Being known as Jace's fat sister, Alex, has scarred me for life, not only mentally, but physically also. It has led me to do horrible things to my body that I cannot take back. Cutting is my addiction. My sweet release from the horrible life I live. It's the only thing that is MINE and something they don't know about and can't take away. I have been told by so many people that I'm fat, that it's carved into my head now, all I see is fatness. One person called me fat, then in the blink of an eye, I can't move without being told so.

Not only am I fat, but I'm ugly, not one good trait. I'm paler than Snow White, no idea how that's possible. If only I had half as much beauty as she did though. No black hair, I have snow white hair that doesn't agree with my pale skin, and grey eyes.

I just want to be normal, like everyone else. I want to be pretty, skinny, smart, and happy like everyone else, but of course, I haven't been graced with that.

No one really likes me, I'm always being made fun of and rejected by people that surround me, even my own twin brother, Jace, hates me. He shows me his hatred by beating me. What kind of brother would beat his own twin sister? You may ask. Well mine does and he doesn't even blink an eye. I mean nothing to him. He wished I didn't exist. He wished I was dead. I'm too much of an embarrassment to him. And he never forget to remind me of that.

Our parents passed away when we were very little, and Jace blames me for it. How could it be my fault? They died in a rouge attack protecting our pack; they were betas, that was their job. Yes it's said, and I mourn their death, but it's honorable also.

Oh! I forgot to mention, I'm a werewolf and so are most of the people that I know.

Today is my 18th birthday, I'm extremely excited to finally meet my mate, the soon to be love of my life, and get out of this hell hole that is my pack, my supposed family, the Blood Moon Pack. But I have this gut feeling it isn't going to be as happy and easy as I think it is going to be.

And boy am I right.

This is my story about when I found my special "him." It changed my whole life and I'm not sure if it's in a good or bad way.

~*~

"Why are we still here?" my wolf Rosa asks me. I shifted last night while everyone was asleep, I didn't have anyone to help me through it, no one to help me through theist painful thing I have ever gone through. Ugh! Asshats.

"They're all we have." I say "If we were to run, we would have nowhere to go. They would catch, hurt and most likely kill us. It will just lead to worse things, you know I have thought of this before, no, it isn't going to happen."

"But" She starts but I block her out, I don't have time for this. We just can't run, she has to understand and accept this, we wouldn't have anywhere to go, and no matter what he does I will always love my twin and can't leave him. He may hate me but I don't feel the same towards him, never have and never will be able to.

"Hey, bitch! Get your slutty fat ass down here and make breakfast for the pack! Don't forget the cake while I'm at school, it's my birthday!" Jace shouts at me.

So he forgot again, I'm his twin, it's OUR birthday.

I slowly get out of bed, stretch my arms and legs and then carefully put on my clothes. I put on an old pair of black jogging pants, and a torn white t-shirt.

Once I am halfway downstairs, I hear my brothers thundering footsteps coming my way, so I cower in fear, thinking I'm gonna get slapped. He yanks my hair, and drags me downstairs. Once he gets me to the kitchen he throws me into the fridge, and repeatedly kicks me in every place that he can. I could hear the pack laughing and cheering him on in the background. My body is probably bruised and purple now. It usually is by the end of the day, I can never do anything right. And again, like every day, he stops when I am at the brink of passing out so I can suffer even more.

"Make breakfast bitch before I go ahead and kill you!" He says in a deadly calm voice. I limp as quick as I can to go start cooking. I wasn't fast enough. I feel something smack against my face, instinctively my hand goes to my face, and I can feel a welt forming. "NOW!" This always happens, I get beat yet I am expected to have enough energy and be able to endure the pain and make food for them. I am tired of this but if this makes him happy...

"Just go ahead and kill me." I say with a pain filled voice letting a tear slip. But before they could see it run down my face, I wipe it. I am not gonna let them have the satisfaction of seeing me cry because of them. They already have enough satisfaction of beating me.

I see sadness and regret flash though his eyes, before it is gone in a flash. "No." He says surprising me, he does care. I start to smile but it soon fades, "You haven't suffered enough yet." And there it is the horrible comment, the one that always gets me, makes me want to start bawling. "Now, get to work!"

When I finish making the food I hurriedly scramble out of the kitchen so I wouldn't get a worse beating from the alpha, Jake, He is way worse, doesn't even care if he kills me, he thinks its all fun and games like everyone else, doesn't understand that I have feelings also.

Before I can leave, I catch the smell of the most amazing thing I have ever smelt in my life. Rosa starts going crazy in my head. . Talking too fast for me to understand and yipping in excitement. But I catch one word, mate. I excitedly turn around, looking for who the smell is coming from, looking for the one person to finally show me love and compassion, only to look into the eyes of the Alpha.

"Mate." he and I whisper at the same time. The only difference is when he says it; it is with hate, venom dripping from his mouth, disgust flooding his eyes.

