~Jiyong~

I awoke to light streaming into the room, bright blissful rays of sunlight flooding in through the glass doors and windows, bathing every surface in a glittery gold. Normally I would be annoyed that we forgot to close the curtains, but once I realized where I am and what this morning is, I can't help the peaceful and even delighted smile that stretches across my face.

Rolling over in bed, I find Seung's back to me, not a stretch of clothing to be found across it. His beautiful tan skin greets me pleasantly and I don't even try to resist the urge to reach out and touch it. My palm slides down the smooth, muscular expanse of his shoulder blades, causing him to shift slightly in his sleep.

I chuckle at his adorableness and slide closer to him, leaning in to press a small kiss on the center of his upper back. He moans softly, almost sounding content like, before rolling over to face me, his bleary, and freshly woken up eyes greeting me with adoration.

"Good morning, baby" he smiles at me, and for a second I'm caught by how much love his smile holds "how did you sleep?"

I return his smile shyly and reach up, caressing his cheek in my hand "better than I have in a long time, Seung"

His returning grin is nothing short of perfection, and I wish I could take a picture, but I don't dare to grab my phone, because some moments are just meant to be memories.

"How are you feeling after...after last night?" he asks, a slight nervousness seeping into his voice.

"After we had sex?" I prompt bluntly, and he cringes slightly "Accept it Seung. I don't regret anything and our first time was absolutely amazing, I never knew it could feel that good"

He blushes, but I know pride when I see it "it was kind of great, wasn't it?"

I chuckle and nod "yes, I'm very happy"

Seung leans forward and pulls me into a slow, but meaningful kiss, and I know he feels the same. Last night was one of the greatest nights of my life, and I know it's just the beginning of many.

The best part is that I know I can do this, that I can have this. I always had this unspoken fear in the back of my mind that I would never be able to have a normal relationship, that I'd crumble every time someone touched me, every time someone told me they loved me and I couldn't say it back. I was prepared to live my life alone, and back before I knew better, I was content to be so.

I never thought I needed love, I never thought that I'd crave someone's touch or someone's kiss like it's the only thing that will keep me alive. Then Seung came into my life and showed me everything I never knew I wanted and gave it to me. I know I can never go back, I'll always need Seung, crave him, and only him.

Seung showed me what it feels like not to be alone and showed me that it's ok to not want to be. He helped me accept love and showed me true happiness. Nothing I ever do will be good enough to thank him for what he's done for me, for how he saved me, but I'll give him my love and fill his life with as much happiness as he's filled mine with and hope it's enough for him.

"I love you so much, Ji" Seung says, brushing hair off my forehead "I never knew I could love someone this much"

I smile, delighted by his words, and hide my face against his chest once my cheeks start to burn "I love you too, I thank the universe every day for sending you to me"

"They sent us to each other" he chuckles lightly, pulling my chin up and looking in my eyes, then places a butterfly kiss on my nose "the universe stood back and said 'see those two lost souls, the one's that think they are broken and don't deserve to be loved? I'm going to show them the truth, I'm going to make them soul mates and prove to them they are not in fact broken, just bruised, and that their love will transcend everything I'm about to throw at them... yes, together they will be unstoppable and my most perfect creation. They'll see this through each other and not only learn to love one another, but they will learn to love themselves as well' ...it's kind of beautiful if you think about it" he says, finishing his little story.

I gape at him and push lightly on his shoulder "are you trying to make me cry?" a face slitting grin spreads over his face, and he leans down to kiss me, with such tenderness, it steals all available oxygen from my lungs.

"Only if they're happy tears, Ji... I never want you to cry from sadness ever again. I'm going to make it my personal mission" he places his hand at the back of my head and tucks my cheek against his chest "I'll fill every crack with love, so you never know what pain feels like ever again. I made this promise a long time ago, baby and I will never forget it or break it"

I wrap my arms around his waist and pull our bodies tighter together "you already have Seung, there's only love in here, and that's because of you" I say, taking his hand that's not holding the back of my head and place it over my heart "feel how strong it is? It's because of you, Seung... the cracks are barely visible now and I know they'll only get smaller, if not disappear altogether... all you have to do is keep loving me"

Seung pulls back and smiles sweetly down at me, his eyes glistening "and you said you don't do sappy"

I chuckle and shake my head "yeah, well... you did this to me, so take responsibility. I'm nothing but a giant unicorn stuffed with rainbows and glitter and it's all your fault"

Seunghyun snorts and cuddles his face into my neck "as long as I get to keep waking up to you for the rest of my life, I'll take any punishment given"

I roll my eyes and lean in, placing a small kiss on Seung's bicep "I'll make sure to come up with something creative, don't worry... random question though... do you have any aversions to rope? Or handcuffs maybe?"

