San opened his eyes, blinking repeatedly in order to adjust his eyes to the room's unstable lighting. His heart was beating erratically like he'd just ran a marathon, and he immediately sat up, recollecting the events that took place prior.

His nose starting to bleed, him telling Wooyoung to bring him into this room, him promptly blacking out with the touch of Wooyoung's palm on his back.

Fuck! San's inner voice exclaimed. Out of all the times this could've happened, his body just had to die when Wooyoung was around.

He noticed the dark haired male wasn't around, and his mind automatically divulged into the worst case scenarios.

Wooyoung was probably grossed out and decided to leave, San thought. He probably thinks you're a freak. Sure, telling him you bleed is one thing, but witnessing it? Of course he'd fucking want to escape when he could.

San pushed himself to stand up, and that was when he saw that the room was...empty. Empty in the sense that it looked clean.

It never usually looked like that whenever he first woke up after dying, as Seonghwa had an understandable aversion to the sight of blood, even though he didn't like admitting it.

He cringed at the disgusting metallic taste in his mouth, and his breathing was all choked up and uncomfortable.

San knew he needed to get out of there.

But then the door suddenly opened, the light from the outside word piercing through the room's interior and right into San's frightened heart.

He froze, before looking away when his eyes fell upon a familiar figure by the door.

"San?"

San gulped. "Hwa."

It didn't take long for Seonghwa to shorten the distance between them and engulf the younger male in a hug, which surprised San.

"H-Hyung -- " San stuttered. "It'll -- I'll ruin your clothes -- "

"I'm wearing one of my older outfits, so it's fine," Seonghwa reassured. He patted San's hair, his fingers sending pleasant chills down San's neck.

Seonghwa's touches were always comforting, but at that moment, something felt different. San's heart was still racing, and he felt scared and ashamed. Those self-deprecating thoughts had inserted themselves into his mind again, and he couldn't get rid of them.

His hands shook at his sides, and his voice came out scratchy and parched. Pathetic. "Is -- is he here? I d-don't know what I'd do i-if he isn't. I-I don't k-know how I can face him now..."

San sniffed. Talking was painful, but he kept going like a cracked, broken dam. "He is... He was actually a f-friend, Hwa. But now, now I probably fucked that up too. Y-You know, like I fuck everything up. I-I bet he's gone. Won't b-be surprised if -- if he is. I mean, I-I would too."

"San," Seonghwa began, but San continued to speak, echoing off the hidden thoughts that poisoned his mind and made it difficult to tolerate and actually like himself.

"I'd hate it if he hates me. But then again, h-he probably does. No one likes me. No one. I'll -- I'll always be alone -- "

"San!" Seonghwa exclaimed, disbelief coating his voice. He stared intently at San, but his cousin was staring at the floor instead, his words starting to get heavier and heavier in tone. "San, please, listen to me. You'll never be alone, because you'll have me, okay? You'll always have me."

San still refused to meet the older male's stare. He was embarrassed, and he began to wipe off the tears that'd started forming in his eyes. "Fuck," he cursed, repeated said word over and over again. "I'm so sorry. Shit, I really hate this."

Seonghwa quickly shook his head. When San braved a glance at him, he could see how hard he tried to keep up the bright smile on his face. "You have no reason to apologize, Sannie."

But San continued to tear up, unable to stop. God, when the hell did he turn out to be such a crybaby? He kept trying to wipe away his tears, but they kept falling. What a fucking burden you are.

"Wooyoung..." Seonghwa began, unknowingly causing San's head to jerk up. "He's here, actually. On the couch in the livingroom. He fell asleep around an hour ago..."

San sniffed again, continuing to feel all pathetic and unbearably small. He was almost a hundred percent sure that his nose looked all stuffed and a gross red. "R-Really?"

"Mhm," Seonghwa answered. His voice had gotten more quiet, and his eyes held sympathy. San despised that look on his face, because it made him feel like he was just some melodramatic child. "He didn't leave. He told me to let him know when you're awake."

San swallowed hard, his fists clenched tight. Before he knew it, his feet led him out the door, because Wooyoung was the magnet that pulled him in and kept him sane, the light that shone through the darkness that plagued his heart.

And sure enough, Seonghwa was right. On the couch was Wooyoung, his head of black hair poking out of the grey blanket Seonghwa had probably gifted to him.

San moved closer to him, uncaring as to how he looked at that moment. He probably appeared like a mess and probably reeked of blood, but all he wanted was to know that Wooyoung was actually there. That he hadn't left him.

And Wooyoung hadn't. He was right there, asleep and adorably messy haired, his face absent of all worries and sadness. He looked like a baby, and it was a sight that made San swear to himself to never forget.

I want to get rid of everything that bothers him, San thought, even when I end up being included.

Wooyoung's eyelashes then fluttered open unexpectedly, and then he was hurriedly sitting up, staring at San with wide eyes.

"You're awake. Fuck," he kicked off the blanket. "Are you okay?"

San wanted to hide and never come out again. His lips quivered, body trembling like he was a leaf in the wind, and his eyes stung with more tears.

"San. You're crying." Wooyoung sounded panicked, but his voice unfortunately made San shed more and more tears. "What's going on? W-Why are you crying? Seonghwa hyung, w-what's going on?"

San used his hands to shield his tear streaked face from view, miserable wails leaving his lips. He could feel Seonghwa's arms surrounding him in a protective hold, his words to Wooyoung's startled self sounding muffled and distant. Never in his life had he cried so much, never in his life had he loathed himself so much.

Stop fucking crying. If you don't, Wooyoung will hate you. But then again, he already does, doesn't he?

"...need to go now, unfortunately... needs to calm down... I'm sorry... has to rest... don't tell anyone..."

"San... stay with him... won't intrude... promise you..."

San's chest continued heaving sporadically, and his memories from then on were so jumbled and incoherent that when he found himself on his bed staring blankly at his ceiling, he didn't even question it. His eyes felt all dry and used up, his heart felt empty, shattered. He didn't know what he was supposed to feel at that moment, and for once, he had no thoughts at all.

He didn't even know what time it was.

His phone buzzed on the table, and he guessed that they must've been texts from Wooyoung probably. He didn't bother checking them though. Didn't bother doing anything.

* * *

- wooyoung
hey, san
um
i just got home because seonghwa said i should get going
and uh
and my parents
asked where i was

- wooyoung
nothing bad happened though
if you were wondering

- wooyoung
but, hey
i hope you're okay now

- wooyoung
i'm bad at expressing my feelings, but i just want to let you know that i'm worried
about you

- wooyoung
i dont think i'll be able to sleep now, to be honest

- wooyoung
i dont think i can handle you crying again
was it because of me?
did i do something wrong?

- wooyoung
i cant stop thinking about it

- wooyoung
you don't need to reply now
take your time n rest
i wont get mad if you dont show up at school tomorrow

- wooyoung
i'm sorry because of what i said earlier
i wish i hadn't lashed out on you
i wish i'd said something else
fuck
im sorry for cursing but i'm just so frustrated

- wooyoung
not at you though, i promise

- wooyoung
i wish i'd helped you
i'm so sorry

- wooyoung
i promise i'll make it up to you
i'm sorry

- wooyoung
have a good night san 🌙

* * *

a/n: yes i love that kdrama

and on the subject of woo's tattoo, if you ever had a tattoo what would it be and what would it symbolize?