This one is a particuarly long one. I suggest you get some lolly snakes or slated caramel popcorn, and sit down prepared to read all of this. 

How to Know You Have a Crush For Lower High Schoolers (based on my check list). With my experiences included. 

 NOW: I have this horrible, horrible disorder. I tears me up on the inside and makes me feel sick in the chest and stomach and lightheaded. It's called Ican'ttalktomycrushfacetofaceisis. Every day, I wake up feeling confident 'I can talk to him today!" But when I get to school, that's the last thing I want to do. Here's a list of all the symptoms that I possess and recognise when I realise I am falling into that nasty trap of love.

1. Butterflies

Why do we get butterflies in our stomachs?

I did some research on the world-wide web (hawhawhawhaw) and from my own experience, and here is what I found out:

From the WWW:

-Our emotions and thoughts are actually linked to our digestive systems

-Butterflies are associated with the 'fight-or-flight' response our bodies have. When we think we are threatened, our brains alert our bodies by increasing heart rate, blood pressure and how fast we breathe. Simultaneously, our nervous systems send out the hormones in the adrenal glands, adrenaline and cortisol, which can make us go all tense, sweaty and longing for a shower and deodorant.

-Our stomachs are more sensitive in 'fight-or-flight' response. The muscle tension in your stomach and perspiration (sweat) keeps you alert and cools you down. Guess what? The gut contains 100 million neurons linking to the brain, known as the brain-gut-axis!

-You can feel nauseous because the rush of adrenaline actually temporarily stops digestion! The blood leaves your stomach and goes to other places, like the muscles, so you can run away faster. Kinda like when you are really nervous before running the 100m sprints and zoooom! You accelerate and run super-fast, but in pre-historic times, when cavemen felt this butterfly sensation, it might be because they were about to become the dinner of some hideous yet beautiful creature. HISTORY! YAY!

From MOI:

-I might actually need that extra blood in my muscles to stand up straight and properly! Whenever I catch his eye, or he walks in the room, or I am 1 metres away from him, my stomach explodes with fluttering bugs that won't leave me alone! When you think about it, if you actually had butterflies in your stomach, it would be really gross and maybe you would poop them out, and have winged creatures clogging up your toilet drains... yuck.

-I get this beautiful sensation inside of me because I don't want to do anything stupid. I don't want to stuff up, be an idiot, say the wrong things or spit in their face (when I came up with that excuse for not talking to him, JW said I was overthinking things).

-I don't want him to think I'm weird. So, I get so nervous and icky with this buggy feeling (geddit?) because I want to impress him, or act really normal and cool, like I am just talking to any other boy. Then I feel like I am going to faint and I can't deal with life anymore, so I want to take The Little Einstein's Rocket of Millennium Falcon to Mars or an entirely different universe.

-Once I get butterflies when I think about him, see him, write about him, look at him, see him catch my eye, see a message from him, hear him say my name, see him talk to one of my friends, I feel horrible.

***

If you have a crush on anyone, a good indication to realise is the feeling of those 100 million neutrons go beserk. Perhaps you can hide it, and know how to feel calm around them, well I might want to borrow your stomach because I am jealous. I just get so nervous, I literally had to look up ways not to anymore, on the WWW.

Seriously these two websites I read... um... okay then? I am not going to spend hours preparing to speak to him in front of the mirror, doing the seven times tables backwards and taking deep breaths. There is no time to do that on school, and at home, sisters and parents would ask what I'm doing talking to myself in the mirror, and tease me.

Butterflies in your stomach is just one small thing on my checklist.

 MOVING ON.

2. You're too nervous to talk to them

*cough cough* This is totally not me... I am so good at talking to him, and don't chicken out, and stutter and... *chokes* *goes blue* *friend gives me the Heimlich* *friend glares at me, giving me the 'tell them the truth' look*

Fine. I am the complete opposite of all that. I just can't talk to him. Today I was meant to. Somebody said something about him to me behind his back that wasn't very nice (long story, really complicated), and I was going to alert them, so maybe they would look out for that person and reassure them that it wasn't true, because what they said wasn't and it was just plain rude.

