Zaynub Khalid

I was currently in Spanish class. We were getting our final grades today. I need to have a passing grade in this class. Please let me have a good grade, Allah. I need it to go to medical school. My professor gave me my grade. I was shocked. I failed.

I had gotten a sixty-nine percent in total. I was so close. Tears started brimming my eyes. I had always wanted to be a doctor. It had been my dream since I was three. Now it looks like I failed that dream. I thought dreams actually came true. It looks like they don't.

I couldn't stop thinking about my grade.

"Why did you do this, Allah? Did you not want me to be a doctor? What did I do wrong?" I thought as I walked to my car.

What happened? Why am I so stupid? Why couldn't I do this? What's wrong with me? Everything was going so fine in my life and then all this bad stuff came crashing down. Was Allah testing me? Did He want to test my patience? I groaned. Life could be so confusing sometimes. That was when a thought came to me.

Was I slowly losing my faith? Had I been turning to Allah in my prayers? I suddenly felt scared. What if all this was happening because I was losing my faith? All these questions started running through my head.

* * * *

As soon as I got home I locked myself in my room. I started crying. I was scared and feeling lonely. Right now everyone was going through their own problems. Usually Amu or Baba would comfort me. Now they weren't here.

Amu was dealing with her own grief and sadness. I wished Baba never left us. I wished he were still here. I just sat there in tears, thinking over and over again what happened. I was scared about losing my faith and I was worried about my future. I kept thinking if I disobeyed or forgot Allah in any way.

Knock Knock.

I got up and put my hijab on. I looked in the mirror and saw that I had puffy eyes and a pink nose. I was sniffling. My face was stained in tears. My cheeks were flushed. Forget my grade, I care more about my religion.

I opened the door and saw Zakir. His jaw dropped when he saw me.

"Zaynub-" he started.

I held a hand up to stop him.

"Please don't. I am not in the mood today to deal with more drama," I said in a monotone.

"What happened?" he continued.

My lips trembled. I went to sit down on my bed. With my head down, once again waterfalls freely fell down my face.

"Oh my God," he whispered.

"I'm s-scared," I cried.

"Why?" he asked.

"I-I think I am l-losing my f-faith," I sobbed.

"What? Why would you think that?" he asked as he stepped closer to me.

"All this bad stuff is happening and I think I forgot my faith at times. What if I forgot Allah completely?" I whispered.

"Zaynub," he sighed and knelt in front of me.

I stared up at him.

"You did not lose your faith. Look at the position you are in right now. Your worried about your faith. You have taqwa (fear of Allah). All this bad stuff that is happening to you just means that you are being tested. These are all trials in life. You must be patient about it and turn to Allah during your time of needs. You are not losing your faith," he said softly.

"You think so?" I sniffled.

"Yes, I do. I also have a feeling that something else is bothering you," he narrowed his eyes at me.

I was shocked. He could read me like an open book.

"How did you know?" I asked while wiping my tears.

He gave a deep chuckle. "I can read you like an open book, sweetheart," he grinned.

I blushed. He called me sweetheart. Zakir always gave me weird nicknames.

"Well come on, tell me what happened," he said impatiently.

I sighed. I guess I should talk about my grade. Maybe it would help me get over it. Then I remembered something. Why did he care? He didn't care, so why should I tell him anything? Anger started boiling in me.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" I snapped.

He looked at me at first with shock then hurt. I realized I was a little harsh.

"I'm sorry. You just didn't act like you ever cared before," I said looking down.

"Zaynub, I'm sorry about what happened that day. I was really angry at something that happened at work and took it out on you. I didn't mean it. I do care," he said scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"What happened at work?" I asked as I cocked my head to the side.

"If you tell me what's bothering you then I will tell you what happened at work. Deal?" he said.

"Okay," I sighed.

I took a deep breath to explain the story while Zakir got comfortable leaning against the wall.

"Well, You know how I've wanted to go to medical school ever since I was younger?" I said.

He nodded, so I continued.

"In order to get into medical school you need to get above average grades. My Spanish exam was not above average. I got a 69%, but I don't get it. I thought I did really well and I thought I did the writing section really well because I rock at writing," I said quietly.

I still couldn't believe it. There had to be something missing. It didn't seem right that I got a sixty-nine percent.

"Oh," was all he said.

Moments of silence went by, before Zakir spoke again.

"Don't lose your faith in Allah. You never know what will happen. I think something is wrong. It seems very unlike you to fail a test when you studied so hard," he said while stroking his beard thoughtfully.

"I know. I will ask my professor about it InshAllah, Now tell me what happened," I said.

He sighed. "Well I told you about the girl that works with me. That girl started sending files and doing my work without me knowing. I get that she was trying to help, but she messed up so many plans that I now have to fix. It made me frustrated," he admitted.

"Oh my," I gasped.

He nodded his head in agreement.

"So, you took your anger out at me because you were frustrated?" I asked.

He nodded at me. I was about to say something else, but then he started talking again.

"I am so sorry, Zaynub. I just got so angry. I didn't mean anything I said. I want you to know that I care about your well being. You influenced me to be better, Zaynub. I feel like the more I spend time with you, I get closer to Allah. You're like a bright light. Please forgive me," he pleaded.

I thought for a while. Zakir actually cared. He said I was a bright light to him. He seriously cared, but did I forgive him? Well, I shouldn't be mad if he explained himself, but was it enough? I had this gut feeling that I should forgive him. Forgive and forget, right?

"I forgive you," I smiled.

Zakir gave me a wide smile. He looked so happy right now. His brown eyes lit up as soon as I said that.

"Thanks, princess," he said.

I blushed again, looking away from him.

We already established this. You like-like him. Duh, my inner voice said.

Oh shut up. I knew I liked him, but still. I shouldn't be attracted to him.

"Your cheeks are red," he pointed out.

"Shut up," I groaned.

He chuckled,"You're so cute."

"What?" I asked.

"I said it's cute how you get embarrassed so easily. It's funny," he laughed even harder.

"You're so mean," I mumbled.

"Only to you, sweetheart," he winked.

I just narrowed my eyes at him. The big jerk. Did he have no respect? He continued laughing at my embarrassment, until Amir walked in.

"I need to talk to you, Zaynub. In private," he said sternly.

I nodded and walked outside of the room with him.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you about the marriage. Someone proposed to you," he said calmly.

"Who?" I asked nervously.

"Someone I don't like. He's a bad boy who has had relationships with girls. I wanted to talk to you because I think Baba was right. You should marry Zakir," he said.

"I don't think he likes me like that," I said sadly.

Then Zakir walked out of the room. He was about to say something until I heard a scream.

"Hajar!" screamed Noorah.

We all looked at each other, and then ran to the direction of the screaming. It was in the bathroom. When I got there I saw Hajar on the ground bleeding. Ya Allah!

Assamualaikum!

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