~Jiyong~

Light streams in across my face, forcing heat to my cheeks, but there is more heat than I expected, and it is drenched all over my body.

For a few minutes I don't question it, I just snuggle deeper into the warmth, letting it cover me. I've never felt this comfortable. Usually when I sleep, it's only for a couple of hours and I wake up cold, but this feeling, this amazing feeling, makes me want to stay in this bed forever.

I know I have to get up though, I have some things to do today, which means I need to leave my blissful warmth. I groan and roll over towards the warmth, peeking my eyes open, to find that I am not alone in my bed.

I gasp and my eyes pop open wide. I sit up and scurry as far away from Seunghyun as possible without falling off the bed. I tuck my legs to my chest, and try to calm my breathing which is coming out in short little pants now.

Why is Seunghyun in my bed? Has he been here all night? Did anything... Happen between us? The last question has me breathing harder, and I can feel my lungs beginning to burn. What is going on?

Seunghyun stirs, because I can't control the sounds I am making anymore. His eyes flutter open sleepily, but become immediately alert when he sees the state I am in.

He pops up onto his knees in front of me and stares at me wide eyed, managing to look terrified and worried at the same time.

"What do I do?" He asks me, his voice shaking.

My lips tremble and I begin to rock back and forth to try to calm myself, but air refuses to stay in my lungs long enough to allow me to do so. Tears from the pain start flowing down my cheeks, and I close my eyes tightly, attempting to focus on anything but what was happening.

I hear some voices, and I figure Hwa Yun and Minji had heard the commotion and are now in the room.

The pain is becoming to much, and I feel darkness starting to prick at the corners of my coherence, threatening to take me under.

"Ji" a voice cuts through, it is deep and commanding, forcing me to listen even when my body fights against it "I need you to listen to me, you have to focus on something, anything to get your mind off of what's happening"

I try, but it isn't working, and more darkness is beginning to take over.

"Damn it, Ji open you eyes" his voice is authoritative and stable. I obey and find Seunghyun kneeling in front of me, staring deep into my eyes. All of the panic from earlier has disapeared, and all he is focused on now is calming me down "focus on me, the sound of my voice, look into my eyes... clear your mind"

I do as he says, staring deep into his eyes, and make his voice the center of my world. I feel myself slowly start to calm, but my heart is still trying to rip it's way from my chest, while my lungs grasp at what air it can.

He grabs my hand abruptly, placing it over his chest. It's warm, the warmth that kept me comfortable and safe all last night. His heart is beating at a faster pace than it should, but it is a nice rythem, beating against my palm. Heat starts to flow into my body, grounding me, making me feel protected.

"Feel my heart beating, feel my chest rising and falling with every breath I take... in, out, in, out." he says and I start to hear myself echoing his words in my head, while my body starts to set into a rhythm with them.

Before I can understand it, my breathing is slowed, and my heart is returning to a safe pace. My body is shaking from exhaustion, and my head feels really heavy, but i am calm. Seunghyun has stopped one of my panic attacks, and i have no idea how. No one has ever been able to do this, the only way they stop is when i pass out, or when i'm given a seditative to calm me down.

I breath out in relief and relax my body from the tight ball I had pulled myself into, almost collapsing onto the bed in the process. Seunghyun catches me, and pulls me against his chest, enveloping my body in his warmth. I don't even try to fight it, I let my head rest against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his steady, sure breathing. His arms wrap around me, making me feel safe and warm. I want to stay like this forever, no past, no future, just allowing myself to be happy in Seunghyun's arms.

"Are you okay now?" Hwa Yun brakes through my happy bubble, and I almost feel the need to glare at her.

I nod into Seunghyun's chest, refusing to open my eyes. His arms tighten around me, and I realize that he has one of his hands placed on my arm, while the other is brushing through my hair. He's carful not to touch me anywhere but my safezones. 'have you been paying that much attention?'

"Do you need me to get your medicine?" Hwa Yun askes, and i finally open my eyes to find her staring at me, concerned.

"No, i'm fine actually." i rasp, my words comming out horse due to the heavy amounts of air that scratched up my throat.

