Life Of Jiji

All Rights Reserved

©2022 Tena Ifiemi

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set fire to the rain - adele

why - rema

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I remember earlier in the session when Chisom had accused me of stealing and turned my roommates against me. Damian had tried to persuade me to forgive her. He wanted me to act like nothing happened even when he knew she had hurt me.

I remember Christmas Carol night last year. When Damian and Chisom had done a duet, looking like the dreamiest couple in the whole of Lagos.

How had I missed it before?

What was I then? Chisom's voice came to mind as a reply,

His replacement bitch.

Dad was right. I shouldn't have any business around boys. But still, I wanted to know. I wanted to hear Damian tell me why. I keep trying to tell myself its all a misunderstanding but why did he keep it from me then? His best friend was about to beat Richard up just for telling me.

It's been four days since Chisom completely battered and destroyed any ounce of self-esteem I may have had. It's also day four of receiving Damian's daily short letters in my school locker. On day one, against my better judgment, I had smiled as I read it—something I had later beaten myself up about. But sue me if I can't immediately eliminate feelings that have been growing for months. I still like Damian—It doesn't just go away—and seeing his handwriting on the paper made me feel...warm, I guess.

I know its stupid.

The letters were never too long. They were mainly a plea for me to talk to him...to let him explain. Day one, he had asked in his letter if I was feeling better and said he hoped I wasn't missing my medications before pleading for a meeting. Zainab who had been discreetly reading over my shoulder had cooed at that.

But I hadn't been ready to talk to him then. Chisom's insults were still like a fresh wound. If I'm being honest, it still bothered me and I'm ashamed to admit it but its true. Now however, after sitting with my thoughts all these days and talking to Reya, I decided it was time I heard what he has to say.

Today is Friday which means its a half day which means school closes after break time. It's mostly for club meetings and sports practice or any other extracurricular activity but it meant the world to every MIA student. I mean, there's culinary club, art club, science club, tailoring club... It's basically a period when students can do whatever it is they want to do.

Which is why I knew Damian would either be at the football field or at the basketball court, so I went that way. The weather was chilly. Unlike most, I've always loved the cold. It's always felt kinda liberating somehow. Obviously it could be a problem when it gets too much but it hardly ever for me. I have, what I call; a high cold tolerance.

When I was younger I used to like playing in the rain. I even used to kid myself that I could control it which I fault to watching too much Avatar. It definitely didn't help when Frozen was released and Elsa could freeze water. I worked on that for weeks.

A game was already going on at the court. The screeching of boots on the floor and the bouncing of the ball was in fact what brought me back from dreamland. I quickly scanned the players but Damian wasn't among them. I scanned the bleachers as well but I didn't see him. Football then?

"Hey, what are you doing so close to the court?"

I gulp and look up at the coach. I've never been good with adults that I barely know, "Um...um..."

"Are you looking for someone?"

"Yes. Damian. I thought he was here."

"Nope. Today is a free day. He probably has other hobbies he'd rather indulge first. There's enough time, I figured he'd come by later."

"Yeah, sure." I nodded and turned away immediately.

Checking for him all over the sports arena drained me and I still didn't find him. I decided to just for back to class. Maybe this was a sign. I tried, didn't I? Maybe I wasn't supposed to give him the benefit of doubt. I should find Khadijah or Ayo and do something with my time.

"Senior Ejiro?"

I would've missed her if I didn't hear her call my name. It was one of the juniors I had campaigned to for Damian. Now what was her name again?

"It's me, Lily."

I smile at her, "Hi Lily. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you going to your club?" I ask this time.

"I had to go to the admin block first. My mom sent something. I even saw Senior Damian there."

"You did?"

She nodded and looked down, "He didn't look very happy. He was shouting at the receptionist."

What?

"Um... I'm sure there must have been a reason for that. Just don't tell any of your classmates, okay? I'm sure the receptionist was being unfair."

Why was Damian shouting at the receptionist? This does not look good on him. What if this girl goes and tells her classmates? The gist will spread. They'll want to vote someone else. Who knows who else saw him there?

"Is he still there?"

She nodded. I waved her goodbye and changed direction. When I got to the admin block, I didn't see Damian. At first. Then I heard his voice and it almost sounded like he was...no way.

"You, what do you want?" It was the receptionist who Damian had been allegedly shouting at.

Miss Front Desk was actually someone I would love to yell at if I had the balls. Her voice was sharp when she spoke and she looked mean, the way she drew her eyeliner being an addition to her witch image. It would be the first time I'd be talking to her but I have heard about her; no one really likes her.

"Um, yes. Good afternoon ma. I was wondering if I could find my friend here."

"Who's your friend?"

