„Jeonghan open the door." my mom didn't stop knocking.
„Jeonghan I am so worried please open the door you didn't even eat anything."
„I am ok mom. So please can you just leave me alone?"
„At least eat something."
„I already ate don't worry." I had to lie that's the only way she will leave me alone.

I sat on the same place on the floor since I came back. I was still so much in shock. I knew I loved her but I didn't know that I loved her that much. I don't want it but the tears kept flowing.
„Seriously what's wrong with me?"

It hurts so badly. Maybe it's because I never thought that she might end up with someone else. She was with me every day and she never talked about other guys. When I think about it now I was so stupid. I took her for granted and didn't do anything and now I lost her. She looked so happy with him.

„I have to get myself together." I can't keep crying. I have to be happy for her.

That's what I said but the next day was so hard for me. We hang out in breaks but it wasn't just the three of us. Jungwoo joined that space and it felt like I was becoming invisible. Days passed, weeks passed but it was getting harder and harder for me. I didn't talk with Sowon for days her whole attention is on Jungwoo which I can understand. But it was too much for me to bear.
„I can't do this anymore." I started to keep distance from her. I didn't hang out with them in break anymore and avoided her as much as possible.

„Hey Jeonghan." we were in class and Sowon threw me a note.
„Where have you been in the break? Why weren't you with us?" I sighed and ignored the note. She kept calling me but I didn't answer. She stopped when the teacher scolded her.
The class ended and I walked out as quick as I could but Sowon still catched up with me.

„Jeonghan wait. Why are you in such a hurry? Why didn't you reply to my note?"
„Just because I didn't want to. We were in class this topic is important for the test."
„Alright but where have you been in the break?" I saw that Jungwoo was slowly approaching us and I got annoyed again.

„Do I have to tell you everything what I do? I don't think so." I said and walked away. I hate myself so much for it but I decided to end this all. I can't stay friends with her while watching her being with someone else. I wish for her to be happy but I don't want to hurt anymore and the only way is to stay away from her. No matter how much I try to put my feelings away it's not working so I have no choice.

The days passed and Sowon tried often to talk to me and I did my best to avoid her.
„Hey Jeonghan."
„Hi." it was the girl from my class Haekyung.
„I have to prepare for PE class and the guy who was supposed to help me ran away so can you help me?"
„Sure what should I help with?"
„We have to go to the equipment room and get the balls and other things from there." I saw Sowon coming out from the class.
„Sure let's go." I said to quickly get away from there.

„Is there still something left?" I asked after helping Haekyung with all the things.
„Jeonghan?" I turned around and I couldn't even react that quickly. Her lips were already pressed on mine. I was shocked at first and also hurt.... I couldn't help but think of Sowon. If I kiss someone else would my feelings for Sowon disappear? If I date someone else can I be friends with Sowon again? I started to wonder so I didn't push her away and kissed her back.

This felt so wrong. I knew it but still I was ready to do it if it means I can get rid of my feelings. I came back to my senses when I heard something fall down. When I looked up I saw Sowon standing there. Her bag was on the floor which must have fallen down. I was about to approach her but she grabbed her bag and walked away. I sighed. Why did I even want to go after her? To say it's not what it seems like? I am becoming such a mess.
„I am sorry Haekyung I am leaving first."
„But what about-„
„I am so sorry about it."

Sowon P.O.V

I just can't understand why he is ignoring me. I am so worried. He didn't look good for weeks and it seems like he lost weight. When I followed him to the equipment room I saw him kissing Haekyung and I was so shocked that I dropped my bag.
„Why is he being like this? He has become so weird." it's ok that he is dating someone but why is he ignoring me?
I have to talk to him tomorrow no matter what happens.

I am so in love with Seventeen's comeback the songs are soooo good. I just can't enough
~Kung chi pak chi~