my mom told me this story about me from when i was young (like 18 months old or whatever)

so my mom or my dad would carry me around in one of those baby backpack things

y'know, the thing where you put it on your back and then you stick the baby inside it? yeah those

so they would take me everywhere in one of these. stores, vacations, wherever.

so my mom and i were at target

and y'know when you're in one of those baby backpacks you're about 4 feet off the ground

and i would just

steal things

right off the shelves

because im at the perfect height, y'know?

im a delinquent

please take me away