"Damian Briggs. He's um, tall. He's dark..."

"The mummy's boy?"

"Huh?"

She sighed like she was tired of me, "Go through that door, okay? Yeah just there. Its the waiting room overflow. Do me a favor and tell him to get back to class." I nod and follow her direction.

Damian was sitting on one of the chairs. I came in from the back, so his back was turned to me and he may or may not have heard me come in.

I clear my throat, "Damian?"

He looked up and then turned to me causing me to gasp and push myself forward.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I was immediately by his side, sitting down and pulling his hand into mine. "Talk to me."

"It's my mom."

I felt a jolt in my chest. His mom? Did something happen?

"Wh-what happened?"

He shook his head and wiped his face furiously, "I don't want you to see me like this."

"It really doesn't matter. Hey, Damian?" I grabbed his hands and slowly brought them down from his face, flinching at the vulnerability I saw when I took him in, "Just calm down, okay? Breathe."

He closed his eyes and I watched him take my advice. He was breathing. Since I was sitting so close, I could hear him breathe in and out and in and out again. His eyes soon fell open and although his face still held evidence of his breakdown, he appeared calmer. I sigh,

"What happened?"

"Pete texted me, he says he has booked a flight for him and my mom to go to India for a transplant... He says she has been unresponsive and he had no other choice."

"Why must she go all the way there? Can't they do it here in Nigeria? And who's Pete?"

"Pete is my step dad and she has to go all the way there because her chances are higher there. It's been two whole years of searching here, we've not found a compatible donor still. I just... I just didn't think it'd get to this extent. I knew that she was reacting to constantly doing dialysis but I just didn't think... I didn't..."

I held his hands, fearing that he might be about to breakdown once again. I wrap my arms around him and pulled him to me, "It's okay. It will be okay, I promise. She'll be fine. At least now she'd be free from the illness, wouldn't she? After the surgery she'll have healthy kidneys and you'll never have to worry about this again." I smoothed my hand on his back, rubbing up and down.

"What if she doesn't come back? It's not that simple Jiji. What if the surgery isn't successful? I can't just stay here and not know! It's the not knowing that is killing me! They should just let me talk to her. That's why I'm here. I just need them to give me a phone so I can talk to my mom."

I heard the clicking of heels behind us letting me know that we were no longer alone. I look back expecting to see the receptionist coming to tell us to leave but it wasn't. This woman was shorter and nicer looking. I wasn't sure I had seen her before but then, there's a lot of staff and students in this school that I wasn't yet acquainted with.

"Damian Briggs?"

He turned to look at her as well and I saw him frown before he muttered, "I ask to speak with my mom and they bring me the guidance counselor. Great."

He ignores her and faces front again but there's more heel clicking and soon, she's in front of us.

"I need you to follow me to my office. She can come too, but that's up to you." She nodded at me. When Damian still doesn't acknowledge her, she adds; "And who knows, if you play nice, I might just be able to lend you my phone."

That inkling of a promise had Damian on his feet in a matter of seconds and soon we were in Ms Guidance Counselors office. If you ask me to describe her office with the first word that comes to mind, I'll immediately say cozy. Only after dropping that will I be able to add that the walls are white, serving as the perfect backdrop for all her wall decorations which included art, photos, awards and quotes.

Instead of the typical office chairs, Damian and I were seated in the softest armchairs to ever be produced. I mean, if I just lean into it a bit more I'm sure I would see heave—

"Damian, I heard you're an aspiring prefect. Do you have any idea what that stunt you pulled could do to your chances?"

I sat up quickly. So my fears had been valid? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my...Damian sighed heavily and I glanced at him. He was considerably calmer now and for that alone I was a bit relieved.

"I couldn't be blamed."

The woman raised an extra perfect eyebrow, "Really? Are you saying that you're justified for yelling at a staff of the school? In the admin block of all places where the director or principal have their offices. You know parents walk in and out of this place."

Damian hesitated now looking a bit frustrated, "What was I supposed to do? The hostel doesn't let you use the phones until weekend. I know I'm supposed to be given permission at the front desk otherwise but that witch—"

"Damian." She warned but she was smiling. "What do you need to talk to your mom about that is so urgent?"

"It's personal. All you need to know is that I received an urgent message and now I need to talk to her."

"How did you receive this message if I may ask? Was it last weekend at the hostel?"

Damian frown deepened, "You may not ask."

Ms Guidance counselor turned to me, "Dear, can you give us a second to discuss alone please? You can wait just outside."

I nod and stand up, noting Damian's eyes as he turned to watch me leave. I saw it again; the vulnerability as be opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it again and turned back to the woman.

