Look out for the <>!

Seriously love these photos. This one was made by annabethgranger666

By late afternoon, I couldn't help but frown at my bright computer screen. I was still waiting on one more person to see me today and I thought he would have come by now. But the emptiness of the cubical made me feel forgotten and alone.

Like on command, Toby, the man that I had been waiting for came up to me. I smiled at him. Even though I was expecting him to come sooner, now was better then never. "Happy birthday," he said, leaning down to kiss me. "I tried to come by at lunch, but you were out," he explained as he leaned his muscular lean frame against the wall of my cubical.

I nodded, now it made sense why he hadn't come around. I tried to justify it and it was moments like this when I was reminded that he had been my on and off boy friend for the last seven months for a reason. When he was around, I was the only thing that mattered but getting him to be around was the challenge in itself. He was busy doing who knows what for my grandmother and other high officials most of the time, leaving me alone. "I went out to lunch with Auggie," I replied.

I watched as he ran his spidery fingers through his jet black hair. He frowned slightly, not liking my response. I watched as his deep blue eyes glittered in the light. I swear, with eyes like his, I could almost see into his heart. Ever since he started working here in the DPD a year ago, I knew he was something special. "Cool, so I was thinking about going to see that movie you wanted to see."

"Monte Carlo?" I said with hope, after all, I had been talking about the movie for a solid month already.

He shook his head, as if he knew me better than myself. "No, Green Lantern," he said and smiled widely as if that was the movie I wanted to see all along.

I felt myself swim in disappointment for a second. This wouldn't be the first time he let me down. Just because he was 24, made him initialed to think that he was oh so knowledgeable. Sometimes I think he believed he knew better then me. Sometimes I felt like I had no voice with him. "Oh, alright, sounds good."

"I'll pick you up at 5 ok? I'm going to take you shopping too."

I nodded, knowing that it meant going to the stores he wanted to go to, which was fine, but it wasn't my style. I knew that today was going to be another date of disappointment. "Alright Toby." He didn't catch my disappointment.

He pulled out his phone and frowned as if he saw something important on it. "I have to go. See you tonight?" he asked then kissed me again.

I nodded. "Till tonight," I said as I watched him walk away.

There were many reasons why we were on again off again. Auggie thought it was funny how often we got back together, but I felt like I could never say no to him. I could never say no to his crystal blue eyes and his begging. I kept on expecting things to change with him as we made up, and maybe they would, but it would take years. However, I wasn't sure if I wanted to wait that long.

As the day bleed on to the end of the working day, I gave up hope that I would see my grandmother. I was hoping that she would at least text me a happy birthday, but that did not come and I quickly realized that she probably forgot about me. That was until she came to wish me happy birthday as I was packing up to go home.

I looked up at the small dyed red-haired older lady and smiled as she walked into my cubical. She handed me a cupcake, wishing me happy birthday quickly and curtly as if she had other more important things to do. I understood that she was busy, but sometimes I felt like I was the last thing on her to do list.

"Thanks Gram," I said to her as I looked at the stale cupcake that I was sure got from the coffee shop in the lobby of the building. I guess the thought was there. I placed it on my desk next to the papers and smiled.

"You're going out with Toby, right?" she asked as she pushed her round glasses up her nose.

I nodded as I looked at her glasses. "Gram, I told you that those don't suit your face," I said, referring to the glasses that made her look older then she was. There was a reason why she took me out shopping with her. Those glasses were bought on one of those solo shopping trips.

She rolled her eyes at me but remained quiet, not wanting to admit I was right. Because I was right. She would never tell me those words though. I don't think I ever would hear them from her. "Send Toby a hello from me, will you?" she asked, changing the topic quickly.

Out of all the people that I had dated in the past, it was clear that she liked him the most. Gram liked that he was hard working, nice, and did what he was told, no questions asked.

"I like him," she said as she tried to fix her already perfect hair.

I chuckled, this was one of the reasons why I kept going back to Toby. All my life, I just wanted to prove that I was enough to her at least with him, it made her notice me a little more. "I know you do, gram. Well, I'm going to clock out, I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded at me as she waved me off. "Ok, love you."

