If her brother, such a strong and smart man, requests for help, he must really need it. Jin qing knew her brother well enough that the only time he would request help was when he knew he was in a fight he can't win.
That was the main reason why she's going, but another reason was that on the letter, there was a handwriting she recognized.

Every person in the land who knew how to read and write has their own unique handwriting, along with their own habits and small quirks they have when writing their characters.
And Jin qing recognized one of them, one of the many habits of the person she was thinking of. The unnecessary strokes he has a habit of making. The person used the alternate handwritings from other people to draw attention away from his unnecessary strokes.
But that was impossible, there are many people who might have a similar habit. How can Jin qing be so sure it's the man she's thinking about?

She wasn't.
So she intended to go and find out. If it was him, he wouldn't resist the chance of finding her on the battlefield and kill her.

With what? With a sword? The point of a spear? An arrow? Trampling her underneath a horse's hooves?
Was the poison sent by him?

Jin qing ran toward the hall of the emperor, but she stopped halfway.
Why was her heart pounding?
No. Not now. She was outside, away from the comforting privacy of her own room.
Jin qing looked up and scanned her surroundings, trying to steady her breathing. What triggered it? What's causing it?
Not now.

Her maids were way behind her, unable to catch up with her speed and her knowledge of the palace shortcuts.

Her heart squeezed its air out of her mouth, leaving Jin qing out of breath for a few seconds before she finally managed to take air back in.
She shut her eyes, leaning one arm against a tree, head spinning. Was the poison acting up again?

Jin qing opened her eyes in an attempt to get a better sense of her bearings and to calm down, but for a split second, she wasn't in the palace. She was in a cold, stone room, the air stale and musty. Her ears filled with the ringing of bells, the quiet yet sharp clinks of stringed beads, the clicks of locks on the iron doors opening-

And it stopped.

Her vision cleared, and she managed to breathe again, but Jin qing was still just as shocked.
Confused.
What had caused it? She spun around on her heels, looking around. What had caused that to happen?

Jin qing sat down on a stone bench, silent.
She should be going to the main hall before her maids get there and start wondering. Staring at her hands, she wondered if she'll be able to function in the hall.
She wondered if it'll trigger while she's having a discussion with the emperor.

<>

"What do you mean he's not in the hall?" Jin qing demanded.

"Yes... The emperor has retreated to his room less than half an hour ago. Lady Xue Xian, do you need him for anything?"

"Yes... can you ask him if I'm allowed to enter?"

The guard nodded and rushed in, leaving Jin qing alone with her thoughts. She had managed to calm herself down before she arrived, but the waiting was making her anxious.

A pink butterfly flew in front of her and rested itself on Jin qing's sleeve. With a little smile, she lifted up her sleeve to examine it, but when she moved, the butterfly promptly fluttered away, disturbed by the movement.

"Lady Xue Xian!" The guard approached her again. "The emperor grants you permission! Though he says the next time you don't need to."

"Thank you." She said softly and went in.

<>

Xi Jian looked up when Jin qing walked into the room. "Ah! So I assume the messenger found you?"

"Of course. And I think you know very well that I'm going."

"Of course, it's your job as the Xue Xian after all." Xi Jian our down his papers and walked over to Jin qing. "Come back alive, alright? The country needs the Xue Xian."

Jin qing sighed "of course. I'll do my best."

"You'll do your best to come back alive?" Xi Jian tilted his head, standing right in front of Jin qing.

"Of course. You know that."

"You'll do your best to come back to..." Xi Jian leaned his head forward. "To me?"

Jin qing leaned her head back. "To you?"

"Of course, you know how I feel about you. You going on another mission... it worries me."

"Well, there isn't anything to worry about."

"Knowing your sense of selflessness, I worry that you'll do something and get yourself hurt."

Jin qing stepped back to create distance between them. "We'll see. But the Xue Xian cannot ignore a plea for help."

"But the empire will not run if the Xue Xian dies."

Jin qing narrowed her eyes at Xi Jian. "You're the emperor, it's your job to govern the people and the kingdom. It's only my job to advise you."

"Not if you're the empress."

Jin qing's eyes widened in surprise. "I- I'm sorry?"

"You heard me. You'll be able to rule by my side if you're empress."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Well..." Xi Jian sighed "I can't force you to do anything, but I wish for the better of this empire. If we marry, not only would it provide a better moral boost but it would also ensure that you'll be able to do more with your talent, and other reasons."

