▽Modern AU

△Song writer!Levi x Reader

△she

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1, 2, 3, 4...

I understood, I still do.

I understand perfectly of the cons — going away to another foreign country to interact with the singers and bands, different time-zones that leads to limited communication, the heartache of not being able to be by his side at any given time, and his absence — of dating such a man with such an amazing talent that could take anyone's breath away without even making an effort to. I understand it perfectly as I had known this when I had agreed to be his woman.

I really do — but that doesn't mean that those poisonous and horridly selfish thoughts about him spending more time on his career rather than being with me wouldn't stop letting itself whisper it's darkness in the back of my mind.

5, 6, 7...

I should feel and be more than satisfied that he even tries his hardest to spend time with me.

I should be grateful, happy, and appreciative of this wonderful man whom — out of every gorgeous woman he could've picked — chose to have me by his side, whom had let me into his past, present and possibly all of his future.

I should be...

...but I'm not.

8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13...

I arose from my bed as it has been 43 minutes since waking up that I have been just laying there, in the comfort of our warm bed, staring mindlessly at the crisp white ceiling above me as I wallow in those selfish feelings that I've bottled up.

Communication is the key to a relationship that would last you a lifetime. Many times I've wanted to voice them out, many occasions were given as the perfect time to bring them up, and many chances were presented in front of me to tell him about my loneliness — but when I see the way his eyes lights up at every given chance for him to gift the world's ears with his talent, it's as if everything I've been meaning to lash out at him incinerates itself into nothing.

I walk into the bathroom. I wish I had not because the first thing that stimulated my senses was the scent of his cologne. The one that I had deliberately sprayed into every nook and cranny of the bathroom as a catalyst to imagine as if he was right there with me in the bath tub last night as I bathed myself in the luxury of roses.

14, 15...

His large and soft hands to caress every curve and dip of my body that he had could get his hands on as to engrave the feel of my warm flesh in his mind.

My back on his solid abdomen muscles as he hoists me by my waist to position me higher up so that he could ram into me directly at any time when he feels like blessing me and himself with the familiar pleasure we know so well. Spotting the smooth of my bare nape as I gathered all of my hair to one side on purpose, he peppers my nape with little sensual kisses slowly to show his appreciation for me as he digs his fingers into my thighs, causing me to moan lowly at the swirl of stimulus that was electrifying my senses.

As time passes, he proceeds to lick and suck at my nape as he had wanted to mark me once more to prove that I was his, and his alone.

His digits release themselves from my outer thighs as they carefully moved towards my-

Slapping myself in the face, I forcefully snapped myself out of the scenario from yesterday that I tried to relive again before I get too excited.

16, 17, 18, 19, 20...

Stripping myself of his shirt and my undergarment, I hopped into the shower to wash away all thoughts — for now.

21, 22, 23, 24, 25...

I stood in front of the stove as the eggs start to cook themselves by absorbing the heat from below.

Chemical changes was happening right before my eyes and I couldn't help but let that happen to myself too. Emotions fluctuates themselves within me without even my consent and all I could do was to ignore it or push it all away — but is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life with Levi?

29...

I love Levi Ackerman.

I have loved him since the moment he let me into his life as I had perceived it as him giving me his trust and friendship willingly, and that alone was enough to reduce me into tears as he had given me a small key into his life.

I don't plan on ever giving it up to anyone ; but it's always easier said than done.

30, 31, 32, 33...

His rare little laughs he blesses my ears with.

The grey ocean waters of emotions within his eyes.

The way the left side of his lips quirks up when he gets a reaction out of teasing me.

The scent he carries as if only he could pull off.

His loving gestures and touches that would always melt me without a doubt.

How he would nag me relentlessly until I clean up to his standards.

His words of encouragement, snide little comments and truth.

His horrible sense of humour.

The way he sleeps.

How quick he showers.

His love of cleaning products and tea.

His signature cravat.

His soft hair and shaved underside.

Just, everything about him.

I love it all.

I miss them all.

34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41...

"Sorry (Name), but they still need me. "

Are you eating properly? Don't lie, I know you're eating one of those disgusting and unhealthy pop-tarts.

How did you sleep without me?

The food is horrible here. Your cooking is better.

"I wish you're here next to me right now instead of this stupid empty air. "

What did you do today?

This kid dances as bad as you do. It almost made me laugh.

Don't sleep too late, brat.

"Goodnight. "

I'll be back in 15.

"Sorry, I have to go now. They need me. "

Yes, I know.

Okay.

"I'll call you back. "

"I'm busy, text you later. "

No new messages.

0 missed call(s).

42, 43...

Should I get a glass?

Internally debating if you were going to be lady-like or a girl in pitiful anguish, you chose the latter as you walked past the cabinet filled with cups, mugs and all types of drinking apparatus — including a wine glass.

Popping open cap, you took a sip of the 13.90 dollar store bought wine as you trudged up winding stairs carefully without spilling anything.

