Those were the days. I don't know about Momma actually living during that time, there were a lot of days I thought for sure she done it this time and gone to heaven or hell, or who knows. But nope I was always wrong she was just passed out. I have to admit though after a while it didn't bother me as much with her passed out where ever she was laying around, because at least she wasn't yelling and hitting us for stupid stuff.

Dirty old dishes piled up in the sink and mile high on the counters and kitchen table. Left-over food from who knows when, glued to the dishes, forks, spoons and even cups with the grossest hairy moldy stuff on top. Crumbs scattered on the floor, ashes from mom's cigarettes and endless empty bottles of beer and liquor strung here to there. Sometimes there would even be puke on the floor where she didn't make it to the can or the toilet. Not to mention dirty diapers and whatever mess River and Dawn made.

Now when momma was awake, no she wasn't sober, but when she was somewhat alive she would attempt to clean the house some, of course complained the whole time. Mostly yelling at us to pick up saying the house better be cleaned up by the time she got back home. Yes she would leave us there like all the time and when she returned she would have more ice cold beer or a bottle wrapped up in a brown paper bag.

A few times momma would take me, but that was not very often and I see her trade her food stamps for money so she could buy her those things she so much needed. Now I don't know if that is allowed or not but she did it. I said something about it one time and she back handed me right on my right cheek and that was the last time I asked questions about her food stamps. That was to be for us to use to eat, but I guess momma she had other plans with that money.

Lord knows when school came around I was ready to go, anything to get away from her. There were several reasons besides momma though. One- I got to eat a good breakfast and a good lunch. Two- I actually got to play at recess and three- I didn't have to hear momma.

I remember a few months went by and well one day I thought I would just start pocketing part of my breakfast and lunch. I took it home, not for me to eat, but for River and Dawn. I know it may be wrong and I should be focused on school stuff while at school like doing my class work, playing with friends and having fun but River and Dawn they were always on my mind. I was always thinking and wondering what they were doing, knowing good well they were left unattended, starving and crying with soiled diapers.

I started to sneak food out every day while the teachers were too busy talking to pay any attention to me. I would wrap whatever food I could that I knew would not go bad and push it far down in my pocket. When I got back to class, I would put it in my backpack to carry home.

"Where you get that apple?" River asked when I handed it to him.

"School, silly; I got it for you," I smiled. "But you have to share with Dawn alright."

He smiled ear to ear taking a bite and then handed it right over for Dawn to take a bite, not even complaining at all about having to share. They ate that apple all the way down to the core and then some.

"You know we can't bring food home from school," Storm said, looking at me as if I cared if I got in trouble or not. I pulled him by the arm and yanked him outside.

"We are lucky to go to school and get to eat breakfast and lunch the least we could do is bring them a little something home. I could care less if I get caught Storm."

"Yeah, but if you get caught-"

I cut him off, "I ain't planning on getting caught and if I do who cares. Do you really think momma feeds them while they are here. I mean come on look at them for Christ sakes."

We both looked over; they were gnawing on the remains of the core. "You ain't gonna tell on me now are you," I raised my voice while having my hands on my hips like momma always did.

He just shook his head, didn't even say a single word. After that day he started helping sneaking food at school. We would let them have some when we got home and if we had enough we would save it for the next day while we were gone, that way at least they would have a little something.

Months went by; Storm and I went to school then came home to take care of whatever cleaning we had to do. We tried to clean up the kids some and make sure they were fed a little then usually later in the night work on our homework if we had any. Giving them a bath wasn't that bad, however changing Dawn's diapers was horrid.

If you ask me, I really just don't remember much about school that first year while dad was gone, except hiding food to bring home and being alone all the time. I didn't have any friends anymore; well I guess I never really did have any to begin with. I would hear kids talking about me and some actually just told me straight to my face. I didn't see the need to say anything back or fight because I really didn't want momma to come to the school and I had to stay out of trouble so I could continue to bring food home.

Kids, they made fun of me mostly because the way that I smelled, how my clothes were dirty and falling apart and my hair was a horrible mess of tangles and just plain dirty and matted most of the time.

Teachers never said a thing to me and I don't reckon they ever really talked about me. However, Storm said one of his teachers' had asked him if everything was alright at home.

I will say that when daddy left, so did the Tooth Fairy and Santa. Matter of fact that first year I don't even recall having a Christmas. As a matter of fact our momma wasn't even home. I'm sure she was off with one of her man friends. Storm and River kept nagging me about what happened to Santa.

"How could he just forget to come," cried River. He sat tearfully on the floor looking out the living room window.

I really didn't know what to say except, "I don't know, River maybe next year."

He started wailing... "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be bad."

"You weren't bad River. I guess Santa just got lost while delivering the other presents." I sat back down beside him and placed my arms around him. "Maybe he is stuck in an enormous snow storm or something." I tried to think of something, knowing all of it was a lie.

"Yeah right!" Storm yelled and shoved the table so hard that it knocked everything over, ashes fluttered all over the floor.

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Sorry this chapter is a tad short...please make comments, let me know what you think.