Seung stills in his nuzzling and leans away from me, that stupi- sexy smirk pulling at his lips "well... I think I can take it, I'm a strong man"

I snort and reach out to pinch his cheek, not to lightly might I add "you won't be, after I'm done with you"

He rolls his eyes and groans "it's even worse now, I've created a monster"

I giggle and sit up on my knees, holding my upper body over his chest, with my hands on either side of him "grr"

Seung's smirk deepens, leaning forward to grab my waist, lifting me up. A surprised squeal leaves my lips, and he throws me down onto the mattress, covering me with his own body. He captures my lips in an almost animalistic hunger, while a growl rumbles in the back of his throat to match.

He kisses me breathless, before pulling away, and observing my flushed face. A satisfied look crosses his eyes, and he lifts an eyebrow challenging me to make another move.

I chuckle and submit, not even interested in fighting the beautiful man leaning over me. I lift a hand, placing in gently against Seung's sternum and lightly trail my hand across the soft, slightly muscular expanse there.

"Beautiful" I comment, enjoying the feeling of Seung's strong heart hammering against my fingers.

A flush of heat pulses through me, at the thought that this boy is all mine. Seung belongs to me in every way now. His body is all mine to play with, and I know I'll never tire of it.

I jolt suddenly when a small pinch pulls at my chest. Looking down, I find Seung's eyes staring into mine, a playfulness resting in his. He watches me closely as he places another small nip a little lower than the last. A slight pain rushes through me, but is completely overshadowed by the pleasure.

A whine sounds in the back of my throat as my hands claim their favorite place in carding through Seung's hair "don't tease me, if you're not going to please me" I giggle out.

Seung just smirks up at me, and begins a steady line of butterfly kisses down my body, stopping just before the one place I want, need him to touch. An embarrassing whimper leaves my lips, as Seung starts a merciless trail down my right thigh, his kisses holding more importance than before.

Seung cups the backs of my knees and spreads my legs apart, my body already anticipating what's to come. I'm starting to harden already with Seung's teasing, but the sight of him between my legs staring at me with a predatory hunger, sends a jolt straight to my groin.

"S-Seung" I gasp out.

His eyes meet mine, almost cautious, seeking my permission. I swallow hard and nod, spreading my legs further for easy access. Seunghyun groans at my flexibility then lowers himself onto the bed, his palms still keeping a firm hold on my knees.

I close my eyes and throw my head back, expecting to surrender myself to the pleasure of Seung's beautiful lips wrapped around my length, but what I don't expect is the sudden warmth and wetness pressed to my entrance. I gasp and buck my hips up at the surprising feeling.

"Is this ok?" he asks, almost like he just got caught doing something he shouldn't be.

I swallow my rapidly pounding heart and relax my body "y-yeah... It just caught me off guard is all" I chuckle.

He nods and hooks my knees up further, presenting more of my ass to him. Seung's head dips down, as he keeps eye contact with me, his tongue darts out flicking at my rim.

The abrupt pleasure rips into my body, and so does a deep moan. Seung takes this as a prompt to continue his torturous kitten licks, giving me enough to be so good, but never enough to give me what I want.

"S-Seung, please" I gasp, throwing my head back against the bed.

He chuckles, sending vibrations to all the right places. Then i feel a heavier press against my hole, till I'm being breached by a wet warmth that I'm slightly obsessing over its feel right now. The pressure intensifies and so does the relentless movements of Seung's tongue, as he strokes my walls, devouring me whole.

I groan, and grasp tightly onto the bed sheets, white knuckling them as wave after wave of pleasure rolls through me. I can't believe we've never tried this before, it's absolutely amazing.

I moan out Seung's name, incoherently begging, pleading him for things that I don't even know that I want. Surges of nothing but unadulterated bliss flows through me at my boyfriend's menstruations, starting to head into an almost euphoric state.

It's so good, I quickly feel that familiar tightening in my lower stomach. I arch up, reaching down to grab Seung's hand still wrapped around my knee. He let's go of me and grasps onto my hand, holding tightly, grounding me.

"S-Seung, I want you" I whimper, needing more than this, needing to be filled and connected to him in every way possible.

He pulls away, and I almost whine at the loss of contact, but I know what's about to come, so I refuse to protest and open my eyes. I didn't realize I had closed them in the mist of what Seung was doing to me, but I can understand why with how intense it was.

He leans over me, covering my body with his own, and stares deeply into my eyes "I've always wanted to try that"

I blink up at him "you mean, you've never done that with... anyone else?" I ask, refusing to bring up a certain name at such an intimate time.

