Everyone looked at her as she descended the stairs after almost two hours, expectantly and cautiously as if she was a time bomb, waiting to explode. She wouldn’t let this get on her nerves. After all, they were right to be careful. Even she would be careful around herself.

She stood in front of everyone and rubbed her arm nervously. “Where’s Superman?” She couldn’t see him anywhere.

“He had to go settle some business. He’ll be back in a bit.” Shams answered her in his cold distant sort of way. Shams Uncle had always been serious. He didn’t joke much; he didn’t sit and chat if it wasn’t a topic that interested him. Kubra had always been intimidated by him. But now, she was downright afraid of him.

Maybe it was the way he always spoke the truth, hardly sugar-coated anything. Or maybe the fact that she knew he didn’t like her for his son now and just tolerated her for Saad’s sake. Or maybe because he reminded her of KB even when she left her alone for however long she was lucky.

God, you sound pathetic, Kubra. One day out and you already think people want to send you back. That wasn’t any of her alter egos. That was her own sliver thread of sanity that chastised her.

“Ah, he’s here now.” Ayesha pointed out, gesturing behind her where Saad had just entered the room.

She turned to look at him and saw his face light up immediately on seeing him. He looked worn out. He smiled at her and she involuntarily returned the gesture. From his office bag, he took out a file and gave it to Huma who took it and put it in her bag instead.

He came near her and his father asked, “Is the contract for the Safi Steel Mills ready?”

“Yes, Dad, it is. I’m sure it couldn’t have waited a day, right?” Was that taunt in Saad’s voice? For his father?

“No, it couldn’t have. That’s why I sent you. You came back early, you sure you’ve done everything right?”

She raised her brows. Why did they both sound like they were cross with each other? As far as she remembered, Shams Uncle never questioned Saad’s work before. Like, never.

“I’ve given the file to Huma, dad.” He rubbed his face. “Why don’t you ask her to check it for you, since you obviously doubt my work?”

“Don’t take it so personally, son. I-”

“I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?” The stare Shams subjected her to told her exactly what he felt her about cutting him. It was fine, though, since everyone else was glad their not so warm conversation was over. 

Sonia stood up excitedly and told her, “All your favorites, dear,” while going to the kitchen to order the servants to set the table.

They all sat at the dining table, with Kubra and Huma sitting beside each other while Saad sat opposite her. Everyone else engaged in conversations about something, probably to make a normal environment for Kubra __ Saad and Huma started discussing a case, Shams and Shahbaz politics and Ayesha partook in their discussions.

And Kubra?

She was lost in ecstasy. The servants were bringing in the dishes and all she could focus on were their aromas that filled the air, wafted through her nose and took hold of all her senses. If heaven had a particular scent, it would be this for Kubra. The comfortable smell of her home, her culture, food and freedom.

She didn’t even want to disturb the moment by moving a muscle to put the food in her plate and satiate her taste buds. She just wanted to breathe in this moment indefinitely.

Her mouth wasn’t the only thing that had watered. The sudden silence around her made her open her eyes, the guardian of whose were soaked in her tears. All attention was on her. Everyone was looking at her with such sympathy that she wanted to hit herself for letting this insignificant thing this get hold of her and lose control on herself.

Even Saad and Huma were looking at her in pity.

She’ll have a talk with them later about this.

Rubbing her cheeks with her fingers, she served herself some Pulao, already knowing how it was gonna taste, having eaten it almost every week save the last five years.

She was aware she was already crying, but she wanted to cry again, if only to express how grateful she was of being given the opportunity to enjoy this again.

She swallowed, not only the morsel, but also her emotions, and took in another bite.

The moment the bite was in her mouth and touched her tongue, she knew she was right in her intuition that everything was going too good to be true.

When had her own self let her enjoy something her soul desired?

Bile rose up in her stomach, like a cruel dragon rising from his wake and ready to annihilate all. The spoon dropped from her hand, as it covered her mouth to not spray the almost nothings her stomach held everywhere, and so did the chair, as she stood up abruptly and ran to the closest bathroom.

More than one person had followed her, but she didn’t know who. Probably Mr. and Mrs. Mirza were the only ones left.

