Authors note:

Guess what...

I said guess!

Surprise!!! This is a double update to celebrate 2 months of my baby Liberosis being out in the world.

She's grown so much in the past two months, thank you for all your continued support.

Okay, okay... I'll let you get on with your reading now.

Songs to listen to while reading:

People Help the People – Birdy

This is how you fall in love – Jeremy Zucker

It has been four days since Harry and I had our fight. Four days of avoiding each other like the other one has the plague, not a single word has been said between the two of us.

It feels like whatever... friendship that was forming has just been pushed under the rug as if it had never even happened. It feels like we're back to square one, back to avoiding each other like how we did when Harry first kidnapped me.

I'm always at one end of the house in the gym or library while Harry is in his office or wherever else the man disappears to. Reading and exercising are the only things I do throughout my days, lucky for me that we aren't talking so I've been able to skip some meals. I know I haven't been eating enough because Harry hasn't been forcing me to eat with him. Not that I'm complaining, helps me out in the end.

Tonight, I lay awake over thinking, I had another nightmare. I fucking hate when I have the nightmares, they are always so realistic, feels like I'm reliving my past and that is the last thing that I want to do. I can feel the same things as if they are happening to me all over again and it makes me feel sick.

I hate how much control my anxiety has over me, I can feel my heart rate picking up and my breathing is becoming shallower. I sit up on the bed to try and take a deep breath but the air that is flowing into my lungs feels as if it isn't real since it isn't helping me at all to catch my breath.

I throw the duvet off of my body to the end of the bed as my body starts to feel like it's burning up. I can't breathe, I need to get to the shower so the cold water can break my anxiety attack before it gets too bad. Attempting to move from where I am sitting on the bed but my legs aren't moving. My hands clamp over my chest and shut my eyes as I keep gasping to take a breath but I still feel like I'm not even breathing, tears prickle in my eyes as I panic more from the feeling.

The feeling of a hand touching my arm causes me to snap my eyes open to see Harry. He looks worried, his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are darting over my face to the hands that are still clamped over my chest.

"Alexa, what's wrong?" He sputters, sitting down on the bed in front of me.

I gasp a few times before I muster up, "I can't breathe."

He scans over my face once more before he slides one of his arms under my bent knees and one arm around my back. He picks me up as if I weigh next to nothing and starts walking at a fast pace down the corridor and down the stairs. I close my eyes and try to focus on trying to breathe. A gust of cool air hits my sweating body and I realise that he must have brought me outside. He places me down in front of him on the outside furniture that he has, I lie with my back to his chest and his legs sit on either side of my body.

"Breathe with me okay Lexi?" He whispers in my ear. "Breathe in, 1, 2, 3, 4." I follow his instructions as best as I can. "Hold, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... and breathe out..." He counts down from a count of eight.

He whispers these instructions in my ear what must be around three times until my breathing starts to get slightly better. He notices that I'm still struggling and starts tracing patters on either sides of my shoulders in a comforting manner.

"Find five things that you can see around you right now..." He instructs, I don't really know where this is going but I do what he asked me to do, I'll do anything right now to stop this feeling in my chest. I notice the trees in the far distance, the stars that are dancing in the sky even though the sun is just about to start rising, the tiles on the floor, the pillow by my feet and I can't help but notice Harry's feet placed on the outside of mine.

"Find four things that you can touch and touch them for me okay?" I touch the side of the couch which has a rough texture to it since it's made for being outside, I place my foot on the pillow to touch it, I feel the texture of the t-shirt i'm wearing on my chest and lastly, I place my hand on Harry's knee and feel his soft skin.

"Okay, now three things that you can hear." I close my eyes to focus, I hear some birds chirping since it's the early hours of the morning, I hear the trees whistling from the slight wind that is in the air and then I hear Harry's breathing from his mouth that is next to my ear.

"Two things you can smell." I keep my eyes closed as I take breathe through my nose. I can smell the wetness of the grass from last night's rain and I can smell Harry's cologne.

"And last one, what can you taste?" My tongue darts out to wet my lips, I can taste the green tea that I drank before I went to bed last night.

I notice that my chest is falling and rising at a normal pace and my chest doesn't feel like it's being pressed down by some bricks. Opening my eyes, I come to the realisation that Harry and I haven't spoken in four days. We were ignoring each other, he hurt me. But now here I am, lying on his chest with his legs wrapped around me.

"How do you feel now?" Harry asks me, whispering in my ear once again as if he's scared to make any loud sounds.

"Better." I state, my voice sounds like I've been crying but by the wetness of my cheeks, I must have been. We sit in silence for a few more minutes, "How... how did you know?" I ask him quietly.

He takes a deep breath, "I couldn't sleep, was going to go to the kitchen and then I heard you struggling to breathe." He explains, still tracing patterns all over both of my arms.

I've never had someone to help me through one of my anxiety attacks, I've always been alone and had to get through it myself. Normally they last about an hour but I know it definitely hasn't been an hour, Harry helped me. Harry helped me and stopped my anxiety attack; I don't understand how he knew what to do.

"How did you know what to do?" I pry.

"I get anxiety attacks too, there's three things that work. The breathing exercise and the grounding exercise are the ones that normally work the best." He explains to me.

"What's the third one?" I question him interested in finding out.

He leans further back so that his back is leaning on the arm rest, my body falls back with his. "I sit outside and count the stars until I lose count." He answers.

"It's pointless to count starts, there's too many." I mumble, closing my eyes to focus on the heat that is radiating from Harry's body onto mine.

"It's pointless to count freckles but I know you have five on your right hand." Harry reveals, causing my eyes to open from his confession. Before I can even reply, he picks me up bridal style once again and starts carrying me into the house.

