After searchingthe cruise ship for the better part of an hour I gave up on findingRodger and Penny. They had probably found some place to have sex, inwhich case I didn't want to find them any way. I walked around thedeck listening to the sound of people shouting, laughing, and playingmusic. Alicia was someone I actually liked, but I was too scared to doanything about it. It was all because of Mindy. I had loved her too.The longer our relationship had gone on, the more I would've done for her.

That thoughtsickened me too.

I started crying.I gripped the railing. The metal wascold and searing, but I didn't really care. I gripped the poles andpulled myself down until it pressed against my chest. My tears sliddown my nose and rolled onto the metal. I sobbed for what feltlike hours.

"Ian Smit?"

I wiped my eyesand looked back. It was a man with a goatee and short black hair. Helooked like he might be a villain in a movie. He was very tired, butthere was this spark of sympathy in his eyes.

"Yeah?" Iasked.

"I shouldn't betalking to you, so can you just agree to never tell anyone we hadthis conversation?" He asked looking from side to side.

I wiped my noseagain. I must've looked terrible.

"Why?" Icroaked. "Who are you?"

"I'm thedirector of Jenny Martins' sweet sixteen." He confided in me.

That got myattention. I perked up.

"Why do you wantto talk to me?" I asked weakly.

"Because I camehere to make a shallow birthday video, but I've stumbled onto a greatlove story. I think you know what love story I'm talking about," the director said in a hushed voice.

I sighed andlowered my head. "There's no love story, it's just a tragedy."

I rubbed my eyesand looked up at the man.

"Ian, listen tome, there's still a chance that Alicia will forgive your drug use,but you've got to come clean," the director urged me.

I held my handsup. "I'm not a druggie. This really is my friend's jacket! He putit on me so I could get inside."

The director puthis hand on his chin and looked me over. "Yeah, he might've beenright on that call."

I gave an annoyedsigh. "How much of my life have you been filming?"

"We had a cameracrew following Alicia from the beach." The man at least sounded apologetic.

"Fuck me..." Igroaned.

"But there'sstill hope for you. I mean, I can't tell you everything, but I cantell you that something is going to happen in the ball room at eighto'clock. That's in thirty minutes." He was urging with his handsand voice. He really wanted to take my story and broadcast it acrossthe world. He probably had some catchy title for it too, like PuppyLove or something.

"You're ahorrible documentarian, you know that?" I asked him dryly.

He held his handsup. "I just wanted to make sure you were at the right place at theright time."

"Yeah,whatever," I snapped at him. "This is all so you can take thefootage of me and Alicia having what we thought was a privateconversation, and sell a love story that's complete with secrets anda third act twist that comes together in a nice neat happy ending."

"It's a reallife love story that hasn't been fabricated or influenced," The mansaid with a strained voice. "Can you really blame me?"

I groaned put myhands over my eyes.

"Just leave mealone," I growled.

"You're going togo, right?" the director asked.

"I said takeoff!" I snapped.

I was severelytempted to just ignore him and leave the boat. Even assuming some kind ofmagical life changing event DID take place in the ballroom in fifteen minutes, I'd end up dating Alicia. Our first moments of lovewould become a televised matter and everyone would know my face and my name.They'd stop me in the streets and ask for autographs and all mannerof embarrassing things. If I was lucky no one would watch thebroadcast and I'd never become a public name, but knowing my luck that wasn't going to happen.

The problem withleaving for that reason was that I had a choice about whether I wasgoing to be famous or not. Alicia never had that choice. Her dad wasa billionaire who stayed in the news due to his constant right-wingcampaign contributions and frequent charity events. Her sister wasMary Martins, one of the most notorious sex-tape stars of the lastdecade. Her sister used every scandal imaginable to launch herpopularity into the in-and-out of rehab life. She probably could'vefaded into the background if her sister hadn't decided to become anactress like her older sister Mary. Granted Jenny had a morewholesome approach to winning the public's affections, but it didn'thelp Alicia any.

Alicia was a quietsolitary person. I could relate to that. She was forced into thisworld of cameras and spectacle, and it didn't seem right for me toshy away from that life just because I had a choice. I felt a bondwith Alicia and that scared me. Was I really strong enough to bewith someone as beautiful and kind as Alicia, and not give in to mybaser instincts?

