Life of Jiji

All Rights Reserved

©2020 Tena Ifiemi

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when the party's over - billie eilish ♪

bad influence - omah Lay. ♪

*My top favorite singers BTW✌🏼*

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ШHΞЛ ł ШФКΞ UP, I found myself in my bed and it was morning. Everything from last night started rushing in rapidly and my heart sank.

Who brought me here? Did...did it happen again?

My room door suddenly opened and I jumped. My heart was beating fast and my head began to pound.

It was my dad.

He rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms.

"Shhh... Eji, it's alright. Everything is okay, I promise." He cooed but that only made me cry more.

"Did he...?" I trailed off, not knowing how to ask what I wanted to ask.

"No, no, no, no, no. I swear." He was quick to say and I relaxed.

He wouldn't lie about this, would he?

"What happened?"

"I couldn't sleep and I heard noises so I came and I saw you on the floor.  He didn't..." He trailed off, but I knew what the next two words might have been.

I nodded, now suddenly aware that my father was hugging me. I've missed having times like this. I've missed him acknowledging me as his daughter. But now? Now, I just wanted his arms off of me.

I cleared my throat. "Dad—"

And as if a bucket of cold water was poured over his head, he quickly let go of me and got up from my bed.

"Right. Umm..." He hesitated. "Don't tell your mother...y'know, about..."

I felt my eyes start to water again.

"Of course."

And then he was gone.

A few minutes of staring at my ceiling later, I turned on my phone to check the time.

6:45AM.

I connected to the house WiFi wanting to check WhatsApp to see if anyone was online. Anything to take my mind away from what happened yesterday. But seconds after I unlocked the app, sleep soon overcame me.

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Few hours later, I got up from bed to finally start preparing for school. Going into the en-suite bathroom, I turned on the tap and let the water flow into the bucket while I sat down on the toilet to relieve myself and then suddenly the lights went off and I couldn't hear the sound of water flowing into the bucket anymore.

I heard someone come into my room.

"Mom?" I called out. I wasn't usually afraid of the dark but something about this wasn't right.

"Mom?" I called again. Getting up and finding the door in the darkness but when I try the handle, the door won't open.

I didn't lock it. I know I didn't.

"Mom!" I screamed banging the door when I realized that the key was on the other side.

"This isn't mom."

I stepped back from the door when I heard the unmistakably familiar voice.

Seconds later, I heard the turning of a key and the door opened. I looked down immediately, my heart thumping as he approached me, where I was crouched down on the floor.

"Ejiro!" He called once but I heard it being over and over again in my head as if a choir of little children were repeating after him.

"Ejiro, look at me!"

But I wouldn't dare.

"Ejiro!"

The next time he called though, the voice was softer, and I felt someone shaking me gently.

"Jiji. Ji-baby wake up. Open your eyes."

I didn't want to, afraid and now confused as to what was even happening but I finally did and when I did I found myself on my bed and my mom was beside me staring at me worriedly.

My breathing was unsteady and I looked around my room, my eyes settling on the bathroom door and I felt my heart beat painfully in my chest. Suddenly, I felt hands grip mine, jolting me out of my reverie quite literally since I literally jerked at the contact.

"Jiji, look at me. What are you looking for? It was a dream, okay? There's nothing to worry about."

In that moment, I contemplated telling her. Maybe it would be easier to breathe if I just got it out my chest. But I remembered what dad said and besides, telling her would only cause problems. And could I really bear having her look at me the way dad looked at me?

More like avoided to look actually...

The nightmares are back. So? So, I'd just deal with it the way I used to. It'd not be the first time after all. But deep down I knew this time it was different. If I was at home like before, I'd just lock the door to prevent scenarios where my mom would walk in on me screaming like this one. But I was in boarding school now and I'll be in a room with three other girls.

"Ejiro are you okay? You look pale. Are you not feeling well? Do you not want to resume school today?" Mom asked pulling at my arm at this point. That's when I realized that she had been calling my name and I didn't answer.

"I'm fine mommy." I finally said suddenly feeling the urge to pee but just the thought of going into the bathroom frightened me.

"Are you sure you're alright? Was it the dream? Do you want to talk about it?"

I quickly shook my head and mom sighed.

"Okay then, you should go and bathe and start preparing for school then. Have you packed?" She asked standing up and I nodded.

She lingered at the door and I knew she was waiting for me to make a move to enter the bathroom.

How do I explain to her that I was scared of going in there?

"Erm... Mom?"

"Mmh?"

"I think there's something wrong with the shower head. Can you please have a look at it?"

"Sure. Come and show me." She beckoned and I followed behind her as she turned on the bathroom lights and walked in. I looked around, quickly scanning the place... For him.

I guess it was crazy to even think that he'd be in here but I'm sure nobody would expect my mind to be intact at this point.

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I had bathed. I had dressed and now I was dragging my bags out of the room. Breakfast was spaghetti and everyone was already at the table. We normally don't all sit at the table to eat as a family except on weekends since my parents don't have to go to work.

I volunteered to wash the plates when we were all done. Anything to get away from how awkwardly quiet the table was. We hadn't had a time where we all ate together since Reya stopped talking to me and dad was as hostile as ever, making me wonder whether him hugging and comforting me was also part of my dream.

