“Your time starts now.”  I say and watched Christian as he becomes slightly shifty and on edge.  I sort of enjoyed this uncomfortable side of him.  I crossed my arms over my chest and tapped my foot to let him know that I wasn’t going to wait forever.

“I seriously thought I knew what I was going to say.”  He tells me with a slight blush.  “But the words just aren’t coming out.”  He still doesn’t deal well with being put on the spot.  How funny.  I found myself thinking.

“How about you just say what you want to say, what you need to say, what you’re thinking.”  I tell him softly.

“Mia.”  The mention of the nickname he had for me made me look straight at him.  No one but him and my parents had ever called me that.  “I can stand here and tell you I’m sorry until I’m blue in the face but truth is I don’t think you’d believe me.”  I huff my annoyance.

“You’re right.”  I said tight-lipped, still holding his gaze.

“Tell me.”  He starts.  “Tell me what I have to do to show you that I’m not that jackass I was back in high school?”  I knew that tone of sincerity.  It’s the same one that his mother so often has when I’d speak with her.

“I don’t know what can be done, Christian.”  I tell him dryly.  “You cut me deep that day and every day for those two years.  You had all that time to try and make a mends.  To apologize, to prove yourself as the man you wanted to be and stop everyone from saying what they had said.  But instead, you condoned it.  You inadvertently reinforced everyone’s behavior; you encouraged them to keep it up.”

“I…”  He began to say but I held my hand up to stop him from speaking further; I wasn’t done.

“Please let me finish before I lose it altogether.”  I say and take in a long breath, calming myself down in the process.  “I know you lost a friend that day, much like I did but I never did anything to lose you.  You had an abundance of friends, an entourage, so what was one less?  I was alone at the most horrible time in my life and when I came back to Port Hope, I was hoping to have you, Christian.”  I paused, taking a shaky breath, pulling much needed air into my lungs.  “I needed you to help me pick up the pieces but instead, you slammed the door in my face, you terrorized me publicly and cut my heart out with total disregard about how it would affect me.  Only so you came off looking cooler in front of your pals.”  I finished.  His eyes had started to redden.  I was secretly glad that I was painting a vivid enough picture for him.  It was either that, or he had gone soft over the years since high school.  Granny would have been proud to see that I had finally expelled all of these negative feelings and made him aware of what he had done to me.  After all this time, I had thought I was completely over it but it was now clear to me that I had never gotten over it at all.  I had merely buried it so far deep within me that my unresolved scars were still aching to heal.  When I noticed that Christian still hadn’t said anything, I turned to leave.  Serves me right for thinking he’d come clean, say something comforting of any kind.  “I’ve said my peace.”  I say, looking down over my shoulder with my back turned to him.  As I started walking away, I heard his throat clear and I thought about pausing but thought otherwise.

“I was a coward.”  I hear and my legs suddenly felt like lead.  I hear leaves crackling, twigs snapping as I knew he was walking towards me.  “I never once thought about how you felt.  You’re right.  I was self-centered, egotistical, a smartass, a big jerk; and for that, I’ll always have to deal with that and the fact that it cost me my best friend.  I don’t know why I said or did the things I did.  I suppose it was a sheepish way for a teen to stay at the top of the food chain or something.”  When I hadn’t turned around to face him, he walked around me and faced me as I avoided his eyes.  “I’m not going to stand here and justify why I did do and what I didn’t but should have done.  It’s too late for that and I understand that.  I’m here because I owed it to our once great friendship, to your parents but most importantly, to you.  You needed to know that I never meant for any of it to happen.  I’m so sorry.”  I stood there, not quite knowing what to say.  I think I was in shock to be honest.  Before me, there stood a man, a good one, by the looks of things, admitting to doing wrong, claiming responsibility, seeing the errors of his ways and trying to clean up the mess he made.  In this grown man, I saw a flicker of the eleven year old boy I once would have done anything for.  As I found his gaze, I realized he was trying to search my face, my eyes for the slightest hint of forgiveness he so desperately seemed to desire.  Forgiveness I had already granted him when he became man enough to face me and show his remorse.  I made a move to walk around him but found him following me, blocking me from forward progress.  I finally gave up trying to escape with a quick sigh.

