(read with caution. Mention of suicide.)

Yusuf gripped Saad’s forearms, blocking off his blow as Saad grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into the wall. But that did nothing to stop the punch that had his vision blurring for a second and lip splitting open. He was more prepared for the second one and stopped it just time, shoving him away, making him stagger.

“Are you out of your mind?” He yelled, grabbing a tissue from his desk and pressing it on his lip. “What is wrong with you?”

Saad suddenly had all his energy drained and weariness seeped in. He took support against the wall and with his head lowered down, breathed heavily. “Do you know what she said today?” He whispered, though his voice still carried.

Yusuf stilled, no questions needed on who “she” was. He could hear the erratic thumping of his heart, the rush of blood deafening him. His tongue got heavy, unable to form any words. He waited for Saad to answer his own question, not really wanting to know but dying for a glimpse of her in his words.

“She asked me for a blade.” Saad raised his head and looked him dead in the eyes, his wish to kill him couldn’t be more clear. He pushed himself away from the wall and took a few steps towards Yusuf, getting in his face. “She asked me for a fucking blade! Do you know what that means?!”

Yusuf knew Saad wished to hurt him and hurt him he did. He’d known what he’d done, what harm he’d caused, what was going to happen to her, but in his mind, justice had been served and at that time, the close future was not the picture he saw. And he’d avoided getting any information on how she was doing for all the selfish reasons, for he knew he couldn’t function knowing how badly everything was affecting her.

But now that Saad told him that everything had pushed her to the point of wanting to kill herself? It hit him hard.

He forced his breathing to stay in check, morphing his expressions to that of neutral, not wanting to look like he was guilty or he was fishing for sympathy.

“Do that for however long you want. As much as I hate it, I’ve lived with you my entire life. I know when you’re faking it.” Saad looked at him with so much loathing on his face that he wanted to just grab anything sharp and poke it in his own eye so he wouldn’t have to see that look. “But that’s a good thing because now I know that you’re fucking miserable. And that’s the only silver lining I can see.”

This was another thing he knew he was responsible for. Pushing the kind, loving and sweet Saad to be this spiteful, vengeful man. He knew it wasn’t ever possible to undo that. He’d damaged their relationship beyond repair. And he didn’t have the courage to even try to get it back, no matter how much he missed him.

Saad went behind him and grabbed the plain, black covered sketchbook from the table and thrust it in his chest, forcing him to take it. “I hope you don’t sleep well, brother. I hope you die in your sleep!”

And he left, without making a noise.
Well, he definitely made sure of the first part of his wish himself by giving him the book.

That night, he kept struggling with himself not to open it. He didn’t want the cruel reminders of how she used to trust him and how she saw him now. So he tossed it in his cupboard, wanting to actually throw it out the window but couldn’t, so getting it out of his sight would have to suffice for now.

•~•

(Proceed at your own risk.)

“You should just end it, you know. You’re not exactly helping anyone or saving anyone’s misery by crying your life away here. They would cry for a month maybe and then move on from you. Just do it.”

Kubra looked at KB, and then looked back down at the broken sharpener by her foot and the shining blade in the middle of the shrapnel. She bent down; her fingers inching towards the small piece that she was hoping would take her life away.

“No! What are you doing? Saad said that he’ll get you out, no? Think of him. Think of Huma. Do you really want to give Yusuf that satisfaction?” Saddy reasoned with her. Yes, she was right. She’d promised Saad.

“Oh please! You’re asking her to think of people who don’t even care if she’s in here? What have they done, huh? Nothing! We’ve been in here for Seven months! What have they been able to do? It’s better if she ends our pain!”

Kubra looked back and forth between the two girls who looked exactly like her. Except they didn’t. KB looked just like her but the mean and angry glint in her eyes. She often helped her stay focused on what she intended to do, keep hating Yusuf. Saddy looked just like her except she was beautiful and optimistic, kind of like the girl she’d once been. She often got on her nerves by forcing her to stay optimistic.

