~Jiyong~

The first thing I wanted to do, was apologize to Taemin, but I didn't really know what I was apologizing for.

All I can think of is the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. I groan and roll over on my bed, picking up my phone for the millionth time, but once again an empty screen meets my hopeful gaze.

"Damn it." I curse, and throw my phone down "this is why I stay away from people, nothing but pain follows me."

I had let myself get close to Seunghyun for one second and this is what happens. It just validates my point that I need to stay away from him, if not... God knows what'll happen.

I curse again and jump off my bed, heading to my closet, and grabbing my gym bag. I stomp down the stairs, feeling the need to noise my frustration in every movement I make.

"Ji, are you ok?" My dad asks comming out of his study, cocking an eyebrow at my weird behavior.

I breath out an exasperated breath "you know, you would think that guys would be easier than girls, I mean less drama right?"

My dads eyes dance with humor and he shrugs "I've never had experience with the latter."

I purse my lips "don't, it's not worth it, they are all a pain in the ass, no matter the gender."

My dad laughs and notices my gym bag "going to release some agitation?"

I nod "I need to hit something"

My dad shakes his head, but continues to smile at me "have fun, and don't hurt yourself"

I roll my eyes, and grab my keys off the table beside the door "later dad."

>>>>>

~Seunghyun~

"Tae, are you going to stay in bed all day?" I ask feeling slightly annoyed at my little brothers behavior. "You know Ji has called and texted you a bunch of times... he really wants to talk to you"

"I don't want to talk to him" Tae pouts.

"Yes you do, you're dying to talk to him, but you're being stubborn." I say leaning against his doorframe and crossing my arms over my chest.

Taemin shifts "why did you have to kiss him? Why couldn't you have picked anyone else? Why my Ji?"

I was trying to be sympathetic, but his words 'my Ji' made me want to pop him in the back of the head "Tae, come on, you know that Ji doesn't see you that way." I said in a softer tone than my thoughts.

"Just leave me alone." Tae whines.

I sigh "no, you can be mad at me all you want, and you can even refuse to talk to me for the rest of our lives, but I won't let you do this to Ji. You know how he is with letting people in, don't hurt him like this. You're to important to him." I pick up his phone off ground where he threw it earlier "he's already called and texted you a bunch of times apologizing and he hasn't done anything wrong... don't be like this, man up and fix this." I set his phone next to him on his bed and walk out of the room.

I hear Taemin sigh, but also hear the unlocking of his phone. A triumphant smile spreads across my face, as I close his door behind me, giving him some privacy to make up with his best friend.

>>>>>

~Jiyong~

"Again" Jongkook yells.

I punch the pad in front of me with an angry force, while letting out a loud 'yah'.

"Ooh, we've got some fire in us today" Jongkook laughs "I like it, but don't let that anger keep you from concentrating."

I nod and strike out my fist at his call, continuing to punch out all of my aggression into the foam in front of me, waiting to be abused.

"Is Jiyong having love life troubles?" Eunhyuk asks coming out of the back room with a bowl of noodles in hand.

"Hey, I told you, no food on the dojo floor" Jongkook yells

"It's okay, I won't spill any" Eunhyuk snickers at Jong kook's ability to get heated so quickly.

"Yesh, this little punk... if you spill even the tiniest of drops, you're scrubbing this whole place till it sparkles" Jong Kook threatened, causing me to laugh.

"Oh please, this boy could clean for days and it would be worse than before" Donghae cracks up at his own joke, from his place on the floor across the room.

"Would not, my cleaning skills are on point, you are the one who sucks at cleaning" Eunhyuk barks, flipping his bleach blond hair to the side dramatically.

"Liar, who is the one who's always cleaning our apparent?" Donghae protests.

"Sungmin" Eunhyuk snorts.

"Oh right" Donghae joins in, and soon they are both cracking up.

"Speaking of which, where is Sungmin?" Mino asks coming out of the back room where Eunhyuk just came from and sitting next to the blond haired boy.

"He had an early class today" Donghae answers "he's been really busy lately" he says looking a little confused making me wonder if there's something going on with Sungmin.

"Ah, I wonder if maybe he has a boyfriend?" Mino asks playfully raising his eyebrows, and Donghae smiles, before shrugging.

