"I DON'T WANT TOTALK TO HER!" Alicia screamed. Her voice echoed off of the ballroomwalls. The few people still murmuring went whisper quiet. Everyonewas still standing on their feet, holding their breath.

Jenny looked mad.I had never seen Jenny Martins angry before, and it was a scarysight. She looked like the kind of girl that could get me to admitanything, even if it wasn't true. I'd admit it just to get her toleave me alone.

"She's yoursister, Alicia!" Jenny said forcefully.

"Allie..."Mary said somberly. "Look I'm sorry that-"

Mary took a singlestep towards forward and Alicia screamed "DON'T CALL ME THAT! YOU DON'THAVE THE RIGHT!"

The coordinatorwas looking at someone off screen. He looked flustered. Everythingwas falling apart.

"Of course, shedoes," Jenny said sternly. "She's your sister."

Alicia shook herhead. "No she isn't! My sister died years ago!"

Jenny didn't knowwhat to say. Her anger turned into sorrow. Mary just lowered herhead. It was like she kind of expected that to happen.

Alicia took thatmoment to realize that she was in an auditorium surrounded by peopleand cameras. Everyone was shocked and flabbergasted. Alicia blushed adeep red and ran out of the ballroom through a side door. The metaldoor swung open and slammed shut hard. It made a loud bang. The crowddidn't know what to say or what to do. Everyone was watching Mary andJenny to see if they would do anything, if they would go after her.

I felt a hand onmy arm.

When I looked overRodger was there with Penny. They had puppy dog looks on their faces.

"Where did youcome from?!" I shouted over the chatter.

"Dude, we'vebeen standing here for like fifteen minutes," Rodger saidmatter-of-factly.

"Are you goingto talk to her?" Penny asked me.

I hesitated,biting my lower lip.

"Go get her,"Rodger said definitively.

I jumped off ofthe chair and ran out the door. I was almost a dozen steps away whenI heard the door slam behind me. I was running through the wellfurbished halls so fast that the paintings and people I passed by in a blur. She had so much of a head start that there reallywasn't any way of knowing where she was.

I put myself intoher mindset. Embarrassed, angry, panicking, I'd want to get away fromit all. But the ship was massive. It was built to holdthousands of people, and I hadn't taken the time to scout the placeout. Outside would be covered in cameras and party goers of allvarieties. Sure, I could look out into the sea, but I didn't wantanyone to see me. Unless I was embarrassed enough to die, thenoutside would be an ideal place to kill myself.

I wasn't sure Alicia thought like that, but from her perspective her whole life wascoming apart. Her family kept throwing her into the spot light as herlife went on. She finally meets a guy she likes, and then he'sevasive about dating her and he harbored a secret drug life just likeher older sister. She didn't know what she wanted out of life, butshe must've felt like it was all being taken away from her.

I wanted so badlyto find her and let her know that everything would be alright. I wanted tohold her and tell her that. Without knowing why, I kept runningdownward. The cruise ship had twelve lower decks with an exteriorhall. I ran down and down until it looked like the stairs were onlyavailable with a service key. Then I ran outside.

The fresh sea airwas overwhelmingly cold out there. The cold salty mist froze mysinuses and caused me to grunt with pain as my labored breathingbrought more of the cold air into my nostrils. I tried to ignore it,but I wasn't an athlete. I slowed down to a sprint and made my way tothe back of the ship. Back down here the ship's massive propellerscould cut a person clean in half, or at least suck them under longenough to drown them.

I turned a cornerand saw Alicia.

She was leaningher arms over the metal railings and staring down into the water. Thechilly wind was wrapping around her body with so much force that herlight jacket was repeatedly whipping forward in the wind. Her longplain brown hair was getting tossed into complex tendrils. Though shelooked sad, it didn't seem like she was suicidal in the slightest.

I walked up to herat a casual pace. When I got close I took off Rodger's jacket and putit on her shoulders. As I did, she tensed up and then gave a sniffbefore pulling her arms into the sleeves. I went to her side and shewiped her nose and looked away from me. I wanted to say something toher, but I couldn't. I'd disturbed something that Ishouldn't have.

I sighed and putmy arms on the railings. The view beneath us was like a giant mug ofcoffee with cream being mixed into its depths from the bottom of theship. I knew that it was a deception. Beneath the waves was life, butit was just like on the beach. I couldn't see any sign of lifedespite knowing that it was there. It was like nature didn't have anyplace here in this world of wealth and excess that I'd entered.