But of cause, me being the complete chicken I was, couldn't do it, even after a massive counselling session JW gave me in between the mathletics questions we were doing. It went something along the lines of this:

Me: I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it, Ican'tdoitIcan'tdoitIcan'tdoit

JW: Yes, you can.

Me: I can't, I can't, Ican'tIcant'Ican'tIcan'tIcannnnn't

JW: I'll be right there with you, so you don't need to be-

Me: I just get so nervous!

JW: You don't need to be, you can squeeze me hand really hard

Me: That's what women do to their husbands when they give birth...

Also me: And what do I say? What if I stuff up and say something really stupid!

JW: Just say *blahblahblahblah this part is not important*

Me: *face is in hands, heart is beating really fast, bugs are fluttering around stomach*

JW: Just take some deep breaths, in *inhales with me* out... *exhales with me*

*This goes on for another 2 minutes*

Me: Okay, I am going to do it, I know what I'm going to say.

JW: You see?! Everything is gonna be fine

*end of maths lesson- when I am supposed to call out to him and talk to him*

Me: I can't oh I can't I CAN'T

JW: How did you go from believing in yourself, to that?

Me: I'll text him

JW: I want proof!

Me: *sigh* Why am I such a disappointment to the world? *looks to heavens* WHY GOD? WHY?

***

You don't want to stuff up, say the wrong things, look stupid, feel embarrassed, give away your cover, make them hate you or dislike you, spit in their face or trip and be super clumsy.

You want an excuse to actually talk to them, not being random and just going up to them like:

Me: Hi James

James: *is with his friends lining up and waiting for our teacher to arrive*

Me: *blushes*

James: Hi...

*THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER*

This is more like it:

*teacher has assigned us to work in a group for investigation in science (oh, I wish...)*

James: So we're gonna *blahblahblahblah*

Me: Yeah, that's a good idea, then we can *blahblahblahblah*

James: Yep, *blahblahblahblah*

*smiles at eachother*

My heart and stomach: pnvwfovuiry723 5ty-iugv wjef vnwwvoieurvh yo2u3 yr8 7gvy7 o8ywhefoiweuv9hfwe fgwerufgwsuP9F8UWEYRV9 WERPY V97WRHFSP OJSDouhrv eurvgbpw77ry7fy pw9 revhdfsoiuvh esfh p39y v9wref vhivrsrhsghrp8gw37f yeah, best day my life.

Then when you find you have something in common, and start yapping about it, or just laugh with each other, you feel like you are conquering the world. Especially when he compliments you, about anything. Then you realise that you're still young and innocent, well at least I do. I realise that dating isn't legitimate until later years in life.

MOVING ON

3. You get frustrated when people of the opposite gender talk to him (or when they're just having a good time when people are talking to him that aren't you) – My River Cruise Experience

The story of my life (I take her home - just kidding, I was never into One Direction). The other night we had our annual river cruise. Which is basically a social night that goes for three and a half hours and you go on a fancy glass cube/box that conveniently floats over the massive river that runs through our state of Australia.

The whole grade was there, basically, including the boy I fancy (heh, dear James, me boy). It's two levels, and had really steep stairs. James fell up them once, I didn't laugh or anything, I honestly found it cute, and could relate, and thanked the heavens that I didn't do that kind of thing in front of him. My dress probably would have flipped up and everyone would see my sports shorts that I wore underneath (aka bike shorts, skunjies), just in case that kinda thing happened.

There was music on down stairs with a dance floor, where girls danced in their short dresses, and some boys, to music I didn't know but practically sounded the same and was all 'oh look at her body' and 'gimme some o' dat'. Upstairs there were tables, couches and chairs, and a group of people were in the corner with the couches, including James, Peter, Remus and Jack.

My friends and I did random stuff, like pretending we were on the titanic ('I'll never let go Jack!'), a bit of bopping to the music (including the Gabbi move: stick out wrists, wiggle them like you would with your legs in the bicycle move, bend your knees and move side to side doing weird move with wrists) and talking (I did a few of my friends hair).