"Oh, which reminds me, Ji..." Eunhyuk snaps "tell us about your love issues"

I roll my eyes "it's a mess, I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh no you don't, the strongest weapon we have is our voice, lets talk it out" Jong Kook says setting down the punching pad.

I groan "I came here because I wanted to hit something, if I wanted to talk I would have gone to see Dr. Park."

"Come on, there's things that you feel more comfortable telling friends, come sit by me and tell Eunhyuk hyung all about it." Eunhyuk pats the rolled up mat that he and Mino are sitting on.

I sigh and do as I'm told "it's complicated"

"No matter of the heart is ever uncomplicated" Jong kook says sitting on the floor in front of us, while Donghae scoots over to sit next to him.

I bite at my lip feeling too focused on "ok so I have a best friend, his name is Taemin. Everything was just fine, until I met his brother, Seunghyun. I started feeling things that I never thought I would towards Seunghyun, and I tried pushing him away, but he's very persistent. Well last night we kissed and Taemin saw, and got really upset which I discovered that he likes me as more than a friend and I don't know what to do." I take a large breath after all of it came out in a rush.

"How do you feel about Taemin?" Eunhyuk asks not missing a beat.

"I don't see him that way, he's like a little brother to me, but I don't want to hurt him." I feel depressed just talking about Taemin, I really miss him.

"Do you like Seunghyun?" Donghae asks.

I bite my lip "I tried my best not to, and I really don't want to, but yeah, I really do."

"You're right, this is complicated" Eunhyuk says, causing me to groan once again, I feel like I'm doing that a lot lately. "Now hold on, I'm not saying it's not solvable."

"What do I do Eun?" I hear the desperation deep in my voice and am confused by how helpless I really do feel.

"Ji, this may sound simple, but do what you would do if no one were to get hurt. If somehow miraculously you could make a choice that would end with no pain for anyone, what would you choose?" He asks looking at me.

I sit back and think, if I could choose one path and it would end with no consequences, what would I choose? "I would choose Seunghyun." I say aloud and am surprised by my answer. Without hesitation I choose the one person I've been trying to keep out, irony is a bitch.

"Then that's what you should choose Ji. Listen, people get hurt in this world no matter what we do, it's just a matter on what's going to hurt you that you have to think of... I think you're allotted a bit of selfishness, you deserve to be happy." Eunhyuk tells me "do what's going to make you happy Ji, the rest will work itself out."

"I wish it was that easy, but I don't want to hurt Taemin, or Seunghyun...they deserve better" I say, my mood getting darker by the second just thinking about all of this.

"Don't give me that shit, you are not a black hole, you're not going to ruin someone's life by loving them" Jong Kook gives me his no bullshit look and I have to sigh.

"And this friend, if he really cares about you, he will want you to be happy too, Ji." Mino adds.

I nod, feeling the weight of their words, but not sure if they're really sinking in "You're really going to make a good shrink, Eun." I say.

Eunhyuk laughs "well good that, because if I had to change my major this late, I would drop out of college... but then I could spend all of my time here with Jong kookie hyung."

Jong kook growls "you're finishing school, even if I have to drag your ass to every class myself."

I snort, but quickly tune out their bickering because my phone goes off from my bag. I stand and pull it out to see a text from someone I didn't expect.

"Oh, he texted me." I bounce slightly.

"Who?" Donghae and Eunhyuk ask at the same time.

"Taemin." I grin, while opening my phone.

From: Taminnie
To: JiJi

Wanna meet somewhere and talk?

I grin and bounce some more, earning chuckles from the boys behind me.

To: Taeminnie
From: Ji

Yes, I would love to, you pick a place and I'll be there.

From: Taeminnie
To: JiJi

Han river? Our bench, In 20 mins?

To: Taeminnie
From: Ji

Sounds great, I'll see you there, Tae.

.....

Twenty minutes later I sit on our bench as promised, I watched the people pass by, some on dates, some are tourists, but a few are like me just sitting around searching for something.

The first time I found this place was right after I came to live with my dad, I was angry one night and couldn't sleep, so I got up and just started aimlessly walking around, eventually finding my way to this place.

I sat here for hours that night, thinking, breathing, and even crying. I was lost, but when I finally went back home I felt lighter, like a bit of the weight on my shoulders was reduced slightly, like everything was going to be okay.