"Are you here totell me that I should forgive my sister?" Alicia asked with asniff.

I felt a knot formin my chest. I hadn't even thought about saying that. It would'vebeen sweet and compassionate. Even if she didn't agree with thesentiment it was the right thing to tell her.

She scoffed at mysilence. "I guess you're just here to tell me to forgive you then.Skip all of the pretenses and cut right to the chase."

I sighed loudly,but I wasn't sure if it was heard of the sloshing of the water dozensof feet beneath us.

"Honestly, Alicia, I don't know what to say," I said morosely.

"Then why thefuck are you here?" She snapped her eyes my way.

I glanced over andsaw her sore face and her worn eyes. She looked hurt and scared andbasically miserable, but despite it all she was breathtaking in thesoft yellow lights of the outer halls. Under her sorrow and heroutrage, there was courage and strength in her eyes. She wasn't someone who wouldbe duped by empty promises of redemption. I liked that about her.

I shouldn't have,but I put my hand on her shoulder. She didn't recoil or push my handaway from me. She just looked into my soul with her outragedinquisitive eyes.

"I just want tobe there for you," I said candidly. I was sure that it was theworst thing I could say, but it was really the only thing I could saywith any honesty.

Alicia threw herarms around me and hugged me tight. I heard her sniff and gasp forair over and over. I squeezed her tight and rest my head againsthers. She started to sob. She didn't try to make any words, but hertears soaked into my overshirt until I could feel the moisture overmy shoulder.

"Why?" Shechoked out. "Why did you have to be a druggy? Why do I like damaged people?"

"Do you want meto answer that?" I asked uncertainly.

She pulled awayfrom my embrace and shook her head. "I don't know."Alicia wiped her eyes. "I don't know what's going on, or whatto believe."

I slowly put myhand on her wrist. "Alicia, I justwant to help you."

She turned herhand over and intertwined our fingers together. She looked up into myeyes and swallowed her tears down.

"Ian, I know thatyou're lying about these drugs not being yours," Alicia said withdetermination. "I know you're lying, but I want to believe it. Iwant to believe the lie, just so that I can have someone in my life.So I can have someone in my life that I can really trust."

"What aboutJenny?" I asked her through the frog in my throat.

Alicia rolled hereyes. "I'm here because I'm her sister, but she doesn't care aboutme. She'd rather just hang out with her friends all of the time."

"I think shecares about you," I said squeezing her hand.

She looked awayfrom me but kept her hand in mine. "No, she doesn't."

"Alicia, she's amillionaire super-star having her sixteenth birthday!" I chuckledat the ridiculousness of my statement. "If she didn't want herannoying fourteen year old sister to be at her party, then youwouldn't be here. Instead you're here at her party, and you were herewhen she met her sister Mary again after all of this time apart.She wants you here, just like Mary does."

"Mary can gofuck herself!" Alicia said pulling her hand away. She crossed herarms and turned her back to me. She started staring off into thedepths of the ocean. I waited for her to talk. I could sense that shehad some things she needed to work out in her head. I just hoped thatI was helping.

"That's why I'mso mad at you," Alicia said with a growl. "You're just like mysister. You're nice and friendly and I get along with you. But then I find out who you really are, it's like everything is one biglie. You're into drugs and you'll tell whatever lies you want to getme to forgive you."

"I'm not yoursister," I said plainly and I tried to say more but she cut me off.

"I KNOW THAT!"She snapped. "I know that you're not my sister and that I shouldgive you some kind of a chance to explain yourself, but I can't. Iwon't be that girl who spends all of her time waiting for herboyfriend to come home, when he's really out getting high andsleeping with other girls. I won't delude myself."

I crossed my armsto try and protect myself against the elements. It was damn cold andthe speed of the boat wasn't helping.

"I want tobelieve you," Alicia said sorrowfully. "I want that so badly.If you just get on your knees and lie to me, I'll believe you. I wantto believe that you're this great guy that I've come to love and...and um... I just want you to give me a reason to believe you."

Alicia turnedaround. She looked scared and desperate for a solution. Her eyes weretwinkling in the light.

"I was lying, Ian," Alicia admitted shamefully. "I don't want you as a friend.I want you to be my boyfriend. I want it so bad that it hurts. I'msorry that I lied, but I figured that if I told you the truth youwouldn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"Why would youthink that?" I couldn't imagine people turning their back onAlicia. She was such a sweet girl. She was pretty and nice and thekind of person that I've always wanted in my life.

