Sam's throat worked as he stared at the closed door after Dean left.

He didn't know why he even still felt guilty for lying after all this time, but he always did. Not that he wasn't worried about Mom and Jack, but...they weren't what was keeping his mind up. And, great, thinking about that made him feel like an even shittier person, because that should definitely be the thing he's more concerned about, rather than his fucking boyfriend. But, well, that was how it was.

And it was fine. He shouldn't even be stressed about his boyfriend in the first place, it shouldn't even be a concern. He'd seen Gabriel leave, known what he was likely going out to do. He'd said it was okay. He wasn't supposed to want Gabriel not to.

Sam didn't want to change him, really, he just...okay, so that wasn't...he really wanted not to want to change him. Gabriel was Gabriel. He was an archangel and a pagan god, the trickster of all tricksters, unfathomably old and powerful and huge in presence, and unbound by Sam's particular society's idea of fidelity. Really, Sam's entire life was less than a blink in Gabriel's existence.

He shouldn't want that to be different. It wouldn't be fair - and, more to the point, it wasn't what Gabriel wanted. But fuck if it didn't drive Sam a little insane.

Ordinarily, he didn't like to think of himself as possessive, but he could admit that possessive is exactly what he was with Gabriel. And he knew- he knew it wasn't good and it wasn't really okay, but god he felt like he could hardly help himself.

And he let Dean pity him, as if he wasn't the one making this relationship fucked up.

Sam got up abruptly, and stomped down the stairs, perhaps hard enough that he couldn't really play it off as accidental. Out of habit, he made his way toward the library.

No- fuck, not the library. That was where Gabriel had been with Rowena.

He let out an angry breath and turned away from the doors. Goddammit.

But then...

He turned back slowly. Maybe...maybe it wouldn't be painful, maybe it could be like sleeping with Gabriel's pillow, like stealing candy right off of his tongue.

Sam pushed open one of the big doors and slipped inside.

He walked past the tables, and trailed his hands over the bookshelves as he headed to the corner where Gabriel and Rowena had been. His hand sat heavily on top of the shelf they'd crawled out from behind, staring at the floor where they must have sat.

He wondered what they'd looked like, if they'd lain back flat on the floor, tangled together.

The door creaked, and Sam looked up, meeting Rowena's startled eyes.

"...Rowena," Sam greeted, after a moment. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd get a bit of a head start on the day, make sure I'm ready when the time comes."

Sam walked toward her slowly, with an almost predatory intent. Looking at her, all he could see was which parts Gabriel had touched, tasted.

"Yeah? Any reason you might not be ready?"

"I don't think so, I have plenty of time." She kept her voice casual and even, but she looked Sam over with shrewd eyes.

He ran a hand lightly down her arm, where Gabriel's hands had surely been not so long ago. "Sounds like you could spare some more, then...if you wanted."

A corner of her mouth ticked up. "Why Sam, I didn't know this was your style. Propositioning me right here in the library where anyone could see."

"I'm sure there's plenty you don't know about my style," he took a step even closer, their bodies almost touching. "I'm offering you a chance to find out."

She shifted forward, pressing against him and tilted her face up to his. "Not that I'm not...amenable," her eyes flicked down to his arms, where her hands stroked his biceps reverently. "But I thought you only had eyes for your archangel."

"It's an open relationship, if you hadn't noticed," he said smoothly. His face betrayed nothing.

"Well then, I guess we're all clear." She rose up onto her toes, and Sam kissed her hard.

It wasn't long at all before he had her bent backward over a table as they kissed, pressing closer and closer.

He knew it was his imagination, but he thought he could almost taste Gabriel on her mouth. He kissed her deeper, and let his hands wander over her skin, searching, as if there would be some indication of where exactly Gabriel had touched her before.

Sam pulled back to give her space, as Rowena squirmed up to lie completely on the table, and he trailed his lips behind her ear under her hair, wondering if Gabriel's lips had been there too. He wondered if it was possible to retrace every step, reclaim every molecule of Gabriel from her skin.

Her legs locked around his waist, and he returned to her mouth, probing every inch with his tongue as she ground up against him.

"Sam- Oh!"

Sam's head snapped to the door as Gabriel started laughing.

"Gabriel," Rowena greeted, not bothering to try and make herself presentable.

"Sorry, I'll leave you two be," he said, and Sam's stomach clenched at how Gabriel sounded...pleased. "Unless you want company," he waggled his eyebrows. But he was clearly joking, and had already left before either of them could even respond.

Sam looked down at Rowena on the table and stepped back. The whole idea had soured in one second, and she seemed completely unappealing now.

She deflated. "Oh don't tell me you're going to let that put you off?"

Sam just shook his head and turned away. "You should be preparing to open the gate. I need to catch a little sleep."

He walked briskly out of the library without looking at her, but before the door closed he heard her hiss out, "Are you kidding me?"

Gabriel was still climbing the stairs when Sam caught up, and he turned at the noise.

"Hope you didn't stop on my account?"

Sam clenched his jaw. "She needed to prepare for later, and I should try to at least get the one hour of sleep I can."

Gabriel frowned, but let it go. "So, you and Rowena now, huh," he asked, instead, waggling his eyebrows. His honest grin hit Sam like a punch to the gut.

"Not really."

Gabriel laughed. "Looked like it was going somewhere to me. Seriously though, I'm glad you've found someone else too. No need to be lonely, right?" He bumped Sam's arm with his.

Sam swallowed guiltily. He couldn't bring himself to tell Gabriel that he wasn't really interested in her, that he had only wanted any ghost of Gabriel that he could siphon from her skin, not when Gabriel was happy for him.

"Come help me sleep?"

Gabriel nodded and followed Sam to his bedroom. Things were getting increasingly shaky, but he was less worried about cuddling Sam tonight and encouraging him now.

He smiled to himself as he settled around Sam.

Okay, things were looking up, they were gonna be alright. Sam was branching out finally, now he'd started something up with Rowena he'd stop being so possessive. And then, in a couple of hours, they'd go into the other dimension and rescue Mary and Jack, and the Winchesters could be one big happy family.

Maybe he'd finally be treated to the Winchesters without the dark, gloomy clouds that always hung over them. Maybe Sam would smile just because once in a while.