‘The chains are broken. . . But are you truly free?’

Kubra had often wondered how people who lived years apart from their home felt when they saw it after so long. Now she knew, as she looked out the window of the car at the modern-styled mansion. It was nostalgic and nauseating at the same time.

But maybe this was only the case with her and not everyone else. After all, all those people stayed away by their own choice. They had left to make their careers, for better opportunities, for love, for family . . . but her? She was dragged away from this very home, with no one being able to do anything despite her painful cries.

“No! Dad, please! I don’t want to go! Please, stop them, dad! Leave me!” She had shouted but her father had buried his face in his hands and her mother had been restrained by Huma’s mother.

The only person she could have counted on to do something wasn’t there. Saad had been arrested for assaulting a police officer on duty.

She had been released on bail the first time, but now, after the evidences, she couldn’t be bailed without a trial.

“Mom! Mom, do something please! Huma!”

But they could simply watch as she was handcuffed and thrown into a police van.

“They’re waiting for us, KB.” Saad yet again pulled her out from the painful memories.

She looked into his gorgeous eyes and found nothing but care and love for her. How she couldn’t see it before was beyond her.

“Please, don’t call me that. She isn’t me. I’m not her anymore.”

She knew she’d hurt him. He’d been calling her that for longer than she could remember. But she also knew that if he knew why she didn’t want to be called that anymore, he would cut his tongue before saying it ever again.

Why doesn’t he know anyway? Why haven’t I told him?

“Yes, why haven’t you told him, dear? Maybe he’d be able to help you.” Saddy kindly said into her ear, carefully as if afraid Saad would hear her.

“Are you really this dumb? We’ll die if anyone were to know about us. They’ll label us as crazy after murderer!” Of course, KB yelled without caring if anyone heard her.

“No, they won’t. They’ll help her!”

“Help, my ass! No one can help us, you get it? No o-”

“Of course.” Both of them disappeared when Saad spoke. “As you wish. I prefer calling you ‘love’ anyway.” He was smiling, his slightly chipped canine looking cuter than ever, now that the shadows of desperation and hopelessness had flown away. He looked healthier, happier and more like the Saad she had grown up admiring.

“You know, when I was in that cell, I often ranked things I missed the most from the free world. They always competed with each other. Sometimes, it was my parents. My mother as she used to scold me with a scowl on her face. Or my father, as he used to defend my silly antics. Or Huma, the way we skipped school together to eat a cheap ice-cream by the corner.”

He listened to her patiently as she revisited the good in the bad.

“Anything related to you always sacrificed itself even in the figments of my imagination. They always stayed behind. They didn’t want to offend anyone, just like how you are always,” she cocked her head at him and he chuckled. “I always fought with myself, do you know?”

He raised his brow in question. She didn’t look like she needed probing though. She was in a trance, speaking as if she was living those moments right then.

She nodded and continued. “I always screamed, at myself, at you. I wanted to choose you, you know. Not that I didn’t miss the others.” She shook her head and clarified, not wanting anything to be misunderstood. “But even if for a millisecond, all three doubted me. Not you though. You didn’t have to question me. You trust me.”

Some painful memory must have hit her strongly then, for her eyes began to water.

“You love me.” Her voice cracked as she looked down and sniffed. He knew she was subconsciously comparing him to Yusuf and as much as he felt disgusted by that, he knew it wasn’t her fault.

He couldn’t bear to see the tears in her eyes. He cupped her cheek and rested his forehead against hers, caressing her face gently. “I do.” His eyes closed at the proximity and he got lost in the feel of having her so close.  “I always have.” His voice dropped down to a mere whisper, afraid the moment was gonna shatter like crystal.

“Saad?” She forgot what she was about to say to him initially about what she missed the most. Her chapped lips parted inching closer to his, wanting to soothe the thirst that she didn’t know what could provide the relief to.

“Hmm?” Their breaths intermingled, igniting a fire inside them, spreading over their skins lighting them up. So close yet not close enough.

He tilted her face ever so slightly. Just a thread of space.

“I lo-” Whoever knocked on the window had a death wish.

“Bhai, we would be very much obliged if you guys graced us with your presence.” Though the glass was tinted and Saad knew Huma couldn’t see anything, the humor in her voice told him she was aware of the activities (or the lack of them) in the car.