There was only onewas to find out.

The ballroom wasopulent and extravagant and that somehow made it boring. Everythingabout Jenny's birthday party had been so rich and excessive, that Iwas finding it harder to be impressed. The fixtures on the roof hadthis classic old world feel to them, and the pristine wood floor hadsolid metal chairs with a modernist appeal. The chairs were allfacing the main stage, which I guessed from the curtains, was used fortheater productions on the cruise ship. Most of the guests were stillstanding around waiting for some kind of announcement that the showwas going to begin. Of course, that meant we were served some of themost amazing hors d'oeuvres imaginable: Garlic buttered prawns the sizeof my hand, herb crackers with bruscitto and bree, chicken fingersandwiches with black truffles, and so much more.

I hadn't realizedhow hungry all of that crying and worrying had made me so I ended upeating more than my fair share. When the lights flickered on, I wasscooping a deveined prawn into my mouth. One of the servers waskind enough to take my buttered shell and I took a seat.

People were murmuring. One of the coordinators,the gay looking mustache man from the other line, came up to thefront of the stage just as Jenny and a few of what I assumed whereher close friends, came up to the sofas at the front of the stage.Following behind was a reluctant and depressed looking Alicia. She looked miserable. I sat up to go to her before I knew why.

I hadn't meant to,and as soon as my knees started to bend I checked myself and sat backdown. This wasn't my party. Alicia didn't want to talk to me, and Ihad no idea how to convince her that my story was legit. There was apart of me that knew that the only way she was going to believe me isif I told her why I was a sinner. I wasn't prepared to tell someoneabout Mindy, so I didn't really have any real plan.

The fabulouslywell dressed coordinator picked up a microphone when the girls foundtheir seats.

"Thank youall for coming." The coordinator did a flourishing bow. "We'reall here to celebrate Jenny's Sweet 16 in a way that she will neverforget. Now in preparation for this, Jenny's mother , Candice, triedeverything she could to find out what Jenny wanted for her birthday.She tried using facebook, twitter, she polled her age demographic,and she even violated her privacy and searched her room."

The audience madedisapproving sounds and snickers. I was among those rolling my eyes and caught Jenny projected on a big screen, she was smirking and nodding. Other monitors set up about the room focused on the coordinator and that mysterious closed curtain.

"So finally Mrs.Martins did what any sensible mother would, and asked Jenny what shewanted," he continued. "Jenny, being the sweet girl that she is,told her mother that all she wanted was to be with her family."

There were some'awws' at that comment, but it immediately got my attention.Jenny's parents weren't anywhere to be seen. Not at the beach and noton the boat. Had Jenny seen them all earlier? I had a feeling thiswasn't the case. Jenny was smiling politely at the comment, but Icould see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Jenny," thecoordinator said addressing the millionaire teenager. "Now yourparents are going to meet up with you a little later, but I want youand Alicia to come to up to the stage."

The coordinatorheld out his hand in an inviting fashion, and Jenny looked over toher sister Alicia. She urged her sister onward, and Alicia bowed herhead and stood. It hurt to see Alicia up there. She looked miserable, when Jenny and the coordinator and really everyone wantedher to be having a good time. I wished I could go up there and make things right.

Alicia stood nextto Jenny with her eyes on the floor. Jenny rubbed her back andwhispered something into her ear. Alicia nodded and faked a smile. It hurt to look at.

Then the head ofthe party pressed a button and the large screen in the middle of thestage turned on. On the monitor there was a blonde haired girl, in aplain looking change of clothes. She wasn't wearing any make-up, butshe wasn't bad looking. She actually looked like a nice woman who wasvery tired. She was in her twenties, maybe thirties.There was something familiar about her, but of course there was. She was Mary Martins.

"He~ey," Marysaid with a chuckle.

One of the sidemonitors had Jenny and Alicia on display. Jenny looked really happyand surprised, but Alicia was nothing but upset.

Jenny gasped andcovered her mouth. People were putting together who it was and theywere starting to murmur. I heard people ask if she was at rehab, andothers just commented how thin she looked. The meanest ones in thebunch whispered about how ugly she looked now.

Jenny took herhands off of her mouth and gave a weak wave.

"Hi, Mary," shesaid.

Alicia looked upfrom the floor, but didn't say anything.

