SHOULD YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS^^^

WARNING: may contain bloody themes. 

Why oh why do I have to do this whenever I wear a skirt, dress, skort, or shorts?

Welllll Spring has come knocking on the door, barging in whether I let them in or not and has changed everything! It's suddenly got hot(ish). By hot I mean hotter than usual... Around 25 degress... celsius, celsius, not farenheit. If you do your temperatures in farenheit then....

"Warm! WARM! THAT'S NOT WARM THAT'S BLOOMING FREEZING."

*So 25 celsius is 77 farenheit for your information (thanks Google, love you, darling)*

Because of such glorious weather as of the beginning of Spring, I wanted to wear a skirt to school, not my long pants so I didn't overheat and die. But my legs were all a blonde fuzz because it was cold, and who could be bothered to shave when you aren't showing off your handiwork and labour to the world?

-----------------------------------------------------------------  

It is as inevitable as death, that whenever I shave, I will cut myself with the stupid razor. 

*When I am old and crusty sitting with my grandchildren*

Grandchild: Granny, where did you get all those scars on your legs? 

Me: Well you see, back in my day where we had to MANUALLY shave our legs instead of sticking them in a machine to remove all the hairs, we had this little sharp tool which cut them all off painlessly. But not if you weren't careful, if you did it too fast or pressed to hard or maybe at the wrong angle... CUT! AND THEN THERE WOULD BE BLOOD! 

Grandchild: *dramatic gasp* How come you're not dead yet? How did you survive? How did your wrists not get arthritis? 

Me: my wrists already have arthritis... 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

*WHEN I FIRST CUT MYSELF WHILE SHAVING* 

*Blood starts to appear* oh

*Blood fills wound* Oh...

*Blood becoming scarlet, not red, as blood collects over wound like a little mountain* Oh!

*Dunks knee in water and blood washes off* *Continues shaving* 

*Blood doesn't stop* OH! 

*Blood runs down leg* SOMEONE CALL 000! I THINK I MIGHT NEED AN AMPUTATION!

[000 is Australia's emergency number]

-----------------------------------------------------------------  

My knees are such a weird shape that EVERYTIME I get in the bath to shave them, I will cut myself. 

In the bath?

Yes. I will only ever shave my legs in the bath because of past experiences *shudders*...

*flash back to last year* 

I was in the shower. Attempting to shave my legs since I hadn't for a fortnight and it was advancing from long catcus spikes to noticable fuzz. I was bending over, shaving the edge of my ankle, and *Pishink* CUT. Gosh it hurts. It stings and pokes and shrieks. The blood started coming. I shrugged my shoulders and went on shaving. A couple minutes later I was shaving my other shin and *Pishink* CUT. 

Oh dear. Not AGAIN. 

I got out the shower and there was blood EVERYWHERE. Well... not everywhere, but stained on my towel from trying to cover it up. I ran straight to my room. I denied doing anything about it but stick tissues to it as I didn't want to tell mum... she knew I had a tendency to cut myself and yes... I am clumsy!

Eventually blood stained on my sock and I told mum reluctantly. She was fine about it. Helped me dress the wounds and washed the stains out of my socks.  

From then on I didn't shave my legs in the bath because I didn't want a repeated incident. Is that understandable????? Especially when said wounds started weeping... during class.... heh.

----------------------------------------------------------------- 

Razors. The most deadliest weapon I have ever laid my hands on. I pick one up and know the result is going to be in red blood cell loss... I don't know why I do it. They are so expensive, and the blades which you have to change... they're even worse. They are so lethal... the slightest nick and *Pishink* CUT. 

----------------------------------------------------------------- 

Why do I cut myself continuously while shaving my legs? BECAUSE I HAVE MESSED UP KNEES.  They are such a weird shape and trying to navigate around them properly with my razor, I need a compass or a map. 

SHAVING LEG THEME SONG:

Does anybody have a map? Anybody happen to know how the hell to do this? I don't know if you can tell, but this is me just pretending to know.

(If you don't know that song is Anybody Have a Map? from the hit Broadway Musical 'Dear Evan Hansen' which you should all listen to as it is musically beautiful and inspirational). 

Have you ever tried shaving the back of your knee? The knee crevice? It's fricken harder than cutting up my steak with a blunt knife. It's bloomin' harder than not getting 23.5/25 for every single English assignment. It's blinkin' harder than not actually using the f word in the descriptions! 

You know what the most awkward thing in the planet is? When you cut yourself and there are no bandaids in the bathroom cupboard. So I'm just sitting there, staining my towel with my blood as it's wrapped around my legs making me look like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. And when your blood gets on the tiles, *shivers*. 

Why don't I just get waxing? 

Because I wanna use my money for books.... :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Boredom. 

You know how boring it is just sitting in the bath cutting up your legs, oops I mean shaving? For your information each time I shave I only get 1 or 2 cuts so I am slightly exaggerating. Anyway, it's boring. I sometimes listen to music but most of the time my sister is in bed so I have to be quiet and invisible so I don't wake her up. I wish there was a TV in the bathroom so I could just watch The Bachelor AND de-spike my legs at the same time! 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

STAGES OF HAIR RE-GROWTH: 

1-2 days: perfectly smooth

3rd day: spikes appear 'pre-cactus'

4-5th day: cactus legs 

6-7th day: medi cactus legs 

8th day: maxi cactus legs

9-10th day: minor fuzziness

11-12th days: I should probably shave again since I've reached fuzziness

13th day: Why haven't I shaved yet? Oh yeah, coz I'm wearing long pants. 

14th day: Okay I've reached maxi fuzziness so legs go use up a box of bandaids. *write bandaids on shopping list* 

----------------------------------------------------------------- 

Missing patches 

That feeling when you're at school and you look down and ah! There's this patch of hair you missed! No matter how small it is, that patch I've missed annoys me so much I could sue myself (I don't really see a point in that but anyway). And it's always around my knees? MY KNEES? REMEMBER? THE KNOBBLY WEIRD SHAPED KNEES? UGH! 

Is this just me who experiences the knee hate? 

----------------------------------------------------------------- 

Person: Hey Gabbi what happened to your legs?

Me: *looks down to see cuts on legs* [nervous laugh] heh heh... I fell into a rosebush...

So that's my excuse everytime somebody asks about the cuts on my legs. How people notice the nicks on my knees I don't know... it's kinda become an inside joke with my friends now. "I fell into a rosebush" is my excuse for a lot of things."

Teacher: why are you talking? 

Me: I fell into a rosebush?

Police: why are you speeding? (Just kidding I'm not old enough to drive yet! Two more years until I can get my Learner's!)

Me: I fell into a rosebush? 

Forensic Scientist: did you kill this man?

Me: I FELL INTO A ROSEBUSH!

----------------------------------------------------------------- 

But at the end of the day, having smooth legs for two days is totally worth it.... 

SO YESTERDAY I SHAVED MY LEGS AND I DIDN'T CUT OR NICK MYSELF! IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!!!!! To be honest, I'm not that bad, I may be overexaggerating a bit... 

DO WE JUST SHAVE OUR LEGS TO FIT INTO SOCIETY?!