turned out now and though we can't always be with the ones we love, there's going to be something good in store at the end. I hope the perspective in which the end is seen is not misinterpreted. I understand romantic interests are different from parental relationships, but one thing in common is the unconditional love aspect that I wanted to bring to the limelight. Thanks for being here!)