I almost dropped my glasses in the river. JW knocked them off accidentally, and with some fancy hand movements, gut and my abnormal quick thinking, before they toppled off into the depth of the murky water for fish to try and eat, or maybe for people in the future to discover and believe they are really ancient and spend years trying to find their purpose, I caught them by the arm and once lens. I believed that that was God, looking down on me and guiding my hands. I would be practically blind without them, I would have to stay home until I got a new pair ASAP.

There is this girl, I am not sure if I have mentioned her before, for the sake of this I am going to call her Lila. She is one of those girls who likes to get noticed, and is 'fake nice'. Sure she was pretty nice to me at the start of last year, and we were fiends, but there was always something odd about her that I guess I'll never understand because I am not 'in that crowd'. She interacts with James' group of friends a lot and I reckon flirts with all of them really bad. Lila also has this knack of wearing clothes to show off how abdomen, and whilst mum would never let me out of the house like that, and I respect my dignity and am modest, it's not something I like to see. I swear she edits her photos of insta... I think, but her account is private (I don't have it but JW shows some pics to me, and Gee).

Seeing her interact and speak and even try to push James out of his chair, I got really agitated and frustrated. They stole her phone, and maybe it was just playful banter, but I wish I was her. She's pretty, gets noticed, is kinda smart, interacts with practically anyone, and says really weird things, like "Okay everyone, I'm the queen," or "I am going to get video evidence of this: because everyone: he stole it." Maybe she had reasons to say these things, but really...

I don't really care Lila, what do you want me to do, bow down to you and serve you hand and foot, your majesty, how I be so unappreciative and rude? Last year we had this massive fight about something so small, and she ripped me apart, like Jack. Jack is pretty mean to her, and Lila is pretty mean back, and under my breath I go 'double standards, bruh' or 'who mean now?'.

Just seeing her do anything to do with James just.... Grrrrrrrr. It annoys me to all heck and I wish I could do the same with them. Be confident but not arrogant (that's my reflection on her behaviour), just stroll up and talk.

***

I reckon this happens in most cases, you just want to be in their position and jealousy gets the better of you. Unless you are super cool with it. You have to remember that who you like or have a crush on can have friends with the other gender or of the same gender, and while it hurts you and makes it really hard, some things you have to accept. Those things you have to accept can be really annoying, and you just want to scream.

My advice? Tell someone you trust, or write/talk/sing/dance about it, however you get over things and deal with them in the most effective way. I find writing about it the best, it helps me, as I have said many a time before, and it just makes the burden on my shoulders feel lighter, and slowly dissolve.

MOVING ON

4. You get really defensive when someone is mean/unkind/hurtful towards them

Yeah, this is pretty much me in a wingardium leviosa incantation. Hear me out – you can be defensive two ways, just like you can say the incantation in two ways, as Hermione so kindly taught us.

1. LevioSAH – aka. The wrong way. You are going to poke someone's eye out, or hurt someone in the process.

Defence vs offence

Like in a sport game, when you are on the attacking side, you want to get the ball of the other side, or to your teammates to score, while people try and defend their goals, other teammates, players on the other team, and stopping people get the ball. Obviously from this description, I am not a sporty person.

My point is that somebody gets what they want, and somebody doesn't. Somebody gets the ball of the other team and scores, while the other side get it taken away from them and loose a point they could have gotten themselves. And when you defend someone, you also offend someone

Take for example, a girl in your class called your crush fat, which is clearly a lie. You're stunned that they would even say that. Caught in the moment, you say:

"How could you even say that? That's a lie and you know it! I didn't know you were that shallow, wait yeah, I think I get it now, you're that kind of person that only cares about looks. Typical."

When really you don't know why that person said that horrible thing about your crush, maybe they had a personal reason, and what you said about them wasn't true, and you basically are just as bad as them.

Maybe you are defending your crush, but not doing it in the right way.

2. LeviOHsa – you are going to do it right, and make things fly high

SWISH AND FLICK MATE 

I guess the point of a ball game is to score. The point of defending someone is to help your team, and stop the other team, perhaps prove them wrong, similar to when you defend your crush.

