Life Of Jiji

All Rights Reserved

©2021 Tena Ifiemi

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still don't know my name - labyrinth ♪

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*trigger warning*

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One minute, I was asleep on my bed, in the hostel and the next I was sitting in the living room of my house tapping away on my phone. And since I'm not stranger to my memories, I know exactly what happens next.

"Jiji dear."

"Uncle Ovie!" 9 year old me runs to hug her favorite uncle. "What did you buy for me?"

After that scene, everything usually changes and then the whole nightmare becomes unpredictable and I don't know what next to expect except the ending. It always ends the same way.

"Actually, I've come to take you somewhere." He says and in a flash, I find myself in school again but this time we're in the football field and everyone is watching the guys play but soon enough, they're watching Uncle Ovie turn me into a sobbing, sore, bloody mess on the floor and then I was my fifteen year old self again.

The whole school was there. Teachers, students, everybody and they just watched the whole thing happen. And I know I was being violated but I'll still like to say, I have never felt so violated. If that makes any sense.

I blink once and everyone disappears, except me, Uncle Ovie and... Damian. Damian was standing beside my limp body and just stares down at me with a disgusted look on his face.

And then he walks away.

I woke up panting, tears flowing down my face and sweat soaking up my clothes. I didn't scream though, I was far too used to the horror to still be doing that. But one thing I wasn't used to was such an ending. Why did Damian have to be in it. Why did my whole school have to be in it. Why did he have to ruin my life. I kept on sobbing until I heard someone speak,

"Are you okay?"

It was Khadi. Startled at how loud her whisper had seemed in the quiet and the fact that I wasn't even expecting anyone to be awake, I rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a thump. She rushed to my side in an instant but before she could get to me, I hurriedly wiped my face.

Khadi helps me up and helps me back to my bed. My hands were shaking, I realized, when she held them in hers. I was terrified both for the fact that I had that awful nightmare and the fact that she was awake. I didn't want to raise any unnecessary concern. I didn't want anyone to feel the need to want to know what's wrong. To know if I'm okay.

"Hey, Ejiro. Are you good, now? What was that about?" Khadi asked. I couldn't see her clearly but I was sure there'll be concern written all over her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said rubbing my face, only to feel wetness. "It was just a dream." I dismissed, pulling up my duvet.

But Khadi wasn't just going to be dismissed. "It wasn't just a dream. I heard you saying 'No' and 'Please stop' in this your so called dream and then you wake up crying."

I tensed. Do, I talk out loud when I have nightmares? I haven't had them in a long time but even when I did, I always wake up alone so there's no way I'd know. But this is bad. If this continues, then I could risk people finding out!

"Just forget about it." I said, desperately hoping she does. I swear, if she asks about this again I might snap.

"Fine." She says after a full minute of silence as if she was contemplating actually dropping the matter.

I sighed in relief as she finally went back to her bed and I could hear her pulling up her duvet. Few minutes later, I called her name but she didn't answer confirming that she was asleep. Feeling lighter, I settled more comfortably into my bed.

But sleep still didn't come.

•••

Khadi kept on giving me weird glances throughout the day and at some point, I thought I was going to scream. I avoided Damian like a plague. This was my worst dream ever. I couldn't look at him without remembering what he saw and how he looked at me in it.

Yeah, I know it was 'just a dream' but if you were like me, having these reoccurring nightmares that turns you into a shadow of yourself by morning you'd know how much whatever you see in these nightmares affects you.

I was really sleepy throughout the day and I kept falling asleep in classes. Thankfully, we didn't have Literature today and therefore, no Maryjane. I swear, I really wouldn't have been able to handle another trip to the principal. To make it worse, I started my period and I have the worst mood swings ever.

I was eating my chocolate in government class and Mr. Tokumbo got angry and seized it. You want to know what I did? I cried. I just started crying. The man looked so horrified he gave it back to me and told me to put it in my bag.

You know one downside of eating sugary stuff when you're on your period if you're me? Your cramps get worse and the blood is never ending. But still, you crave the sugary stuff. A lot.

During break, I didn't go to the tuck shop. I legit couldn't move. The cramps were so intense, I was in a very weird position right now. My butt was sitting at the edge of the chair which was pushed way back from the table which I was resting my head on. And I was still eating my chocolate.

Very slowly. I wanted it to last as long as possible.

A few more miserable minutes later and Ayo walked into the class with her snacks in her hand. She bought doughnut and a Hollandia yogurt. I looked away, before I started craving that as well.

