7th of June 2014

Elizabeths' POV

"Beth?"Ed asked shocked. Oh so now I have another nickname. I wonder if I have another 1,998. Matt and I quickly backed out from kissing and I could see a drop of water flow dowd Eds' cheek. He was crying.

"Ed I-"I said and Ed cut me off. "Just-Just leave it to yourself."He said. He then ran out. He was angry but hurt at the same time. I could tell but his voice. He has Nina though. Why did he even care we kissed with Matt? It took a moment for me to realize what had just happened. I was shocked but I run to catch him. I ran to get him and held his shoulder but he removed my hand and run even faster. He stopped running and he looked down in pain with his back facing me. Why did I do that?

"I love you."I whispered under my breath for him to hear but he didn't hear anything. I love him. "You..."I said through clenched teeth to Matt and he seemed sorry. "I'm sorry."He whispered so I could hear it but Ed didn't. I kissed Matt again. I didn't know what I was doing. Why again? "Why d-"He said but cut himself off after the turned around and saw me and Matt kissing again. He seemed more hurt than ever. The fuck why am I kissing Matt? I run at the back exit and went out to the street looking at the car traffic and walked to the opposite pavement.

I was crying. I'm so stupid. Why would I do that? I hurt Ed so much. I'm a meanie. I wish I could fix things. He hates me now. He's angry that we kissed with Matt. Does he really like me? Well, if he did then not anymore. He needs to I don't know but I surely know I want to slap me across the face and calk me a slut.

Even jail for 50 years isn't enough. I deserve to slowly due for fifty years by hitting me with a rope on tha back hard and year a stick-crown that will 'cause blood explode from my head. Like Jesus except I'm a girl, not gods' child and not half human nor half god. I need to do something. But what? Beg him until I die? That would be stupid, he would kill me after half a month. I deserve that. I broke him. I did break me too hard, but Ed a lot more. I'm such a slut. I hate myself. I kissed Matt because I was broken? What does that fix? It only makes things worse and dead in heart.

"Hello."Said a familiar voice. I slowly looked up and saw those black hair and white skin with green eyes. I knew it was Mari. "Mari."I said wiping a tear and she sat next to me in the pavement. Right now I could ran in the street and kill myself if there wasn't traffic.

"Are you okay?" Mari asked me. "Not so much. I hurt Ed."I said and wiped my whole face. "How? What'd you do?"She asked me and I felt the memory with the kiss flood back in my mind again. "I kissed Matt, Eds' brother."I said. Saying it only made me feel more guilty. I felt so bad I did that. "I-how'd it happen?"She asked me. "I don't know. Me and Matt were talking and then he suddenly kissed me and Ed walked in..."I said feeling even more guilty.

"Oh my... What are you gonna do now?" She asked me. "I honestly don't know. It's hard for me. Should I maybe talk to Ed?"I asked her but I knew that Ed didn't want to talk to me for sure. But does he know he hurt me even more? He made love with Nina last night. Doesn't he feel guilty about that? It hurt me but all that I can think about is how I hurt Ed. 

"You have to. Make things up and be together again."She said. Although we were never together and I know we never will, I needed to apologise to him. "Fine. I'm just scared. I love him Mari. I hurt him. He hurt me. We just hurt each other."I said and she seemed like she never has experienced anything like this.

It was hard for her to help me too. If I was in her shoes I wouldn't know what to do too. "See? You love him. Don't let him go away. I'm 100% sure he loves you too. He needs you even if you hurt him. You're made for each other so don't give up."She said which made a smile spread across my face. She saw it and smiled too.

She was an amazing friend. I don't want to leave her. I feel like shit. "Thank you." I said and hugged her. "Go."She said and I did. When I went inside I searched for Eds' studio room I found it and took a peek inside. He was there.

Although I didnt expect him to take a whole bottle of pills.