Songs to listen to while reading:

Control – Zoe Wees (Play when indicated pretty please)

I twist my body to try and lie down in a comfier position but the pain in my ribs doesn't ease. I then turn so that I am lying on my back, staring at the ceiling. I huff in annoyance over the fact that I can't sleep despite the painkillers I took before I got into bed.

I guess that's what happens when two guys from a gang beat you up... It's been a week since that night. It's been a week since I was convinced that I was going to die.

The doctor arrived at Harry's house that night, I don't know how long it took for him to arrive. I was in and out of consciousness as he checked out my injuries. Apparently, I had a small concussion and bruised ribs on either side of my body. I also had to get stitches on my cheekbone, there were also bruises across the side of my jaw and my cheek on the other side of my face. Oh, and I also have a black eye... I think that was everything. Got to love when you lose track of your injuries.

The bruising on my face is a lot better, they are turning a yellow and brown colour now compared to the purple colour they were a few days ago. My ribs still hurt massively, hence the fact that I can't sleep.

Harry has been very clingy for the past week. He literally will not leave me alone in any room in the house, even started waiting outside the bathroom like a creep. He says it's 'in case I need help' but I really like peeing in peace so I managed to stop him from doing that after some convincing. He's been making sure I eat three meals a day, not sure whether he's gotten really good at cooking or if he's just been getting loads of takeaways. We both still sleep in our separate beds, I got the feeling that he was too nervous to ask me to sleep in his bed and it's not like I am going to ask him, so we are sleeping in our own beds.

It's been a lot to process what happened. But like all of my trauma, I decide to not think about it. Just bury it deep down and add it into the piles of trauma that are stored deep in my consciousness like old books in a book store that have layers of dust on.

I decide to go down stairs and make some green tea, sleep will not be gifted to me tonight. I groan as I sit up from the bed, holding my ribs gently while cringing at the sharp pain from just sitting up.

I walk down the stairs at a slow pace, taking slow breaths so that I don't add to the pain in my ribs. My eyes fall to the new huge screen that is placed on the wall outside of the kitchen that displays the camera footage of each room in the house and the outside vicinity of the house. Harry made sure that cameras were installed after what happened, even getting Louis and Niall to install cameras in their own houses. No one but Harry, Louis, Niall and I know about the cameras since Harry is doing an investigation into the members of the gang. He wouldn't tell me why he was doing that but I know it had to do with something that one of those intruders had told him.

My eyes scan over the cameras until I notice a movement in the camera in the bottom left of the screen. It's the camera showing the indoor swimming pool, I notice Harry floating on his back with his arms swaying by his sides.

I decide to go and see why he's swimming at two in the morning and begin to walk outside. The cool early morning air hits my face, I take a deep breath and appreciate the calm feeling it gives me as the air flows into my lungs. I continue walking until I reach the outside entrance for the inside pool, the only light being the pool light that gives off a turquoise blue colour through the water.

*Play Control by Zoe Wees pleaseeeeeeeee*

I take careful steps so that Harry doesn't hear me coming, he is now resting on the side of the pool by his elbows with his back facing me.

I admire the way he has tied his hair into a bun and can't help but admire the way that his back looks, his muscles—okay Alexa stop. I creep another step forward, stopping in my tracks when I notice a pair of Calvin Klein boxers thrown on the floor. My eyes stay focused on the item of clothing while my mind realises the situation that is in front of me.

He's naked.

Maybe this isn't a good idea, I should go back inside. I turn slowly on my heels, stopping when I hear a water movement sound from behind me.

"And where do you think you're going?"

I shut my eyes and mouth 'fuck' to myself. "Back inside." I answer unsurely, still with my back facing Harry.

"Join me?"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Uh, I don't think—you're... you know..."

"Naked?"

"Yeah, that." I reply, balling my hands into fists at my sides.

"I'll close my eyes." He answers sounding serious yet playful at the same time.

Confused with what he means, I ask, "What do you mean?"

"I'll close my eyes while you get undressed and climb in."

Wait... Oh!

"Harry, I don't know—" I stop myself mid sentence, why am I saying no when that's the last thing I want to say? I almost died a week ago, why can't I do something spontaneous? "Okay, fine." I turn on my heels so that I am now facing Harry who's now resting his head on his elbows on the side of the pool closest to me. "But you have to promise to keep your eyes closed until I tell you to, okay?"

He bites his bottom lip to try and hide his smile, "Promise." He drops his head so that his forehead is resting on his arms.

I take a deep breathe, you can do this Alexa.

I feel completely out of my comfort zone doing this but it feels right at the same time. Everything will be fine as long as he doesn't look or touch.

I keep my eyes focused on Harry to make sure that he doesn't peek. I could leave my underwear on but I decide to ignore that fact and strip all of my clothing off of my body and shove it into a pile next to Harry's underwear. He won't be able to see anything through the water.

I just don't want him to see my scars, he can't see them.

I tip toe as quickly as possible to the pool entrance steps, climbing in at a fast pace feeling exposed with the lack of clothing. The warm water immediately soothes me, even making my rib pain ease slightly.

I look over to Harry who still has his head down, his back now facing me.

Don't look down. Don't look down.

I walk through the water until I reach next to Harry, resting my arms on the side of the pool as I mimic Harry's position so that my breasts are covered. I guess this is a time when I should be blessed for being a part of the itty bitty titty community.

"Okay, you can open your eyes." I whisper, since I'm close enough to him that the sides of our shoulders are touching.

