Zaynub Khan

"Please, Zakir. Can we please go into the bookstore?" I begged.

We were at the mall shopping with Deeliyah and Khadijah. Laila finally stopped all this nonsense with Khaliq. She realized the meaning of Zakir and her father's words. Anyway, everyone back at the house was preparing for the dinner with Aunt Yusra's family.

"Zaynub, we'll come back at the store later. I need to get some things for work," said Zakir.

I sighed. I loved books and they had the book If I Should Speak. I really wanted to read it. "Fine," I mumbled.

Zakir looked at my sad expression for a while before sighing. "Alright. You do your book shopping, while I get my stuff. Deeliyah and Khadijah are at Old Navy if you want to join them."

My eyes lit up. "Yay! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I exclaimed while hugging him.

"Down Zaynub. Down. I'll see you later," he chuckled while pulling away.

I walked into the bookstore and went straight to where If I Should Speak was. I found the book and had a little fangirl moment inside of me. This was like when a person's favorite show had a new episode that was awesome, except this was with books.

I was going to just check this one book out, but another book caught my interest. If I Stay had a nice ring to it. The story is about how a seventeen year old deals with the aftermath of a car accident. She ends up in a coma and had an out-of-body experience. She has to make a choice between life or death. If she chooses to live, she with have to deal with a far more difficult life than she ever anticipated or she could just die in peace.

That seemed like a pretty interesting book. I decided to buy it and it's sequel, Where She Went. I walked over to the checkout line. While the girl at the desk was checking out my books, I saw a familiar face coming into the store. 

I froze. 

Bahiya. 

Oh fudge, not her again. Bahiya didn't come alone. She had her group of friends. Oh Allah, please don't let them see me.

I turned my head back to the cashier. She was taking her sweet time. God, hurry up already. She might see me. Finally after what seemed like forever, I got my books. I quickly paid and rushed out of the bookstore. As soon as I was out, I let out a breath. Who knew she could make me so tense?

I then turned the corner and saw Deeliyah and Khadijah carrying a few shopping bags. She saw me and grinned.

"Looks like you two have done your share of shopping?" I said teasingly.

"Well, when your brother takes you shopping it's okay to go crazy," shrugged Deeliyah.

Khadijah eyed my bag of books and looked back at my face. "I see you did book shopping."

I smiled, "They had good books."

"Did you do any clothes shopping?" asked Deeliyah.

I shook my head. Deeliyah and Khadijah gasped.

"We need to go clothes shopping for you. Come on," said Khadijah dragging me into a store along with Deeliyah.

* * * *

After about an hour, we were finally done with the shopping. I bought two long-sleeved blouses and a long black skirt. We were meeting Zakir outside of JC Penney. When we got there, I saw Bahiya talking to Zakir. 

I got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I trusted Zakir, but I did get a little tense when Bahiya was around. She really hated me. Deeliyah was glaring at her brother while Khadijah had a look of confusion on her face.

"Hey Zakir, can we go home now?" asked Deeliyah when she stopped glaring at Zakir.

Zakir's eyes snapped towards us. He looked at me and nodded his head. Bahiya was glaring daggers at me. Goodness, her cold stare was making my palms sweat.

"Assalamualaikum, Bahiya," I greeted.

"Waalaikumussalam, Zaynub. How are you?" she asked.

"Good. Well we need to go now. Have a great day," I smiled.

She nodded and walked away. Zakir grabbed my hand.

"You know nothing happened between us right?" he asked.

I laughed at his nervous expression. He along with the girls looked confused. "You make it seem like I'll kill you for talking to her. I trust you, Zakir."

"Thank goodness, you're not that type of girl," said Zakir while pulling me towards the car with Deeliyah and Khadijah following behind us.

"I can't believe we still have the dinner to worry about," sighed Deeliyah.

"Tell me about it. I have such a gut feeling that she won't even consider listening," said Khadijah.

"Come on guys. We have to at least try. She's family and it's our duty as her family to help. Let's just make duaa (small prayer) for it," said Zakir while unlocking the car.

He was right. Right now all we could do was make duaa and try our best to help.