44, 45, 46, 47, 48...

You're pathetic.

What happened to the independent woman?

Stop this pitiful one-woman party and have faith in Levi!

Chuckling to yourself, you could feel the effects of the alcohol beverage start to kick in as you feel the familiar buzzing sensation spreading within you like an active disease.

"How can I have faith in him, when he's not even here!! " you screamed from your bedroom balcony as one hand held the rail tightly and the other, the half empty bottle.

49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54...

Tumbling back into the room, leaving the balcony door unlocked, you threw the glass bottle into an unknown part of the room as it had fully served its purpose for tonight.

"Didn't bur-break...unlike me!"

Giggling to yourself like a deranged asylum patient, a (not) brilliant idea came to your hazy and unclear mind.

55...

"Oh, phooooooooonnnneeeee~" you sang off-tuned as you stumbled around with a spinning vision in a haste to search your mobile device to call the one person who made you into this hideous, dependent immature drunk.

56...

Finally able to find your phone, you clicked it open just to have the light blind you a bit as you had not switch on the lights.

"Argh!"

Mentally cursing your own stupidity, you unlocked it with a couple errors and clicked the phone call icon.

57...

"(Name)? Aren't you suppose to be asleep now?" Levi asked with an angry tone as he continues to carry out what he was doing before you had called.

His voice — deep, masculine and slightly monotone mixed with hidden worry. You've missed it so, as all the drunkenness in you had temporarily disappeared the moment he picked up your call.

"Hello? (Nam)-"

"I've missed you. "

58...

He halted his movements the moment he heard your voice waver.

"I've missed you, s-so much!" The dam to your repressed emotions had finally broken free and no matter how much you tried to fix it — it kept flowing out.

"Why haven't you called? "

"A text would've sufficed, or even just a simple 'I'm doing fine. '!"

"I under-understand that you're busy, I do! But just something...something from you would've been okay!"

"Levi, please! I-I...I'm so sorry. I want to support you, to be part of your life, to be with you — but I could only take so much!"

"I miss you. Your voice, your touch, your stupid cleaning habits, your sleeping face, your teasing, your love, your attitude — I miss you, Levi ; but I wonder if you miss me?"

"I know I'm being selfish for saying a-all these. I'm sorry. "

Taking a breath away from your thoughtless drunk rant and crying, you could hear his soft breathing through the speaker.

Is he not going to say anything?

"I'm sorry, Levi. I love...I love you. "

You hung up, threw away your phone and cried for the rest of the night until you felt exhaustion, depression and anguish lead you into a world of flashing dreams — a place where all your little problems seem to not matter a single bit at all.

59...

Anger, disappointment, disgust — all these should've been what he should've felt when he heard your true feelings about his lack of presence in your life, but he didn't.

Instead, he felt regret, heartache and restless.

I made her cry.

I made her feel insecure.

I left her all alone...

"What am I if I can't even spend 10 minutes a day to give her the time of the day?" He whispered angrily at himself as his fist clutches tightly at the phone he was holding, the grogginess from before completely gone.

"What am I if I couldn't even make her feel better just now?!"

In a fit of anger and disappointment in himself as your lover, he threw his phone to the wall to which it violently crashed and broke at — like your heart.

60.

Waking up, you could feel the dull pounding of the previous night's after effects coming on. Groaning slightly, you sat up slowly and sighed as the pathetic memories of yesterday's outburst to Levi over the phone hit you like a tsunami.

"How lame can you get?" Smiling lightly in self-depreciation, you turned your head towards the empty side of your shared bed to stare at. Feeling the tears collecting once more, you let them fall as you let out shaky breath.

0 9 : 5 7 a. m.

Laying back down, you wallowed in the ache of both your heart and head as you stared at the crisp white ceiling above.

"414 days, 15 hours and 38 minutes. " whispering to yourself, you decided to wipe your tears away and head downstairs for a dose of Panadol.

Just as you swallowed the smooth white tablet down your throat, you heard a knock at the door.

Sighing heavily as you did not want to deal with anyone right now, you still dragged yourself down the hallway expecting Mikasa or some other friend(s) for yet another cheer up session to ease up your loneliness.

What you had not expect though, was the very man who had caused you so much turmoil to be standing at the door of his own house with a bouquet of flowers in his hand and luggage in his other paired with an apologetic expression that screamed regret and anguish. Feeling the tears come back up to your sockets, you hugged him tight — without a second of hesitation — as he reciprocates the action with all his heart as he could feel his own tears start to collect at his eyes.

"I know I've done you wrong and I'm sorry...but I'm home, (Name), and I love you too. "

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570 READS OMFG I CRY 😭😭

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I changed the entire structure of this story 😂🌚

To reader's feelings and Levi's (slightly) ; and this just remains as a fanfic inspired by the song. ( I think LOL )

But don't depend on someone's love until you become like this ok🌚