She didn’t pull away and neither did he. He sighed and put his forehead back on hers. His heart swelled when he saw she regretted the interruption as much as he did.

The cheeky devil in him couldn’t help but tease her. He grinned and said, “Let’s not keep them waiting. We can continue this later.”

Blood rushed to her cheeks and she swatted him away. “I hate you!”

He laughed. “I love you too.” He held her hand in both of his and kissed the back of it. “Let’s go.”

He got out and ignored his sister’s smug expression. Opening the passenger’s door, he helped her out.

Here we go.

*~*~*~*

The moment she took a step inside the house, the memories hit her hard, the bad harder than the good. Her head split open with pain she suddenly experienced. The world started spinning around her, the smiling faces of her loved ones multiplying, the edges blurred together.

She was certain of one thing then. This wasn’t her home anymore.

Her mother couldn’t contain herself anymore and stepped forward to engulf her daughter. “STOP!”

Everything stopped at her one word, but the headache intensified. Her mother covered her mouth with her fist, not wanting to let the sobs escape.

Everyone looked at her as if she’d grown two heads. She too was seeing the two identical heads of hers in behind her mother.

“Go on. There’s your mother you wanted to hug so badly. Go on. Hug her.” KB was disgusted at her, at how pathetic she was. “She’s suffered enough, hasn’t she? Go on! Hurt us more! Hug her!”

“Don’t listen to her, Kubra. She’s your mother. She can’t hurt you.” Of course. When did they both agree anyway?

“And she should listen to you? You’re why we’re hurting so much! You keep on giving false hopes!”

“That’s not true!”

“Go on, then! Run to the parents who left you to rot in that cell!”

“They came back!”

“ONLY WHEN SHE WAS DYING!” Somehow, KB managed to look more crazy.

“Kubra? My dear, are you okay?” Sonia’s voice was scratchy.

Shahbaz put a hand on Kubra’s shoulder and asked, “Beta? What is it?”

Pain shot through her shoulder with the way she jerked her shoulder so hard. But the pain that crossed her father’s face was worse. No one would have ever thought a daughter couldn’t bear her father’s love.

“Stay away!” she breathed hard. “Please, stay away!”

“Ok, everyone’s away. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” She could hear Saad asking her that. But she couldn’t find him. His voice came from somewhere far away, an echo, or as if she was in a fish-tank and the water was blocking all the voices.

She hysterically looked to her left and right, trying to find him but all she was grey walls closing in on her.

“Saad? Saad, where are you?!”

“I’m here. Right here.” Why couldn’t she see him? Where was he?

She shrieked when someone grabbed her shoulders. “NO! No, stay away.”

“Shh….. It’s okay. It’s okay. Look at me.” Saad removed her hair from her face and forced her to meet his eyes. “It’s okay. Everything’s fine. You’re safe.”

She breathed through her nose rapidly. The walls disappeared and she was in her house, surrounded by her loved ones. She looked around. Her mother was crying. Her dad had his hands on her shoulders, consoling her. Huma was biting her nails, upset seeing her friend like this. Uncle Shams and his wife were worried out of their minds if the frowns on their faces were any indication.

“I’m sorry,” dropped from her lips before she had even thought about them. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay, dear. Why don’t you take her to her room, Huma?” Ayesha Mirza suggested. “Maybe you can take a shower, freshen up, rest and then we’ll have dinner together. Okay? Go Huma.”

Huma nodded and carefully neared Kubra, walking on eggshells so as not to set off whatever they just saw.

“Let’s go, KB.”

“She’s already gone, thank god.” She watched Huma frown in confusion. “Don’t worry. I’m fine.” She fell into step with her, Saad’s hands falling at his sides. Stopping by her parents, she lightly grabbed the fabric on her mother’s arms and said, “Don’t cry, please. I’m sorry.”

Sonia maybe didn’t understand what was setting her off because she raised her hand to pat hers that was on her arm. But Kubra jumped away as if it burned her. “Too soon, mama. Too soon.”

She allowed Huma to lead her up the stairs, watching her steps carefully.

What a great start at freedom! Curse you, Kubra!

*~*~*~*

Huma entered the living room and saw everyone sitting disturbed on the sofas. She sat on the arm of the sofa her brother occupied, with his hands tied in front and head bowed, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“She’s taking a shower,” she told everyone. She didn’t know what else to say.

