Songs to listen to while reading:

Sad Together – Olivia O'Brien

Ruin My Life – Zara Larsson

Trigger Warning: self harm, self harm scars. Please do not read if these topics trigger or make you uncomfortable.

"Time for Tequila!" I yell at Niall. I don't know why I'm yelling.

"Yes! Tequila time it is." Niall announces. I bond with people by having shots with them when I'm drunk.

Am I drunk right now?

Fuck yes!

I'm at that stage where if I carry on drinking, I'm going to start blacking out but that's not going to stop me. Nothing will stop me—

"We're leaving." Harry states, holding my upper arm as if I'm going to sprint away from him if he doesn't. Maybe I should, that would be funny. Harry runs funny, kind of like a grandad.

"Why are you laughing?" Harry asks me, with a confused look on his face.

"You run like a grandad." It feels hard to pronounce my words through the laughing and the alcohol.

Harry leans forward and mumbles something into Niall's ear that I don't catch.

Harry is so pretty.

"I know I am, now let's go." Harry says to me, guiding me towards the exit. Oops, I said that last part out loud.

I think I must have fallen asleep when Harry and I got into the taxi because I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, we were at the hotel. It was like magic!

Why am I moving but I'm not moving my legs?

Oh, Harry is carrying me bridal style to the room, that's why.

We reach the hotel room, Harry starts carrying me up the stairs. "I wanted to beat you at pool." I mumble, not being able to keep my head still. "There's still time tomorrow, you need some rest." I groan at his answer, he's acting like a grandpa now.

I lean my head on Harry's chest until we reach one of the bedrooms where he places my feet carefully on the ground. I can't remember whether this is my room or Harry's. He holds my shoulders, guiding me to the bathroom, next to the toilet.

"Do you feel sick? You need to drink water." Harry says, showing me a bottled water that he got from the side table next to the bed.

"You need to drink water!" My finger sways as I point at Harry. I don't really know why I said that. I squat next to the toilet so I can sit down but end up losing my balance and landing on my butt ungraciously.

"Whatever you say Lexi, drink your water first."

I sit with my legs stretched out in front of me and my back resting on the bathroom cupboards, the toilet in arms reach next to me. Harry sits down next to me with his knees bent and his elbows resting on top of his knees.

I lean forward and stretch my left arm to reach for the water bottle that Harry placed on the floor. Harry's eyebrows furrow slightly as he stares at my arm. What is he looking at?

Oh, shit. He's looking at the inside of my arm.

"Lexi, did—did you do that?" He asks me, just above a whisper. He's asking about the lines of scars that run across the inside of my arm from my wrist to the inside of my elbow. There isn't really a believable excuse that I could use, no one has ever asked me about it directly.

"Yeah, I did..." I was going to make a joke to try and make the situation a little more light hearted but it's not something I want to joke about right now.

"So we're not too different then..."

"No, we're really not Harry. The ones on my arm aren't actually the worst ones—"

"I'm sorry but I need to stop you there because I don't want you to tell me this when you're drunk and you can't control what you're saying. I want you to want to tell me when you're sober." Harry states, glancing at the inside of my arm every few seconds. I nod in response; I don't know what else to say. I mean I'm still very drunk but I won't tell him that this conversation has sobered me up a lot because maybe this is a sign.

I shouldn't be talking to my kidnapper about my addictions in the first place.

I know some people might not think of self harm as a serious addiction but to me, it was. I'm addicted to the endorphins that I get when I press the blade to my skin and I get triggered when I see my own scars. It's a rough cycle...

"I don't feel sick Harry and I really don't feel like sitting on these cold tiles for any longer." I complain, standing up with a bit of a grunt and walking into the bedroom. Harry follows close behind me, watching me like a hawk with his arms waving in the air so that he can catch me if I lose my footing.

Harry walks over to one of the beds and starts shuffling through his suitcase that is placed on the end of one of the double beds. Guess this is Harry and Niall's room then, they all look the same to me.

He pulls out a pair of grey sweatpants and places them onto the bed. He crosses his arms over his stomach and shoves his shirt over his head, ruffling his curls in the process.

Oh my god.

It's happening.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I said I would never see him shirtless but he's standing in front of me right now, shirtless. And holy fuck does he look good. His tattoos look perfectly placed, as if they were the last pieces that made the perfect puzzle of Harry.

I don't know when I started walking towards him, but his back is facing me and I'm currently close enough to feel the heat radiating off of his body. Why is he always so warm?

His skin looks so soft, I can't help myself. I lift my hand and trace my fingers slowly down his back. Letting my fingers dance along his skin from the top of his shoulder, all the way to the bottom of his spine. I can feel the goosebumps that rise upon his skin almost immediately to my touch.

Harry turns around to face me, "What are you doing?"

What am I doing?

"Sorry, I don't know why—" I start taking small uncoordinated steps backwards to try and create some distance between us.

"Don't apologise." Harry takes the same number of steps but they are towards me.

I'm very drunk and Harry is shirtless. This isn't going to end well.

"Why shouldn't I apologise?" I ask lowly, still taking slow steps backwards. Harry only walks forwards, in sync with my steps.

"Because I liked it." My back hits the bedroom wall, my eyes widen in realisation. I have nowhere else to go, shit.

Harry closes the distance between us now, a smirk painted across his face with his head slightly tilted. He's now standing close enough that I can feel his breath but his body isn't touching mine. The bastard looks amused.

My drunken tongue doesn't hesitate, "You like when I touch you?" I definitely wouldn't be this forward or confident towards him if I wasn't still pretty drunk.

"I do." His voice sounds raspy, probably from all the yelling he did he was talking to the guys at the club tonight. It makes him even more attractive, if that's even possible.

God, I love his hair. I hope he never cuts it.

I lift my hand, gently stroking some of his hair that sits by his ear while Harry just stares into my eyes. It feels just as soft as what I imagined, maybe even softer.

He bites his bottom lip, when did I start staring at his lips?

His hands then suddenly wrap around my wrists, lifting my arms so that my wrists are crossed above my head. Each move he makes feels calculated, like he's been waiting for this.

He leans his head towards my ear, "Do you want me to touch you Lexi?" He asks softly.

I take in a short breath, as I am about to answer, the front door slams open and a lot of yelling and cheering follows after. Everyone is back from the club. You have got to be kidding me...

Harry lets go of his hold on my wrists, causing my arms to fall limp at my sides.

"Where you at motherfuckers? Did ya miss me?" Niall yells from downstairs.

Zayn's bedroom door slams shut, Niall must have woken him up.

I look up at Harry who is staring at the door, trying to understand what Niall is yelling about downstairs. I stand on my tippy toes, placing my hands on top of Harry's shoulders as I place a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"Goodnight Harry."

I don't wait for a response, I walk out of the room to go into my own room that I'm staying in. I need to get out of these damn jeans. I also need to get some space from Harry before I do something that I'll regret.

I made the right choice leaving when I did. It's not like Harry wanted me to sleep in his bed.

Right?

Authors note:

Just a little something incase you relate to Lexi in this chapter.

I love you all so much and remember that my messages are always open to anyone.

And as always, thank you for reading. The fact that you take the time to read my writing is baffling and I can't express how thankful I am for you.

See you in the next one!

~Jess💜