For example, let's take that example of that girl calling them fat again. You are angry and upset because you know it's not true. You also think that they are looking on the surface, similar to an iceberg. Only 10% of its mass in above the water, meaning 90% is underneath the surface. You think they are only looking at that person's looks and not their personality, which you take into account after first impressions.

There is only so much in the way a person looks like on the outside. What are their values, their morals, their ethics? Do they have a religion? What do they support? What don't they support? How is their life like at home? How do they treat their friends, family and enemies? How do they treat you?

While these thoughts are going through your head, you say to this person:

"What makes you say that? Do you know them well and are they specifically overweight?"

These are all sincere questions that really shouldn't offend them, if you ask me.

They'll reply, and maybe they'll continue to say things that aren't respectful, or see your point. If they continue to be mean and grotesque, then you should keep being logical about things and explain your thinking the kindest way possible.

But hey, sometimes kindness doesn't conquer, so you have to be determined and maybe even cruel.

"You should eat some make up so you're prettier on the inside, bruh!"

No, don't say that.

Put things into their perspective.

"How would you feel in somebody called you fat, when you're not? You'd want to rip into them too, wouldn't you?"

It's like the saying, 'put yourself in their shoes, unlace yours'.

I try to use the LeviOHsa techniques if I am not caught up in the moment, other times I am stuck for words and just so shocked I don't say anything, but minutes later, I have a list of comebacks I could say to make that person regret their actions.

I am a logical person and try to think things through, but usually speak before I know what I am saying and what the consequences will be.

I'm working on this.

***

You don't want your crush to be attacked. You want them to feel safe and secure, and maybe they will think good of you if you are nice to them. I've had times where I realise what I am saying about people to my friends is cruel and I would be hurt if people said those things about me.

I'm not perfect and nobody is. But when you are in love with someone, you want to be, and you want to paint the picture that who you like is perfect in every way. But that isn't reality and it's certainly not what you should believe.

But you defend that person because you can't bear to hear people be mean to them, you don't want to be the bystander.

MOVING ON

5. When your teacher is choosing groups for school work, you secretly want to be with your crush, a tweeny bit more than your friends.

It's Science Class. Your teacher is fed up with the class because they won't settle down and do their work in the groups they choose. She's announced that she is going to choose them yourself, and they'll consist of people that don't normally work with each other. Of course, you don't really work with your crush ever, because they have friends and would rather work with people that they are comfortable with.

You're waiting for either your name, or your crush's name to be called, with that fluttery feeling in your stomach. This could be your chance, you could have an actual excuse to talk to him without feeling like an idiot. Please let them be in your group! Please miss! PLEASE!

When their name is called, you are suddenly very alert and everything goes too slow. You just have to be in their group, you just have to. But your name isn't called, two other people are, and you feel really, really disappointed. It's all the teacher's fault and you just wish you could've had that opportunity.

The teacher calls your group out, and you don't get excited when she put you with one of your friends. Sure that's nice, but your mind is elsewhere. You just wish you could be a jedi, and wave your hand and get what you want.

***

Excuses.

Dreams.

Those scenarios you make up in your head.

One day we'll all look back at this and realise that we should've stuck with our friends.

6. Looking

You look at him, hoping he'll see you, but when he does, you look away. You wish you could have a staring competition with him just to get lost in his eyes, and see what he's really thinking.

You stare at her, all lesson, you only remember once or twice to do your work, and when she turns around or in your direction, and sees you, she quickly looks away. You wish she'd keep looking.

You find excuses just to look at them, when they answer a question in class, doing a presentation, walk in to class or walk past you. You just can't stop yourself. When they look exceptionally innocent, you smile, when you look away or think about them, you smile. It makes you happy just to know they exist.

Sometimes while the rest of the world is dark, they are as bright as the sun, like they have a massive spotlight on them.

When they catch you looking at them, you're slightly happy but embarrassed. Was it what you wanted? For them to see you looking at them? To catch their eye?

7. Whenever you get a message from them, your heart beats really fast.

You feel like you might have a heart attack, or need to call 000, 911, 112, 999, because you might possibly die. And when they only say 'ok', you wish they would say more.

8. These make you hopeful or you can relate: 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

So there you have it, my really long chapter. 

Comment you thoughts and opinions