“Let’s talk about your fear of touching people, shall we?”

“Why do you always start as if we’re gonna do things my way and it’s my choice what we discuss?” Kubra took a sweet from a jar on Fatima’s table.

“Because it is your choice.” Fatima slid the jar towards Kubra so she could help herself to some more. She’d noticed that no longer she hesitated to eat for the fear of throwing up. That was progress.

Kubra raised her eyebrows, popping the cherry flavored toffee into her mouth. “Is it? If I say ‘let’s not’, are you going to let it go? Or are you going to say I shouldn’t lie to myself or I shouldn’t keep things from you or that you only wish to help me, blah blah blah?”

Fatima tried to conceal a smile, which wasn’t concealed at all and which was very much obvious to Kubra that she was trying to conceal it. Did that make sense? Whatever.

“I see you’ve figured out all my responses.”

Kubra gave her a smile of her own. “Of course I have. Did you take me for a fool? I may have a few nuts loose, but I still know what two times two is.”

“What about thirty eight times forty seven?”

Kubra pointed at her with her forefinger, as if in a warning. “How dare you assume that stupid of me? I said I have a few nuts loose, not enough to make me like those stupid people who have a calculator in their heads!” She leaned back in the chair, yes the soft chair and not the floor, though it was most uncomfortable. “Fire away your questions, doctor. I shall not interrupt you.”

“I thought we discuss things. Do you think I always ask questions?”

Kubra smiled as if to say, ‘there’s your answer’ and Fatima raised her hands in surrender.

“Very well.” She lost the humor but kept an expression that could only be seen as trustworthy. You would want to tell your deepest, darkest desires to her, because you could see that she would lend an attentive ear and not misuse the information. “Your fear of touch. . .”

“You keep saying fear. It’s not really. It’s more like repulsion. Like when people are not really afraid of insects or animals, but they don’t touch them because they think they’ll get dirty somehow.” Kubra ended with a shrug, as if that would explain what her words couldn’t.

“Your repulsion, then. When did you first notice it? You’ve told me before everything, you were a very physical person. Some would define your language of love as touch. So when did it change? Or when did you realize it? Was it after you were released and your mother hugged you? As I gather that moment holds great importance to you.”

Kubra licked her lips and tried to gather her memories. When did she realize she could not touch anyone without wanting to regurgitate? “No. It was before.” Her face was drawn into recollections, like she was trying very hard to remember. “After four years of being in a cell, when for the first time Huma visited me. Huma and Saad, they both were there. But Saad, I had seen him and talked to him time and time again. But not Huma. And then I realized I wasn’t going to talk to them from behind a glass.

“They were there to tell me that they could reopen the case, you see. And so naturally, the first thing I did was hug my best friend. That’s when I realized. I had never wanted to get away from my best friend faster.”

“But there’s an exception, isn’t there?”

“I know what you’re going to ask of me. I do not know the answer to that ‘why’.”

“I’m gonna ask you anyway. Why do you think Saad is the only exception?”

“How should I know it? Believe it or not, I don’t choose my involuntary responses.”

“Then I guess you already know what I’m going to say.”

“Yes, yes. Let’s circle around the topic. Though I’m starting to feel like you have the answer deduced by the time you suggest we do that.”

“As you yourself said, you’re not an idiot. I do have a theory.”

“Why can’t we simply hear it and be done with it?” she asked impatiently, to which Fatima smiled clearing saying, where’s the fun in that? “Fine!” She groaned.

“In the four years, did you ever resent your parents?”

“You know I did.” All trace of humor had left Kubra with the simple mention of the past four years.

“Because they left you?”

“Yes. And because they didn’t trusted me. I already told you that.”

“And did you feel the same towards Huma?”

“N-” she stopped in the middle of denying. She had felt betrayed by her. “Yes.” Fatima waited for her to explain, and explain she did. “On the night of murder, I could it in her eyes that she didn’t trust me. And then, for four years, she never visited. Except once. I love her and I don’t think she ever wished ill upon me. But- Why didn’t she ever visit?”

“But isn’t she the one who got you out?”

“Yes. And that’s why what I felt for her in the cell was a misjudgment.”

“So you trust her completely to trust you?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She exhaled and looked around, begging for anything that might help her get out of here. “Why are we having this conversation?”