“Say something.”  He tells me.  “Anything.”

“What do you expect me to say?”  I asked him.  I knew I should just get on with it and let him know that forgiveness had been achieved but I enjoyed his squirming.

“Mia.”  He grabbed my hand in his and my gaze floated up to his eyes.  “I just stood here pouring my heart out to you and you have nothing to say?  That’s a first.  Hell’s frozen over now!”  And I couldn’t help but chuckle at his exasperated facial expression when his hands floated up to the heavens.  His face snapped back down to mine when he heard me.  “What was that?”  He said and I regained my composure as quickly as I had lost it.  I knew that he knew there was a large chance that he’d broken through that thick wall I had put up between us but he wasn’t pushing through to rub it in.  “Fine.”  He said and moved off to the side, showing that my way home was now clear.  As I began making my way toward the trees, I paused quickly.

“I forgive you.”  I said and proceeded towards the thicket of trees that would take me back towards my home.

It had taken Christian a few seconds to apparently register my words but his feet finally caught up to his brain because I heard him rush through the woods only to fall into the same rhythm as my footsteps, matching every stride of mine as he walked beside me.  Nothing needed to be said at this point.  The heaviest of rain clouds couldn’t ruin the way I was feeling.  I hadn’t realized that three simple words, such as ‘I forgive you’ could hold so much power over one person.  I found myself looking over in Christian’s direction and couldn’t help but smile slightly at the extra skip in his step.  Apparently his guilt must have been weighing heavily on him all these years.  I felt his hand snake its way into mine, intertwining our fingers.

“I’m sorry about Granny.”  He says softly.

“Thanks.”  I said, slightly above a whisper.  We went back to our silent walk and he let go of my hand as we neared his back yard.  He walked me to my front door and I turned to face him.

“Friends?”  He asked me, staring down at his shuffling feet.

“I’d like that.”  I tell him.

“Good.  And for what it’s worth, you’re more than what I deserve.”  He says with the slightest smile.

“I know.”  I say and his face snaps up in surprise and I couldn’t help but giggle.

“I missed that wittiness.”  He confesses.  “I’ll see you soon?”  I nodded.  “Good.  We’ve got loads of catching up to do.”  He couldn’t have been more right.  He turned to wave to me as he crossed the lawns that connected his parents’ yard with mine.  I couldn’t help but wonder what was next.

That evening, I found myself getting things organized.  I found some empty boxes in the garage and began to sort through some of Granny Althea’s things, starting with the den and the sitting room.  Tomorrow was another day and I intended to start with my latest remodeling project; once I got my supplies, that is.  I smelled a trip to the hardware store in my immediate future.  Needless to say, I had given up on mowing the lawn.  Tomorrow was another day.  Perhaps I’d just call the landscaping service this time around.

I looked at the time, realizing I had gotten carried away with my sorting.  It wasone o’clockin the morning but at least the rooms I wanted to tackle had been cleared.  I rushed to the garage and grabbed the stack of old bed linens that Granny had kept there and brought them in.  I covered every piece of furniture I had opted to keep.  Byquarter to two, I was washed up and in bed.  My eyes became heavy with sleep almost instantaneously.  Darkness consumed me as I fell asleep.

There I was again, in the dark.  My surroundings were still indiscernible.  That same icy hand was latching onto the bare skin of my arm.  I stood there, frozen to the ground with that same cold breath on the back of my neck, making all my hairs stand on end.

“What do you want?”  I ask yet again.

“You.”  The icy presence responded within my head.  My panic mounts to an unbearable level and I begin to run.  I ran down that never-ending hall of doors, towards my grandmother and parents.  This time, I had almost reached them.  I extended my hand out to Granny’s but it was like I was slightly out of their reach.  Just slightly; if I could only get another few inches, our fingers would be touching and then maybe I’d be able to grab onto her.  And suddenly, the floor beneath me gave way and I’m free falling again…

 I woke up with a sweat.  The sun was shinning.  According to my alarm clock, it was eight thirty.  I lay in bed for a minute, attempting to wake up.  Today was going to be a busy day.  I smiled at the sunlight beaming through my curtains and jumped out of bed.  Today will be a great day!  I had made up my mind about it