||ZAWADI||

The soothing warm water sprinkles on my skin, nourishing every pore to its satisfaction. I have had a crappy time but there is a new feeling in me. An excitement I have discovered that only Kim can bring. It's different from the one I felt when I saw Kes and the one I felt when I was finally out of that crappy place. This one feels more powerful and fulfilling. It feels like a missing vital was finally found to complete a missing part in me. Honestly, it feels good. Illusions have been known to be true. And I am finding myself praying that it isn't all an illusion.

I am done freshening. Kes and Jason are yet to return. They may be having serious discussions out there or spilling everything about my father to Kim who I apparently failed to tell anything about him. No, that he would care anyway. "Would he?" I ask myself. Perhaps he would. But it's not good to jump to conclusions or be expectant. I sit on the bed, pick my phone from its dump and dial Hussein's number hoping that he will answer. Luckily, it's answered on the third ring.

"Zawadi," he calls calmly.

"Hi," I greet.

"Hi to you too," he responds.

"How are you?" he says he is fine. He asks if I am okay and I tell him that I am. "Have you talked to Salima, lately?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes. I was with her this morning. She is doing fine. Though she enjoys the limited freedom you have managed to give her, she tells me she is still worried about you," he says.

I painfully shut my eyes imagining the thoughts that might be going through her head. Salima may be an ordinary girl but her extraordinary life has ensured her rapid growth in knowledge, making her way wiser for her age. And probably, she has a hint of whatever I did.

It's a shameful act. And I should feel ashamed and guilty for doing it. Yet I feel none of them, save for the guilt of finding pleasure in it. Oh, and the fear of knowing that a beast in me is struggling to take control by pushing me into lengths I do not want to venture. The lengths of sexuality. It's strong and it's easily tampering with my will power leaving me defenceless.

"I'm glad to hear she fine. Tell her not to worry about me. I am fine and happy to hear that she is fairing well."

"I will. She will be happy to know you called. Once I see her again, I'll make sure she calls you," he says in a promissory tone. It makes my heart swell with happiness.

"Thank you, Hussein. I owe you a lot," I say meaning every word.

"No need. I owe it to Salima," he mentions her name with so much love.

Their hearts must have been threaded with love from the beginning. Destined to be together. Never separable. Not even by distance or time. Rare and admirable if not enviable.

"Thank you for being there for her," I appreciate.

"You're welcome even though you didn't have to mention it. Did you do what I asked?"

"Yes. I did," I tell him.

"Good. Keep doing it," he advises firmly. "We need to solve the issue as fast as we can. Salima's birthday is approaching. Things are not going to be beautiful unless we do it fast," he says in concern.

"I will keep it up. I believe you also have something on your end," I say hopefully.

"Yes," he responds.

"That's cool. We'll talk later, then."

"For sure," he says before I hang up.

If things go our way, we'll achieve what we want; freedom. If they don't, we might as well kiss our hopes and dreams goodbye as we prepare to live the hell that was created for us by a sadistic blood father. But I am not going to let it all go down easily. Especially not when I have help from Hussein, an army officer in training.

It's good to know that Salima is fine. Once we get a chance to speak I'll ask about our mom. I hope she is well. But I do know she too is worried about my money source. And the fact that she can't contact me is probably eating at her as I know she would like to speak to me about it all. I wish I could tell her not to worry but I can't. She has to bear with me as we all endure the pain it causes until we break free. Then everything will all be in the past. The past no one will want to reminisce about.

My money source; Evans Kimuli.

He hasn't left my thoughts for a second. He is stuck there like a leech. Slowly and surely penetrating to the deepest parts of my mind. None of my organs is even fighting to stop the spread. They seem to be comfortable which is a little scary.

The door clicks open as Kes and Jason enter speaking in low tones. I leave the bedroom and approach the living room. Kes stares at me in amazement. As if she still doesn't believe that I am back.

"God, you look like you, now," she says smiling broadly. "I am so thankful you are safe and sound."

"Me too," I say with a smile.

Jason has cooled down. His face looks vivacious than before. Then, it was a total contrast and was scary. Though Kim's look of discontentment scared me more. It felt primitive. Territorial. It made the raw desire stir up again forcing me to leave.

"I think I can see bugs around your eyes," she chuckles. Jason makes himself comfortable on the couch. "You should get some sleep," she urges.

I agree. I need to sleep badly. I leave the phone on charge and head to the bedroom. I know Kes will take advantage of the moment with Jason. She is happy and relaxed, so there isn't something that's in the way of stopping her from enjoying herself. Not too much though. It would be a distraction and violation of privacy. I jump on the bed and pull the covers over me. It doesn't take long for me to drift off to sleep.

☆☆☆☆

I toss on the bed. The wall clock says it's two-twenty four pm. A total of three hours of sleep. The rest can wait till later. I step out of bed, head to the loo and take care of business. Once done, I head to the kitchen yawning from hunger. There, I grab two bananas, stuff them down my throat and then grab a glass, head for the living room where I pour water in it from the dispenser.

My eyes are surprised to see a fully dressed Kes sitting on the couch. Purse on her left side, legs fidgeting. Something is wrong. I drain the water quickly and take a seat on the smallest couch. There is an uncomfortable tension between us. I do not get it. I watch her closely, she hasn't turned to look at me yet. She is mad. I wonder what could have happened when I was asleep. She was happy and now, it's the opposite.

"Jason already left?" I ask to break the nagging silence.

"Yes," she answers in a hard tone. I bite my lip in preparation for what's to come.

"What happened? You look mad," I inquire.

She looks at me with a disappointed face. My heart picks up the fast rhythm. She is disappointed with me. And I wonder why.

"I don't know. Perhaps you can tell me," she says shrugging.