"Because that'salways how it is. When people find out my lastname, they all want to take advantage of me. They want money andpresents and they want to spend all of their time at my house.Everyone wants something from me, and that makes it impossible totrust anyone. So I've decided I don't care anymore."

Alicia swallowedand her face turned from anguish into an expressionless mask ofconceit. She looked at me with those hollow eyes, and I felt a partof her dying right in front of me.

"I don't careanymore," Alicia said in her empty tone. "You can lie to me, Ian.You and Mary can lie to me and I'm going to believe it. Just as longas you make it so I can believe the lie, then I'll be happy."

She forced a smileon her lips.

"You can do thatfor me right?"

I grabbed her armsand shook her more than I meant to.

"NO!" Iscreamed. "I'm not going to do that Alicia! I'm not going to letyou accept that people just lie."

"But they do," she said in an empty tone. "They all do. I'm tired of being alone. I just want to have something in my life. I want someone to bethere for me, and I don't even care anymore if they're being honest."

She was tryinghard to convince herself, but I could see that fear in her eyes. Icould see the last of her reservations and conviction fighting thislife choice of hers.

"Alicia," Isaid sternly. "Listen to what I'm telling you. I'm not lying."

She gave a slightsmile, but it was fake. "Make me believe..." she whispered.

"I'm not, Alicia!" I growled. "Rodger made me put on this stupid jacket toget past the door. Most of the time I look nothing like this!"

I pulled out myphone and went to an older photo of me. My curly hair was down to mychin and I was giving a nerdy smile with Joss Whedon. It was one ofthe only photos I had of myself, but I had brandished it proudly infront of all of the fellow geeks at my school.

I handed her thephone.

"That's me inthat picture," I explained. "A nerd so big that a girl like youwouldn't even think twice about talking to me. There isn't a singlepart of me that knows about smoking pot, or doing drugs. The ONLYreason I know Rodger is because we both went to the same church when we werekids."

She was looking atthe picture and back at me. Her brain was telling her that I wastelling truth, but she was fighting it.

"No," Aliciawhispered.

"I'm not adruggy Alicia!" I pleaded. "I'm not lying to you! My life isnothing but comics, and Netflix, and conventions!"

"No." Sherepeated weakly and then her brows arced in outrage. She pushed meback hard and my back slammed into the metal railing. "NO! You toldme that you were bad! You told me that you were a sinner! Why wouldyou say that? You weren't lying then, I know you weren't. I couldfeel that you did something terrible."

I thought aboutMindy and my insides started to eat themselves. My convictionswavered and my instincts told me to just lie and get out of there.

"What did youdo?" Alicia shouted.

I tried to speak,but my words got swallowed by the hole in my gut.

"If you expectme to believe you, or anyone else then you better tell me," Alicialeered so hard that it became painful to look at her.

"I-" Speakingwas proving difficult. It was hard to breath, and my head wasspinning, but I had to tell her. Not just for me, and not just forus, but for her. If I lied she would give up on humanity and turn offthat passion inside of her. She'd conform and become complacent andshe'd die on the inside. Of course, if I told her what I'd done, there was a good chance she's never talk to me again.At least she'd knowthat people were capable of being honest and maybe that would keep her from completely giving up.

I felt her gentlyput her hand on my arm. I looked up and she was encouraging me withher eyes. They were telling me that I could do it. I had to.

I took a step backfrom her.

"You're notgoing to want to touch me after you hear this," I told her lookingout at the ocean.

"Just tell me." I could barely hear Alicia over the thrumof the engine.

I sighed andleaned against the wall. I crossed my arms and swallowed over andover, until finally the words came out.

"Mindy was mycousin," I started.

--

Love is in the air it would seem. I'd forgotten how much sudden love was thrown around here. I suppose it's in the spirit of the story, but this novella ends up being more of a trauma romance than say a romantic comedy. Instant love is a strange matter to tackle with but it's hardly an uncommon one.

I'm not sure how I feel about the plotting or Ian's ability to find Alicia here. He finds her because he can think suicidally...that's a choice.

There's also this martyr complex that comes out and I think that comes up a lot in love stories. Our protagonist proves their love by doing something to endanger it. I suppose there's a lot to be said about people sacrificing themselves for greater good, but it can easily lead people into traps. I think what matters here is whether or not self sacrificing acts of kindness are in line with Ian's mindset regardless of whether or not they're healthy decisions or not. At the end of the day I think that it does.

Of course after the next chapter, the reader will finally have the opportunity to make up their mind about Ian.