On Monday morning, Seonghwa passed San a glass of orange juice to go with his breakfast, noting how the younger had woken up earlier than usual. It wasn't even five am yet.

"You woke up quite early," Seonghwa asked, taking a seat. "You good?"

"I'm good," San breathed out. He didn't want to burden his cousin further. His reasons for being unable to sleep were dumb, and he couldn't distract Seonghwa from his studies.

His fingers wrapped around his glass, wanting something to keep them occupied with. He took a drink, though, when he'd noticed Seonghwa's eyes on his hands.

"...You know you can always tell me anything, right?" Seonghwa told him.

San took another small sip of the juice. "I know."

He stared at his cousin, and could see the questions swimming in the older's eyes. Seonghwa, even from the start, had always cared enough to want to know if he was okay, even when the rest of his family didn't. He also had the potential to act all mother-like whenever he sensed the need to, and usually, San didn't mind. But today wasn't one of those days.

"I want you to trust me, San," Seonghwa said. "I won't do anything bad to you."

San's grip on the glass strengthened. "I know you won't."

"So please, whatever's on your mind, tell it to me. I just," Seonghwa sighed. "I'm worried about you, San."

Cute, or Honest version? Wooyoung's voiced echoed through San's mind, over and over again. He pushed his glass of orange juice away.

"I'm fine, really." He replied his cousin. "I have someone at school that I -- I talk to at times. Everything's fine."

I fucking hate lies.

San shut off Wooyoung's voice in his head, trying his hardest to focus on the now.

"Really?" Seonghwa grinned. His eyes looked tired but glad, and San couldn't help but wonder if his cousin would've found more reasons to smile if he hadn't been born in the first place.

His fingers curled, digging into the skin of his palms. His knuckles turned white. "Yes."

"That's good. Is the person in your class?"

"Yes." At least San was now telling the truth.

"Boy or girl?"

"...Boy."

Seonghwa gently patted his fist. "I'm so happy you've found a friend."

But San, at that particular moment in time, felt nothing close to happy.

* * *

San's mood continued to plummet when he entered the school. He'd had several days like this before, days where he just wanted to vanish into the air and just get lost. Days where breathing made him want to throw up, because what was he even doing in the world, anyway?

The voices of other students blurred into static noise in his head, entering through one ear and out the other. His head was emptied out of any thought, and his limbs felt like dead weight.

Something hard bumped into him. San didn't react fast enough, causing him to almost fall.

He froze, eyes staring into blank ones that belonged to none other than Jung Yunho.

The taller male stood there with two of his friends behind him, cruel smirks on both their faces.

San looked away, prepared to go to the locker section when Yunho grabbed his wrist. On instinct, San yanked it back.

Yunho's jaw clenched. "Didn't your mom teach you some fucking manners? Or, maybe you think you can fuck with me just 'cause Wooyoung talked to you one time?"

San shook his head. "S-Sorry," he let out. His head hurt, and his emotions were already unstable from the moment he woke up. He just wanted Yunho and his crew to leave him alone.

Yunho shoved his chest, his expression tainted with a scowl. "God, just your face alone makes me so angry. And it's even worse when you look so familiar but I can't even fuckin' remember when I'd last seen you." He shoved San even harder. "Aren't you gonna apologize for pissing me off, too?"

Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me. San imagined shoving Yunho instead, imagined punching the guy across his stupid face, but he knew he stood no chance against the taller in real life. And it made him all the more hopeless.

"Hey, Yunho -- " one of his minions called out to the guy.

"What?" Yunho snapped, but before he could say anything else, a new male had joined the conversation. Almost immediately, his face smoothened. "...Good morning."

"Get lost," the other male answered rather sharply, his low voice cutting its way into the storm that made up San's thoughts.

San watched as Yunho rose his hands in surrender, unable to believe what he was currently seeing.

"Okay," was all Yunho replied with, preparing to leave.

"Wait," one of his friends said, "seriously? It's just Mingi -- "

Yunho just walked off, but not before he gave a final glance at San that sent a cold chill racing down his spine. His minions scurried right behind him.

San realized he was suffocating, and let out the breath he'd been holding all this time.

"...You okay?" The person -- Mingi, asked, alerting San's attention. His voice was calming, despite how husky it was, and when San looked up, he was met with kind, yet fatigued eyes, and soft red hair.

San nodded. At least his heartbeat had slowed down a bit. "Y-Yeah. And uh, thanks, for helping me."

Mingi waved a dismissive hand, but his expression hardened. "It's no biggie. Those guys are assholes. Do they always bother you like this?"

