Please read the whole chapter before leaving any judgemental comments. You'll see what I mean...

Trigger warning: Mention of self harm scars, mention of self harm.

Songs to listen to while reading:

Scars – Lukas Graham (I'll let you know when to play the first song and then the second one can just follow after)

I Feel Like I'm Drowning – Two Feet

I wrap my arms around Cara giving her a hug, "I'll see you soon." I mutter against her hair.

Hailee, Zendaya and I have been at Niall's house with Cara all day. We decided to have a Twilight movie marathon, Cara's orders. I don't mind the Twilight movies; I just couldn't voice my opinion that I was team Jacob without being personally attacked.

I enter the code into the padlock to unlock the door, it must be late if the doors have been locked. Walking into the house, locking the door behind me. I look around to try and find a sign for where Harry is. I walk over to the wall with the cameras, my eyes scanning over each screen briefly.

He is in one of the lounge rooms upstairs that I've never really been in before. This house has too many rooms. I unlace my converse, leaving them on the shoe rack downstairs before walking upstairs. I walk along the corridor until I reach the room that Harry is in. He is lying down on an L-shaped couch with his arms crossed covering his eyes. There are three massive bean bags scattered around the room, a small glass coffee table in the middle and a small kitchen in the corner at the back. Everything is in a different shade of cream colours.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, now walking towards Harry.

"Dunno, just felt like it." Harry murmurs, his arms still crossed over his eyes.

SEXUAL WARNING!
*PLAY SONG NOW PLEASE*

I climb onto the couch so that I am now straddling his waist, "You okay?" I ask. He seems like there is something bothering him.

He uncrosses his arms and moves them to my waist in a huff, "Yeah, 'm fine. Just shit with King. Nothing to worry about." He croons, running his hands up the sides of my waist.

I take a deep breath, trying my best to sound confident, "I could take your mind off of it, if you'd like?" I suggest. I might be slightly in a certain type of mood. I'm sure you can guess what mood I'm talking about. I'm trying to be more confident around Harry but it's a work in progress.

"Yeah?" He smirks for the first time today, his hands moving to my thighs where he starts rubbing them.

"Yeah. If you want to—" Harry flips us over so I am on my back and he is crouching over me.

"I want to." He states before kissing my neck. Open mouth kisses down the side of my neck to my shoulder, moving until he is in the valley of my breasts. I moan at the pleasure his mouth gives from just kissing my skin.

Harry lifts his head, panting, "I want to do something for you." He looks down, looking at my denim shorts.

But if I take off my shorts, then he will see my scars. I could quickly change into a dress or maybe get a blanket—

"I'm not going to push you so you can say no... Could I see your scars?" Harry asks softly, sitting up so he is now kneeling in front of my open legs.

Panic starts to spread through my chest, I move my hands to hug my stomach. "Why do you want to see them?" My defensiveness wall shooting up.

"Because they affect you, I want to show you that I won't leave when I see them. I want to tell you how beautiful every single inch of you is but I can't do that without seeing them."

I don't know what to do in this situation. My head is telling me that he is going to call them ugly like David did but my heart is telling me that he wouldn't do that. "They are really bad Harry." I warn him.

"That's okay. It's your decision, I'm staying either way." Those words. I'm staying. He always says those words and my heart feels like it turns into a butterfly and starts trying to fly. Those are the words I've needed from people my entire life; he always reminds me.

I decide to listen to my heart today.

He has his own scars, he understands.

He has come to terms with accepting his own scars, I hope one day I can do that too.

"Okay." I clear my throat to try and hide the waver in my voice.

"I need you to tell me that you're okay with this." He replies, gently unclamping my hands that were digging into the skin on the sides of my stomach.

"I'm okay with you doing this. I'm just nervous." My voice sounds brittle.

"It's only me, angel. Me and you, okay?" He reassures me, I nod. He has a small smile on his face.

"Do you want me to take your shorts off or do you want to do it yourself?" He asks in a soft voice; he knows how important this moment is for me.

"Can you? I don't want to look—I can't look at you when you see them." I know that he might be shocked when he sees them, I don't want to see his reaction or it might cause me to spiral. These might just be scars but to me they are a lot more. They are a sign of my addiction, they remind me of my past and they are the things that make me feel disgusting. Uncontrollably, they control the amount of self worth that I have for myself which isn't much. They are so much more than scars to me. Harry knows this.