I sat 'just outside her office' as she said. I didn't need to go all the way back to the reception because there were a couple of chairs to the wall beside her door. My mind was blank and I just stared at the wall until I heard the door open and close again. When I turned, it was the guidance counselor.

She sat beside me, "You're not smiling." She said with a smile, "Should I be worried about you as well?"

When I didn't answer and just stared back at her, she said, "I let him talk to his mom." explaining why she came out without him.

I knew she was beside me but her voice started to sound a bit faraway.

"Talk to someone, okay?"

Talk to someone, okay?

Talk to someone, okay?

"Ejiro?" I turn sharply gasping as I look around in confusion. The lady wasn't there anymore and Damian stood quietly at her door. Now that the high of his emotions had come down, he could barely look at me. "Can we talk?"

I took a sharp intake of breath and felt bile rise in my throat. Talk. Look at me berating someone for the truth when I'll never be able to give it to him. Or maybe it hurt because I thought I trusted him enough... I had considered... No.

"Yes."

Thankfully, it wasn't lunch time yet so we went to an empty classroom in the senior wing of the classroom block. I sat down and Damian sat too.

"I'm sorry that you had to do that when you are not exactly happy with me."

"I was looking for you."

He looked shocked, "Oh?"

"I decided I wanted to hear what you had to say."

He took a deep breath, I took a deep breath.

"First of all, I want you to know that your anger is justified." He paused as if to let it sink in, "And I hate to sound defensive but I guess I didn't tell you because I was scared. Well at least I eventually had the decency to be scared. At first, I didn't even realize that you should know since Chisom wasn't important to me—no one ever has been actually."

He looked away, "Chisom was my longest fling. We did...stuff but that was it. She didn't mean anything to me. And I know it sounds wrong to talk about her like this but it was mutual which is why I'm confused that she's doing what she's doing. Chisom and I ended months before I met you."

"Maybe it wasn't mutual. Maybe she did like you." I spoke my first words since he started talking.

"I'm going to have a very hard time believing that."

I shrug and he continues,

"When I met you Ejiro, I wasn't looking to mean something to you. I wasn't looking for any romantic attachment...I never have. Something did draw me to you, though. I wanted to be your friend. Then I became obsessed with teasing you because you blush so easily. I found myself telling you something that held so much sentimental value to me. And for the first time, I fell. I've never wanted to understand someone as much as I do you..."

"Stop."

"What?" He looked up abruptly, eyes wide in confusion and worry, "Did I say something..."

"No... I just..." Two fat stubborn tears escaped my eyes before I could help it and I turned away instantly.

"Ejiro? Did I say something? My God I didn't even apologize." He sounded panicked, "I was going to, I just wanted you to understand first. I'm sorry Ejiro, I really am. I never should have kept it from you. Don't cry, please." From the corner of my eye, I saw him reach out and retract his hand again.

"I can't do this."

"What are you talking about?"

I hesitantly looked up at him, "I can't give you what you want."

"What is it I want, Ejiro?"

I stay silent and he probes,

"Is this not about Chisom?"

There will always be hormones...

If he was going to make a move, he should've...

Damian has quite the reputation...

"I'm sorry, I just can't do this."

"I will wait. I don't expect you to forgive me so easily. Please just think about it..."

"I've already forgiven you."

He looked confused, "Are you sure? But..."

I got up, "I've forgiven you but I don't want to talk about feelings and whatnot anymore."

"What are you saying?" I felt his stare on me even as I refused to meet his eyes, "You don't believe me? Have you always not believed me?"

"I want to go."

He sounded frantic, "Please don't."

I felt my eyes threatening to spill again and I folded my arms, digging into them with my nails.

"What is it I want Ejiro?" He asked and I knew he was referring to what I had said earlier.

His replacement bitch.

"I will never be able to give you what she could."

He got up, towering over me once again, "You have already given me more than what Chisom ever could. What are you talking about?" No longer shying away, he reached for my face.

His palm was warm against my skin and I almost leaned into his touch but I forced myself to move away instead, causing his hand to fall to his side.

"Can you just talk to me! Please?" His voice fell again at 'please', as swift as he had raised it.

"You said you will wait."

"What?"

"I need space."

"Ejiro."

"Do you promise to give me space?"

"Ejiro." He said again wearing an expression so pained, I couldn't bear to look at it.

"Damian."

"This space, how long will it last?"

"As long as it will take."

...for you to lose your feelings.

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Guys, hello.

I want to believe that I've been dropping updates every week for about a month now and I hope you're as happy about it as it makes me happy with myself. I would have to apologize in advance for next week, though because I may or may not update due to a few really stressing things I have going on.

But trust me, you are always on my mind and I will do my best to update ASAP!

I hope you're not too angry to vote for this chapter🥺

love, Tena