Life Of Jiji

All Rights Reserved

©2022 Tena Ifiemi

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Ejiro doesn't leave and that's just the beginning of the surprises of the day.

"Damian, um, hi." I glance at her having to resist raising a very confused and slightly suspicious brow.

When I took too long to reply, she spoke again and my mouth nearly dropped at the amount of verbal communication she was initiating. "Um, congratulations on winning sports prefect." She tucks a few braids behind her ear in a nervous action.

"Thank you." I say simply still watching her curiously. She can barely meet my eyes so she doesn't see my eyes on her.

I'm both confused and surprised at this conversation but I've been training myself to keep my emotions at bay. I've put myself out there too much. Been too vulnerable, always being open about my feelings and whatever. So today I refuse to be excited that she's speaking to me because who knows how long it'll last.

Jiji though looks like she's holding in a massive word vomit. She obviously wants to say something else or she would've fled a while ago. She's hugging herself and staring at the ground and every now and then she parts her lips before shutting them again.

"Do you want to sit?" I ask against my better judgment. My brain is telling me not to be stupid cause not only could she want to tell me she wants to prolong the 'space' but I may have misread and she may say no to this very question.

Maybe she doesn't want to sit down .

"Yes."

Oh, well, okay? I gesture to the bleachers and we walk silently towards them before sitting down. It made me think of 'our spot' even though this wasn't it. I miss our little evening meetings.

"Um, congrats." She finally looked up a little.

"You said that already." I stated the words probably coming out harsher than I intended because her lips immediately turned down and her head went with it.

Fuck.

I was going to apologize when she beat me to it. "I'm sorry."

I sigh and look away.

"Damian..."

"What are you sorry about?" I ask. Its a very important question. Its the only way for me to know that she isn't just saying it for the sake of it. It's the only way I can get even the slightest bit of an explanation.

"I'm sorry for ignoring us."

It was so simple but her words had my heart aching immediately they left her mouth because she had said 'us', because I was close to giving up since I don't think she wants to be a part of anything...with me. But here she was merging me and her into one pronoun. If there was anything I was expecting to hear her say, it wasn't that and if the way her lips were parted were anything to go by, she was just as surprised at herself.

"I pushed you away without an explanation when I was the one with the issues. I..."

I had to resist the urge to hold her when I saw her lips quiver. I had to let her speak. It may be the only chance I get.

"I know how you feel about me and I feel the same. It's just..."

Impatience took over at how much she was hesitating and I probed, "Just what, Ejiro?"

Her eyes met mine and she closed her eyes tightly, shaking her head and when she opened them again a large tear fell from one and rolled down her cheek soon to be followed by the the other. Unable to resist it, I placed a hand on her back and pulled her into me. Slowly rubbing circles into her back, I urged her to continue,

"You can tell me anything, I promise. Whatever it is Ejiro, I'm here."

She nodded and took a deep breath before exhaling shakily, "I want to be your girlfriend but I'm just...scared. I-I can't be what you want me to be." She shook her head frantically again, "You don't know it but you don't want to be with me Damian, you really don't."

My jaw ticked at that and I forced myself to keep my cool as I stood up, "And why are you making decisions for me?" I shake my head, "You can say NO Ejiro. This is getting out of hand! Your rejection would hurt but I promise you, it hurts ten times more when you make all these excuses, saying what you think I feel and what you think I'd do. You are not me, Ejiro! You claim you do but you clearly do not know what I feel for you."

I force myself to look away at this point because her tears are falling faster and her sobs are getting louder and I just can't stand to look at the way I seem to be hurting her because I'm human too and I'm also hurting. I'm hurting because I'm confused. She is confusing the hell out if me!

I hear her get up and her slow footsteps as they near me. This time I don't hear but feel and my entire body tenses when I feel her arms wrap around my torso and she rests her head against my chest.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be angry."

My nerves relax and my body hunches into her as an immense wave of sadness washes through me.