"And that 'other reason' is that you can get the satisfaction of marrying the person you fancy?" Jin qing's voice rose a little.

"Can my affection for you even count as fancy anymore?"

"You can't expect me to answer all your questions and troubles. That's up for you to decide." Jin qing said firmly. "I'm only here to help you make your decisions about the kingdom, not make them myself."

"No. Set that aside." Xi Jian once again stepped closer to her, "set the empire aside for just a second, you really don't know how much you mean to me."

"And so?"

"When you're in the room as we make decisions, when we make plans, I feel so much at ease." He admitted, "if anything happens to you during this mission... that sense of comfort will disappear."

"And how does this have anything to do with being empress?"

"Being empress... marrying me... makes sure that you'll be safe within the palace walls." Xi Jian leaned his head forward. "My father said it himself too, no? The only thing thing that was stopping him from taking you as his wife and protecting you was your age. But as his son-"

Jin qing cut him off by pushing him away. "Your father also knew that with my background, marrying me would be a blemish on his record."

"That was when the country didn't know who you were. Now that they know, there wouldn't be anyone who would protest."

Jin qing let out a sigh. "I came here to ask you for details on the request and everything, guess like I'll just have to go myself." She turned around and started to walk out, ignoring the sudden flutter in her heart.
Flutter? No.
This wasn't a fluttering feeling, her heart was pounding again.

Xi Jian reaches out and gripped her wrist. "You want information? I mean, the emperor shouldn't be hiding any information from the empress who is going to help him rule."

Jin qing pulled her hand back, forcefully. "Then I don't want the information from you. I'll find out myself when I arrive in the city."

He laughed. "Stubborn! Alright, though I'll have to admit that they can probably give you the information you want better than I can. All so you can do your job, of course."

"Alright then. I'll go back and prepare to leave." Jin qing turned around and headed out the door.

"Wait."

Alright this is the second time he's stopped me from leaving. What does he want?

Jin qing turned around, ready to hear whatever he had to say only to find the distance between them way too close for her comfort.

He had followed her when she turned around, and now he held onto her soft hands and quickly leaned his head down to her steal a kiss from her pink lips.

Out of all the possibilities Jin qing had thought through, this was not one of them.
Taken by shock and surprise, her muscles didn't react to the screaming in her brain to move away.

Xi Jian pulled away after a bit, a cocky grin on his face. "Before you slap me, I'll point out that I can have you arrested for attacking the emperor. And the blush on your face is very cute."

Jin qing drew back her shaking hands and turned around, determined to leave.
Speechless.
Usually, she would have some witty comment or at least leave with a warning, but this time, she didn't.
The panic had settled within her.

This wasn't the first time a kiss had taken her by surprise...

She didn't respond to the guards outside the main door when they bid goodbye to her. Her maids were waiting outside too, and they looked up when they saw her.

"Miss! Where were- miss?" Bai yan stood up.

Jin qing didn't respond and kept her head down. She can still feel the heat her face as she hurried in the direction of her room.

Ye bing shot a glare in Bai yan's direction, telling her to hush and to save it until they got back. Ye bing couldn't help but notice the unusual amount of blush on their Miss's face.

She brushed against someone as she hurried down the stone path, but ignored it. She was too focused on trying to calm down.

"Jin qing? What's wrong?"

Oh please tell me that's not who I think it is.

Shang Ye paused and walked backwards so he was standing In her path "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Shang Ye frowned. "Why is your face red? What happened? The Jin Qing I know wouldn't walk with her head down and in such a pace."

"It's nothing. Thinking."

"Don't lie to me." Shang ye sighed. "Something is up. Tell me."

"It's nothing, really. I just want to go back to my room-" Jin qing walked past him.

And for the second time today, someone grabbed onto her wrist to stop her from leaving. But instead of pulling her toward him, Shang Ye began to walk over to her.

Her instincts took over and she thrust his hand away from her wrist, with more force than she intended to. She can feel her breathing speed up as she did so, looking up at Shang Ye with an expression she had never shown anyone.

An expression filled with fear.

She needed to leave.
This might trigger it again. She needed to calm down before it actually happens.

"I'm sorry-" Jin qing mumbled, and walked away.

"Jin qing, Wait! I didn't mean to-"

This is why she focuses on work.
Distractions like this were bound to happen if she didn't.