Life Of Jiji

All Rights Reserved

©2021 Tena Ifiemi

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merry-go-round - astro ♪

dorime (amapiano remix) ♪

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One word came to mind when I came downstairs on Christmas morning: Beautiful. Don't ask me why, it just was. I would say it's going better than I expected but then I really wasn't expecting anything. Of course, Muna was still brooding and I knew it was mostly because this was a first. Mom had explained that when you lose someone, the first anything without them would always hurt like hell. But I also felt weirdly guilty like I had also done something to upset him.

I hope not.

Khadi had called this morning and I paused when she said, "Merry Christmas."

"Don't be silly," She laughed at my awkwardness, "Me being Muslim doesn't mean I can't tell you Merry Christmas."

I laughed and denied even thinking about that but it gave me a more open mind when Zainab texted me the same thing. I'd never had a Muslim friend (or even really been around them) before I came to MIA so I was very careful —I didn't want to ever say or do anything to offend anyone even though it'll most likely be unintended. Although I wanted to, I also didn't know much about the religion probably because the southern part of Nigeria were I live isn't really Muslim dominated.

Reya was making her specialty for breakfast; pancakes. This was because, the main food wasn't even anywhere near being ready. The kitchen was extremely busy and my dad's sister, Mena had even come to help. I took the tray of carrots and green beans my mom handed to me even as she repeated over and over, "All hands on deck."

The kitchen was an array of aromas and if you need to go out and get something mom's voice literally follows you out with, "Close the door!" When you think you're starting to really inhale chicken stock, the smell of roasted fish hits you from another side and then the aroma of the moin-moin that Aunty Mena had been working on starts wafting into your nose.

It was a typical Christmas morning and with the amount of food, even if I didn't already know, it was obvious we'll be having guests over because there's no way all this food is for just us. But apart from that, its normal. I don't remember any Christmas were we haven't had to host at least a few guests. Everybody just had to eat 'Christmas rice' and mom loved making it available.

It was when my mom mentioned that we'll be cooking three different types of rice today that I realized just how much vegetables were in the tray in front of me. I sighed as I got to work.

TJ had put on some music and it floated softly around the house through the tiny speakers on the ceiling. It gave me that feeling when you just wanted to sink your head into your neck and hug yourself. It really felt and smelt like Christmas.

The presents under the Christmas tree was new but not unusual. They looked like they belonged there, like we've been doing it for ages. It was lovely and it surprised me how I was actually really curious to see what everyone got me. Initially I didn't think much abut it but maybe its just all the happiness suffocating me.

The same unusual happiness that made me reach for my phone and called Damian on speed dial.

"Hi Damian!" I smiled to myself.

He chuckled, "You sound excited, what's happening?"

I rolled my eyes, "It's Christmas! How dare you!?" I scolded even though the smile didn't leave my face.

"I can practically hear the smile in your voice. Merry Christmas Ejiro."

"Merry Christmas Damian." I said blushing for whatever reason and that's when Muna chose to walk past.

I blushed even more at this, but this time in embarrassment... It was like I got caught doing something very bad. Muna spared me a brief look, frowned and went into the kitchen. This was when my confused self decided to feel stupid for being embarrassed.

"Jiji, are you there?"

I smile again, "Remember when you used to call me 'hamburger' and all those other weird stuff?" I voice out my fleeting memories.

"You want that?" And this time, I could hear the smirk in his voice

"Like I said Damian, weird stuff."

"You wound me Ejiro, how could you say that? I thought you loved being called my favorite snack."

I choked on a diced carrot — yeah, I wasn't that naive.

"Are you there?" He asked, voice full of humor. For a second I imagined hitting him across the head with the colander but no, that will hurt too much.

"No."

"Funny." There was a long pause which wasn't awkward at all and which I spent smiling before Damian spoke again, "My mom keeps saying she wants to meet you."

I choked on another diced carrot, "Wh — *cough* — at? Why?"

"Because you're the girl I like?" He offered and my face felt ready to combust.

"Damian..."

He suddenly gasped, "You're telling me you forgot?

If you were to see me at this point maybe you'd be able explain the look my face carried because I can't explain it. It was a combination of a very amused smile and blushing very hard.

"I didn't." I think about it everyday and sometimes I wonder if it was a joke because, how? Why?

"So..."