I knew mom could tell something was up so when she came into the kitchen and started asking questions, I wasn't surprised.

"Hey, Ji, is something wrong?"

I didn't look back, I just kept rinsing the plates.

"Yeah, why?"

"Are you and Reya having any problems?" She asked and I just shrugged.

She pulled my arm and the plate dropped from my hand, the sound it made as it hit another plate ringing in my ears.

"Would you talk to me for once!?" She yelled and I saw frustration and a bit of anger etched in her features before it was quickly replaced with something calmer and... Pain? She retracted her hand from me.

She sighed. "I know something's up Ejiro and I've been waiting for forever for you to confide in me. Why won't you trust me? Do you know how it kills me to not know what troubles you? You're my child, Ejiro! I thought this change of school was going to help and honestly at the beginning it seemed to be but now I don't even know anymore. You confuse me and...and..." She sighed and just shook her head. Turning around, she left, her heels clicking on the tiles as she walked away.

I was left undisturbed for the whole of our journey and I was thankful for it. When we got down from the plane, I spent the entire uber ride chatting with Demi and Damian. Tobe finally replied my message and I blocked him immediately after reading it.

He said,

I didn't but I honestly don't care. I like Reya a lot. Just stop being a bitch and let me talk to her.

What an asshole.

When we drove into the school compound, I noticed how busy the whole place was. Students and their parents moving about, teachers, janitors and all of that. I sighted Ms Chioma from my window seat and she grinned waving at me. Somewhat unconsciously, I found myself smiling back.

Maybe school would be better for me this half after all.

"Ejiro!" I heard someone scream and I turned only to see Zainab running towards me. I didn't even have time to brace myself before she crashed into me, nearly knocking me off but I was the opposite of mad.

Her happiness was so contagious I had to laugh. Not smile. Laugh.

"Zainab, easy." I said, pulling her off me not wanting the hug to last longer than a few seconds

"I missed you! I would have called you but my phone got broken and my mom refused to get me a new one. How are you?"

Not wanting to over think how I really was, I smiled and answered her, "I'm alright. You?"

"Amazing." She said with the widest grin. Before I could further envy how joyful she seemed to be, though, my mom called me and I realized they were waiting for me.

We were heading to the Admin block which they called Hillary House (for whatever reason) to get some minor payments done.

"Oh, sorry for keeping you. See you in the hostel!" Zainab said, her usual energy radiating of her.

"Coming mom!"

I felt lighter.

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I had just finished using the toilet, downstairs at Hillary hall and I was about to leave the stall when mom came in. I knew it was her because she was talking to someone on the phone. She had been upstairs in the accountant's office with Reya, paying our laundry service and tuck shop fees when I excused myself. She probably didn't know I was in here.

"Nnenna, I don't know what, but something is wrong in my family. I can feel it!" She paused for a while, probably to let the Nnenna talk.

"It's Jiji... Ejiro. She doesn't want to talk to me about it and it's killing me. I feel so useless as a mother..."

I gasped. What!? No!

"Yeah, I know we've talked about this before, like a year, two years ago when I first noticed that my baby's light was gone... Mmhmm, but the thing is she was opening up, maybe because of her new friends, I don't know but recently, I noticed this strain between her and my oldest daughter...yeah, Oviereya and since as usual Ejiro won't tell me anything, I asked Reya but she too won't talk... Okay obviously they weren't just silent but they denied that anything was wrong yet they haven't said a word to each other today... Thank you! That's not normal abi? Dị ka ụmụaka ka anyị nwere ike ịnọ ọbụna otu ụbọchị n'ekwughị okwu? Mba nah." Mom sighed, "Okay, we'll talk later."

I waited till I heard her enter a stall before walking out.

Few minutes later, mom was done and came down to the reception where me and Reya were waiting.

"Oya Reya, Ji, I should get going. Take care of yourselves, okay?" She said hugging us. "I'm trying my best to be there for you girls and Tejiri too. I'm sorry if I'm not trying hard enough but I am."

That statement broke my heart. Nothing is her fault. Not me and Reya's conflict. Not dad ignoring me. Not that day. It makes me feel bad that she feels guilty but I can't. I really can't.

"Study hard and avoid distractions. Reya, you're in exam class, take your books seriously. If you want to leave this country, your grades have to be better than TJ's" I saw Reya's mouth drop, my brother was a genius, we all knew that was going to be hard. "Ejiro, you as well, you might not be there yet but next year will be your turn. You should begin building your foundation. Have fun girls, but don't do anything I wouldn't do."

It was awkwardly silent for the short five minutes after she left until Reya broke it;

"At least I know her and dad have sex" She said with a smile just before running to go join a bunch of her friends. And no, the smile wasn't for me.

Dị ka ụmụaka ka anyị nwere ike ịnọ ọbụna otu ụbọchị n'ekwughị okwu? Mba nah. —As kids could we spend even a day without talking? Of course not.

It's Igbo, one of Nigeria's major languages. Yes, Jiji's mom; Amanda is Igbo. I don't think y'all even knew her name.