Seung smiles down at me sweetly "there's a lot I haven't done before that we have... before it was just sex, nothing more. I've never been touched the way you touch me, and I've never touched anyone the way I touch you"

I nearly want to squeal in happiness. Knowing that there are things Seung and I have shared that belong to us and us only, makes a bubble of happiness press on my heart, and warmth spread through my body.

"Seung" I say in a whisper "please make love to me"

He licks his lips and nods, reaching up briefly to brush the hair off of my forehead, a tender act that doesn't go unfelt in the pit of my being.

Seung sits up and bends his body back (which is actually kind of impressive to watch, and I totally don't check him out as he does this), reaching for the bedside table, where we conveniently left the lube last night. He grabs the small bottle and comes back to me quickly, along with that signature Seunghyun smirk that I think I've come around to.

Don't get me wrong, I still hate that stupid thing, but it doesn't piss me off like it used to. Before it made me feel like he knew something I didn't, like there was a part of himself that he wasn't showing me, but now I know every part of him. Seung and I am connected completely now, and I know there isn't a part of his soul that I don't know as well as my own. It's just the cockiness of it that I still don't care for, but when it's used in this type of circumstance, I'm not really against it.

I gasp as a slight pressure brushes against me, a little cool to the touch, but then calm when I feel Seung sinking a digit inside of me. A small content sigh falls from my lips and Seung starts to move his finger, rubbing my walls, and applying pressure in all the right places. The second gets added quickly because of already being pretty well stretched from last night, and I'm brought to a quivering mess just as fast.

"Gods, I love this side of you. When you're under me, writhing at even the simplest of touches, your face mirroring every blissful feeling... I'm almost obsessed with you like this" Seung purrs into my ear, his deep sultry voice sending shock waves up my spine.

I blush at his words and bite at my lip, just before my back is forced off the bed from Seung pressing into that little bundle of nerves that never fails to send me to nirvana. My legs shake and I reach forward to grasp onto Seung's bicep, needing something to hold me together.

"That's it baby" Seung's calm voice sooths me, helps me center myself.

Finally after the last finger is added, and Seung is done teasing me and pushing me just shy of the edge, he pulls out. Seung's lips find their way to the inside of my right thigh, trailing slow, lingering kisses up my body. He pauses at my hip, his tongue swirling around the skin, before locking his lips there and sucking at it with the purpose of leaving a mark.

A loud, wrecked moan leaves my lips at how amazing it feels, as I toss my head back. My hands scrabble to Seung's hair, where I struggle with the wanting to bring him closer and push him away from the sensitive area.

"I just want to mark your whole body with my personal signature" Seung says, finally releasing the skin with an obscene pop.

"Because you're not possessive at all" I remark, impressing myself with my ability to be sarcastic even in my messed up state.

Seung chuckles and slides the rest of the way up my body, till we're face to face once again "I'm possessive over what is mine, and you, my darling Jiyong, are mine" he says locking his eyes with mine, the intensity of his words shining through loud and clear "I'm never going to let you go, Ji"

I brush his hair from his eyes, staring back into the dark chocolate brown of them "you'll never have to, Seung"

Seung smiles down at me sweetly, before a darkness invades his expression, and he wraps his arms around my torso. He lifts me off the bed, much to my surprise and sits back against the headboard, with me on his lap. I slide forward easily and we moan simultaneously as our erections rub together, creating that wonderful friction I've been craving.

"Are you ok with this position? It can get quite deep this way" Seung asks, a level of caution in his voice, which has me gulping hard at his comment.

"Gods yes" I breathe, eagerly sitting up and grabbing the lube off the bed, wasting no time slicking Seung's hardness up.

He moans as my hand grips him, pumping him a couple times, just to prove how frustrating teasing can be. I slowly stroke him, slicking my wrist to get a good motion going. I victoriously smile when he throws his head back (a little hard) against the headboard and groans.

"Shit, Ji... please baby" he half moans half groans, raising his head, to gaze once more into my eyes.

His half lidded eyes, plead with mine in such a ruined way, that I can't help but take pity on him, and cease my actions. I sit forward, leaning against Seung's chest and moving his hardness so it's placed right at my entrance, with him already twitching in my hand.

I slowly ease back, fitting Seung's length inside me, inch by delicious inch. Seung's hands grip my hips, helping me fill myself of him, while clearly struggling to keep himself under control. I finally sit up completely, Seung fully sheathed inside of me, and I need a second to breathe. Seung was right, this is a lot deeper this way, but it's also so amazing.

"Oh my gods" I breath out shakily.