"Oh, no." Rosa whispers, "Please God, I pray too you, No." But we both already know what's coming. I let a tear slide down my face, not even caring to wipe it off, I just don't care anymore. I can handle my brother hating me, I can handle the pack hating me, but my mate was my last chance for happiness, and I'm not even going to get a chance. Rosa starts silently weeping in my head. Jake grabs my arm harshly, yanking me into the nearest empty room.

"Ha-ha." He laughs, " You're my mate, ha-ha. The Moon goddess must have messed it up this time. Me? Your mate? That's really funny. Who would want you?" I am full-on sobbing now, he is right, I should have never thought my mate would be my escape, my savior. With my wolf howling with sadness in my head and his terrible comments, I finally lose it; I could not hold back my tears any longer.

"B-b-but I'm y-your m-mate!" I sob to him. Not caring who heard me, I have already lost everything that could have meant something to me. My mate is all I had left for love, but I'm going to get that taken away too I guess.

"Let's get straight to the point, yeah? I Jake Robertson, Alpha of the Blood Moon Pack, Reject the Alex Nicole as my Mate and Luna forever and always." He harshly whispers, so no one in the pack would hear, I guess I'm an embarrassment to him and everyone else. I'm not surprised, who am I not an embarrassment to? My Mate nor brother can stand me. Who would want a fat, ugly mate? I can feel my heart breaking into a million pieces, I feel like I am going to die, I can barely breath through the pain. I about to take off towards my room when I realize the pack had entered the room, they don't know why I am crying, but they are congratulating the Alpha Jake, for finally breaking me, they are all enjoying this. They enjoy my suffering and pain.

"We have to leave, end our life, something!" Rosa sobs, "I can't take my mate rejecting me and always being by him, seeing him with others, being happy without us!"

"I know." I silently whisper, now realizing I am out of tears, I can't cry anymore, I won't. I won't waste my breath on people who have never cared for me and never will. I'm finally broken, and they all know it.

I run into my room and start cutting my arms in every spot that isn't already taken, till I can't feel anything but pain, I just need to feel the pain. Some are deeper than the others, but they are all my sweet release. I don't care if I bleed out, no one else would either.

I grab a rope hidden under my blankets and tied it to the hook in my closet. The hook I have thought of using many times before now, I pull up a chair, ready to hang myself, finally to get out of my misery. I start to step up onto the chair, but stop.

Why am I doing this? This will make them too happy. I'm not this weak. I can survive. I step down from the chair and sit down for a moment. I just sit there and think.

I'm going to leave, start a better life, Make a new, better, and improved Alex. I get up and start packing a bag, ready to start my new life.

Packing up the few things I have, my clothing, emergency money, a blanket, my razor, and the only picture I have of my family when we were happy. I shakily grab a pencil and paper and begin to write a note to the pack... Jace and lastly Jake.

"Dear Pack,

I am sorry.

You all hate me and for whatever shit reason I have done to you. I have been beaten by my own twin and pack since I can ever remember. I have had my own ways of dealing with that, but being rejected by my own mate is the last and final straw. This I cannot deal with, much less living with him and seeing him with other women. I am ready to start a new and better life without you all. Good bye asshats. Don't look for me, I know I won't be missed, so I'm not ever coming back. I'll do you the favor.

Sincerely Alex."

"Dear Jace,

You've hurt me almost every day of our life. You forgot my birthday, the one thing we share no matter what. It doesn't matter if you hurt me physically or mentally, it still hurt beyond belief. No matter what you have done to me, I still love you, but will never be able to forgive you. You are still my twin brother. I wouldn't be leaving now if it wasn't for being rejected by my own mate. Now that is what hurts the most. I can take being abused, I can take being hated, but my mate rejecting me is something I cannot take. Good bye forever. Don't look for me, I'm not coming back. Have a wonderful life.

Love always

Your twin Alex."

"Dear Jake,

I am sorry you got me as a mate; I am sorry I am not pretty, and I hope you can get a new mate and live a happy life without me. All though you don't love me, I will always love you no matter what you did to me, but I will never forgive you for what you did and have done. I will never be able to live a normal life because of you, I guess you wanted that. I will put you out of misery and give you your wish; I'm running away and will most likely get killed. I can't take it, you all hate me so much, and I don't even know why. My own mate rejecting me? I was so excited to know you, I thought I was actually going to be happy for once, but I was wrong. Don't look for me, I will be long gone before you all even care to come look for me or even realize I'm gone. I hope this makes you happy, I love you.

Love always

Your unwanted mate Alex."

Once I am finished writing the letters, I realize I am crying again. There are dried tear spots all over the letters. I guess I am not out of tears after all. I hope they have better lives without me. Ha, I already know they are going to celebrate me leaving.

I get out of my chair carefully, then tiptoe to my bag, and pick it up. I carefully walk over to my small window and open it. I look down and nearly fainted, it was so far. "Shift" Rosa says faintly, beyond sad. I imagine myself in wolf form, then feel my bones rearranging themselves, and settle as my wolf takes over. I grab the bag in my mouth, jump onto the window seal. I jump, my heart racing, I am very surprised when I land gracefully.

Then I take off running towards the woods. Ready to start my new life.