His pointer fingers go to the hem of my shorts, sliding his fingers underneath, gently stroking my stomach a few times, stopping at the middle where the button is. My head is yelling at me, screaming to tell him to stop but my heart knows that I want to do this.

Harry unbuttons my shorts, moving at a slow pace. Dragging the zip down first, moving his hands to the bottom of my thighs, tugging the shorts down my legs unhurriedly. I cover my face with my hands, feeling vulnerable even though it's Harry. This is me at my most vulnerable. Harry knows this.

My chest feels heavy, it feels hard to breathe in. I can feel the bare air on my sides. He can see my scars. My scars are uncovered right now. I feel the couch dip, indicating Harry is getting off of the couch. He's leaving.

I panic and take my hands off of my face. That's when I see that Harry is kneeling by the side of the couch so he is looking at my scars directly. I don't know whether to feel relieved yet, he hasn't said a word.

That's until he shuffles forward, putting his hand on my thigh. He presses his lips to the middle of the scarred area, leaving small kisses, trailing them down. My chest feels like it wants to burst, relief floods through me. I could cry. He is actually kissing them. He leaves a kiss on the larger scars that are lower down, a couple of centimetres wide from not having them stitched when they should have been.

I can't tear my eyes off of Harry, he continues kissing me until he has kissed every millimetre of every scar. "If I could, I would kiss all of your scars and your pain away Lexi."

And that's the last straw, the tears start falling. My hands cover my face to hide the fact that I'm crying but it doesn't work.

"Don't cry! Did I do something wrong? Oh god..." Harry panics, rubbing my thighs trying to comfort me.

"No, no. I'm just overwhelmed with what I feel right now." I say through my hands before moving them away from my face. "I feel relieved that you didn't react how I feared you would. I feel adoration, I adore the way you handled this situation." Harry swipes the tears away from under my eyes.

"You are so beautiful. Every single inch of you is beautiful." I sit up, almost hitting heads with Harry from how fast I moved.

I hold his face and kiss him. I kiss him, I kiss him hard. He slowly stands up without breaking the kiss as he moves to sit on the couch. I straddle him instantly, our tongues meeting in a sloppy and rushed kiss.

His hands that are on my waist, I move so he is now touching my ass. He's never touched my ass because of my scars but the way he moans into my mouth tells me how much he likes touching me there.

I have so much adrenaline running through my entire body mixed with adoration for Harry. My head is slightly dizzy from the change of emotions I've felt with in the past few minutes.

We dream of being loved like gold but yet we settle for people that love us like silver and we wonder why we tarnish. I refuse to go through that again. Harry treats me like gold.

He grabs the skin on my ass with hunger, clawing at the skin, moving my hips to grind against him. I pull back from the kiss, trying to catch my breath. "Let me do something for you." I pant. I am standing up and kneeling in front of him before he can even register that I've moved away from him.

I put my hands on his thighs and start to open his legs so I can kneel in between them. "Is this okay, baby?" I ask him, not realising I've called him baby for the first time until I notice his eyes widen.

"Yes— please." He begs, palming himself over his jeans once, moving his hands to splay on either side of where he is sat on the couch.

I stare up at him through my eyelashes, moving the same way he did with me as I take off his jeans. Unbuttoning them, pulling the zip down causing Harry to hiss with relief from the extra space. He lifts his hips to help me as I drag his jeans down his legs, pooling at his ankles. I don't have the patience to try and rip them off of his feet right now.

I scratch up his thighs, causing him to whimper as my hands move to remove his underwear. I've never seen him naked like this before but that's about to change.

I play with the band of his underwear, touching his tip without intending to. He throws his head back and takes a deep breath. He doesn't even fit in his underwear; this is going to be interesting.

I don't take my time with his underwear; I drag them down and he lifts his hips yet again to help me. His length landing on his lower stomach. My mouth waters at the sight of him, big would be an insult to the size. I take him into my hand, stroking him slowly while making eye contact with him. "You have the prettiest dick I have ever seen, Harry Styles."

"Fucking hell." He pants.

"I haven't done this in a long time so tell me what you like." I instruct. I turn my focus back to where he wants it most right now. Dipping my head to lick the bead of pre-cum that has begun leaking. My tongue moves down the shaft, following the vein that protrudes. I move back to the tip, swallowing the head with my mouth and pulling back slowly so my lips massage over the sensitive tip.