Seung chuckles, his own body trembling "take your time, baby"

I sigh in content and place my hands on Seung's shoulders, using them as leverage to push myself up a little. I feel Seung's fullness slowly drag out of me, then feel the amazing pressure fill me up once again, going in so deep.

"Yes" I hiss out at the perfection of it.

Seung growls and releases one hand from my hips, then lifts up my chin, connecting our eyes for a few intense seconds and then seizing my lips in a passionate battle. His hands reattach to my hips, and starts helping me move up and down, while starting to move his own hips.

I cry out, breaking our kiss as he shifts and hits a certain angle. Seung notices my reaction, and starts snapping his hips up, abusing that same spot, oh so thoroughly. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, using them to hold me up, while he sets to a hammering pace, wrecking me further than I thought possible.

"fuck, Ji" Seung curses, gripping my hips so tightly I know I'll feel his fingers there for weeks, even without him touching me, and I'll see his mark of claim for days.

I whine, grasping tightly at his shoulders, overwhelmed by the intensity that's rushing too fast through my nerve endings. It's so good but it's too much too fast, and Seung seems to notice.

"Are you ok, Ji? Am I hurting you?" he asks, slowing down, to connect our gazes.

I swallow hard, shaking my head, and squeeze my walls, forcing a small groan from his lips, but he doesn't look away, instead choosing to communicate with me through body language. He's listening now, I have his full attention, and he's willing to bend any way I tell him to.

I slide one of my hands into his hair, while looking deeply into his eyes, and he stares back as if I'm nothing but the center of his universe. In this moment it's just Seung and me, and I know how much I mean to him. I can feel it deep in my soul, how much Seung loves me, and I know he can feel my love just the same.

Seung reaches up and grasps onto one of my hands, slowing it down further, prompting me to set my own pace. I bring my hips forward, swiveling them in a body roll motion, before arching my hips up and down, in a slow but deliberate motions.

Seung's eyes roll back briefly, before he leans into me and captures my neck, biting and sucking at the flesh as if it's the only thing grounding and keeping him from releasing all of that animalistic need on me. My hold in his hair tightens, while my pace quickens, and my breath shallows.

The moans and whines leaving my lips only increase in amount and pitch as I ride Seung. Having him so deep inside of me, touching and rubbing in all the right places, it feels so right and intense, that it nearly takes the life right out of me. I'm putty in this man's hands and he knows it, right here in his arms is the only place I feel right, that I feel whole.

I'm nothing without Seung, I'm lifeless and empty. He's the life force I run on, and I know I'll never kick my addiction to him, nor would I ever want to.

"Baby, look at me" Seung says, pulling me back.

I open my eyes, I hadn't realized I closed, and stare up into the eyes of the man I love, who gives me a concerning gaze and runs his fingers through my hair ever so gently.

"I lost you for a minute, are you ok?" he asks, running his hands soothingly all over my body "you have the right to say no, Ji. Even right now, if you change your mind, it's your right"

I smile tenderly at him and reach up, caressing his jaw with my palm "no, Seung, I didn't change my mind. I want you just as much as I did last night, and as much as I'll always want you. I'll never want anyone else to know me like this, I only want you to see this side of me, and make me feel like this. I just lost myself in how much you mean to me, how much I love you"

Seung blinks at me, clearly surprised by my words "J-Ji...I"

I bring my lips to his, swallowing any further words, and starting to move my hips again, signaling exactly what I want, and as always he understands my body like the back of his hand. We synch up almost instantly, moving at a slow, but intense pace.

We pull away from the kiss when our breaths become labored, and the pace picks up, both of us starting to chase our end, but we don't emotionally disconnect in the slightest. Seung's eyes stay locked on mine most of the time, while his hands seem to touch every inch of my body he can reach.

I can tell Seung's close when his body starts to tense and his breath speeds up along with his thrusts. He's trying to keep himself under control, I can feel the way his body struggles to hold itself back.

"It's ok, Seung. Go ahead" I say, petting my fingers through his sweat dampened hair.

He gives me a distressed expression, clearly fighting with himself, but then makes a resolve and reaches down, grasping my hardness in his hand. I call out arching my back, and tightening my hold on his hair, forcing a small growl from the back of his throat.

The relentless pace he sets then is so delicious and addictive, I fall right into it without a second glance, letting my head fall against his shoulder, and surrendering to my body and his. He controls the tempo both with his hard and powerful strokes in and out of my body and with the pumps he delivers to my almost painfully hard member.

"S-Seung" I stutter once I'm close, the pleasure pulsing through my whole body.

"Come for me, baby" he rasps in my ear, and that voice is my undoing.