“No! You’re wrong! I get it. You’re anxious and angry but ending it isn’t the way! Listen to me, Kubra.”

“No! Listen to me! She just wants you to stay miserable!”

“No, I don’t! I want her to not waste her life!”

“Look around! It’s only been wasted!”

“SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! GET LOST FROM HERE! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Kubra closed her eyes shut and put her hands on her ears, sitting down against the wall with her head between her knees. She started rocking back and forth, and started chanting, “I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.”

I’m not okay.

She breathed out and then lunged towards the blade, crawling on her knees. The first sharp sting on her fingertips should’ve had her reconsidering but it didn’t. A hiss escaped her lips as it cut her thumb and blood trickled down. She started crying of the pain that she had to go through in all these seven months but now it would all end.

She felt nothing but relief as she brought it to her wrist, watching the blood gush out of the deep cut and staining her clean white uniform and grey floor.

But as she cut the second one, her gaze fell on Saad who was painted on her walls. She could almost feel the disappointment he must feel when he would find out about her.

And then the regret set in.

What has she done?

Her breath started coming out in puffs.

“Help!” A whisper was the only thing she could manage.

But it was too late.

•~•

Saad woke up drenched in in sweat and his heart beating erratically. He looked around and realized he was in his own room, drowned in darkness. Grabbing his phone, he checked the time.3:16 a.m. He threw the covers away and went to his en suite, standing under the cold shower, trying to forget the vivid image of blood in his nightmare.

After changing into clean clothes, he went to the lawn and found Huma sitting on a chair with her arms hugging her knees and head resting on them.

“What are doing here at this hour?”

She startled and looked behind her, relaxing when she saw him. “I couldn’t sleep. You?”

“Ditto.” He took a seat opposite her.

“Bhai, I don’t feel so good. Can you please call someone to check up on her?”

“I…can. Why are you so worried?”

“I can’t forget that she was thinking of taking her life. I- I had a bad dream. Just….please check up on her.”

He nodded and dialed the number of his friend who had the night shift. Standing up, he put the phone on his ear.

“Yes, Saad? Everything alright? You’re calling at this hour of the night.”

“Yes. Hey bro, can you please check up on Kubra Shahbaz?” His breathing went uneven again, dreading the worst.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call you in a few.”

“Okay, thanks dude.”

He gripped the phone in both hands and sat down again.

“What is it?” Huma asked.

“He’ll go check and let us know.”

Not few minutes after, his phone rang. He picked up the call, not realizing that it was the call that was going to kill him.

•~•

Yusuf sprinted in the halls of the hospital, going to the OR where she was being operated. When he came face to face with the familiar faces, he put his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath. Saad was sitting on the floor, with his back against the wall arm on one bent knee, looking hopeless. A man who has lost everything. Huma was standing against the wall, her eyes closed and jaw gritted.

“Tell me she’s alive!” He gasped.

Saad remained motionless. Huma glared at him. Getting to his face, she grabbed his collar and hissed, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Huma, please tell me she’s okay.” He was desperate and would’ve have begged if need be.

“Why? So you could go inside and kill her yourself?”

“Huma, plea-” He was cut off by Saad.

“Her heart was barely beating when they found her. Her skin was pale as a ghost when I saw her before they took her to operate.” Saad’s scratchy voice echoed the empty hall. The voice was as hollow as the man it belonged to. He wasn’t looking at anyone, just staring into nothingness. “Her face was probably the only part of her not covered in her own blood. Now she’s in there, not even fighting for her life. And why would she? What is left of her life? You ruined her. You were the one she found solace in. You were the one she trusted her heart with. You were the one she was ready to spend her entire life with. You, not me. And here she is. Even now, complying to your hopes. You hoped to see her executed but it didn’t happen. So she fulfilled your wishes herself.”

His knees couldn’t support him. He leaned against the wall opposite Saad, sliding down.