I sit up more so my body is at a better angle. I glance at Harry who looks like he might pass out, his cheeks are bright red and his lips are glossy and swollen from our kiss.

"Take off your shirt." I demand, Harry complying, dragging the material off of his body and throwing it across the room.

I move my hand up and down Harry's length, swirling my hand as I do. "Tell me what you want." I taunt.

"I want to feel the back of your throat, sweetheart."

I start by giving his tip a kiss, pre cum collecting on my lips. I lift my head and look at him while I lick the salty wetness off of my lips.

"I will fuck your face if you keep teasing me." Harry grunts, grabbing a handful of my hair at the back of my head. I grin, knowing how much power I have over him at this moment.

I press his tip to my lips, sliding his length into my mouth. My lips wrap around him, my tongue sliding along his silky skin. I take him half way into my mouth which is almost hitting the back of my throat already. Moving my hand around the area that my mouth hasn't gotten to yet, while my mouth focuses on moving up and down him. I hollow my cheeks, sucking him with faster movements, moving my hand at a faster pace too.

"God, this feels amazing Lexi." Harry moans, his thighs starting to shake slightly.

I keep my mouth moving, my jaw starting to ache but the look on Harry's face is telling me not to stop, so I don't. Deciding that I have enough confidence, I start moving my mouth further down. I move past the point that I have been staying at, feeling Harry hit the back of my throat before curving down my throat. I close my eyes, focusing on not gagging, moving down him until my nose is pressed to his body.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Harry whimpers like he is in pain but his hand on the back of my head that is keeping me in place tells me differently.

I focus my breathing through my nose, a few stray tears stream down my face from the pressure in my throat. The wetness pooling in between my thighs, tells me that I'm enjoying this just as much as Harry.

Harry lets go of my head after a few seconds, I slide my mouth off of him slowly, replacing my mouth with my hand. Coughing as I gasp for air. "I'm so close." He moans.

And with that, I move back to sucking him. I don't take him as deep as I did, I suck him and use my hand with the part that my mouth isn't touching. I focus on moving at a pace that isn't too fast or too slow, just enough for him to keep moaning my name.

"I'm going to—fuck."

I take him deep into my throat again so that he releases into the back of my throat, I swallow three times before his body starts to fall limp and I know he is finished.

I lift my head, holding his softening member up with my hand. I place his length to rest on his stomach. "I feel like you just sucked my soul out of me." Harry jokes, breathlessly.

"Well, I kind of did—" I slap my hand over my mouth at the sound of my voice. I sound like I have a cold from the patchiness in my words.

Harry let's out a loud cackle, I slap his thigh and give him a stern look. He stands up, holding his hands out to help me stand. I visibly cringe once I'm standing, "My legs are dead." I croak.

Harry kneels down, indicating that I should jump on his back. I smile at the gesture, bending my knees before leaping onto his back, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "Wait, my shorts..."

"You don't need to wear them if you don't want to." Harry adds. He's right, he's seen my scars, I don't have to hide from him anymore. It feels so right. "Okay, uhm— let's go to bed."

Harry carries me to his room, feeling his legs shake as he walks from his orgasm. He gently places me on the bed, pulling back the quilt for me to climb under. I feel comfort blanket my body better than any quilt could. Harry saw my scars. Harry kissed my scars. Harry called me beautiful.

Harry's arm slides under my neck, his hand guiding my head to the crook in his neck so that our bodies are facing each other. Our legs are intertwined like wool being knitted together, his one hand on the back of my head, playing with my hair and the other hand on my waist.

"How are you feeling?" Harry whispers, I can hear how tired he is.

"I'm happy." I press a kiss to the base of his throat, trying to cuddle further into his body. Close doesn't seem close enough. The hand that was on my waist, moves to the area where my scars are. Stroking them with his hand a few times before tracing them with his fingertips in a soothing manner. I move my hand to his chest, tracing his own scars that are hidden underneath his swallow tattoos.

"You're my girl." He mumbles, sleep laced with his tone.

"I'm your girl."

Authors note:

Some people might say that showing someone scars on your body might not be something big but to some people it is. So please dont leave any negative comments regarding this topic, it is very sensitive to me. Showing someone something so personal, something that happened when you were at one of the lowest points of your life is a very big and vulnerable moment. So proud of our Lexi in this chapter.

Anywayssssss...

I love you all so very much, thank you once again for 8K. You're the best.

See you in the next one!

~Jess💜