"Ejiro are you alright?" She asked and I heard her walk towards me. "You look like you're about to take a shit."

I just groaned back at her. Very loudly.

"Oh my God, Ejiro. Is that white chocolate? Where did you get it? Can I-"

"No!" I say, throwing the said chocolate into my bag.

I'm sorry for being so stingy but that's white chocolate. Swiss white chocolate. They don't sell it in the tuck shop!

"Okay, that makes sense." Ayo finally says. "But what's up with you? First of all, you have the worst eye bags ever. You look like you had a very awful eye makeover. Secondly, why are you sitting that way?"

"Cramps." I answered dryly.

Ayo winced, "Sorry girl. I am really not looking forward to my time of the month." She says. "That doesn't answer why your eyes are awfully dark though, but I'll let it slide."

I smiled genuinely at that. Thank God.

"Have you taken any painkillers?" She asked and I shook my head.

"I never use painkillers." I wheezed out.

Ayo's eyes tripled in size. "What!? Ejiro you look like you might perish in the next three seconds." She said and I rolled my eyes. "Come on, let's get you to the sick bay."

I shake my head, "I can't move."

"Suck it up sister! It's for the betterment of your life." She said pulling me up on my feet.

"Can you help me check?" I whisper nervously. I'm allowed to be embarrassed, right?

"You're good." Ayo says and proceeds to help me out of the class.

I really wanted to lay down but the nurse said, period cramps is not enough excuse to do that. Can you believe that? Cause I can't. She gave me the infamous pill though and I threw up in the toilet right after taking it.

I really be having pregnancy symptoms when I'm on my period. There's the mood swings, there's the lower back pain, the waist pain, the throwing up and then my stomach actually gets bloated and I tend to want to eat a lot.

The nurse gave me another pill and this time, I managed to keep it down. When we got back to class, we heard that the school was hosting a group of people who wanted to speak to the whole school so we had to go to the auditorium.

Ayo and I sat side by side and unfortunately for me, Khadi sat on the other side. I wasn't ready for her worried glances right now, I swear.

While we were waiting for the program to begin, students being students made the whole place really rowdy and it was funny to watch the prefects stress themselves trying to get the whole place quiet.

Okay, that was mean, I'm sorry.

Well luckily for me, the cramps had actually died down and now I was just making small talk with Ayo and Khadijah.

That was when someone threw a folded piece of paper into my lap. Not bothering, to find out who threw it, I opened it.

I know you're avoiding me.
- Damian.

Before I could even react, another one landed on my lap.

And I saw you go to the sick bay. What's up?
-Damian.

Guess I couldn't really hide from anybody. Reluctantly, I looked behind me to tell him to stop but immediately I saw his face, last night came back to me so quick it made me dizzy. Shutting my eyes tight, I turned back trying to expel the visions.

Another folded piece of paper landed in my lap.

Is it because of the chocolate? Was it expired or something?

He didn't bother to add Damian this time. Unable to suppress my amusement, I allowed myself a small laugh.

Taking out my pen, I turned the back of the paper and wrote,

I'm not avoiding you and I'm fine. I just wanted vitamin C and no, the chocolate wasn't expired.
-Ejiro.

I folded the paper back and raised it behind my head. He took it immediately... Or at least, I hope it was him. Reaching into my fanny pack, I broke a piece of my beloved chocolate and raised it in the air before popping it into my mouth just to pass the message that it wasn't expired. Just thinking about the fact that he said that makes me want to face palm.

And I know I lied about why I was in the sick bay but did you really see me telling Damian that I had period cramps?

Don't tell me you did.

Thankfully, Damian didn't send any more notes because the program had begun and the teachers were watching us like hawks.

"Good afternoon students." The principal greeted as she took to the podium and the whole hall echoed with the responses. "Today, we have three very important guests to speak to us all. I'm sure you would find what they have to talk about, very intriguing and of course, educating." She paused, looking behind her with a smile. Can we all make welcome, the first guest on my list, Doctor Nwabueze to begin this ride.

At this, the whole student body erupted into a rounds of applause, inspired by our very intimidating prefects. The prefects, not the principal...just to be clear.

"Thank you very much madam." The speaker said, with a brief nod towards the principal who smiled and nodded back.

God, the formalities.

"Good afternoon everyone, I am Doctor Nwabueze and I'm here today to administer a talk on the very sensitive topic, abuse." She finally begun. "There are different types of abuse. Mainly physical abuse, verbal abuse and sexual abuse."