What does she even mean by that? Did I scare her that much? Is she only sorry because she thinks she makes me angry? Is this the reason why she said the first 'sorry'?

Her voice is almost muffled by my chest when she begins to speak again.

"My dad doesn't speak to me. He can't stand my presence and it's not his fault. I..."

My eyes widen as realization dawned on me. Ejiro might just be telling me her most guarded secret...what makes her hurt so much. My arms immediately go around her, hating myself for pushing her this far. Maybe it had to be this way though, because I needed my own answers and apparently, this is the only way to get them.

"Something happened...and no one can know about it or I'll lose them too, just like I've lost my dad."

What?

I rubbed her back slowly, praying I can find the right words because I can tell how fragile she is in this moment and any wrong word might just break her.

"So you've told no one about it?" I asked softly, whispering the question in the air just beside her ear.

"I did tell someone. She was my best friend and...s-she told the entire class."

Her voice began to break again and I closed my eyes not being able to distinguish both our fast paced heartbeats from one another.

"No one spoke to me again. I can't bring myself to say it Damian, don't make me say it."

"I won't." I said immediately the words left her mouth, hating myself for even making her come this far. "I don't need you to tell me if you're not comfortable but don't hold their sins against me. I don't care what it is Ejiro, I would never abandon you. Give me a chance, please."

"Are you sure?" She asked, her voice weak

She sounded so doubtful it broke my heart.

I slowly eased her away from our hug before cupping her face in my hand, "You mean so much to me Ejiro."

Her shoulders shake as she starts to sob again, "You mean so much more."

I smile and place my other hand on her right cheek before leaning in to place a kiss on her forehead. Her face bloomed and my smile only grew wider before I drew her in for another hug. One that I fear I wouldn't be able to pull away from.

"Are you crying?" I hear her ask quietly, "I saw tears."

I chuckle, "Shh, you can't tell anyone that."

| Ejiro |

I thought I might go crazy. I could feel myself slipping into a place I could only describe as dangerous, a place I have created for my happiness through someone else. It's not that I did not believe Damian, I do. I believe him as far as his ignorance can go because at the end of the day, he didn't know, he never will so he still smiles at me.

I have fallen into a very toxic pattern. One where I'm miserable in my truth until I see him. He smiles and I smile back and I'm happy in that moment but once I'm alone, I want nothing more than to end myself. Because I'm a disgusting, lying person who cannot help but use the person she cares about the most.

The boy she loved.

Khadijah did a good job. She was relentless. She didn't just sow seeds into my mind to push me to talk to Damian but she sowed them in him too but I was the one that took the bait because after all, I started it in the first place.

Inter house sports was a week away and I wasn't looking forward to it. Minus the pressure of representing my house, there was also the fact that after that day I would have no other excuse for spending all my time on the tracks. For working myself until I'm so exhausted I have to lie on the hard ground for a minute or two just to catch myself before enveloping myself in the solace of water pouring down my spent body from the shower.

"Time out."

I tense at the voice. What was he doing here? I come to a stop and turn around to see Damian standing a distance away. My face immediately broke into a smile that I fear didn't reach my eyes. I waved at him madly, grinning and he waved back with a smile so wide it beckoned to me before he even did with a simple hand gesture.

"Be my finish line." I say making sure my voice is strong enough to reach his ears.

He nods with a smile and goes to stand at the end of my track.

"On your mark." He calls out for me and I go down already enjoying this run more than the others.

"Set." "Go!"

I spring up and my legs propel me forward. Just before I reach him a silly thought enters my mind forcing me to remember that everyone has a run. What if I run funny? The thought distracted me and had me running into Damian...my finish line. He caught me but the force was still enough to push him to the ground and me on top of him.

"I'm so sorry." I started to rise immediately but I was pulled back suddenly into his hard chest. Surprised, my eyes darted to his face and his eyes were already on mine. I sucked in a deep breath at the closeness of our bodies but that only seemed to make the commotion going on in my chest a tad bit worse.