My chest constricted,

Damian please don't do this!

I want to tell him how I feel, I really do. But what would that mean for us? Would we have to start dating? What would he expect from me? There's a lot I can't give...there's a lot I can't tell him and what happens when he starts pushing for answers? And what Dad said... He'll be so disappointed in me if I go against him. He already despises me, I don't want to make it worse.

"I'm sorry..." Damian starts and my heart breaks. "I shouldn't have...that was unfair."

"No..."

"Merry Christmas." He said.

It's better for us both if I don't acknowledge this feeling. Trust me, it is.

When I heard the call end, I buried my head in my folded arms on the table and gave a very loud silent scream. Three seconds later, my shoulders began to shake and my eyes began to water.

No! I begged whatever controls this stuff, but my body had chosen that time to feel sorry for itself.

"Jiji? What is it?"

"The onions mom." I said immediately, turning away from my mom's figure at the kitchen door.

"Let me pretend I don't know that there are no onions in that tray, Ejiro." She said and I winced at her use of my name. "We have to talk."

When she went away, I heard the shuffle of the chair beside me as someone pulled it out. Muna sat and faced me,

"You forgot to clean your face." He said and I frowned as I hurriedly used my hands to wipe my cheeks.

Muna grabbed a serviette and passed it to me, I refused to look at him as I took it and tried to make myself look normal.

"This boyfriend of yours seems to have a flair for upsetting you." He comments and I frown, getting defensive.

"We are not dating and you don't know anything about it so let it be."

"If he's hurting you —"

"He's not." I shot back.

"Doesn't look like it."

"What if I'm the one hurting him!? Did you think of that?" I suddenly exclaimed to my horror as my dad walked in.

I got up from my chair in reflex from the tension.

"Migwo daddy."

He gave me a long look and then glanced at Muna before sparing me a very passive reply and going to sit in the parlour.

"Muna please go." I begged. He had been watching me and there was no doubt that the way I acted when Dad came in had made him curious. I wanted to scream at myself...and then the last thing I said to him...

"Muna."

"I'm going." He said, raising his hands in mock surrender.

•••

I stayed in my room all day.

My mood had been ruined and all I could do was feel bad for myself. After taking my food up with me, I ate alone and left the plate on the table. Mom hasn't said anything yet because we have had visitors all day long but I know she's definitely going to grill me as soon as she can.  I don't blame her... I'm not good at anything, not even at being subtle.

Why can't I just stay happy!? Or at least pretend to be...

I heard the faint ringing of my phone for the ninth time. I had locked it in the bathroom so I could be miserable in peace but this person was persistent. I knew it wasn't Damian though, it couldn't be. It won't be long till he gives up on me, and I won't blame him.

He told his mom about me! All I do is push him away and his mom knows that I'm the girl he likes.

My legs ached at my joints as I stood up. I had been laying in a bad position so it was expected, I was just too lazy to lay properly. The phone stopped ringing when I got to it and I smiled to myself. Now, I don't get to answer.

DemiD

I heaved a sigh, how does she manage to be so persistent?

"Hi Dianne."

"I thought you were calling me Didi now."

"Same thing."

"Why do you sound so... I know you've not picked the last three calls but do you really not want to speak to me? You too?"

"What? Dianne what happened?" I asked as I heard her voice break . I never thought I'd see a day were the Dianne Adesina would cry.

"Never mind." She sniffed.

"What do you mean... 'you too'?" I faltered as she ended the call.

I frowned. It annoyed me how kind I was as I hit call on her line. I'm sad too, I should just ignore her, right? But no, I decide to get curious and concerned.

She picks almost immediately, "Dianne, come on, what's wrong?"

"Doesn't matter." She says. She seemed to have stopped crying but her voice had this 'I just cried' feel to it.

"Didi..."

"Don't call me Didi."

I laughed, "Why?"

"That's what he calls me."

There was a short silence which Dianne broke by laughing.

I was so confused.

"I'm joking, there's no 'he', I don't even know why I said that."

"So you're not actually sad?" I huffed.

"Oh, I was. But I'd rather not talk about it and I don't want to dwell on it so..."

I blushed feeling attacked — I'm literally 'dwelling' on my sadness right now.

"Anyway Jiji, tell me why you are sad."

"What are you talking about?" I definitely didn't say anything. Right?