“We’re helping you understand your involuntary responses. You question why Huma didn’t you. But Saad didn’t either, did he? Except for the first year, he didn’t visit either.”

“Yes, but it wasn’t his fault. He was bound by strict orders from the court. He couldn’t use his connections anymore. And in the scheduled visits, my parents left no room for others to meet me.”

“Why is that an excuse for Saad but not for Huma?”

“Because . . . because he never left, I guess. I always felt his presence. I was always aware of his support. I knew he wouldn’t rest till he saw me free. I didn’t need to see him to know that. That was just a selfish longing. Others, I needed to see for myself to know that they hadn’t forgotten me. That they still trusted me to be innocent.”

With a self-satisfied smile, Fatima nodded once. “Well, there’s your answer.”

“How is that an answer?”

“You never let yourself be deprived of his presence to ever feel repulsed by him. That’s why he’s the only one you can bear the touch of.”

Kubra didn’t know how she felt about this knowledge. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with it. It was enlightening, true. She knew why there was exception to her otherwise reservation, but, “It still doesn’t solve the problem that I can’t hug my parents or my best friend.”

“No, but you know why. I think you should talk to them. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find that your observation and deduction were wrong and they too trusted you from the very start.”

*~*~*~*~*

    Kubra waited for her father to come home. She knew her mother hadn’t wanted to leave her behind. It was her father’s decision. And only he could tell her why he thought it was good idea to run to another city.

    “Kubra, beta, are you okay? You look stressed.” Her mother spoke from the couch and only then did she realize that she was pacing the hall. Kubra had seen some positive change in her mother since her father talked to her. She still was very emotional, some things never change. But she had started giving Kubra her space and seemed to respect the changes in them.

    “Yes, mom. I’m fine. Just waiting for dad. I need to talk to him.”

    As if summoned, her dad’s car’s horn resounded outside and a few moments later, he was walking in. She didn’t let him greet them. She didn’t let him sit. She didn’t let him freshen up. She almost yelled impatiently, her fists clenched and her neck stiff, “Dad, I need to know you didn’t think I was worth thinking about too when you packed everything and left for another city five years back!”

    Shahbaz Baig was in the middle of putting his workbag on table when he stopped mid-air. She understood his shock. She would’ve been too if someone had started throwing the dirt from the past at her. But she didn’t understand her own reaction. It didn’t matter, did it? God, she was messed up!

    “Kubra, that’s not- we didn’t lea-” her mom started, not quite having the right words when Kubra intervened. “Mom, please! I need to hear dad.”

    His father, not uncharacteristically quiet, but lacking any of his usual composure, sat on the couch and struggled to find words, but it wasn’t long before he just let the truth flow.

    “I didn’t think there was anything I could’ve done then to help you.” There was sadness and guilt and regret, all at once. “I tried so hard, yet I’d failed. I didn’t want to fail my wife as well, and she seemed to be the most affected other than you.”

    “You didn’t think your support would be the only thing you could’ve given to your daughter?”

    “I was out of my mind then, dear. I only cared about the person I could save. We weren’t allowed to meet you-”

    “Only you were, dad!” She started pacing again. “You were allowed to meet me, albeit only once every six months! But I was counting every second of those six months the first time, only to find out you weren’t there!”

    “I’m sorry. We didn’t know-”

    “Yusuf knew! And he told me on the fourth day! There’s no way you couldn’t know!”

Shahbaz shook his head. “It was only something Saad and even Yusuf were trying to get permission for then. It wasn’t confirmed. It was going to be, or they gave us hope. But I didn’t know for certain.”

This was news to her. She didn’t know the first time she waited desperately for a time period to pass was simply for a hope.

“So you didn’t leave because you didn’t trust me?” She had stopped moving and looked guilty for assuming the worst from her parents.

“Of course not! How could you ever think that!?”

Her mother stood up and stepped towards her, “I don’t think I would’ve ever cared either way, but even then, we never doubted you for a second. We were shocked, yes. The possibility passed through our minds yes. But it was slammed out just as soon, because we chose to believe the daughter we raised and not the one people portrayed you as.”

She could feel her nose tingle. She could see her mother wanted to take her in her arms, and almost wanted her to, if just to prove Fatima’s theory. After all, she knew they always trusted her, and she trusted them completely.

