Emily was roused from her nap by her phone, resting next to her on the bed and pinging constantly from notifications. She grabbed it, glancing at the time. 3:58 p.m. She had easily fallen asleep, exhausted, after spending the morning driving to school and unpacking her things with her parents.

She had text messages from multiple people talking about different things: Phoebe, expressing her excitement for the new school year, and assuring Emily she would arrive at her dorm the next day; her parents, asking her again if she was sure she didn't need a therapist to talk to at her college and reminding her to eat every meal. Food. It was the only thing her parents wanted to discuss with her anymore.

And still nothing from Levi.

Emily sighed, frustrated and annoyed at the disappointment that rang through her. The last time she had talked to Levi was the day before summer break started. She had met up with him at Aroma Mocha, as she had done every weekend since her meeting with Mrs. Bromely, and admitted she was going to miss seeing him. In response, he had grinned, a playful glint in his eyes, stating I would miss me too if I were you.

It had been three months since then. Emily was never sure if it was an appropriate time to talk to him, so she never did. When week after week passed, she decided it would be too awkward to try and talk to him like old times.

Will I see him?, Emily wondered as she pushed herself up from bed. Phoebe's brother, Michael, was good friends with Levi. Maybe she would have a reason to start talking to him again.

She shook her head, dismissing the thoughts. Levi was going to be a senior this year, and she a sophomore. They majored in two completely different subjects. They had no reasons to cross each other's paths again. Emily had to accept that, sooner or later.

Her phone pinged again, but not from a new message. There was a reminder for her to eat on her phone, set up by her parents, that was supposed to go off every couple hours. She loved her parents, she really did, but this was one of the things she despised her parents for doing. She wasn't fond of being reminded about her problems with food constantly.

She opened her closet, intent on grabbing a jacket, when she caught her reflection in the mirror and stopped. Look away, look away, don't think about it, she willed herself, but she couldn't. She noticed how much fuller her body looked in places where it once hadn't been.

You're a failure. A disgusting, worthless piece of shit who can't even do this one thing right, a familiar nasty voice said in her head. The words brought back feelings of shame, guilt, and panic. She had to do something about this, she had to get back the control she once had over herself—

Emily slammed her closet door shut, leaving it shaking in its frame. Abandoning her jacket, she rushed out of her dorm, wanting to run away from her reflection and that nagging voice in her head.

You're fine, everything is okay now, she thought fervently. She was breathing hard, a result from the combination of her panic and her running. She didn't slow down her pace as she directed herself to the dining hall even as a part of her urged her to keep running and to skip this meal. It tempted her, reminding her of how much better she felt when she didn't eat.

But, no. She couldn't quit now. She had an obligation to her parents, friends, and herself to try. She couldn't give in to her eating disorder.

Emily finally came to a stop when she reached her destination. The tantalizing smells hit her in the face, and her stomach growled in response, indicating that she was hungry. But are you really? a part of her asked. She ignored the question and blindly grabbed some food, not registering anything until she sat down and stared at her plate.

She was angry and annoyed at herself for having problems with eating. Life would be so much easier if she could just enjoy food the way normal people did. Why did she have to be the odd one?

She shoveled some food into her mouth, forcing herself to chew and swallow it down. It was more difficult to do compared to other times.

Emily took in a deep breath, then let it out. This is okay, she reassured herself, though she wasn't feeling very convinced.

So, she grabbed more of the food and put it in her mouth, desperate to feel something other than her emotions at the moment.

༻❁༺

First chapter done! I know, I know, it took me for-fucking-ever to write this chapter, idk what was up with me. I was struggling a bit to write this chapter the way I wanted to.

Just to let you all know, future chapters may be coming at a slower pace just because it's that time in the school year when everything gets crazy.