Hwa Yun nods and glances up at Seunghyun, then back at me, a small smile playing on her lips "okay, i'll leave you two alone. Breakfast will be ready soon, take your time though." She grabs Minji by the arm and drags her out of the room, against her protests.

I allow myself to soak up every bit of the happy moment, before finally pulling away. Seunghyun places his hands on my arms, giving me an unsure look, but lets me sit up. I wobble a little, before finding my balance, and hold up a hand telling him that i am fine.

Seunghyun lets go of me reluctantly, and stares at me, the concern never leaving his eyes "you can stop staring at me like that, i'm not going to explode." i snap.

He chuckles "oh good, you're back... i thought we had lost you for a second"

I roll my eyes "why are you here? What are you doing in my bed?" i ask, and immiditaly feel my cheeks begin to burn.

"You got a migrane at the beach last night, and i carried you inside."

"That still doesn't explain why you're here." I give him a pointed look, making it clear that i'm displeased with finding him in my bed.

Seunghyun barks a laugh "that's your own fault, you grabbed onto my shirt and refused to let go."

My eyebrows knit together "really?"

"Yeah, and you even made this cute pathetic whinning sound when i tried to pull away. I stayed becuase i took pity on you, so really this is all your fault."

I sigh. I was the one who made him stay, he was right, this was my fault. I shouldn't be bitchy to him, for something he did because of me. "Sorry."

He cocks an eyebrow and stares at me surprised "why does it creep me out so much to hear you apologize?"

I roll my eyes "maybe because you're always the one who's apologizing for being stupid and it sounds weird to hear anyone else say it."

Seunghyun grins widely. "There's my, Ji."

I groan frustrated, then hop off my bed, stomping to my closet. "You're an idiot."

"And you're still adorable when you get frustrated." he laughs at me.

I strip out of my cloths, my cheeks set a flame the whole time, due to the knowlege that Seunghyun was on the other side of the door. I swollow hard, hoping to god that he doesn't come in and see me like this, i don't even want to think about his reaction to my scar littered body. I stop in the middle of throwing on a pair of jeans when a thought catches me of gaurd 'why do i care what you think of my body? Why am i suddenly subconscious of the things i've never been ashamed of?'

"Ji, you okay? You're really quiet" his voice breaks through my process, laced with concern.

I sigh "would you like me to preform an opera while i get dressed?"

He laughs "god, i missed that smart mouth of yours"

I open my closet door and find Seunghyun laying sprawled out across my bed with his arms tucked behind his head. "Missed? Did i go somwhere?"

The man who apparently has no boundarys, looks down at me without moving and grins "yeah, last night when you passed out, i got to see a different, softer side of you. Though it was nice to see, i missed your bitchiness."

I narrow my eyes "you'll see a real bitchy side if you don't get up and make my bed."

"Why do i have to make it?" He pouts and I have to mentally slap myself for thinking it's adorable when he does that.

"It's the rule, last one out makes the bed"

He barks a laugh "you're serious, aren't you?"

I nod and head into my bathroom to access the situation with my makeup and hair, since neither was taken care of before bed last night. I growl when i see the hopeless creature staring back at me in the mirror and immediately start trying to tame the beast. Seunghyun shows up in the bathroom doorway a few minutes later, as i am washing my face and stays silent till i look at him.

"Can i help you?" i ask in a tired sounding voice.

He sighs "i'm curious as to why you keep lying to both of us." He whispers.

"What are you talking about, what am I lying about?" I ask feeling bored by this conversation.

"There is a reason you kept these, and the only thing I can come up with is that you feel more than you want me to know about." He states and i finally notice he's holding something in his hands.

I suck in a small breath when i realise he has ahold of the mittens that he had given me that night i first met him. Shit, I had forgotten to give those back to him. 'but did you really?'

"Seungh..." i start but he breaks me off.

"All i want is to just be by your side, even if it's just as a friend...i'm not chasing, Ji, so quit running." He whispers, and i see it, the desperation in his eyes that i've been missing. 'have i done this to you?'

