"Can you believe that?" I look at Hayden for an answer.

"I didn't know they would come here."

"Me either, but as you can see they managed to find me." I stop and replay the words in my head. He said it like he knew something about them coming. 

"Sorry, it's required by state laws to notify the parents in incidents like this. The Shaw's had to tell the lawyer and I guess he told your parents that you were here."

"I understand, what I don't understand is why now. They acted like they actually cared about me."

"That's messed up, uh!" He sighs and stands closer to the bed to take my hand in his.

"Hell yeah it's messed up and they want me to decide where to live because they think where ever I choose my sister and brothers will follow me."

"Would they?" he ask.

"Well of course they probably would. But that's not the point what if, what if I choose neither. What would happen then?" A part of me doesn't even want to think about it. I just can't see us never being together.

"Probably go to the state, you guys could be together but more than likely will be separated not many couples want to take in four kids at one time."

"Well that just sucks. I know my moma, she may be sober now but for how long another week, another month maybe two. And him...heck River and Dawn don't even really know him and besides it's not like he really wants us. He wants me to choose her; I just can't. Would going to the state be that bad? But then I can't forgive myself if we all get separated, they would hate me for choosing that." I feel my eyes start to fill with tears.

"Sounds like a hard decision. I don't think they will hate you either. None of this is your fault. You did not do this to them, your parents did it."

"I know but still." A lonely year strays down my cheek.

"So when is court anyway?"

"Wednesday, I have a feeling they are going to make the decision then." I try to avoid his eyes because I feel that if I look at him I will start crying for sure and I won'tvbe able to stop them.

Of course he knows something is wrong. "What is it?"

"Nothing, I will be fine."

"You can be honest with me; I know something is bothering you what is it?" he asks again.

"It's just after the trial, what happens to us? Where do we go from there?" I say sadly.

He sits in the bed with me, leaning back against the pillows right by my side. He slides his arm behind me and pulls me into him and whispers, "We will figure it out something, somehow, someway we will make it work."

"Okay." That's all I could get out of my mouth at the moment. Him hugging me is all I need right now and listening to his heart is calming me down. I don't even jump when the door opens up and the Shaw's walk in.

Mrs. Shaw grunts, and we both look up at her at the same time. Come on its not like we were doing anything.

"Hayden!" Mr. Shaw said with that tone again.

"Yes sir," he says a little annoyed with him.

"Do you mind?"

"No sir..." he looks at me then back at him. "Alright I'm getting up." He rolls his eyes.

Mrs. Shaw looks very uncomfortable seeing us that way, but she doesn't say anything about it instead she says, "Star the doctor said you are cleared to go home. The nurse will be here in a few to get you so you will need to get dressed."

She then turns and looks at Hayden and Mr. Shaw. "Honey, can you and Hayden please excuse us for a few minutes so she can get dressed."

Hayden stands up and walks out the door but before going out he turns to look back at me and winks. When the door closes, Mrs. Shaw gets out my clothes.

"Do you need help getting out of the bed?" she asks.

"I think I can manage, but thank you."

However she does have to help me out of the gown. The IV is still in me and she has to call the nurse to come in and remove it. When she leaves, I finish taking off the gown.

I stand by the side of the bed on my wobbly feet, almost falling over. She catches me and asks if I am alright. I think I am just a little light headed from getting up so fast. I really didn't  want to change in front of her, but looks like I really have no choice.

I notice her staring at me. I don't think she realizes that she is staring but she is. I really want to avoid this conversation, but I know she is going to end up asking so I go for it.

"The scars are from cigarette burns. It was his way of punishing me. They are here so others can't see. He didn't want teachers or other kids seeing it. He knew no one would ever look here." I point to my stomach.

Her eyes start to over fill with tears. I know what she is thinking, that how could this ever really happen in real life. "What happened here? Did you do this, are you self harming yourself?"

I look down to where she is pointing to and I take a deep breath as my eyes glisten over with tears. "Do you really want to know?" I paused and take another deep breath. "They are made from razor blades. Each mark represents each time he raped me. Branding me as his property; he has the exact amount of marks on his chest. It was his sick way of knowing what he did to me and he wanted me to never forget the times, our special time." I use my hands as putting quotation marks around the last part.

Each line is exactly one inch deep enough to scar me for life. They go horizontal all the way down on both of my sides. I've never counted how many marks there were. The cigarette burns are here and there on my stomach and on my back, small little round marks for the times I did not listen or tried to fight back or just because.

What hurts, is the way that she is staring at me with more tears in her eyes, she is sobbing now and is shaking her head in disbelief. I know she really feels bad for me but I don't  need her to feel sorry for what happened to me because she had absolutely nothing to do with it.

"Hey it's alright, it doesn't hurt anymore. The first few times did but then I guess I was so use to the pain that it just didn't bother me anymore. I know the doctors and the nurses that worked on me here seen them, what did they tell you?"

"They said you had marks, they were concerned and thought you have been harming yourself. Most all the scars are old and they said if you did you haven't done it in a while. I told them there was no way that you could do that to yourself."

"Well you were right; I didn't do this to myself. Although there were a few times I wanted that razor, so I could slice my wrist, but then again I always thought of the kids and knew that they couldn't live without me. I worried about what would happen to them."

She wipes her eyes and then blows her nose. "I'm sorry, God how could anyone be so cruel."

I want to tell her not to be sorry for me, it's not like it was her fault and she had nothing to do with it anyway. I want to say something, but the next thing I know she is walking out the door still crying. So I finish getting dress all alone.

The nurse brings me a wheel chair, not that I need one but its mandatory she says. When she rolls me out into the hallway to greet the Shaws, they get super quiet, so I'm sure they were talking about me. I know she was talking about me because of the way Mr. Shaw looks at me. I think Hayden also knows a little something because he looks like he is also about to cry.