"I can hear it in your voice baby boo. You heard the phone ring but refused to pick up. I'm pretty sure it's not me in particular you didn't want to talk to. Besides, your voice when you answered the call was off..."

"Dianne, don't you have a photoshoot or something to get to?"

"Lol, it's the 25th Jiji, I obviously won't...work."

I sighed.

"Although, I do have a YouTube video to edit... Jiji? I don't believe you're subscribed to my channel."

"You didn't tell me you had one." I remind her.

"I don't have to!" She exclaimed, "That means you don't even follow me on Instagram! How are we even friends?"

"I don't know." I whispered but she heard me.

"Let me pretend I didn't hear that, just so you don't succeed in diverting my attention from the main topic of interest."

I sigh, "There is no other topic Dianne."

"Sure. It's about a boy right? That Damian boy."

"You don't know what you're saying." I denied even as I squeezed my eyes tightly.

"Don't I?"

"You don't."

"Come on Ejiro. I'd do anything to hear about it." The call was on speakerphone so I placed it beside me and cracked my knuckles, "Make my day Jiji." Dianne added and I opened my mouth to say something but after two unintelligible words, I shut it back.

I groaned out loud, where am I even supposed to start from? What exactly even made miserable today? The fact that I'm ruined or the fact that I keep breaking both I and Damian's hearts... If he really likes me that is.

My subconscious laughed at me, What if it's a joke for him?

"Ejiro..."

"I don't know what to do." I sigh unsure whether she caught it or not since I was no longer holding the phone. I turned, laying on my belly and grasped the phone in front of me, holding it like a microphone.

"I don't know what to do." I repeat. The words that wanted out of my mouth felt like they were at my chest, choking me as they begged me to let them out ...but I had to be careful.

"Talk to me boo."

"I like Damian, I really do. He says he likes me and I want to believe him..."
I spoke according to my recent doubts.

"But?"

"But I can't tell him I feel the same way about him because we can't be together."

"Why?"

"I just can't, Dianne..."

"This is not about you being too shy to say it?"

"Not exactly."

"Does he have some kind of cheating reputation or something?"

I felt my eyes burn, "No, it's not... It's not a problem on his part."

She didn't take her cue to speak so I continued,

"It's a lot more complicated than you think Dianne, and I can't exactly talk about it."

She hummed, "I see, but there's a way out, there always is. Damian is a very fine boy and you are not the only girl in your school. Do you want to risk it? Can you imagine him holding hands with another girl? Kissing another girl? Tou —"

"Dianne!" I begged as images of Chisom and Damian flashed across my mind.

She's close to Damian, I just don't know how much and even as I try not to think about it, I remember them singing together on Carol night.

"Did you guys fight?" She asked after the much needed silence.

"No... But I don't really like the way the conversation ended... I'm scared I've pushed him away again. It has happened before and it wasn't funny."

"Okay, then let's find a way to fix that. I'm not saying ask him to be your boyfriend; maybe you're religious or something, I don't know what's holding you back, but I'm not saying to go against your principles.

"You've never told him you like him Jiji even though he has told you about his feelings more than once. He's going to think you're friendzoning him. Nobody likes that Jiji."

"He knows I like him." I blush, "It's kinda obvious."

"Excuse me, do you stalk his social media or other weird stuff like stare at him in class till you drool?"

I giggle, "Don't be silly."

"Seriously though, you have to clear things. I know it seems like all boys want these days is your puna but your bobo might be different."

"Excuse me?" I ask, not understanding what she just said.

"All I'm saying is that you tell him you like him too and see what happens from there."

I sigh.

How am I supposed to do that?

"It's not that easy..."

"He's talking to another girl as we speak boo. He's probably thinking about how you're never going to return his feelings anyway."

"Don't say that!"

She chuckled, "Then do what you need to do, girl."

Okay. I'm going to do what I need to do.

I guess...

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Was going to give y'all this update for Christmas but it's not too late, right?

I'm not too impressed by this chapter but I know I'd feel guilty if I don't update before I have to go MIA again.

Oh yeah, I keep forgetting with each update! Shout out to Iyanuoluwa-Temi for these beautiful beautiful covers! Tell me what you think guysヽ(^。^)丿

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance. I love you, Je t'aime, Saranghe!

ᏆᎬᏁᎪ !