It my heart

It feels as if there is a hole

Tearing apart my soul

As dark as coal

As insignificant as a mole

Taking my life on a troll

'Smile'  is the best thing to hide misery and gloominess. Often it is easier to smile than to explain. Behind the facade lies the real struggle. Proving onto the irony of the quote 'Do not judge a book by its cover' in context to the human nature people judge on what they perceive.

FLASHBACK

In the library

Ayesha....

The only person with whom I can share my heart out.

Even being an extrovert, at times there is a struggle to justify my thoughts.

But with her it seems so natural.

There is no need to filter my thoughts while conveying it to her.

It feels indeed very lucky to have someone there for you who

do not judges you

listens to you patiently

tries to reflect on your thoughts(otherwise I tend to hesitate to share my thoughts openly cause people joke about my weird imaginations) even if she cannot get what I intend to convey

to have someone who gives me 100% honest opinion

someone to lean on(she is my rock)

The most weird thing about our friendship she is not my best friend . She is something just beyond that label. Even at times when best friends tends to leave your but she stays. 

Ayesha snapped her fingers on my face,"Earth to. Where were you lost?"

I replied sarcastically, "Dreaming about elephant seals." My imaginations are really weird.

I sometimes wonder does zebras have white strips on black or black strips on white. Why are unicorns named 'unicorns' rather than 'unihorns'. If someone could read my thoughts I would be labeled as a 'CRAZY SOUL'.

She smiles at me smugly, "What? You and your imaginations idiot."

I just return her smile.

She then says,"Forget about this. I wanted to discuss something with you."

Even though I am just a weirdo. I talk all crap and non-sense at  times. Yet Ayesha feels as if I am the best person to discuss anything. Really this idiot friend of mine overvalues me too much.

Then she asks,"What is yours say on INNER PEACE?"

Ayesha am I a open book to you. This is the most significant topic revolutionizing my mind.

I smiled at her question to which she just raised her eyebrow.

I said,"To answer your question I would like to put forth a few examples in reference to my point of view."

After taking a deep breath I continued, "Firstly giving my example as an instance. So as you already know I am personified on the basis of my smile as i always like to wear it irrespective of any situation.It is not that my life is PERFECT, I do face hardships. It is just that I feel there is no use crying over a spilled milk as it does not reduce the problem but rather being optimistic and confident helps us to face it and indeed reduces stress and depression. Everyone tends to notice the outer facade. Alhamdullilah (All praise be to Allah) I have everything what one desires in a worldly life so what people assume is that I am really happy, but what about the void or the hole that I feel inside my heart that can only be healed via Inner Peace. INNER PEACE or  SOOTHING or CALMNESS what so ever you call is missing giving the essence of hollowness."

'Ae hansi (Dear Smile)

Hai pehchann tu meri(You are my identity)

Karde kisi ko khafa aisi na ehkaan teri(None can stay mad with your presence)

Dusron ko gamon mei bhi hansa de(Your essence can even make people smile in misery)

Aisi hai daastaan teri'(You have such a effect)

These lines perfectly depict the essence of smile in my LIFE.

Despite having all the riches and worldly pleasure a person is not satisfied. There is a lack of contentment . Sometimes it feels void. Heart does not seem to be at peace, there is a constant thriving for tranquility in order to attain INNER PEACE. 

 At times I have experienced even fun and materialism cannot bring ease which can be done via spending time alone with oneself getting onto analyze our-self.     

I looked at her and continued," Setting up targets like attaining a thing or position would make me happy is like a hollow promise. Once we attain that we aim to achieve something bigger, which is the crux of human nature. Like the two ironical proverbs 'One should be satisfied with what one has' yet 'Sky is the limit'. Humans have a tendency to contradict themselves. Due to this soul reason they do not seem to be at peace."

I paused, she was looking at me dreamily. It just means she is trying to process what I just said . After a few minutes I cleared my throat as she came out of trance.

Then I continued, "Most probably people often tend to find an escape in music or rather oh-so-thrilling drugs, alcohol ,etc. But they merely analyze the fact that finding an escape they just keep dogging their problems which usually induces with time. In order to solve it the sole need is to face it."

I continued,"Faith acts as lamp post on a no moon night which helps in order to achieve Inner Peace. Following onto the righteous path helps us to navigate through our inner turmoil. Most of the time creating ditches for others leads us to entrap ourselves. But even if we do not fall, the guilt concise do not let us rest in peace."

After I completed there was an eerie of silence for a minute.

Here comes her questions.

1

2

3

Go...

Ayesha asked,"Leave aloof drugs and all. But music really calms our soul."

I answered,"I am not at all denying the fact that music gives a soothing feeling but for how long?... those 3 minutes of the song . But if you have ever noticed the happiness and calmness you attain by helping someone selflessly is nothing compared to it. You know at times I just help people  out of my sole selfish reason to attain that peace."

'Kisi kei chehre par muskurahat lana to hai neki(Bringing smile on one's face  is a virtue)

phir ismei baat kya hai pheeki(So what's sour in this)

 puchna uss sakhs se(Ask that person)

hota hai kya tashadud(What is the feeling)

dena hota hai kya harjana(What price do we have to pay? None)

ki lage koi muskurana'(So that someone starts smiling)

These lines just depict my feeling perfectly well.

She gave me a amused look.

Then asked,"What are the ways you think you can attain INNER PEACE?"

I sighed and continued,"First of all as I already mentioned helping someone selflessly. The next thing is spending time with myself. This even helps me in keeping my sanity intact. You already know I have a way with my words. I love shaping my thoughts in some sort of flow. For that I require some alone time and inner peace in order to analyze and in carve them. And lastly my favorite listening and reading Quran. It really brings me at peace in any kind of situation."

As I completed she gave me her beautiful smile.

If I go on to think, in last 45 minutes she has portrayed different kinds of smiles. A simple smile can have really different meaning held within.

'Dete hai log salah(People give advice)

Hansa karo(to smile)

Par yeh bhi hai ek kala(It is also an art)

Par ismei kya bura hai bhala(So what's bad in this)

Kuch log hans kar ansu chupate hai(Some hide their tears through it)

Toh kuch dusron ko azmate(Some analyze others)

Toh kuch shikwein mitate(Some forget differences)

Toh kuch dushmani nibhate(Some keep up their enmity)

Hansna bhi hai kala(Smiling is also an art)

Jo isse samjhe usse kya gila'(One who understand this has nothing to regret)

Her smile turned into a smirk. I raised my eyebrows at her to which she motioned her eyes towards my right.

As I turned right I came face to face with two amused smiles of none other than our devils Ayaan and Arav.

I gave them a confused look knitting my eyebrows together. As on cue they began clapping their hand like real loud.

The entire library turned towards our table with a confused look. Just then the librarian barked, "You four OUT NOW!"

As we headed outside the library, I turned towards them with a horrified look on my face. On analyzing my face the three burst out laughing. I joined them . After a minute of laughing real hard clutching our stomachs we wiped our tears leaked from our eyes.

END OF FLASHBACK

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Thank you guys,

-Sana Eram.