She should be able to relieve both herself and her mother from this torment, right?

But it was all too much, and she had one more stop.

*~*~*~*

    Kubra found Huma in a state she rarely saw her in. Her perfectly manicured nails were being mutilated by her teeth and her leg was tapping against the floor restlessly. To those who didn’t know her, she would come across as nervous. But Kubra knew she was worked up because she was angry and couldn’t do anything about it.

    “Huma, are you okay?”

    Not expecting her, Huma startled and stopped her ‘fidgeting’. “Kubra, what are you doing here?” She stood up from the chair and anxiously glanced at the door of her father’s study behind her.

    “I wanted to talk to you.” Kubra furrowed her brows. “Is this a bad time?”

    “Yes,” Huma replied distractedly. It looked like she was trying hard to not let Kubra find out about something. “No! Of course not. Let’s go to my room.”

    Kubra followed Huma to her room, and watched her gather files and other stuff from her bed. She then sat on it cross-legged and waited for Kubra to sit where she felt most comfortable. Kubra sat down on the plush carpet, and hugged her knees.

    “So, what is it? I mean, you don’t need a reason to meet me, but you rarely come now without one.”

    “I’m not gonna beat around the bush. My therapist suggested I asked you this and it might help with some of the many issues I’m facing.” Huma nodded and she continued, “Why didn’t you come meet me in the prison?”

    Just like her father, Huma’s face too showed signs of regret and guilt, and anger? “I wasn’t allowed to.”

    “Of course you were. You came to meet me on the first visit day and no one stopped you, did they? They didn’t specify who met me, only when.”

    “Not by the authorities. My father.” And in that moment, Kubra could feel Huma’s hatred for her father.

    “Uncle Shams? But why wou-”

    “He didn’t want me associated with a criminal.”

    Kubra didn’t speak for a whole minute. So, it was right then? Some of the people around her didn’t trust her! “But- But that’s ridiculous, isn’t it? You were studying to become a criminal lawyer!”

    “Yes, and according to him, my career would’ve had a difficult start if people found out that I was related to someone who was named a criminal by the law.” Huma snickered, expressing how ludicrous she felt it was.

    Huma could tell what Kubra was thinking, could practically hear it! When did you ever do something you didn’t want to do?

    “My father threatened me.” Kubra couldn’t believe her ears. “He threatened to use all his contacts to get me expelled and not have any chance at fulfilling my dream if I didn’t listen to him.”

    “Wha-”

    “What father would do such a thing? How could he do it? Apparently, Shams Mirza.” She met Kubra’s eyes and smiled brokenly. “You know when I found out that Jamal Bajwa had killed his own son; I couldn’t understand how any father could do such a thing too. But then I thought of my own dad. If ever he had felt threatened by his children too, he too would have done it.”

She locked her jaw and fisted her hand. “Anyway, leave it. Why did you ask?”

Why had she asked? Kubra didn’t know if she cared anymore. But she did know that had Huma been alone, she would’ve cried. But she wouldn’t. If Huma could help it, she would’ve torn out her tear ducts.

Kubra stood up from the floor and without hesitation, sat close to Huma and wrapped her arms around her shoulders from the side. Huma stiffened. She hadn’t been close to her best friend since the day she was freed.

But then she relaxed and wrapped her own arms around Kubra’s.

Kubra could’ve shouted on top of the world that she didn’t feel the familiar itch of ants crawling up her skin!

But the moment wasn’t long, for they heard shouting from the living room, Saad’s angered voice booming through house.

“You stay here, I’ll have a look,” Huma said standing up. But by the looks of it, Huma seemed to know already what it was about. And she didn’t want Kubra to find out.

So naturally, Kubra rushed out of the room, only to stop dead at the sight of the person she’d swore she’d never see again.

Pushed against the wall by his collar, with Saad barely inches from killing him, was Yusuf.

And he was looking directly at her.

*~*~*~*

Assalam o Alaikum!

How are you all?🤍

How’s Eid preparation going? BTW, Chaand Mubarak Guys!🌙💫

How was the chapter? 👉👈What do you think of Kubra’s progress in therapy? I know it’s not rational, but . . . whatever.

What do you guys think why Yusuf was in the Mirza household? What new drama is gonna unfold? Make your guesses in the comments.

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Javeria.