"I could have walked..." I mumble, looking up at him as I rest my head on his shoulder. My body and mind feel exhausted.

He gives me a small smile, "I know."

Harry carries me into the bedroom and places me onto the bed. I snuggle further down so that I am lying down, he lifts the duvet over my body. I fall asleep in no time with Harry sitting on the bed next to me on top of the duvet, stroking his fingers through my hair.

**********

"Alexa."

I grunt and roll over in the bed.

"Alexa..."

My eyes flutter open and see Harry kneeling next to the side of the bed so our heads are at the same level.

"It's seven o'clock, you've been sleeping for twelve hours. Come downstairs to have some food..." He states.

I know he isn't going to let this go so I grumble and throw the duvet off of me dramatically which makes Harry laugh. I follow behind him as we walk down the stairs and into the kitchen.

I scan over the glass table and see that there is a salad with fruit on a side plate on one side and a plate with some type of pasta placed on the other side. There's a lit candle in the middle with some empty wine glasses. "I was going to make us some food but I know I would mess up a salad somehow so I ordered us some food..." He explains the set up that my eyes haven't left.

"Thanks." I answer back, I'm not really sure what to say. I haven't forgiven him for hurting me, it wasn't like we are dating and he cheated on me but the way that he said what he said to purposefully hurt me, well that I don't like. I don't want him to apologise because anyone can just apologise and do the same thing again, it's changed actions that should receive forgiveness.

We sit down at the table at the same time, avoiding each other's eye contact. "Do you drink wine?" Harry asks me, gesturing towards the wine glasses.

"I don't like wine... I like gin." I roll my lips into my mouth after replying.

He nods, "Okay, I'll go get some gin for you." He answers, then standing up from the table and going towards the cupboard that he stores all of his alcohol in. He doesn't take long before he walks up to the table with a bottle of Gordan's Gin and a can of tonic. "Is this okay?" He asks, sounding a bit unsure of himself.

I nod at him and give him a small smile in which he returns while pouring some gin into the glass and then the tonic water after. "It's in a wine glass but it doesn't matter, it's definitely not because I don't have a gin glass..." He jokingly replies, sending me a wink. I laugh lightly, taking a sip of the drink.

We start eating our meals in silence before Harry decides to break the silence, "You don't have to answer but I was just wondering... was there a reason why you had an anxiety attack?"

I clear my throat and take another sip of my drink, "Uh... yeah. It was a nightmare about my past, I never deal with those well." I explain, staring at the food in front of me.

"What happens in your nightmares?" He asks me running a hand through his hair.

"They are normally kind of like a flash back, I feel like I'm reliving stuff that I just want to forget." I answer, I just hope he doesn't push me to say anything else.

"I'm sorry." He replies, although the way that he says it, I feel like there's more than one reason that he said it.

Harry finishes his food first and then plays with his rings when he waits for me to finish my own food. I spread the salad around the plate to make it look like I ate more than what I did. Once I state to him that I've finished, he gatheres both of our plates and puts them into the dishwasher. He turns around and leans on the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I uh... I kind of have a surprise for you." He mumbles, staring at his feet. I feel a bit nervous, what kind of surprise would he have for me?

"What is it?" I ask him, standing in front of him.

He doesn't reply, he just mutters that I must follow him, so I do. We walk up the stairs and make our way down the corridor, past the bedrooms and stop at the door that leads to the library.

He gestures towards the door, "Ladies first..."

I look at him with an unsure look, opening the door and walk into the library. My breathe hitches in my throat when I see the set up in front of me. There is a sheet that has been pinned up to look like a tent, the lights have been turned off but there are some fairy lights throughout the fort that give off light. There are blankets and pillows scattered around and there is a laptop set up towards the back of the fort.

My hand is covering my mouth, I turn towards Harry to see that he was already looking at me. "What is this?" I whisper.

"I tried to think of something to make you feel better because I know the next day is always horrible after you've had an anxiety attack. So I called Cara and she said that I should make a fort so that we could watch some movies? I don't know what I'm doing..." He mutters, covering his hands over his face. When he covers his eyes, a big smile spreads across my face.

I step towards him and tug his hands away from his face, "Thank you Harry, I've never been in a fort before... I'm looking forward to it." I begin, smiling at him. "But I do have one condition." I state, trying to look as serious as possible.

"What is it?" He asks, playing with his rings.

"We have to watch horror movies." I state before the smile falls back onto my face when I notice the relief on Harry's face.

"Deal." He answers with a small smile.

Harry climbs into the fort first, crawling on his hands and knees since the fort isn't very tall. It's an amusing sight, seeing a grown man so excited to climb into a fort. I climb in after him, lying on my stomach next to him, both of us leaning on our elbows as he types something into the laptop.

"You better not laugh at me when I scream like a girl..." He trails off. I cover my mouth when I giggle at him.

"I'm sorry but that's a promise I can't keep Harry." I joke.

Harry presses play on the laptop, then sitting up so he is on his knees. He starts gathering some of the scattered pillows to prop them up behind us. He lies down and pats the pillows next to him for me to lie down on which I do.

We start watching The Conjuring which is one of my absolute favourites. I feel Harry glancing at me every few minutes as if he is checking that I am actually here still. We both ended up falling asleep during the movie at some stage. I woke up to a warmth on my back and a type of weight on my waist, I opened my eyes and turned my head to the side to see that Harry was in fact spooning me. I don't know how we got into this position but I decide to pretend that I don't know and fall back asleep.

And you know what? It was the best I've slept in years.

Authors note:

How we feeling about Harry? Still mad?

~Jess💜