Seunghyun steps forward and places the mittens down on the bathroom counter top "Hwa Yun is expecting me to stay for breakfast, so i'll go ahead and go downstairs... but I'm not going to let this go Ji. I know you feel something for me, you just won't admit it to yourself"

I can't say anything, i just watch him leave, frozen in my tracks. It's obvious that Seunghyun cares for me more than i realized, and seeing him with that much pain in his eyes turns my blood to ice. This is exactly what i've been trying to prevent and it's starting to feel like a vicious circle, no matter what i do Seunghyun could end up getting hurt. How do i protect him when he's so carless with his heart? How do you save a person, who's content with being condemned?

I groan and throw my head into my hands 'what do i do here, Seungri?'

......

I come into the kitchen after succesfully gaining control over my hair and face, to find Seunghyun chatting happily with Hwa Yun and Minho. He moves around the kitchen helping Hwa Yun with breakfast, while he and Minho discuss some new video game they were both interested in. They don't see me, so i just stand there watching the scene in front of me. Every bit of the vulnerable, hurt Seunghyun that he revealed to me earlier in the bathroom, is now gone. In its place, is a confident, funny man who acts like he has been in this family for years. It baffles me how naturally he connects with them. 'he fits into your family better than you do' my mind bittery supplies.

"Oh, hey there beautiful." Seunghyun says slyly, finally noticing me, and beams.

I snap out of my thoughts, and narrow my eyes at him. Hwa Yun smiles and looks like she's about to fangirl, while Minho just rolls his eyes. I sigh and walk over to the breakfast bar, claiming my seat. "what's for breakfast?"

"Pancakes and some fruit, you need the sugar in you." Seunghyun says before Hwa Yun can answer "you lost some energy this morning."

I turn red at how that sounded, and Minho hides a laugh behind a cough "i would rather just have a poptart." I mumble.

The constant pain in my ass looks up at me "that's why you always look so tired, your body isn't being nurished properly." He sets a bowl of fruit in front of me "now eat."

"Trust me, if you had the dreams that i have, you wouldn't always sleep like a baby either." i mumble again, unsure if anyone really heard me, and grab the newspaper off the counter, starting to read todays new, while ignoring the bowl.

A wooden spoon suddenly pushes a crease into my paper, folding it down until i can see Seunghyun's glare. A shiver runs up my spine at how serious he looks, and i lock my jaw. We stare at each other for a minute, before i finally give in, rolling my eyes and place a half of a strawverry into my mouth.

Seunghyun's expression immidiatly changes and he grins that stupid secret smile of his at me. "That's my boy."

I growl at him and flip my paper back up with a snap, so i don't have to see that damn smile anymore, but continue to keep eating. I don't miss the looks on Minho and Hwa Yun's faces before i do so though. They looked stunned, and slightly amused, which only pisses me off that much more. It's not like this man has any power over me, i just don't feel like waisting the energy to fight with him.

"Good morning my lovelys" my dad rushes into the room "happy Saturday." he chirps loudly.

I groan at his inhuman chipperness for it being this early in the morning, while everyone else greets him happliy. Honestly, why do i have to be surounded by morning people?

"Uh oh, did we pick up another one?" my dad chuckles as his eyes fall on Seunghyun.

"Hello sir, i'm Choi Seunghyun, a friend of Ji's." Seunghyun smiles at him and bows politley.

My dad falters for a second, giving Seunghyun a surprised look. "oh, thats great to hear, that Jiyong has a friend" he pauses "it's great to meet you Se-Seunghyun"

I chuckle bitterly "burns a little comming out doesn't it?"

My dad meets my eyes and gives me a knowing look, then turns to Hwa Yun and begins to converse with her naturally. Seunghyun places a glass of juice in front of me, while giving me a confused look. I just sigh and shake my head, turning back to my paper.

.....

"I really don't like the idea of you going out by yourself, Ji." Hwa Yun says when we all sat down at the table.

"I'll be fine Hwa, it's just a couple of things I have to do. Seriously, nothing to worry about"

Hwa Yun fixes me with a look "you should never tell a mother not to worry, because that's when they worry the most."

