Genre: Horror

Title: The Imperfect [Not Everyone is Perfect]
I'm already a little skeptical of this story, only because it's horror, and the title adds to that a bit. The Imperfect seems to be a plural, yet your blurb describes one girl. Perhaps "The Imperfect One" would be better fitting. I could be wrong, though, as I have no context as to why it's called "The Imperfect."

Now that I've read and reviewed it, "The Imperfect" is a perfectly good title. Perhaps the blurb could be changed to make the idea of a plural force haunting the church instead of a singular force, the girl.

Cover
I actually think that this cover is beautiful! I love the overall composition and the font of the title. The image is stunning, with the black smoke and everything. +1 point for a great cover! The only issue I have with it right now is that I fail to see how the picture has to do with a little girl haunting a church. I'll have to read on and find out if it does connect, but if it doesn't, I have to take the point back. Useless covers are just as useful as a blank cover, aren't they?

Now that I've read the story, I'm sorry, but I'll have to take that point back! The picture of a woman blowing black fumes is nowhere near the actual plot of the story, unless it will show up later than the parts that were completed when I read it (Chapters 1-24). Broke even.

Blurb
The blurb is very intriguing, all except of the one error. It says, "She has me a grim smile." I'm sure you meant a different word, so no points given or taken for that. I do like how you just left the quote for everyone, just a tiny insight into the story that makes me curious to read it. Perhaps there could be some way to tie in your title with the blurb, though. Just a thought. :)

Now that I've read it, this quote isn't found anywhere in the story, and the church isn't even haunted by the girl! The girl doesn't even want anyone to be scared or get hurt; she's just a victim of her parents. I think you should make this clear, as I've said in the title review. No points given or taken.

Chapters
*Since this is a 24-part story, I'm not going to go in full detail like with the previous, 3-part story. I'll give you my thoughts as I go, and will be commenting on minor, minor issues that aren't significant enough to place here.*
Onward!

The first six chapters seem to be more of a prologue to me; a separate introductory section. They tell Angel's story before Diana's story, but Diana's story is really the main focus. Angel's story is important, certainly, but it shouldn't be part of the story. Consider condensing the first six chapters immensely and creating one prologue that tells of Angel's story. Then, go straight to Diana's story one-hundred years later. Then, the main focus is established.

So far, so good in the second. The only issue I've come across is tense errors. You seem to be writing in past tense (words with suffixes ending in -ed, for instance), but sometimes you randomly switch to present tense ("She smiles" is present tense, whereas "she smiled" is past tense. "Doesn't" is present tense, whereas "didn't" is past tense). You should try to keep the same tense (past tense) throughout your story. These are very minor mistakes though, and it would be pretty picky for me to take away a point for that. You're still at no points for now.

"He gave us her for a reason" is an incorrect sentence, as well. "He" didn't give "us." What did "he" give? "He gave her to us for a reason" would be correct by putting the "us" into a preposition phrase. Once again, that's really nit-picky, so you're point value is remaining the same.

You also tend to switch point of views, too. It's subtle, but present. For the first part of the chapter, you narrate it with some of Joe's insight, and then switch to show what Angel is thinking of. You should try and stay consistent with this in the future, but for the rest of the story, it repeats.

The three errors I've mentioned so far occur consistently throughout your story, so I'm going to have to take a point for that. Sorry, but you're at a negative one point so far. Let's keep reading!

I really like the psychologist tips that had been given to the family at the bottom of the chapters. It gives an ominous foreshadow, somehow. I like it. +1 point for unique creativity. Broke even!

The twist that Joel was her imaginary friend was a pleasant surprise (Joe and Joel are very similar names that are easily mistakable, though. Perhaps consider changing one? He doesn't seem to be terribly significant to the story, even if he's the main demon).

I'm a bit confused as to why Joe created an air cult. I get the part where Angel got sick and he stopped believing in God but why did he turn to an air cult? Why didn't he just become an agnostic or an atheist? Why would the church accept two people who claim to be part of an air cult? You could easily change it into something more likely. It seems too unrealistic to me. -1 point. I'm sorry! You're at negative one point again.

Nice cliffhanger at the end of that chapter! +1 for suspense! Broke even.

In Chapter 8, when Diana sits down to eat dinner, how does she know that Alex's father found out about him and was hurting him for it? Is she just picturing it? You should specify, either way. After that, you switch your point of view over to Joe's point of view. This isn't correct without a line; something like this:

•••••

Also, concerning the age of Joe and Barbra, how does Diana know so much about Alex's backstory? Another thing is why would the town let very old people (if Diana was in high school, she'd have only been alive for almost 15% of Joe and Barbra's 130-year-old lives, approximately) adopt a child found on the side of the road? Surely the town would know how old they were. Do they look that old? Again, I find myself wanting more details on that. Perhaps it'll be revealed later in the story. For making me question your logic, I have to take a point from you. Unfortunately, you're at a negative 1 point, currently.

The big reveal at the end was surprising—a good surprise! +1 point again for surprising me! Back to zero.

Halloween can't be on a Friday the Thirteenth...-1 point. Fix this, please! My Type A Personality critic was blinded by this error. My brother was fooled by this same thing, so it's understandable, and it's why I'm taking one point instead of two. That's a question of logic, again. You're at negative one point once more.

How do the townspeople not know about Alex's parents? It seems as if there's a lot of conspiracies going around that the police should be checking out. Just a question.

I must admit, the text message, the church story, and the voices were actually a little scary. Props to you—that is your job, after all! +1 for voice. You're at zero again.

The part where Diana sees the heavenly army is a bit confusing. Perhaps you should make a better transition, where you make it clear that she's having some sort of vision.

Woah. Chapter 16 was intense, and enjoyable! +1 point for the major. plot twist. You're at 1 point!

When you introduce specific thoughts like you would with dialogue (in Chapter 17), you should italicize the thought. That way, the reader knows that it's separate.

At the end of Chapter 17, it mentions that Ryan, his group of friends, Diana, and Alex entered the church and were fine. However, in the blurb and in previous chapters, it said that those who entered the church were forever condemned and collected into hell. Perhaps that will happen, so no points given or taken.

At the beginning of Chapter 18, Alex and Diana appear as a couple would. Alex even kisses her on the head, even though he professes to be gay. This seems a bit inconsistent. My intuition tells me that you should have one or the other, not both. I could be wrong, though. You know your characters best. No points given or taken.

Chapter 18 and 19 were pretty scary, I admit. +1 point for doing your job as a horror story. You're at two points total!

It's a bit unclear in Chapter 21 who the children (which one was which). No points given or taken for that one. The introduction of Joseph and what his motives are in Chapter 22 are unclear for me, too. Why is he there? I'm not quite sure I understand the last line of the chapter, either. Who's doing the sacrifice? Who's becoming immortal? Who's taking over the town? What town? You've never really explained the setting until now. However, minor issues mean that no points will be given or taken!

I'm so disappointed that you ended in a cliffhanger! I'm in suspense! However, that means that you got me interested, so +1 point for that.

So, in total, xsetafirex got three points! I must say that this was my first real, teen horror book. There were times when I was scared, which is good. I can see why people like it for the thrill. It is quite an adventure, as was this story! You have decent grammar. What needs the most work is minor plot holes. There are many questions that need to be answered! There are also some logic faults in the mix. The plot, generally, was excitingly good!

I congratulate you at a good read! You surprised me!