San licked his bottom lip. "No." Braving another glance at Mingi, he realized he'd never really seen the guy around school before. "Are -- are you new?" He found himself asking. He hoped he didn't sound rude or anything.

Mingi just smiled, the action softening the intimidating vibe he'd had going on by a lot.

"I'm not, not really." He explained. "Spent some months studying at home and getting treatment. But I decided to return to school because I missed being here, surprisingly."

"Oh, okay," San was curious, so, so curious, but he just couldn't go about asking Mingi question upon question. The guy was one of the few people at that school that was actually nice to him, and he didn't really feel like ruining that.

It was during study hall that blood ran down San's nose, wetting a small part of his math notebook. Quickly, he took out a wad of tissue from his bag and cleaned it, and that was the end of it. Which was strange. Whenever he bled, he'd bleed and bleed until he fainted, but this time around, the blood didn't take time to stop flowing.

Maybe it's just due to stress, he thought. He convinced himself that that was the case.

* * *

San missed Wooyoung's presence during lunch since the other male hadn't even bothered coming to school today. He sat at the library, alone in his thoughts. If Wooyoung had been around right now, he'd probably be secretly passing snacks over to San to try and get him to eat something, whilst managing to annoy and fluster him at the same time.

Stop thinking about him, idiot, he cautioned himself. You're just friends.

Hidden by the empty tables and chairs surrounding him, he pulled out his phone and stared at Wooyoung's contact picture for more than he absolutely needed to. You can't afford to catch feelings for him.

His thumb stroked over the screen, admiring the other male's features. He isn't even into guys, goddammit, his mind tried again, but San, for once, wasn't even listening to the bitter voice in his head.

He stared off into space, wondering what he should type.

- san
what should i eat if i crave a certain someone's company?

Wooyoung answered within a few minutes.

- wooyoung
water

San giggled.

- san
nah, i'm not that into it

- wooyoung
then how tf r u alive

- san
i have no idea

- wooyoung
depressing ass

- san
why arent you at school?

Wooyoung took some time to reply.

- wooyoung
no one bothered u today, right?

- san
you're changing the subject

- wooyoung
u are too

- san
no i'm not

- wooyoung
look, i have to go now

San switched off his phone, annoyed that Wooyoung had totally avoided answering his question, even when he knew he had no right to. He'd done the same to Seonghwa, held up that aloof wall that made it extremely difficult for someone else to penetrate through. And when the realization hit that he and Wooyoung were more alike than he'd ever imagined, it scared him.

* * *

San avoided the area Yunho and his friends smoked at as soon as his classes were done with, racing down the steps, earbuds pushed in his ears. He couldn't risk another confrontation with the guy, even if it was cowardly of him.

He walked down the street, trying to clear his head when his ears buzzed. Not again. Abruptly, he pulled out his earbuds and shoved them into his pocket. Rushing past the pedestrians, he tried to look for a place where he could hide before the blood started to appear.

"Fuck," San whispered. Almost everywhere he looked, people were around, and not a single hideaway spot was present.

He wiped his nose, and blood coated his shaking fingers. With his free hand, he hurriedly dialled Seonghwa's number, only for the call not to go through.

"Come on, pick up. Pick up, Hwa. Please," San begged. The sky had begun to darken, and the white clouds had expanded, turning gloomier in colour. Seonghwa, pick up, please.

San tried his best to wipe off the blood that gushed out from his nostrils, but he couldn't handle it much longer. The flow wasn't excessive, it just wouldn't stop.

As the first few drops of rain started to fall, San clicked through his contacts, his heart in his throat.

He couldn't think properly. He just wanted this to stop, wanted to be somewhere safe and sound, and in the arms of someone who could get rid of his distress and comfort him. That was all he'd ever wanted.

San called Wooyoung, but the boy didn't pick up. He stared at the sky, forcing himself to lean against the back of some house. It was still drizzling by the time he crouched underneath its roof, but the sound of his phone's ringtone drowned it all out.

San picked the call and covered his entire nose with a bunch of tissue. "Woo..."

"Where the fuck are you? You better be home right now."

San weakly smiled. "I'm not..."

"Why not? It's raining so freaking hard outside."

"I'm in front," San inhaled deeply, "in front of this yellow-ish house a couple meters away from the school." He inhaled yet again. "Can you...can you come pick me up? Don't know if you have a car or anything..."

Wooyoung, surprisingly, didn't ask him why he couldn't just take the bus, and San was both glad and relieved he didn't. He shut his eyes after the other boy ended the call, feeling like some of his energy had left him. How would you explain this to him? He asked himself, but to be honest, he had no idea what excuse he would give. All he wanted right now was to sleep forever. And if only he could...

* * *

a/n: thoughts?