Minji sighs "I wish I didn't have to volunteer with Bom today, I would go with you... maybe I can reschedule" she offers.

"Seriously guys, come on, I'm not a child, I can take care of myself." I whine feeling cornered.

"I know, sweetie, but if you're having migraines and panic attacks again, I just want to be on the safe side" Hwa Yun says placing a hand over mine.

"You would have a panic attack too if you woke up to that in your bed, without you remembering how or why he's there." I motion at Seunghyun, instantly regretting my words.

My dads chokes on his juice that he was drinking, and everyone else shifts awkwardly, giggling or smiling.

"If it makes you feel better i can go with him." Seunghyun interjects, breaking the awkward silence that has taken over the air around us. I shoot him an icy stare, and he just shrugs his shoulders, making it clear he was only trying to help.

"Oh, would you mind? That would make me feel so much better." Hwa Yun gushes giving my constant annoyance an adoring look.

"Yes, of course, i'd love to spend the whole day with Ji." Seunghyun says, grinning at me triumphantly.

I groan and let my head fall to the table, because i know i won't be able to fight Hwa Yun on this. Weather i like it or not i am going to have to spend the whole day with Seunghyun. 'if you hate that idea so much, then why is your heart beating so fast' my mind asks me, almost mockingly.

'Seriously am i even against myself now?'

>>>>>

"Come on Ji, can you slow down?" i hear over my shoulder, as i walk through the shopping mall.

I sigh, frustrated "the deal was that i let you tag along if you keep up."

"I know, i know... but serioisly, are you a runner or something? How can a person walk this fast" he pants, resting his hands on his knees.

Dark memories pass by, and i have to forcefully push them out of my head "i'm used to having to walk fast, you never know when you need to get away."

"What does that mean? Is someone bullying you? Give me a name, i swear to gods..."

"Seung, calm down." i laugh at his absurd behavior "it's fine, trust me, no one bothers me."

He nods, but then a large grin spreads across his face, reminding me briefly of Chesire cat "hey, you called me Seung."

I clear my throat and stand up a little straighter "momentary lapse of speech, nothing more... lets keep moving, i'll try to slow down."

I hear him chuckle behind me, but keep moving 'damn it, keep your cool, Jiyong... we can't afford slip ups like that'

...

"Seriously, this is something you have to do?" Seunghyun asks when we stop outside of an ice cream shop.

"What, you don't like ice cream? I figured i would treat you since you've actually behaved today." I narrow my eyes at him playfully, feeling in a good mood for some odd reason.

Seunghyun smiles lightly "i love ice cream, i just didn't know today would be so relaxed."

"This is relaxed to you? Deciding between cashmere or knit sweaters is very tiering" I gasp I'm mock offense and place a hand over my heart.

He turns his head slowly towards me with humor dancing in his eyes "Ji... did you just make a joke?"

I sigh dramatically "clearly my humor is above you"

Seunghyun laughs but catches on quickly that i'm in a good mood and he should keep it that way "you know, you bought both of those sweaters anyway, so i have no idea why you spent so long making the decision"

"All options must be weighed when it comes to buying sweaters, and in the end i decided that i really needed both of them." i place a hand on my hip "are you jealous? did you want one for yourself?"

"Oh no, your highness. I wouldn't dream of taking one of your sweaters that you had to have" he says with mock fear in his eyes

"Good, because i wouldn't have given it to you anyways" i say and flip my invisible long hair over my shouler before walking into the icecream shop.

We get our ice cream, i decide on mint chocolate chip, while Seunghyun went for the triple chocolate swirl. We find a table, and sit down enjoying our treat, and even a little bit of each others company.

"I like this side of you, you seem happier this way." Seunghyun says avoiding my gaze.

I sigh "i'm not always a bitch you know, just to people who i don't know... defense mechanism i guess."

"So what made you finally decide to be human with me?" he asks swirling his treat around with his tiny spoon.

I raise my eyebrows at his word choice but decide not to ask "well, we did sleep together."