* * * *

Aunt Yusra, Tariq, and Maysa were seated in the living room. I busied myself with cooking dinner with my mother-in-law and Laila. Aunt Yusra had been quiet during the whole meeting. Tariq and Zakir were having a casual conversation. Maysa and I were talking while Aunt Yusra stayed in the corner of the room just listening to what they were all saying.

"How are you holding up with the Khaliq thing?" I asked Laila.

She shrugged. "I guess Zakir was right. I can't imagine Khaliq raising my kids. I never thought that far. I mean I guess I can't expect him to change real fast."

"I'm glad you figured that part out. What about you, Maysa? How's school?" I asked Maysa, turning to her.

"Great. I got a lot of awards at the award ceremony last week. Just need to survive finals and I'm free," she said.

"Finals? Good luck on those. I remember how my father used to make me memorize everything I learned for my finals in Bangladesh. You kids have it easy," said my mother-in-law.

"Thank Allah for that," I laughed.

"Boys! It's time to eat!" yelled Deeliyah.

After dinner was when it all came down. I had a feeling that Aunt Yusra was not going to agree with what we say.

* * * *

After a peaceful dinner, we all headed towards the living room to talk. Everything was going fine until my father-in-law went to serious mode by saying, "Yusra, we need to talk as a family now."

"Okay," she said as if knowing what we were going to say.

Zakir and I exchanged nervous glances.

My father-in-law took a deep breath. "I understand that you're still trying to overcome Muhammad's death, but your kids still need their motherly figure-"

"Don't you dare talk about Muhammad's death with me. You know how I feel about this," seethed Aunt Yusra.

"I know, Yusra. But you need to understand this. You need to move on," my father-in-law said softly.

"Move on? I loved him and Allah took him away!" Aunt Yusra yelled.

"Yusra. I know how much you loved him. We all know. But this is a trial from Allah. This life is a test. Allah-" my mother-in-law started.

"Be quiet! I don't want to hear about the Hereafter and trials," hissed Aunt Yusra.

"Mom! Listen to them! They are trying to help you. Don't you get it already? Allah is testing you. Everyone leaves this world at one point. That was Dad's time to leave. You can't just abandon Allah because it was Dad's time to go. You should be making duaa (small prayer) that he is granted Jannah," exclaimed Tariq.

Aunt Yusra's eyes softened at her son. "Tariq, you need to understand that this is all hard for me. I can't just let it go."

"I do understand it. But you don't have to go through the pain alone. Allah is there to help. Allah has helped you, but you just don't realize it," Tariq said softly.

Aunt Yusra's jaw clenched. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"He helped your kids grow up to be good Muslims that serve our Deen (religion). Even though you weren't there to influence them. He helped Maysa and Tariq be able to take care of themselves and get through many struggles in their lives, although you couldn't raise them as well as you could've. He gave you the blessing of two wonderful kids. He helped us come up with a way to help you. You came to this house today because Allah wanted you to hear us out. He helped you," Zakir stated.

Aunt Yusra stared at Zakir and then shifted her gaze back to Tariq. "I don't know, Tariq. I don't know if I can ever overcome his loss or be able to love my religion like I used to."

"Yes you can, Mom!" yelled Maysa with tears in her eyes. "Allah tells us to have faith in Him and serve Him like we are suppose to. If we do our jobs as Muslims, Allah will reward us either in this dunya (world) or in the Hereafter. You need to trust Allah. He knows what He's doing. He didn't kill Dad just to torture you."

"She's right. Allah does things for a reason. He does whatever is best for us. Sometimes we don't realize it but he does," I said while giving her a small smile.

Aunt Yusra glared at me, but her gaze softened as I said those words. She looked back at Maysa, who had tears falling down her face.

"I-I can't," Aunt Yusra said in a shaky voice.

"Why? Why can't you try, Aunt Yusra? Why are you so dead set on me divorcing my wife? Why are you so sure that you can't try to become a better Muslim or come back to your religion, and be as religious as you used to be? Why? Tell me why?" Zakir said in desperation.

"Zakir, you don't understand-" began Aunt Yusra.

"Understand what? What don't I understand?" asked Zakir in frustration.

"I can't come back to Islam because I don't deserve another chance," she whispered.

There it was, the truth.

Assalamualaikum!

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