This is my favorite spot in all of Seoul and I come here when I need to think, or just breath.

I showed this place to Taemin, figuring it could become as important to him as it was to me. It did, we started coming here almost every weekend to talk, laugh, and enjoy each other's company. Taemin really had become my best friend in record time, a part of me wonders how he got under my skin so fast, but another part of me, really doesn't need to ask because I love Tae so much that it scares me.

I don't know how I would hold up if I ever lost Tae, it's only been a day and I'm already falling to pieces, what would happen if he didn't want us to be in each other lives anymore? I couldn't bare to think of it.

"Hey" a small voice says behind me.

"Tae" I jump up and swirl around, my heart pounding happily just seeing him.

"I guess we have some things to talk about" he says looking down at the ground.

I sigh "I guess we do."

"But first..." he trails off and the next thing I know I'm catching the boy in my arms and he's squeezing me tight "I just need one of these"

I tighten my grip on him "I know what you mean"

After a few minutes of soaking up any bit of each other we can, we pull apart but I still keep ahold of his hand, afraid to let go.

"Tae, what happened between Seunghyung and me was..."

"Going to happen eventually and I shouldn't have let myself get my hopes up." he says smiling lightly "i know, I see that now...I guess I just thought with the way you were so attentive to me, or the way you were always holding onto me, like you're afraid I would disappear, made me think you liked me too."

I sigh, finally getting why the misunderstanding was made and I realize that i have to explain something to him that i myself don't fully understand. "Tae, i'm going to tell you something, something i don't really talk about, but i want you to understand why i treat you like that." i whisper my voice feeling slightly choaked. 'ok Jiyong, you can do this, be strong.'

He looks deep into my eyes and nods lightly "ok Ji, go ahead, tell me."

I swallow hard, knowing what I have to do "I use to have a brother, a younger brother, we were close, closer than you and me if that is possible..." I glance over at him and he nods for me to continue "our family wasn't exactly the best family, so we relied on each other. I took care of him; fed him, clothed him, helped him with his homework... I loved him to the fullest extent you can love a person" I stopped feeling tears starting to pool.

"You took care of him... kind of like you take care of me" Taemin sits back finally getting it.

"You aren't a replacement for him, I swear to you that, but you remind me so much of him, from the very second I first saw you, I couldn't help but love you. I wanted to take care of you, protect you, and just be around you... I didn't think of there being a possibility of you seeing me as more than a brother, because that's how I see you, you're my brother, Tae."

Taemin looks me in the eyes "what happened to your brother, Ji?"

My lip trembles and i look away as the tears finally spill over "I broke my promise, I couldn't protect him... he..." my voice broke and i couldn't say any more, i know i would lose it if i did.

"Shhh" Taemin wraps his arms around me, resting his head on my right shoulder "its ok, I understand, you don't have to say it"

"Tae, please don't leave me, I'll stay as far away from Seunghyun as possible, just please don't leave my side." I beg.

"Come on, Ji, you know me better than that, you're stuck with me... forever" Tae laughs a little, lightly punching my arm.

I turn and pull the boy into my arms, hugging him tightly, not ever wanting to let go. I may have failed Seungri, but I will never fail this boy, I will stay by his side and take care of him, because that's what brothers do.

After a few minutes of just holding him in my arms, Taemin shivers slightly "are you cold?" I ask and he nods.

"Come on" I stand up and pull him with me, tucking him against my side with my arm wrapped around his shoulders.

....

"Ji, I don't want you to stay away from Seunghyun, I want you to be happy, and I saw how happy you looked yesterday before I stepped in" Tae says while I'm driving him back to his house. "i feel awful for how i acted yesterday, and i'm sorry, you should be with Seunghyun... i actually see now that you two are perfect for each other"

I smile "don't worry about me, Tae, just having you here makes me happy." I reach over and ruffle his hair.

"I mean it, Ji. He really likes you, like almost to a creepy level, he's always watching you, making sure you're safe and happy... he's like your own personal guardian angel. I've never seen my brother like this" he fixes me with a serious look "and though you deny it, I know you like him too."