Seunghyun starts to choke slightly, and i try to push the smile from my lips at his reaction. "And that's all we did... sleep."

"Oh i know, you wouldn't have gotten further than sleep."

"What, too good for me?" he scoffs, pouting at my mention.

Another sigh leaves my lips 'stop doing that, you're too damn cute when you pout' my brain helping comments. "More like touching issues."

"Oh right, you dont like to be touched... why is that?"

My eyes flutter to his "i dont think we're close enough for that explaination"

"So i have to wait till i'm as close to you as Tae, before you'll explain it to me?"

I take another bite of ice cream "i've never talked to anyone about it, not even my therapist who know's all about it...but i still refuse to talk."

Seunghyun pauses his spoon "i'm here if you ever need to, just to let you know."

Our eyes meet again, and i see the truth hidden in them, Seunghyun is someone i can trust, someone i can talk to without judgment or fear. Maybe one day, but not today, i don't want him to pull away from me just yet. After all we just started becoming somewhat of friends.
...

We sat there for hours talking, teasing each other, and even laughing at each other's stupid jokes. We talked about our personal lives, his friends, our likes and dislikes, and anything else that came to our minds. By the time we finally decide to leave, I feel like I have known Seunghyun for years. I feel closer to him and I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

I decide to finally be honest with myself. I do like Seunghyun, and even though it doesn't change anything, I still can't help but find myself steadily getting closer to him.

Maybe being friends isn't a bad idea, I mean he isn't going to leave me alone, and I'm not really sure if I want him to. The least I can do is give him a shot, nothing bad can come out of being friends... right?

.....

"So are you excited to graduate?" Seunghyun asks while walking through a random clothing store.

"Yes, i'm ready to get out of here, and start over... start my own life where people don't look at me with sympathy or judgment"

"So you want to leave? Where do you want to go?" He asks looking slightly upseat.

"I don't know yet, i've applied to colleges all over the place, even some in the states" i nonchalantly mention while searching through a clothing rack, before moving on.

I stop when i realize Seunghyun has stopped following me. I turn around to find him staring at the floor, a crushed look on my face.

Before i undertstand why i'm saying it "but i've also applied to a couple of university's here in Soul" leaves my mouth.

His head pops up and the corners of his lips lift slightly "what do you want to study?"

"Language, i've always had a vast interest in writing... but i could also see myself doing something in fashion" i feel a bit of relief when Seunghyun smiles "what do you want to study?"

"The answer might surpirse you" he chuckles walking towards me

"Try me" I challenge.

"Photography"

I nod, while smiling "ok, you're right, i'm surprised. I never imagined you as the taking pictures type."

Seunghyun smirks "well now who's fault is that?"

I roll my eye, he has me there "okay, fair. So, what do you like to photograph?"

"People mostly, i love to watch peoples expressions to different things, and to see how they handle different type of situations."

"So kind of like Photojounalism? You want to capture people living through different type of events" i offer, trying to understand.

He smiles enthusiastically "yes, exactly"

I bite my lip "they have a great photojournalism program at Seoul University"

"I know, i've actually applied already" he crosses his fingers in a hopeful way and i can't help but be in awe of him.

Seunghyun has his future figured out, he's even sure about where he wants to be for the next couple of years. My impression of him was a little off base, and i kind of feel guilty about that.

"I think i judged you a little to quickly... I'm sorry." i mumble.

"Seriously stop apologizing, it weirds me out, and you just allowing me to be here, makes up for any previous ill treatment." He motions to the fact that he's standing next to me, and i can't help but smirk a little.

I shake my head, but can't help the slight pull upturn of my lips "you're an idiot."

Seunghyun's booming laugh echoes through the store "theres my, Ji" and I blush at the mention of being his.

'Honestly, what am I going to do with this guy?'

>>>>>

"I had fun today, Ji." Seunghyun says when i park outside of his house, it is a cute little building, with flower pots and plants littered outside the front of the house. "My aunt is obsessed with plants" he says noticing my gaze.