I felt my whole body tense.

"I think, the most common type of abuse is verbal abuse. It happens everywhere. Every second of every day. The smallest degrading statement you make about another person, the smallest word of insult is verbal abuse. You can tell someone, 'see your head' and the person starts thinking, 'what's wrong with my head? 'Is it too big?' 'Does it look ugly?' These things are not funny! It doesn't only happen in the conventional way, where seniors bully juniors-and I hope you realize that bullying involves insults as well-"

"Oh, our school has zero tolerance for bullying." The principal cut in politely and the two women shared a brief second of laughter over it.

"Go and tell that to aunty Ovieya." I heard someone say. Chewing on my lip, I brought my focus back to the doctor.

She's a petite woman. Light skinned and really pretty and I could tell that she was about the same age as my mother. She looked very classy in her pantsuit and glass heels and bone straight wig. I would like to be like her someday. No, I don't want to be a doctor. I just imagine myself being so confident. Very farfetched, I know.

"I'm sure about that." Doctor Nwabueze said. "So as I was saying, its not only seniors that bully juniors but people of the same age and class bully themselves also and juniors bully seniors as well."

At that last statement, murmurs filled the hall. In the midst of it all, Dr. Nwabueze welcomed the next speaker, a dark bald guy to talk about physical abuse. The last speaker was Dr. Nwabueze's daughter, Amarachi. She looked to be in her twenties and she had a British accent. When she introduced herself, everybody turned to look at Amarachi who wasn't even paying attention. She and Mide were holding hands and confused, she nearly fell off her chair when she felt the eyes on her.

I giggled slightly.

"Good afternoon students. My name is Amarachi Nwabueze and I'm here to enlighten you all on the topic, sexual abuse."

I took a deep breath.

"According to Wikipedia, Sexual Abuse, also referred to as molestation, is abusive sexual behavior by one person upon another. It is often perpetrated using force or by taking advantage of another. When force is immediate, of short duration or infrequent, it is called sexual assault.
From another source, sexual abuse is said to be sexual behavior or a sexual act forced upon a woman, man or child without their consent."

I felt someone tap me and I startled.

"Are you okay? You're sweating a lot and the air conditioning is on."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure almost every other person is cold."

"I think my shirt is just tight." I said and I heard Khadi scoff beside me but I ignored it.

"Sexual abuse is an act of violence which the attacker uses against someone they perceive is weaker than them. Although Sexual Abuse is more common among the female gender, men and boys get raped too and a person can also get raped by their husband or wife.

"Remember, sexual abuse is sexual behavior without the consent of the second party. You should never be scared to report rape. Sexual abusers/rapists are monsters and they deserve all the time in jail they're subjected to. Sexual abuse is one of the worst things that can ever happen to an individual and I would never wish it on anyone, including my worst enemy and definitely not any of you."

I felt someone shake me, "Ejiro, seriously what's going on with you? Are you sick!?"

It's like, hearing her say the word 'sickness' gave my insides the sign it had been waiting for because I got up immediately and sprinted down the hallway with my hand over my mouth. I heard someone, call my name as I ran out to the bathroom.

Not Ejiro. Jiji.

Bending over the sink, my stomach lurched painfully and I successfully emptied everything I had managed to eat today. I felt a hand rub my back up and down which was supposed to help but at this point, I wasn't even sure because all I felt was exhausted.

I just kept going and going until I was sure everything in my stomach was gone because nothing came out anymore even though I kept retching. I finally turned to see the person behind me and guess what, it was my sister. I'm not even joking, it was Reya. Rubbing my back.

"You..." I said but I wasn't able to say more because it seems that was the final straw. I suddenly felt very dizzy and it was as though my body finally decided to succumb to all the pressure and stress I've been going through since morning.

"Jiji!" It was my name and it was Reya that said it but it didn't seem like her voice. Didn't seem like a voice. It was like different voices, echoing and echoing and I felt like I was falling.

I felt weak.

And as I fell, I thought,

I didn't want to get up.

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I'd just like to say, this chapter was very hard to write and I'm still very unsure about it. We are finally getting an insight of what happened in Jiji's past and I'm very nervous.

And my period mood swings are that bad too. I once cried because I poured rice on the table😂

I'm sorry for this cliffhanger because I might leave you hanging for awhile.

Peace ✌🏼

tena ✨