I cry out loudly and pull Seung closer to me, as I shudder through the aftershocks. He follows me quickly, my walls squeezing him so tightly, he doesn't really have a choice. Seung holds me tightly in his arms, even as he's coming down from his own orgasm, he sooths me through mine and brings me back down to earth.

"Wow" I say stupidly, but unable to think of anything else when I gain my senses back.

Seung chuckles and rubs my back soothingly "well that's one way to start the day"

I nod and place a small kiss on the side of his neck "want to go again?" I ask, rolling my hips but instantly regret it when oversensitivity takes over my body.

"Ji, baby, I don't think that's a good idea" Seung says, grabbing my hips and holding me still "let's at least go take a shower, and let our bodies rejuvenate for a second"

I nod solemnly, but still obey as Seung helps me sit up so he can slip out of me. I wrap my legs around Seung's hips and he chuckles, giving in easily and picking me up with him as he stands. He takes a minute to adjust, his legs still a bit wobbly, but carries me just fine to the bathroom to clean up for the rest of our day.

>>>>>

~Seunghyun~

Day two on Jeju is spent with Just Jiyong and me, walking around, shopping and enjoying the sights. Ji of course had to eat everything he could get his grubby little hands on, but agreed on ice cream after lunch, so I didn't fight him too hard on the fact that he wanted to stuff himself like a cute little pig.

Ji also managed to buy an entire closet worth of new cloths, promising me every time I say something that it'll all fit in our closet, but I still remain skeptical. Though the smile on Ji's face and the way he bounces on the balls of his feet, like he always does when he's excited, keeps me from protesting too hard.

When we finally get back to the villa, we're so tired, we don't even bother with the things we bought, just opting to set them around the living room area and crashing on the bed in the bedroom. A large yawn leaves me as I roll over to find Ji with his eyes closed, and a relaxed content expression resting across his face.

"Did you have fun today?" I ask, rubbing my hand across his stomach, almost like you would to sooth a child.

Ji peeks his eyes open and graces me with a dazzling smile "so much, Seung" he blinks slightly and a sheepish look crosses his eyes "I might have to clean out my closet at home to fit all my new stuff"

I scoff "I told you"

Ji nods "it's a problem, I admit it... but you know I won't stop"

I sigh and nod, running my hand up to his chest "I know. I'll have to get a good job to support your addiction"

Ji snorts "don't worry about that, Seung. I have a nice little bank account set up, thanks to my father and my own saving and investments... plus we'll get wonderful jobs and live a comfortable life. I'm completely optimistic about our future"

I smile shyly "I think this is one of the few times I've heard you talk about our future"

Ji smiles apologetically "I'm sorry...It's just... it's a habit I've had since I was a kid. I never saw the point in making plans because I never thought there would be a future for me. I indulged in Seungri's fantasies mostly for his benefit, but I never made plans of my own" Ji rolls over on his side, tucking his hands under his head in the most precious way possible "but its different now, Seung. I'm actually starting to see a future for us, like what our wedding will be like, what kind of house we'll live in, and I've even imagined kids... I just want all of it with you, Seung, because I love you and I want forever with you"

I stare at Ji in amazement, use to hearing declarations of love coming from his lips, especially lately, but this just tops it all. I didn't know Ji's feeling went so deep, that he not only wants a future with me but he wants everything... even kids.

"Do you really want kids?" I ask, wanting to address this further.

Ji blinks a couple of times before smiling wistfully "I want a family, Seung. I was so scared of having kids before... like what if my damage fucks them up? Or what if I turn into... the monster he was" Ji stops to take a deep breath, and I scoot closer to him, pressing our bodies together, but I don't keep him from talking. I need Ji to be upfront to me about this, I need to know where Ji's head is, and for once he's opening up about it. "But then I realized... I raised Seungri. I raised Seungri as my own and he was a good, happy kid. What happened to him wasn't because of how I raised him, it's because of how that bastard destroyed him, and I know that I'll never let that happen to our kids, I'll never let anything or anyone hurt them like that. Plus, with the way you take care of me and Taemin, you'll be an amazing dad and with the both of us, we can do this, Seung"

I take in a deep steadying breath, realizing that Ji's finally accepted Seungri's death as not being his fault and he's finally letting everything go. He even wants kids and a family, even after losing his brother the way he did.

"I'm so proud of you, Ji" I say, petting his hair, blinking away tears "you've come so far and you've been through so much... you're the bravest and strongest person I know"

Ji leans back, his eyes glistening "you really think so?"

"I know so" I say, placing a small kiss on his forehead "and you know what else?"

"What?" Ji mumbles into the fabric of my shirt.