My eyes slowly took in his face and the longer I stared the bolder I got, taking in his smooth dark skin and even darker irises which I was so close to drowning in. At this point I'm staring and it's obvious but then...so is he. My eyes slowly left his, darting to his lips and my cheeks flame, I become very aware of our closeness, of his arm wrapped dangerously around my waist and of where we were and I scramble up to my feet. This time making sure he doesn't stop me.

I smile at him as he gets to his feet as well, trying hard to steady my frantically beating heart. "I didn't know you were here." I say truthfully.

"I wasn't. I was looking for you."

I frown, "Is there a problem?"

Damian chuckles, shaking his head, "Can't I just want to see you?"

I blush again and he holds out his hand for me to take, "It's dinner time, I thought you would notice." He said with a tilt of his head upwards at the darkening sky as I fell into stride with him, my hand in his.

Before I could reply, he continued, "If it's the relay you want to win, you have it already. At this point even Achilles has nothing on you."

I giggle at that.

"I'm worried about you."

At that I turn my gaze sharply to him. Fear that I had given myself away was spreading through my chest like a cold. "What do you mean?"

"Your training..." He looked like it was hard for him to say, like he was treading on stormy waters, like he was afraid of upsetting me. "Even if you stop training from now till the big day, you'll still win this thing. At this point you're faster than the flash already."

I giggled. "Even if I was doing bad, would you say so?" I accuse pointedly knowing that he had chickened out of what he was going to say, putting it this way instead.

"Maybe, maybe not but I definitely wouldn't insist that you're doing good if you weren't. That'll be cruel."

"True." I admit with a small smile.

If Damian had noticed the anxiety and sadness beneath my smiles, he didn't mention it. With each passing day, he just did more and more to make me smile which only made the guilt strangle me more and more.

Damian and I had fallen into a routine where we sat at our separate tables at breakfast, he sat at mine at lunch and I sat at his at dinner. Mide and Amarachi had agreed to be the swap variable for lunch and dinner so when we walked into the cafeteria, Mide was already at my table.

Actually, Amarachi didn't need to leave at lunch time because once Damian started sitting there, Richard stopped showing up for some reason. But then I realized that it was a chance for her seat beside her boyfriend as well. They both seemed a million times happier now that everyone knew that they were together.

I sat at Damian's table while he went to get our food. I didn't ask him to do it, I promise. He insisted and I never have the strength to argue with Damian over stuff like this; it's pointless.

"So you and Damian are serious now." One of the guys spoke.

"I never thought I'd see the day." Another murmured. That was Kene, I'm still not a fan of him so I pretended not to hear.

"But they're so cute, right?" The guy sitting diagonally to me said, "See as Briggs dey behave like house boy."

At that I just had to giggle, stifling it when I saw Damian near the table. I send his friend a glare. It was really weird sitting at an all boys table at first but they were all so respectful and kind so it doesn't bother me much anymore.

"What are you guys talking about?" Damian asks and I can hear the jealousy seep into his tone.

He knows I barely talk to the guys and he just saw me laugh with them in his absence. I think it's cute. I don't jealous-shame; after all I've been there before and if I see Chisom near Damian there's no saying I won't feel like clawing out her eyes.

"You." I say in answer to Damian's question. He sits down beside me after setting the tray in front of me.

"Really? What's so funny about me?"

The guy that made the house boy comment wiggled his eyebrows and I pressed the back of my palm to my mouth to stifle a giggle. "They think we're cute." I said to Damian.

He said nothing and only dug into his food. I glance at him, "What Damian? You don't think we're cute?"

"Shh, he's trying not to blush." His friends giggled and at that, Damian blushed.

For some reason, I blushed too.

After night prep that night, we walked back together and as usual, we stopped at the girls' hostel gate. Damian took my both hands in his.

"I love this."

"What?"

"This."

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hi! *timid hand wave*

here's um... that chapter you've been waiting for

hope you're good..

okay, bye!

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