Her stomach convulsed, her chest aching with her dry heave she took bent over the toilet, her hands gripping the bowl to support her. God knew she needed her hands to maintain that grip because her knees were complying with her brain’s orders.

Her lungs compressed, not letting any air into them. She didn’t know which air she was exhaling as she dry-heaved, because she sure hadn’t been able to inhale any of it, just as she didn’t know what her body was still repulsing, for she taken not but a single bite.

Finally after what felt like hours but had only been a few minutes, when her brain was starting feeling woozy and every bone in her body felt like it had been broken in half, her body obeyed her when she requested it to relax.

She allowed herself to gently land on her behind and rest against the bathroom wall, feeling all the energy and confidence she had felt when she had climbed down those stairs, draining.

When she became aware of her surroundings, she realized two things: One, she had made everyone extremely worried. Now they were just going to fuss all the more over her.

And two, her body had rejected what her soul desired.

She just hoped it was not everything, because heaven knew she craved Saad like her life depended on it.

And it did depend on it.

*~*~*~*

Much later that night, after she had finally convinced everyone that she was fine and to take rest (of course, no one had believed her, but they had simply agreed to leave so she may rest), she took time to ponder over her day as she sat on the chair by the window that overlooked the street.

This was only the first day out of that horrid place and she was wondering whether she should’ve simply stayed in there and let the life go on.

It was a horrible thought actually, but the way her stomach was grumbling, she wished she had that cold and bland food they threw in her cell, if only so that she would stop feeling so dizzy in the head with hunger.

She stood up and poured some water in a glass. Taking a sip, she pulled a face. Even the water tasted different to her. Somewhat cleaner, healthier. She swallowed it with difficulty.

Four years she had taken to formulate new habits, to let go of the old ones, to kill all hopes of ever being out and to make herself accept that this is how it was gonna be. Now she had to reverse all those, and it was darn difficult to do that. Not that she ever had to do it before, but she knew if her first day out was this difficult, it was only gonna get more challenging in the coming future.

Or you could simply end it all. . . A whisper echoed around her, chilling her to the very core. The moonlight seeping through the sheer curtains swirled like smoke, shaping into a figure so like her own but more malicious, more vengeful, more evil.

Or maybe it would have, had she not shaken her head so vigorously, desperate not to have any other presence, even if was the extension of her own self.

She laid down on the bed, her back stiff, and her toes taut. The bed was too soft. It dipped when she had laid on it.

And sunk, and sunk, and sunk until the mattress gripped her ribs like a claw. The fluorescent stars on the ceiling glowed bright for a second before dimming down, gradually losing it glow. The claw around her tightened, squeezing the air out of her lungs until she was gasping for oxygen.

It inched closer to her neck. The stars on her ceiling dimmed some more, growing twice in number and blurring at the edges. The moonlight made a whirlpool, gently morphing into a person she had vowed to curse till her last breath.

His blue eyes and oily smirk looked down at her with a condescending hint, his voice quieter than a whisper but clear as the day, resounding in the chambers of her skull.

Did you really think you are free now, my love?

She ripped herself away from the deathly grip and stood by the window, her hand clutching her neck as if she could make the air go faster through her trachea.

I’m not gonna be able to sleep, am I? She thought as her eyes continued to grow heavy until a seven nation army couldn’t have held them open, sitting on the stiff chair by the window, her feet on a small table and her head turned low at the weirdest angle possible.

*~*~*~*

Yusuf wondered what the hell he was doing in this quiet street in the middle of the night, sitting uncomfortably in his car, longingly and regretfully watching the same curtained window for more than two hours now.

He had watched her watch the sky for good three minutes before she had drawn the curtains and turned off all the lights in her room and retired for the night. No, that wasn’t all true. He had also watched when she had reappeared at the window panicked and out of breath, her eyes too far away to know for certain but definitely laden with fear.

He knew she’d had a nightmare and he barely contained himself from climbing the tree next to her window and comforting her, stopping only when his mind gave a logical reasoning the he would have been the very reason for her being horrified.

He noticed how she turned off all the lights in the room then. Previously, she was too scared of the dark. She always left dim fairy lights lit in her room.