I chuckle and press my lips to his temple "you are going to be an amazing dad, just look at the way you raised Seungri, and the way you take care of Taemin... baby, you have so much love to give and I know our kids will grow up so loved and spoiled. Our kids will get the perfect life we always wanted growing up, we'll make sure of it"

Ji cuddles in closer to me and I hug him close "I love you, Seung"

"I love you too, Ji... forever"

"Always"

>>>>>

~Jiyong~

"Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you two are finally home. Tell us about your trip, was the villa as beautiful as the pictures online?" Hwa Yun asks taking Seung's hand and leading him to sit down at the kitchen table, as soon as we walk in the door.

Minho snorts "what makes you think they actually made it out of the bedroom?"

Hwa Yun fixes Minho with a stern look "boy, don't make me get your father"

Minho chuckles and waves his hand around dramatically "oh no, he's going to dad joke me to death, help"

Hwa Yun shakes he head and looks up at me "why is your brother like this?"

I grin and shrug at her "because he's just like dad, face it, that kid is a carbon copy of Hyun Suk"

"Yeah, well face the fact that you are in a relationship with our father too, Ji" Minji says walking into the room "Seung is just like dad, he's a giant dork, he's overly sarcastic and constantly makes cringe worthy jokes, plus he a big sappy romantic... Seung is dad, Ji"

I blink a couple times before, groaning and rubbing a troubled hand through my hair "how did I not notice this before?"

Hwa Yun giggles in a melodic tone "for what it's worth, I think you've made a good choice" then she winks at Seunghyun, causing the big weirdo to blush, and advert his gaze.

I roll my eyes and stomp over to the kitchen, opening cabinets and drawers, needing my own special form of therapy. But a deeper sadness envelopes me when I don't find the little magical cookies that Hwa Yun usually buys for me "hey mom, where are those chocolate cookies you usually get?"

Waiting for a few seconds, but receiving no answer, I turn around, with my eyebrows raised, to find the whole table staring at me in surprise, and Hwa Yun seeming a little emotional "what?" I ask "please tell me they didn't stop carrying them" I say, feeling panicked that my dear cookies will forever be lost to me now.

Hwa Yun clears her throat, and points to the proper shelf "t-top shelf, on the end, Ji"

I turn back around and find the comfortingly familiar bag all the way on the top shelf "humph, Seung, I can't reach these. Can you help me?"

I hear the scraping of a chair and soon feel Seung's presence behind me, as he stretches to grab the bag of cookies. Once retrieved, he leans in and whispers into my ear "you know, I think that's the first time I've ever heard you call Hwa Yun, mom"

The realization sends a jolt through my body, and I finally understand what I just did. After what happened with my biological mother at the prison, i had an epiphany, one that made me realize some things about myself and the people around me, but in the aftermath of everything else, I forgot that there's some important things that's been left unsaid. I need to fix that.

I turn around and lean my back against the counter, playing with the bag of cookie in my hands "you know, I remember my first night in this house. I was a lost, scared little kid, who had never really understood what it was like to be loved" I stop and chuckle lightly "I remember that in a fit of rage, I had thrown a picture of Seungri and myself across the room, and in a moment of grief crawled after it cutting up my knees and hands. When Hwa Yun came to check on me, she didn't bat an eye, nor did she judge me for being a fucked up mess. Instead she walked me into the bathroom and cleaned my wounds and bandaged me up, then stayed with me till I fell asleep when I asked her too because I was too scared to be alone" I smile reminiscently to myself "I woke up multiple times that night, finding her in the same spot, even after she thought me to be asleep, she still stayed by my side and watched over me all night. She thinks I don't know but when she placed a small kiss on my forehead just before the sun rose and she slipped out of my room... it was the first time I felt loved since Seungri died... Even then I remember thinking that she is what a mother should be like, that I would be lucky to have her as my mom"

Hwa Yun stands before me when I finally look up. She stares deeply into my eyes with her glossy ones, and reaches out hesitantly, always so hesitantly "you're my son, Ji. You always have been, since the moment you stepped through that front door, you were mine"

"And you've always been my mom, I'm sorry it took my so long to see it" I say, leaning into her touch and she caresses my cheek gently.

Hwa Yun shakes her head, smiling fondly at me "you can take as much time as you need, Ji... I'll always be right here. It's what moms are best at, being there when their kids need them"

My lip trembles and I pull the small woman in front of me into my arms "I love you, mom... I always have"

Finally without hesitation, she wraps he arms around me and hugs me tightly "I love you too, Ji, and I always will"

>>>>>

"That was amazing, what you did for Hwa Yun" Seunghyun says, wrapping a towel around his waist, coming out of the shower.

