Note: I wrote this all down without editing it, so you will just see all of my messy thoughts piled into random sentences and paragraphs that don't make sense.
Trigger warning btw

   So as you know I ran away from home about a month ago (obviously I'm back at home)

   And I've been very quiet on wattpad since, that's cause a LOT has been going on.

   Me and my bf are no longer in a relationship.

It was my decision, yet I still feel guilty?

Idk man

And on top of that my cps case is getting canceled, just when I thought it was getting somewhere.

It got canceled cause my mom kept pushing a meeting with the police department off, to the point where they called it off entirely.

It pisses me off.

And on top of THAT, my bestest friend is homeless. And my mom won't do anything to help. I don't have money, and she won't let my friend stay at our house.

She's such a bitch, I'm starting to hate her tbh.

I'm so behind in school, and my sister is still aggressive if not more so.

I feel powerless. I feel so weak. I feel so fucking hopeless.

I can't do anything anymore. I have no control.

Not even of my own thoughts.

I need control.

Please.

I can't.

I can't do this.

No wonder my mom despises me.

I'm an ungrateful, selfish brat.

Someone who yearns for pain and lust yet doesn't ever get what they want.

Someone who has to force their way to become someone they're not.

Someone who wants to die.

Death scares me to no end.

Yet, life seems even more horrifying.

My mom told me I'm just a kid and I don't know anything.

My uncle told me I don't have impulse control.

My sister told me that I was an annoying bitch.

My grandma told me I will always be a girl.

And my brother.

He's not safe.

He won't be safe.

I can't keep him safe.

Someone help.

Please.

It'll all be over soon.

End Note: brother what was I rambling about 😭 (I know exactly what)