“What’s wrong with my daughter? What have they done to her?” Sonia asked.

“There’s nothing wrong with her, Sonia,” Ayesha tried to make her understand. “But it’ll take some time for her to adjust to everything. She spent four years in that jail. It’s bound to break anyone. Give her time. Everything will be alright, you’ll see.”

“She couldn’t bear to touch us.” Sonia cried. “I remember she was so affectionate. Running to me or her father if anything happened. Whether she was sad or happy, she would jump up on us and hug the life out of us.”

“Four years, aunty,” she found herself saying. “Four years of no human contact. Who knows how long it took for her to adjust to that without losing her sanity. As mom said, give her time.”

“Is her sanity still intact though?” Shams Mirza bluntly asked. Huma watched as Saad jerked his head up and glared at their father, just as Shahbaz said,

“I don’t think I appreciate you calling my daughter crazy, Shams.”

“I didn’t call her crazy. I just mean to say, I’ve seen countless people lose themselves in that dark place. Some couldn’t even remember their names after just a year. I just think we should pay close attention to her mental health.”

“I think Shams is right.” Which wife would go against his husband in front of everyone? “Saad you know as well. What we saw wasn’t normal behavior. There’s no reason to get so worked up about this.”

“Of course it wasn’t normal, mother!” Everyone could see him visibly struggling to be respectful towards his elders. “No matter however hard we try to sit and talk to her as if nothing happened, none of it is ever going to be normal. You all came up at her as if she was returning from a trip to Australia! Give her some space, please. Give her some time. Make every effort to make her feel at home, but don’t expect her to respond at once. Let her adjust first!”

Huma gripped his shoulder, warning him to keep calm.

He took a deep breath and did.

“Just please, give her some space.”

He stood up and went out in the garden.

*~*~*~*

If anyone saw Kubra right then, they would think she was a drug addict, OD’ing on the scent of her perfumes and her body washes. It wasn’t the smell of the floral and fruity washes that drew her in. To her, they were the scents of the cheerful, giddy and loving Kubra, the Kubra that was strong and brave, the Kubra that was free. The Kubra she felt was no longer alive.

She turned on the shower, the bathtub looking like it would swallow her, and removed her clothes. 

She stood under the cool shower, easing her mind, letting no thought corrupt the peaceful moment she was having with herself. For who knows how long, she just let the water drip from her still body, doing nothing, her hands behind her neck and her head turned upwards.

Then she lathered herself in her favorite jasmine-scented body wash.

After shower, she wrapped herself in a bath robe and went into her walk-in closet. Everything was the same, just like her room and her bathroom. Not a thing was out of her place. This was her mother’s way of making sure her home actually felt like home.

She grabbed a white floral dress, took it off the hangar and put it on. It felt like putting it back on a hangar. The dress was loose and lanky on her malnourished body.

She wanted to put it on fire.

Then do it!

No! She was not having another episode this soon.

She ripped it off her body hurriedly and grabbed a black trouser and a white T-shirt. She had to tie the drawstring to its tightest and the shirt was two sizes too loose. But it was fine. She looked fine.

Though how she knew it was an enigma, for she was scared to stand in front of a mirror, afraid she would find someone she couldn’t recognize.

She detangled her hair and left the wet hair to air dry. Grabbing a scrunchy from her vanity, she put it on her wrist that covered the white scar. The one on her left hand, she covered it with a silver watch.

She was ready. Physically. Mentally, she would adjust as it goes.

Who knew her repulsiveness to touch was just the tip of the iceberg?

*~*~*~*

Assalam o alaikum everyone!🤍
How are you all? How is Ramadan going?🤍

How was the chapter?👉👈 I know some might feel that I’m dragging the misery or being slow with the story but if you haven’t noticed, the story was about the struggle of Kubra in and out of the jail. Love is the only light in her life. And unfortunately, I can’t just focus on Light and leave out the darkness.

So, please fasten your seatbelts on this rollercoaster of emotional drama.😁

Anyhow!

Share your views on the story in the comments.

Please vote⭐, comment🖋️, share📨 and follow.💓

Thank you. 🙏🙏
Lots of love. ❤️❤️❤️
Javeria.