"Hi, Jenny,"Mary responded in a subdued happy tone. "Hi, Allie. How are youdoing?"

"Fine," Aliciamumbled.

"Have you wishedyour sister a happy birthday?" Mary asked Alicia, who gave a weaknod in response.

"We missed you, Mary," Jenny blurted out.

Mary smiled atJenny, but it was a sad smile the reminded me of Alicia. In thatmoment I could see how the two of them were related, which was odd.Alicia wasn't the kind of girl to do spreads in Playboy and show upon talk shows with her cleavage hanging out. She was just a normalgirl with an abnormal life, but maybe that's how they all were before fame took hold of them.

"I miss you too, Jenny," Mary finally said. "I wish I could be there with you, butI... I really need to be here in rehab. They're teaching me a lotabout myself and life, and ..."

Mary suddenlylooked really sad. It wasn't because she missed her siblings, it wasbecause of something else. She looked scared. She looked like she wasbeing chased.

"Well, I askedthe doctors if I could show up to your birthday party, but they toldme that the only way it would be possible is if I stuck to the dietand did extra sessions and really worked hard for it..."

Mary looked downat the floor, but there was something deliberate about it.

"It's ok, Mary,"Jenny started, but Mary cut her off.

Mary looked up andsmiled at the camera. It was HER smile. It was the smile I recognizedfrom her on the cover of cosmo' years ago.

"So that's whatI did!" Mary shrieked.

The back curtainpulled apart and Mary was standing there in her plain clothes withthe set of the plain room set up in the background. She spread herarms, and people started going nuts. Mary Martins was here. She wasclose enough for people to get phone pictures, and you could hear thehope in everyone's voice. The thought of a facebook picture with MaryMartins and them made their voice's shrill with excitement.

Jenny had herhands over her mouth and her eyes were tearing up. She just stoodthere in shock until Mary waved her head in a 'come here' motion.Then Jenny took off into a run and threw her arms around Mary.Everyone was clapping and shouting. Everyone except for Alicia andme.

I couldn't look away from Alicia. Now it made sense why the director thoughtthat this would change Alicia's opinion of me. If she could forgiveher druggie of an older sister, then maybe she'd be able to forgiveme as well. Of course, forgiving Mary Martins was going to be a bigdeal. Mary been arrested on charges of drunk driving after nearlykilling a thirteen year old boy in a car crash. The boy had lived andit was rumored that an under the table settlements kept Mary'ssentencing from being major. Now she was back in rehab for alcoholand cocaine and who knows what else. If I remembered correctly thiswas her third time there.

Alicia's jaw wastight and her fists were balled. Some people were standing up and thescreens focused on Jenny and Mary hugging in a sisterly embrace. Igot up and stood on my chair to get a view of Alicia. She couldn'tmove from her spot on the stage. She wouldn't look at her sister.

Mary and Jennyended their embrace for a moment and they both looked over at Alicia.They were trying to wave her over, but she wasn't even looking atthem. People were screaming and shouting all manner of things, andthe whole room became a relentless wall of sound. Jenny walked overto Alicia and Mary slowly trailed behind. Jenny put her hand onAlicia's shoulder and she tried to scream something into her ear.Alicia took a step back and shrugged Jenny's hand off of her.

In that moment thecrowd went silent.

--

Still not sure how I feel about the director showing up to talk to Ian. It feels like narrative intervention and author insert, but I can say that it isn't. For me it was kind of this moment of awareness of the players on the stage including something beyond the scope of the story. A big part of storytelling is connected to framing. We look at the events and contextualize them and try to fit it into the framework of a story we're connected to. This director wants it to be this sweet story of innocence blossoming into something, but that's hardly the reality that Ian and Alicia live in.

For Alicia, she's stuck in this world of mega fame with no way out. While Ian might have a choice, it's the kind of choice that is very much one sided. It keeps him and Alicia on completely different footing. I think Ian's dilemma is an interesting one. If in dating someone you inherent their problems is it worth it to even try? Ian isn't even sure if he has the answer to that, but if without those problems he wouldn't hesitate, is it fair of Ian to avoid romance? Conversely, if he doesn't take the dangers of that fame seriously, how long will it take until he comes to resent the choice he got to make? No matter what, Alicia's stuck. There are no exit strategies, only coping strategies.