"Love you to grandma," I said and gave her an awkward hug, unable to hold myself back. My grandmother was never one to show physical affection and I don't think she ever would be good at it. But sometimes I just craved it from her or from anyone for that matter. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that I was enough. At least Toby did that, when he was present.

By time I made it home, I knew that I had hardly any time to get ready. Once again, I found myself working later then normal at the office.

Hastily, I threw my purse on the ground as I looked at myself in the mirror. I smoothed out my hair and smiled, convinced that I looked good enough. I ran up stairs and quickly changed clothes to something more summery and less office appropriate.

As I adjusted my makeup, I heard a knock at my door. Knowing who it was, I ran down the stairs to answer it. "Hi Annalise, you look beautiful," Toby said as I opened the door. He looked at me from head to toe and smile.

"Thanks, you look nice too Toby," I added, looking at his ripped jeans and white T.

"Thanks, are we ready to go?" he asked.

I nodded at him. "Yup, let's go," I said as I grabbed my purse on the ground then locked my house. With Toby in hand, we walked to his black little sports car then sped off to the nearby mall in silence.

Minutes ticked by in thick silence. Unable to stand it any longer, I turned the radio on to something catchy and started to sing lightly but stopped when Toby turned the radio off. "I have a slight head ache, do you mind?" he asked curtly.

I frowned at him suddenly feeling bad that we were going to see a loud movie. "Why didn't you cancel? I would have understood."

He shook his head, "I couldn't miss spending the birthday with the girl of my dreams," he said as he kissed my hand.

I smiled, "you're such a charmer." And that was why I fell for him, over and over again. I craved his words like the air I breathed. When he said those things to me, I felt whole again, like I hadn't been neglected for half of my life.

Before long, we were in the mall, going in and out of stores trying to find something to do until the movie started. But neither of us were enjoying our time for one reason or another. At this point, I would have rather to just go home then deal with this silent and distant Toby.

"So what have you been working on?" Toby finally asked as we checked out in one of the stores.

I shook my head at him. He knew that what I was working on had clearance that I could talk about. And even if it didn't have clearance, I had a strict no talking work outside of work rule, but he often forgot about it. Lately he had been forgetting that rule more. "Not today Toby, not on my birthday."

He frowned, not liking my response. I never understood why he was so fascinated with my work. I did almost the same thing as him. He should know that. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself," he said as he checked his phone for the 5th time in the hour.

"Is something going on?" I asked. I knew him well enough to know that something wasn't right. He had been more distant than normal.

He shook his head and smiled at me. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it. It's just the head ache," he said and put his phone back into his pocket. "We should get to that movie though or we'll miss it," he said and laced my fingers with his.

As we got out of the theater, we walked to his car in silence. His blue eyes seemed to say that he didn't want to be here. It made me feel less then what I was. It made me believe that I was the cause of his distance. "Are you happy Toby?" I asked, unable to hold myself back as he drove me home.

He looked at me with a frown, as if I said something wrong. "Of course I'm happy," he said as he wrapped his free hand around mine as he continued to drive back to my place.

I nodded but his voice didn't convince me. I was starting to believe that this relationship was not good for either of us. As much as I craved being with someone, we were just too different. I didn't think I could make this work anymore.

"I had a fun time with you tonight. I always do," Toby said as he pulled into my driveway. He parked the car and cupped his hand on my cheek. He gave me a kiss then said, "I love you."

I felt his warmth on my face and it made me flushed. After years of not having much physical affection, I longed for everything touch and kiss. "I love you too," I said half heartedly unsure what to say back to that. I had heard that phrase too many times from him and it was easy for me to respond. But today it just felt different. It made me think that maybe I didn't love him the way I thought I originally did.

With a sigh, I walked out of his car. I wasn't about to invite him into my house tonight. We both were too tired and worn out for that.

He rolled down his window and his eyes said he wanted to say more but instead he said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded as I waved him off. I should have known he didn't want a heart to heart. He hardly ever did. We hardly had deep conversations and for a while that was fine, but now I thought it was starting to crack our relationship. "Drive safe," I said at my door step.