I smile watching the water roll down his body in the mirror as I scrub my face diligently "it wasn't really something I did for her benefit, I meant every word... Hwa has always been my mother, since the first night I moved in here. She took care of me and loved me even though I was the broken, messed up stepson, she didn't even know. Hwa Yun treated me like a son since day one and never asked for me to treat her like my mom... but she is, and I don't think I could get a better one"

Seung smiles brilliantly and walks forward, wrapping his arms around my waist "look at you being all sentimental and sweet, I'm starting to think you're losing your bitchiness"

My eyes narrow and I elbow him in the ribs "don't push it or Taemin will be sleeping with me tonight and you can sleep on the floor"

Seung rolls his eyes and steps back from me, rubbing his ribs as if I had punched him as hard as I could "never mind, there's my Ji"

A small shy smirk pulls at my lips as he walks out of the bathroom, still rubbing the area where I had hit him, and grumbling about small demons under his breath. That dork of a human being is mine, and I still have a hard time believing that out of everyone in the world, he chose me. Seung could have had anyone he wanted, he could have had any number of people he wanted, but in the end all he wanted was me.

"Why do you look like a teenage girl, thinking about her crush?"

I look up in the mirror to find one of my favorite people staring back at me "Tae, I've missed you"

Taemin rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, leaning against the door frame "I missed you too, but you wouldn't have, if you had just taken me with you"

I snort and lean over the sink, rinsing the soap off my face "trust me Minnie, you wouldn't have wanted to be there" I connect our gazes, once I'm rinsed off, and offer him a wink "apparently I'm a screamer"

Taemin's eyes widen and he stands up abruptly "you mean you guys...?"

I smile shyly "yeah, I'm just as surprised as you that we finally took that step"

Taemin places a hand over his heart and looks at me with over dramatized shock, which is only made worse by the appearance of Seung at the bathroom door. He's changed into a pair of low hanging pajama pants, and I can't help but ogle the fine contours of Seung's chest and abdomen.

"You defiled my baby, Ji?" are the first words out of his mouth, directed towards his brother.

Seunghyun's eyes widen and he look back and forth between Tae and me "why did you have to tell him?" he finally settles with, whining in my direction.

"How dare you place your filthy hands on my pure, innocent, Jiyong" Taemin walks quickly over to me and places his hands on my arms, spinning me around, checking me over "are you ok? Did he pressure you into it? It's ok, you can tell me"

I roll my eyes at the boy, and raise my hand, flicking him in the noise "he didn't pressure me into anything, Tae... if anything I pressured him"

"Oh my gods, it worse than I thought... you didn't just defile his body, you defiled his mind too" Tae says removing one hand, to place it over his mouth, in horror.

"Ok, one, stop touching him, and two, it's none of your business, and most important, three, he's not as innocent as you think, Tae... actually he might be far from innocent" Seung says with that signature smirk of his, painting his lips.

Taemin's jaw tightens and he spins around, walking briskly over to his brother "how dare you imply that my baby Ji is anything other than an innocent little angel" he sends a hard, but not hard enough to be violent punch to his brother's stomach.

Seunghyun stares at the kid with slight amusement, and takes a deep breath, before bending down in front of Taemin, then he picks the boy up and slings him over his shoulder. Taemin squeals and starts slapping the older on the back, but Seung carries him out of the bathroom with as much effort as lifting a pillow.

Rolling my eyes at the two, I sigh and turn back around. I grab a towel off the rack, and begin drying my face. When I hear a loud squeak of pain, followed by a deep raspy, chuckle, I figure it best to go check on the idiots at least.

I'm greeted with the sight of Seung sitting on his brother chest, while using the small boy's hands as weapons against his own head. Taemin whines and admits defeat, even going as far as taking back the things he said earlier, but it looks like Seung's have too much fun to give in.

I chuckle at the sight of the two boys, leaning against the door frame of my bathroom, watching them. These two guys came into my life when I needed them the most and even though they're a mess, they're my mess and I'm more than content about that. I use to panic in the face of chaos or freak out when things didn't go according to plan, but these two have taught me to embrace the unknown and go with your heart. If I hadn't I wouldn't have found Seung.

All of those times I pushed him away, and all of that hurt, just to end up in the very place I was afraid of. I realize now that I wasn't afraid of Seung crumbling my walls, I was afraid of him not loving the me once he found on the other side of those walls, that he'd see the weak, broken child I hid behind those walls a long time again. But I didn't know what love could do, I didn't understand how love can help you grow and give you a safety net. Though I'm still not completely healed from my heartache of losing my brother, I know I'll never have to hold this pain alone, I'll never have to be that broken little boy again, because Seung helps me stand tall and be brave. Seung is the strength I need to be the man I've always wanted to be, and I know a part of me will always depend on him to carry me, but I'm also more than willing to carry him too.