He slowly raises his head, carrying on looking straight ahead and not at myself. "Promise that you won't touch the sides of my upper thighs?" I ask in a begging tone, he might not even lay a finger on me but I won't be able to ease my anxiety unless I know that he won't touch me in that area. He can't touch me there or he'll feel my scars.

"Why—"

"Just please promise me Harry." He turns his head to that he is now staring at my face. I hold my arms with my hands to try and hide that they are shaking.

"I promise, Lexi." I release my breath, feeling my anxiety ease. He always keeps his promises to me.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, both staring ahead at the view in the sky of the stars until Harry breaks the silence, "I don't think you understand how much you mean to me."

I turn to look at his face, noticing the frown on his face. I open my mouth but nothing comes out of my mouth, "I just—I don't know how to explain it because I'm bad with that kind of shit. I just want you to know." He now turns his body so that he is facing me, "I have never been so scared, when I thought you were going to die—"

"Well, I didn't Harry." I reply, turning my body to face him but with my arms crossed over my chest.

"I should have been there—"

"It's not your fault—"

"But it is." He states, causing us both to fall silent yet again. He sighs frustratedly with his eyes scanning over my face. He lifts his hand, water dripping down his arm as he cups the side of my face and strokes where my fading bruise is placed on the side of my jaw.

"I thought about you in the moment before I thought he was going to shoot me." I blurt, I don't know where it came from but the urge to tell him won over the urge to never tell a single soul.

"Why me?" He asks me, tilting his head to the side with a confused look on his face. He moves his body slightly closer to my own.

"I don't think you understand how much you mean to me." I reply, replaying the same words he spoke to me moments ago.

A closed lipped smile spreads across his face, his beautiful dimples indenting deep into his cheeks. "Oh, do I now?" He asks in a teasing tone.

I roll my eyes, not being able to stop the smile that falls onto my own face. Harry drops his hand to the side of my neck, bringing his other hand to rest on the other side of my neck so that his hands are mirrored on either side. He begins tracing his thumbs in a line down my neck, "Tell me what you thought about in that moment..."

I understand that he's talking about the moment when I was about to be shot. "I thought about that night when we were dancing at the ball, before it all went to shit..." I answer, trying to focus on what he's saying since his fingers trailing down my shoulders are taking all of my attention.

"I liked that night." He whispers as he moves closer to me now so that my crossed arms are pressed against his chest, kneeling so that we are the same height.

I nod in response since my words have disappeared, my chest rising and falling at a fast pace. His arms close around the tops of my arms, rubbing down them until they rest on the front of my arms that are crossed over my chest. "I don't know what I'm doing... but all I do know is what I want to do to you." He admits, pulling my arms away from my chest slowly. His eyes don't falter from my own as he guides my hands to the tops of his shoulders.

Am I even breathing right now?

My eyes fall to his lips, the way his tongue slides out to wet them. He bends his knees even more so that he is just shorter than me now, opening his legs so that I stand in between them. He places his hands behind the backs of my thighs, clearly following the promise he made to me.

"You don't understand what you do to me Lexi..." He pants, nudging my legs further in between his own so that I can feel his hardness pressing on the inside of my leg.

Uncontrollably, I let out a small moan of frustration. Sexual frustration. We're both naked right now and normally I would stop this before anything happens but the things that he's said to me make me not want to stop.

I really don't want to stop.

I push on his shoulders for balance before wrapping my legs one by one, around his waist. He floats his arms at his side, shocked at the transition, obviously not knowing where to put his hands. I reach to grab his hands, guiding them to tops of my thighs, still not anywhere near my scars. When did I become so confident?

"You make me feel so many things Harry, things I haven't felt in a very long time." I whisper, our lips close enough to breathe each other's air. His hands clench my thighs tightly, letting a shaky breath leave his pretty mouth.

I can't take the tension any more, I lean ever so slightly forward so our lips press together. I missed the feeling too much. Moving my hands up to his face, I hold him as our lips move together slowly. It's a very different pace compared to how fast my heart is beating.

The sound of Harry's phone ringing rips us out of the moment, I pull away from the kiss, both of our heads turning to the direction of his phone. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I have to get it." He explains. I climb off of him, crossing my arms over my chest, feeling exposed again.

Harry reaches over the side of the pool to pick up his phone, pressing the answer button. "What?" He deadpans, closing his eyes. "Fuck, okay. When? Oh...Today...Now? Seriously? Okay fine, I'll see you soon." He ends the call in a huff and throws his phone on the side, walking towards the pool steps.

I stare at his phone screen seeing the date displayed under the time.

It's three days before my birthday.

That means... it's five years ago today since the incident happened.

My chest tightens like someone squeezing a stress ball instantly at the realization of what day it is.

"Lexi, did you hear me?" Harry's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, he's now standing by the side of the pool. I must have zoned out because he has already changed back into his underwear.

I shake my head slowly, "I need to go to Niall's house. I'll see you later, I'll be back around one okay?" I nod, feeling the panic begin to flood my chest.

Harry jogs out of the pool room and disappears as his body turns the corner.

How am I meant to get through today?

You'd think after five years, I would be over it but I'm not.

I'm not over it at all.

Authors note:

I say this almost every chapter but I just wanted to say it again, I appreciate all of you so so much. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see all of your love on my story.

ANYWAYSSSSS, *virtual cuddles*

I love you so much angels.

See you in the next one!

~Jess💜