“The colors lull me to sleep,” she used to say. “I sleep really quickly when I watch them.”

He’d never had the chance to see for himself but she used to never reply to his texts after he’d dropped her off.

He knew what he was doing, although he would never admit to himself. He was punishing himself, that’s what he was doing. Depriving himself of sleep to somehow make up for the one-millionth part of the times he’d been the reason she had lain awake.

And he was certain as death he would find himself in this very spot for every next night, until he would finally draw courage to go to her and beg for forgiveness. Not to be taken back or for her to realize how very much in love he still was with her, but to get the peace he was not able to get for a long time.

*~*~*~*

Huma wanted to punch herself, and then bang her head in the wall, and then finally throw herself over the balcony from a fiftieth floor, just for asking her father, “Why were you acting so weird today, dad?” when they had reached home.

Her mother, Ayesha Mirza, had actually dramatically slapped her forehead in exasperation. Really, she was the last person Huma would expect to give such a dramatic reaction.

“I wasn’t acting weird. You must be mistaken,” her father replied as he loosened his tie and handed his coat to his wife, just as Saad grumbled,

“For someone who’s usually smarter than most people in the room, I’m surprised you haven’t figured that out already, sister.”

She didn’t know if that was a compliment or an insult.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She saw his father pass him a dirty glare.

She hated being left out of the conversation.

“Nothing. I’m gonna go sleep.” Saad walked towards the staircase.

She looked at her father questioningly, but he just said, “Go to bed, Huma.”

“When did we become a family who left things unspoken and unsolved rather than sitting down and discussing them?” Saad stopped mid-step, Shams looked at her daughter as if he was considering strangling her, and Ayesha simply sat down.

“Very well,” Saad came back and sat beside Ayesha. He put his elbows on his knees and drummed his fingertips together, the fingers making a hollow triangle. “Let’s discuss it. Dad, I have a good idea what is up with you but save both us the awkwardness of assuming different scenarios and tell us what’s wrong.”

Shams Mirza sat on the single seat sofa to his left and looked straight into his eyes. Then he sighed, defeated, knowing the words that were gonna fall from his mouth were gonna cause a rift between him and children. They were never gonna accept it. But that didn’t stop him either.

“Look, I’m happy that Kubra is free.” Saad visibly tensed, but didn’t say anything. He knew where this was going as well. “You both spent the last four years doing nothing but working on her case. And I’m glad that it has paid off well. But-”

“Weren’t you the one who told us that anything before a ‘but’ hold little meaning?” Huma said.

She received another hard look.

“But now I want you both to do something productive with your time. You both practically wasted four years-” before Huma could contradict, he said, “You both stayed at dead ends for months! Not for one time either! Okay, Huma had her studies, but you slacked off in those as well. You didn’t exactly top in your class, did you?”

“In theory, I didn’t. But none of my classmates have worked on such a high profile case yet,” she argued. She hadn’t expected the clock to be turned onto her.

“And Saad? You have lost your rank in the successful lawyers in the country. You-”

“I know what I’ve lost.” Saad cut his father off. “And I know what I’ve gained. You wouldn’t understand the value of that for me. So just get to the point and tell me what you want. And don’t drag Huma in it. We both know you have nothing against her.”

And this was the point she felt those strong emotions against herself mentioned in the start of the scene.

Shams’ face hardened and his grey eyes steeled. “Very well. I know you love Kubra and I know you intend to marry her. But I won’t allow any relation past friendship with her.”

The silence that followed was thick enough to be cut with a knife.

“Well, that’s a shame,” Saad spoke low. His wet his lips and Huma knew he was barely controlling himself in order to maintain the level of respect for his father. “I can’t say that I’m surprised. You rarely do, dad. But I’m disappointed, dad. I thought you always wanted what’s best for me.”

Shams stood up in rage and yelled, “I DO WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU!”

Ayesha stood up and put a hand on his shoulder, prompting him to calm down.

“If you can’t see the best for me in Kubra, the woman who I’ve loved all my life, then you don’t know me at all.” Saad stood up well.

