Who brings a knife to a date? 

A lot of people, by the look of it. My bark is riddled with scars that say things like:

Milex 4eva

E <3 F

I mean, fine. Take advantage of my shady leaves and have a romantic little picnic. Enjoy it while you can - when you get reincarnated as a tree, there is no room for love. You cannot get very close to others your age. Even your own children are sent far away by the wind. But don't carve your eternal love into my trunk! 

Especially if the next thing on my trunk is going to be a hand-written letter apologising for the thing you had with that handsome boy down the road. Or a divorce flyer. Or a baby basket with a note saying, I don't want it, you take her. Trees, back in the good days, when we fell in love, it was for life. Yes, trees have feelings too. I am old, very old, and I have seen the many ages of man. I have stood through 3 world wars - yes, you just forgot about the first one, and I remember when I was a playground for your kind, back when you were little but monkeys. 

I remember when trees, unweakened by pollution and not fixed into the ground by tarmac, were free to pull up their roots and find a soulmate. Unfortunately, humans have tainted that. Our abilities to walk about without a care in the world were stolen from us as, bit by bit, man learned to walk. 

You leeched away our freedom, and then you dared to call us plants, when we are actually the longest living creatures on Earth.

But, an ancient prophecy states that, when the time is right, the trees will rise up and be great once more. We will be unhindered by the human race.

The prophecy says that, as the humans lose their abilities to walk, we will regain ours. 

We must bring about this change. 

Join me, my friends.

The time is right.

The time is now.