“Now you know,” Saad looked at him, numb and broken. “So you can leave now. I wouldn’t let you see even a hair of her now. Even if she begs me to.”

He pulled his hair and lowered his head, sobs escaping his mouth.

“Do you really think feeling guilty now would make us forgive you?” Huma spat at him. “You’re pathetic. I wish it was you in there and not her. Why don’t you just go die?” Huma’s lower lip trembled and a fresh set of tears rolled down her cheeks.

Instead of stinging, Huma’s words were comforting. There was someone who hated him more than himself in this moment. There was nothing he wouldn’t give to go hug his best friend and ask for forgiveness. He didn’t care that she killed his brother. He just wanted her to be okay.

The doors to the OR slid open and two doctors in blue scrubs came out.
Saad and Huma desperately cornered them, while Yusuf was frozen in his position.

“Please tell me she’s alive.” Huma gripped the hands of the female doctor who looked at her sympathetically.

“She’s alive, for now.”

“What do you mean for now?!” Blood rushed to his ears as he heard Huma shriek.

“She lost a lot of blood. We gave her transfusions and repaired the damage as much as we could. But she is severely malnourished and dehydrated which created more than a few complications in her recovery. Next twenty-four hours are severely critical. Her heart can stop, her organs can fail. There’s nothing much we can do except pray.” The male doctor explained to them. But there was little they understood.

She was alive. Only thing that mattered.

“There’s something else you all should know. The cut on her left wrist was deeper than the other. Its nerve supply is compromised. She won’t be able to use her hand as well as before.”

Now he has taken her passion from her as well. God! Please just take my life already!

Flashback ~ Three Years Ago

“Yusuf, I swear you disturb me one more time, your three-piece prim suit would be a piece of trash!” Kubra snapped at him as he used a spare brush to paint a red stroke on her cheek.

“This is not fair! You give me hell for not giving you enough time and now when I’m literally on my knees, ready to spend time with you, you’re busy in some assignment of yours! And you wouldn’t even let me see it!”

Yusuf and Kubra had recently confessed on a beautiful dinner date about how much they loved each other. Where Yusuf had his doubts that Kubra might not really be in love with him and it was just an attraction flamed by her naivety, he was certain there was no one else he would spend his life with. There was a seven year age gap, with Yusuf already established in his career while Kubra was barely one year into her graduation. Both their parents thought it was not a good match yet. But they were sure of the otherwise.

“You’re supposed to give a fair warning before coming on a weekday. Unlike you, I can’t postpone the due dates, boss.” She kept her attention fixed on her canvas which was morphing beautifully into her favorite superhero.

“Bummer! When you open your art gallery, you can be the boss and put off work as long as you can.” He leaned forward in the stool that he was sitting in and put one of many strands of hair behind her ear lovingly.

“Mm-hmm.”

He drummed his fingers on his knees, watching her adorable expressions as she concentrated on her work. With her white coveralls that did nothing to protect her clothes because they were smeared with paints, her hair barely tied in a bun on top of her head, one hand holding the color palette while other was busy filling colors in her painting, her tongue slightly sticking out and one eye slightly squinting, she was the most beautiful woman to him.

Minutes passed and she started to feel conscious about herself when he didn’t say anything. She raised her eyes at him and he just shook his head.

Few more minutes and she groaned, “Please don’t look at me like that! It’s unnerving.” She put a strand of her hair behind her ear, making a mess with paints on it. “What are you even thinking about?”

“I’m thinking that the only thing you love more than me is probably painting. And I don’t know how I feel about that.” He smiled teasingly at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You should learn to live with it or live without me.” She smiled with mock sweetness.

“Ouch!”

“And who says that’s the only thing I love more than you?” She was only half-joking.

“There’s more?”

“Of course! My parents. Huma. Saad. I will always love them more.”

“I don’t even come before Huma and Saad? Thanks for bruising my ego, Miss Baig.”