I blink at the road, Seunghyun watches over me? How could I miss that? And how many times has he helped me or protected me that I haven't noticed? My cheeks grow hot when I think of Seunghyun watching me, or holding me in his arms protectively.

"See, just thinking about him make you all flustered." Taemin giggles pointing at my cheeks. "Seriously though, don't look back on this moment one day and wish you would have made a move, take a step forward and let yourself be loved."

I chuckle and shake my head "when did you grow up?" I ask glancing at him quickly.

"When you saved me." Taemin singsongs.

"Saved you?" I question chuckling at him.

Taemin nods "in case you didn't noticed, Ji. I wasn't exactly in the best places when you found me." he says, dark thoughts passing through his eyes "you saved me in ways you can't even begin to understand."

I swallow hard and reach over grabbing his hand "I'll always be here, Tae. I'll always take care of you."

Tae giggles, pushing the darkness from his head "you bet you boots you will, I'm not letting you go anywhere. Ever. Again."

We laugh at this, and continue on through the dusk covered streets. This right here is why I will never let go of Taemin, my best friend, my brother. He tells me that I saved him, but in truth I think we saved each other.

....

"So I'll see you at school tomorrow?" Taemin asks as we sit outside of his house in my car.

I smile "of course ,Tae. Make sure you bring your physics homework, because I know you've been struggling on it"

Taemin giggles. "you know me too well."

I snort. "I'll see you later Tae"

"K" he beams and opens the door.

Just as he was getting out of the car, none other than Seunghyun walks outside, making me feel that familiar kick in the stomach I always feel when he's around. Even though i know that i need to stay away from him from now on, i still feel my heart tremble at the sight of him. 'come on heart, we discussed this, we need to do what's best for everyone.'

Taemin looks back at me and smiles "just talk to him."

I close my eyes tightly and sigh, shutting off my car and getting out. My giddy best friend giggles and bounces inside the house, offering me a wave before he disappears through the front door. I'm left alone with Seunghyun and it surprises me at how fast my heart is beating.

My lips still tingle from when he kissed me, and even though I was distracted by everything with Tae, the kiss is still heavily imprinted into my mind.

"He looks happy, I guess you guys made up." Seunghyun smirks.

I sigh "Seunghyun, what happened yesterday can't happen again."

"I know, Taemin is such a little cock block." He jokes.

I lock my jaw in frustration "this isn't a joke, I'm serious, what happened yesterday was a mistake."

"Oh come on, let's not go that far." the smile on his face implies joking, but the look in his eyes is slightly terrified.

"It was a mistake." I snap "something that should never have happened."

Seunghyun steps back like he had just been struck and the hurt in his eyes is evident "don't say it like that, you kissed me back."

I roll my eyes to keep him from noticing my pain and look away. "it doesn't change the fact that it shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry if you feel led on, Seunghyun, but you know how I feel, maybe friends just isn't a good idea for us since you clearly can't handle being close to me."

The crumbling man in front of me sucks in a sharp breath. "You don't mean that. I can control myself, I promise I will never cross that line again... just please don't push me away."

"I'm sorry, but we just need to part ways from this point on." I say emotionlessly "goodbye, Seunghyun."

He steps forward, grasping onto my wrist "please don't do this, please." He begs and I can hear the thickness in his voice signaling that he is close to tears.

I sigh "just let me go, Seunghyun, you're better off this way, trust me."

I pull myself from him, and get in my car. I drive away, glancing in the rear view to see a frozen broken man, still standing on the sidewalk. My chest tightens and i bite my lip in attempt to keep my emotions stable.

I manage to make it a couple of blocks before I have to pull over, because tears are blocking my vision. I slap the steering wheel and let an angry scream leave my lips, before i start sobbing.

I'm doing this for Seunghyun, for Taemin, and even for myself. My head is telling me that this is the right thing to do, so why does my heart disagree so damn much?

✨✨✨✨✨

My Chickens!!

How are are you my darlings? All well I hope! This was kind of a shorter chapter than my others, but I needed to break this one and the next one up or it wouldn't end up being too long... ugh the struggle is real. haha but seriously though, I hoped you guys liked it, tell me what you think, don't be afraid to comment, even if it's just a comment about chicken, which we all love dearly, but still drop me some comments, I love to hear feedback.

I love you guys!!

사랑해💕

~M~