Love isn't all rainbows and puffy hearts, love is about taking someone, even with all of their fault and scars and saying "I love you, not despite everything you've been through, but because of everything you've been through." Recognition of someone's struggles and embracing the beauty that came from the ashes is the key to loving someone who's had a hard life, who's been through hell and has come back stronger for it.

"Baby?" Seung asks, suddenly in front of me, staring with deep concern into my eyes "you ok?"

I come back to earth and offer Seung a brilliant, reassuring grin "Yeah, Seung... thanks to you, I'm ok... actually I'm more than ok, I'm happy" I say, watching his eyes light up to a brilliance I've only seen few times before. It's enamoring and I can't help reaching out to graze my fingers over his cheekbone, which he leans into intimately.

"If you guys are going to be gross, then I'm going to go stay in Minho's room" Taemin complains behind us.

I roll my eyes, amused, and am about to protest when Seung leans forward, and pulls me into a deep, possessive kiss. I want to fight, because of a certain child in the room, but Seung is my addiction and I have no control over my body when it craves him.

"Ok, ew" Taemin whines and I distinctly hear him stomp across the room "fine, you have tonight, but tomorrow, Ji is all mine. Got it?"

Seung releases me and makes a shooing motion at his brother, who scoffs and walks out of the room with a dramatic slam of the door. I stare at Seung for a few seconds in bewilderment, wondering what the man is up to this time.

"Why did you do that? I really did miss Tae, and wanted to spend the night watching movies and talking with him" I whine over just having my best friend leave me alone with this giant pain in my ass.

Seung pulls out that smile of his and places his hands on my hips, pulling me to him "because baby, we have yet to christen this room, and I just can't wait. I want you now"

I swallow a sudden lump that just formed in my throat and push down the even bigger one in my lower stomach "S-Seung"

He leans into me, his breath hot on my neck. His lips so close I can almost feel them grazing my skin, but not nearly close enough "what do you say, baby? Want to play?"

A small whimper falls from my lips, along with a breathy "yea" as I finally surrender myself and wrap my arms around his neck. Seung places his hands on the backs of my thighs, lifting me up, so I can secure my legs around his waist as he carries me to the bed.

He places me gently on the bed and kneels over me "now, let's conduct another beta test"

"What's in beta this time? We have everything figured out" I ask confused.

Seung's smirk deepen "we'll conduct, beta test: 'let's see how quiet Ji can be, with his parents just down the hall'"

My eyes widen as I realize this truth, causing Seung to erupt in heavy laughter at my reaction "don't worry baby, I'll go easy on you"

I groan when Seung attacks my neck, knowing I won't be able to stop him, nor do I want to. I just pray that my parents forgive me for whatever they're about to become witness to, and that I can somehow overcome the embarrassment that is surly to follow tomorrow morning at breakfast. 'Why do I love this man?'.

Seung pulls back and looks into my eyes, the love he has for me shining so brightly it makes my heart swell and a beautiful warmth spread through my whole body. "I love you, Ji"

"Always?"

"Forever"

Then I know, 'ah, that's why'

>>>>>

Chickens!!!!

I've miss you guys!!

I plan on starting to write more since its starting to get nice outside. My seasonal depression gets the best of me sometimes and it's hard to write over the winter, plus school and work.... But I'm not going to bombard you with boring details or excuses, so let's move on to this chapter!!

I hope you guys liked it, and are enjoying the long awaited GTop smut. I keep forgetting to tame it down and make it more romantic with these two, but I think the intimate parts came out well. I wanted to put the part in here about Ji finally acknowledging Haw Yun as his mother because I think it's such an important part to Ji's recovery and healing process. The fact that he's finally let go of his mother and accepted that Hwa Yun has been there for him all along and has been his mom since he first met her, it was just something I needed to show you guys.

Also i needed to address how Ji's mind has changed about having kids and a family with Seung. I explained most of it through ji's dialog, but i needed to show how he's finally accepted that Suengri's death wasn't exactly his fault, and that he's moved on and is read to start a life with Seung. Plus the part where Seung mentions that they'll give a better life to their kids than the one's they had, that's always been the ultimate dream for them, getting a different start in life, but it's one they'll never get. But they can give this life, the life they've always wanted, the family they've always wanted to their kids.

Well fluff, fluff and more fluff is really anything I have left to say about this chapter. Again, hope you guys liked it and I'll see you little darlings later!!

I love you guys! Kisses!!

사랑해

~M~