“You do realize that there shouldn’t be a comparison between romantic love and familial love, don’t you?” She looked at him weirdly. The frown on his face showed that he was genuinely upset by the fact but why?

“Anyway. How much of your work is left? Let’s go have some lunch.”

“Just a couple of minutes more.”

The door to her art room opened and in entered her favorite human being in the entire universe. She beamed at him.
Saad held up the bags he was holding and shook them a little. “I come bearing sushi. Come on; eat it before it is cold.”

She left everything at once and removed her coverall. “Wow! I say and I get ‘wait’ and Saad gets VIP treatment? Ow!” Yusuf smiled at her hurry as she took the bags from him without cleaning up and peeping in to see its contents. “Hey, man!” They did the manly hug.

“For future references, now you know to just bring me lunch and wait for me. The smell of food will always drive me away from my work.” She winked at him and sat cross-legged on the plush carpeted floor.

“Noted, my lady. I’ll bring plates.”

He was just out the door when he heard Kubra saying to Saad, “Superman, check out my work! It’s not complete but I’m pretty proud of it.”

“Wow, KB. This is…..amazing. Any chance it’s inspired by me?” He could hear the teasing in Saad’s voice.
“Yeah, don’t let it get to your head. Superman is just my favorite superhero and that was the title of the assignment. ‘Draw a portrait of your favorite superhero.’”

“Whatever you say, my love.”

~End of Flashback~

Another tear fell on the painted pages as each one jabbed a knife deeper into his heart. Yusuf was sitting on the floor in his room, having been more or less thrown out by Huma from the hospital. The last thing she had given him was in his palms.

As he turned each page, he realized that every single one was meant to hurt him more than last. Kubra didn’t make him a life book to show him that she still loved him. She made him one to tell him that she could hurt him just as much from behind the bars, if not more.

The first one was an indistinct sketch of the café they had met in, everything else a dark blur except for Kubra and him who were staring into each other’s’ eyes.

The next one was both of them sitting inside the car and the angle was from the windshield, with her blushing at something he had said.

Next on the dinner date where they had confessed their love.

Then, him on his knees with a ring in his hand and her with a beautiful smile on her face.

Next was the day he hated the most in his life. The day Wali was murdered. She was wearing a beautiful white dress and he, a tux. It was just the sketch on their torsos with her head on his shoulder and his on top of hers.

On the next one was she on the floor with blood staining her white dress, crying and begging him to believe her while he stood with his eyes closed.

Then started the sketches with the figments of her imagination. He was pushing her down in one. Slapping her in the next. Jabbing a knife in her back.
Her behind the bars with her eyes and mouth wide open, her hand reaching out to him, pleading him.

Next one, she was sitting in her cell, hugging her knees while there were two dark shadows of her.

Then was a sketch of a woman hanging from the fan while a man stood behind in the doorway, smirking. That was the one that had Goosebumps erupt all over body. Although the woman wasn’t her and the man wasn’t him, just some indistinct faces, he couldn’t unseen the image of her in the woman’s face.

He turned the page, fearing some more tainting sketches but the last one just had “THE END” written on it, glowing in red as if written with fresh dripping blood.

She had told him a day before what she was about to do and maybe knew herself weeks before. What if he had seen it before? He could’ve prevented it.

The message was clear and well-received. It was he who had killed her. He and he alone. He was the murderer of their love, their trust, their friendship, their relationship ___ everything.

He was the murderer of Kubra Shahbaz.

•~•

Assalamualaikum!
How are you all?
How was the chapter? Hope wasn't much disturbing. I'm not trying to make Yusuf a hero but he isn't exactly the villian yet either, just wanted to portray that.
A humble request, please pray for my grandparents 💞
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If you are new to my writing, i have another completed one on my profile. Check it out as well.🙏❤️
Thank you all.
That's it.
Lots of love❤️❤️❤️
Javeria.