I take a deep breath "ah, and I guess it didn't suck"

He laughs "oh come on, you know you enjoyed yourself, you can't lie to me."

I raise an eyebrow "can't i?"

"Nope, I see right through you, i just let it slide most of the time." he grins at me with that stupid smile of his, even after bonding today, I still hate that damn smile.

"Whatever, Seung, do you need help with your bags?" I ask, changing the subject before It takes a heavy turn.

"Yeah, just to the door if you don't mind."

We pile out of the car and I feel a couple cold water drops hit my face, promising me of oncoming rain, and sure enough it starts coming down fast and hard, forcing Seunghyun and me to run to his front door.

We start laughing as we huddle under the small over hang above his front door, even though we were already soaked. We stare out at the rain for a few minutes, listening to it pound down onto the street and buildings around us.

"You look cute like this." Seunghyun says suddenly catching me of guard.

I blush, glancing away from his gaze. "you make it really hard to be friends, when you say things like that."

Seunghyun sighs "I know, but you know that's not honestly what I want, right?"

It's was my turn to sigh "I know you want more, but I can't give you more, Seunghyun... a part of me wishes I could, but I just can't."

"Have you ever tried?" He whispers, and I turn my head quickly to find his face close to mine, too close.

My breath catches and I swallow hard, while my eyes widen. That heat once again spreads through my body as my mind screams at me to be logical, to think this through. Once again though my body isn't paying attention, and I catch myself actually leaning foreard.

"Stop me anytime" Seunghyun says leaning closer to me, slowly, too slowly.

I don't say anything, I can't, and a thought crosses my mind 'it's because you actually want him to kiss you idiot' The truth slaps me across the face, I want this, I want to kiss this man.

And that's exactly what happens, Seunghyun's lips meet mine, lightly brushing against them at first. His lips are soft and gentle, completely opposite from how I imagined them to be. Wait... have I actually thought about kissing Seunghyun. The answer flashes neon across my thoughts. Yes, yes I have.

Seunghyun steps closer to me, his body brushing against mine, and he cups my cheek deepening the kiss slightly, before pulling away out of breath and resting his forehead against mine.

"That was..." I start, but am cut off by a small voice. Seunghyun and I turn abruptly to see an almost pathetic looking boy, soaked from the rain, holding a grocery bag, looking shocked and defeated.

"Ji?" Taemin questions with wide, disbelieving eyes. His lips trembles and tears begin to pool.

"Tae." I step forward, aching for the look on my best friends face.

"But...i..." Taemin try's to say, but he just looks down at the ground as tears start to fall.

"Tae" I rush forward, and throw my arms around his shoulders "what's wrong? Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

He nods "yes, I'm hurt... you just broke my heart, Ji." Then he looks up and into my eyes so I can see the heartbreak and betrayal living there.

"W-what?" I stutter, shocked.

"It's not important anymore, I've already lost." he shuffles forward with his shoulder slumped, out of my grasp.

I stay on the sidewalk frozen, and confused, staring after my best friend, who just enters the house and closes the door without another word or even a glance at me.

"I don't understand." I whisper.

"He kind of had a bit of a crush on you." Seunghyun breaths out forcefully and closes his eyes tightly "I should probably go check on him, I'll text you later." then he walks inside almost in the same manor Taemin had.

I stand there stunned, Tae had feelings for me? How did I not see it?

My mind scoffs and me 'Come on, Ji. This isn't the first time you've had a blind spot.'

✨✨✨✨✨

Hello my Chickens!!

How is everyone?? Experiencing some feels, i suspect? Yeah me too, i didn't want to hurt Tae, i love my baby Tae, but trust me you'll understand later.

Seunhyun and Ji finally kissed, i mean like total fangirl moment and i'm writing the dang thing! haha but seriously though Ji and Seunghyun started to get closer, but then Tae came into the picture... do you think this is going to make Ji push Seunghyun away again, or will Ji start to come around maybe with Tae out of the way?? I guess you'll have to keep reading to figure it out!!!

But's it's late in my part of the world, and i'm tired, so i will bid you guys a due.

I love you all!!

사랑해💕

~M~