"I don't get it," I say fumbling on the empty glass. I am already nervous. When Kes is mad, the issue is not simple.

"Why is Kim asking, 'Why defend me?'," she asks quoting his words. My mind wonders where she could have gotten them from. Then I recall that I left my phone on charge and she knows my password. She sneaked in.

"Don't overthink my sneaky behaviour. I just happened to also be charging my phone when a text from Kim popped up and the screen awoke. Blame my curiosity for wanting to know what you and Kim would be talking about," she says as if the mere fact that she actually violated my privacy doesn't hurt me.

Nevertheless, I remain still as I work on the words to use to answer her question. My mind seems to be a blur again. It won't process a response. When my eye seek hers and she looks at me impatiently.

"Did he have anything to do with whatever went down last night?" she asks in frustration. She's really getting impatient. She won't even let me answer the first question.

"No. He didn't.," I respond.

"Zawadi, if you defend him again, so goodness help me--" she almost swears.

"He didn't!" I blurt out feeling emotions rising. "He didn't," I repeat in a whisper. She looks at me with a shocked expression. She finds it hard to believe I can defend a man. Maybe because she knows that I loathe the gender.

It was my fault. He gave me a chance to run but instead I went out drinking and landed my ass in the wrong territory. Kes is quiet as if she is thinking of what to say.

"Oh, really? Then tell me why he thinks you were defending him."

"I wasn't defending him," I insist.

"It's starting to get me bored," she mutters. "You better start telling me the whole story because I feel like what I know is just a scrap of it."

I figure out I can't lie to her despite my pressing need to keep on defending Kim for unknown reasons. She'll only get more frustrated. So I tell her where it all started, with Kim's bargain. His actions aren't music to her ears. She is not liking it. She asks if I gave in but I tell her that I rejected it and came home. Then my father called. He had found me. I narrate every detail concerning his manipulative moves. How he threatened to take the lives of my sister and mother if I didn't do what was required of me. She listens attentively. I tell her how I got to learn about the trick women use to get money from men. She calls it hoeing and she hates it to the core. She cusses when I tell her I have thought about going back. But when I recalled the suffering I decided to take a risk.

"And let me guess the risk, you went back to Kim with your bargain which he never resisted," she says as a matter of factly. I hate all this. It makes me think of myself as a horrible person. "You sleep with him and you get the money. I'm curious, how much was it?"

"Twenty thousand. We agreed with my father that I would always send him twenty thousand in two weeks in exchange for Salima and mom's lives," I tell her feeling a tear slide down my cheek. No matter how reasonable it sounds or looks, she still hates it.

"You let him take advantage of you so you could get twenty thousand!?" she asks as if she hasn't been listening to what I have been saying.

"He didn't take advantage," I say.

"Quit defending him it's annoying!" She slurs.

Her judgemental look is killing me. It makes me feel like I am one of those women who sell their bodies for money. I understand why she is mad. I kept everything from her even when she offered to help me and ensure my well-being.

"I didn't sleep with him," I tell her. Her eyes ball out in shock. She doesn't believe it.

"You expect me to believe that he just got twenty thousand from his pocket and gave it to you? Like a charity case?" The last statement hooks like a rod in the eye of a fish. I blink a tear.

"No," I shake my head. I try to come up with the right words to use. "But we didn't sleep together," I state lacking words.

"Now, do you think hoeing around with the manwhore will help you fix your money problems?" she asks in anger.

I don't like what she called him. It sounds so judgmental. By my name, he is an enemy to her. She hates what he did and she is more than angry with him. And I hate that too. It will ruin their friendship. Leaving in the middle as the cause of its destruction. I dread it.

"It was the only fast choice I thought about," I tell her as tears stream down my cheeks.

"The only one? Did you think of asking me? Your best friend?" she uses quotes to refer to best friend. It hurts me that I hurt her.

"I didn't want you to help me with my financial problems. You are already helping me so much and I don't want to make you feel like I am a burden," I explain but she shakes her head standing. She rights herself and takes her sling purse, hauls it on her shoulder and looks at me.

"Spare me your tiny ego. What you did hurt me, a lot. I didn't think you would be such an easy take," she mutters walking to the door.

"Kes," I call in whispers. She ignores me. I have ruined us. No! My father's lengthy claws have ruined the only thing I had that was unscathed, my friendship with Kes.

"Kes, where are you going?" I plead standing from the seat.

"I have somewhere I need to be. I can't sit here else I will start asking myself if you're my best friend. Cause my best friend wouldn't keep such a thing from me and neither would she have done whatever it is that you did to get the money," she says in a much-disappointed tone. I swallow as I blink more tears.

"Kes, I am so sorry," I apologise sincerely. She isn't having any of it.

My phone rings, it's Kim. She eyes it disgustingly.

"I assume it him who is calling. Answer it. He is impatient," she says. I ignore the phone.

"Kes, I am sorry," I apologise again. She ignores it and leaves.

I break into tears. Like an angel whose precious wings have been painfully stripped bare. I hate this new hell. It is costing me so much than I anticipated. My phone rings again. I ignore it. I can't talk to him even if I am aching to. I don't know how to control my emotions at times and they may just get worse.

Kes walking out on me crashes me. She is the only human in this new world who had my back. And now she is gone, leaving me by myself. More tears flow. I do not know what to do with myself anymore. Our friendship has been soiled. I soiled hers with Evans. It's not right at all. I shouldn't be the cause of their problems. I refuse to be.

Mom always says that we shouldn't make decisions when one is emotional. Whether so happy, sad, angry or more. She says we should calm down and think carefully. I follow her instructions. It is time to come up with a permanent solution to all the problems that have been going on. I need to make things right. For the good of everyone.