His father just knew which buttons to push, because he retorted, “The woman we saw today, that’s not the one who went into jail four years ago. She’s changed and you know it. Who knows, maybe she’s gone completely nuts! She wouldn’t be the first one.”

Saad fisted his hand, veins popping in his forehead and neck, blood rushing to his face. Huma felt her own blood boil, pumping through her vessels with a rage that she didn’t want to let out.

“She’s only been out a day, dad. Cut her some slack! Don’t speak about her like that,” Huma couldn’t help but say.

“You stay out of it, Huma,” her mother warned her. Shams just glared at her.

Saad took a step until he was eye-to-eye with his father. They were an intimidating duo, their heights, their features, everything alike, just one’s were more aged.

She heard her mother gasp before she could hear what Saad was saying, more like threatening in a low voice. “I will not hear one more word against her, dad. I vowed to myself that I’ll pull out tongue of whoever dared to insult her. Don’t make me act on that promise. Because I will not see who’s in front of me.”

His dad looked like he had a lot to say, but Saad had already left the room, needing fresh air more than ever.

*~*~*~*

“What is gonna happen now?” Huma asked Saad once she was certain her parents were asleep. He was sitting in the lawn under the luminosity of the moon and countless stars. A death warrant was nestled comfortably between his lips, something he hated with every fiber of his being, yet he had found the box in his car’s glove compartment. He didn’t smoke often. Once in a blue moon would his fingers itch to hold something, and the cigarette would seem like a liable victim.

The moment Huma was beside him, she snatched the just-lit cigarette from his fingers and put it out with a stomp. She occupied the seat opposite him.

He looked at her questioningly. “Nothing is gonna happen now. I don’t care what dad says.”

“I’m not asking about that either. I know you don’t. But there is some truth in what he said. She’s not the same anymore, and we all know it.”

He gave her a bored look. “Of course she isn’t. Whoever expected her to stay the same is a fool!”

There was a moment of silence before he said,

“I love her more now.” She looked at her but he was looking at the sky. “I didn’t think there was a way for my love for her to increase any more. But it has. I love her more. Before, I knew I would’ve laid down my life for her. Now I know I can take a life for her as well.”

She didn’t know what to say to that, so she asked again. “Bhai, you saw her. She can’t even eat. How are we going to help her?”

“You said so yourself, she’s only been out for a day. Cut her some slack.”

“But-”

“We’ll do whatever it takes, but we’ll not leave her.”

“Of course we won’t. But-”

“There’s no ‘but’, Huma. That’s the end. I’m not get let her be wasted away, and I’m not gonna let her die. End of.”

She stayed silent for a few moments again before saying, “Bhai, you saved Kubra. Would you save me from jail too once I murder Yusuf?”

He felt the tips of his lips curve up and he must have been smiling because Huma reflected that smile too.

“You’ll be six feet under to worry about getting out of jail.” When she just looked at him in amusement, he continued. “I’ll kill you myself. If there is anyone who gets to kill that bastard, it’s me. No one else.” Even though he said it in good fun, the hard edge in his voice was something she’ll never not take serious.

“Not even Kubra?”

“Not even her.”

*~*~*~*~*

Assalam o alaikum, everyone!
How are you all?💓
Belated Eid Mubarak to all of you.🌙✨💫 How was your eid? What type of dresses did you guys wear? How did you spend your eid? I wanna know my readers.
Consider this chapter Eidi for you all. It’s lengthier than the previous ones.

Moving on, did you guys like the chapter?👉👈

Were you able to feel what Kubra was going through?

What did you think of Yusuf’s thoughts in that little scene I added? Or did you simply skipped it?

I know you hate Shams Mirza, I would too. But I think most would agree, his thoughts are insensitive but not unreasonable. Most parents in our society won’t accept a person who’s been to jail, and potentially mad at that too.

Previous warning remains, I’m not gonna fasten the pace. The story is about Kubra’s struggle after all.

All in all, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.😇

Please vote ⭐, comment 🖋️ share 📨 and follow.

Do read my other book “Forced and Threatened” as well, if you haven’t already, that is. 😇

Thank you.🤍🤍🤍

Lots of love❤️❤️❤️
Javeria.