~Jiyong~

"Please" Minji whinned giving me her best aegyo.

I groan. "come on, Minj, can't i just have a normal weekend away from your friends?"

"Away from my friends, or away from Seunghyun?" She challenges.

I turn around glaring at her. "don't bring him into this."

"How can i not, when that's clearly all that this is about? Come on, you've been icnoring him all week and he looks like a little lost puppy without you." She gives me a disaproving look, while i continue to glare at her "don't get me wrong, Ji. I'm all for bro's before hoe's, but i know you miss him, i can tell."

I look away 'have i made it that obvious?'

"I still don't want to go out clubing with you and your stupid friends." i spit.

"You don't have to club, just be our designated driver." Minji smirks.

I roll my eyes. "You're not old enough to drink."

"Not according to my fake ID" she giggles "and you really wouldn't want your little sister to get into an accident, would you?"

"Oh, now you're yonger?" I shake my head at her cunningness.

"When it works in my favor, yes." she smiles sweetly, way too sweetly.

I groan. "i swear, you get this power from your mother, and you use it for evil"

She laughs and walks toward my door "what you see as evil, i see as fun, now get dressed, we leave in an hour."

I breath out a breath "honestly this kid, unbelievable" but what was more unbelievable is that I actually do as she told me to and start to get ready.

....

We arrive at the club and it is packed full of people, but what else can you expect on a Saturday night in the middle of Seoul.

"Oh, there they are." Minji says after looking around for her friends.

The minute I look where she's pointing to, I zero in on a miserable looking Seunghyun. His head was lowered and he's starting at the table, with a mixture of boredom and sadness on his face.

I sigh 'why does it hurt so much to see him like this?'

"Come on" she says pulling me to the table. "Hey guys" Minji announces her presence loudly.

The whole table looks up smiling and greeting her enthusiastically, except for Seunghyun who finds me immediately, staring at me in surprise. Our eyes lock for a second and i catch myself longing to reach out and touch him, to force every last drop of sadness from his eyes. He looks like he wants to say something, anything, but he remains silent while he stares at me.

"Ji's going to be our DD... if that's alright?" Minji uncharacteristically sounds nervous and I wonder if my situation with Seunghun is making it awkward with her friends. A wave of guilt spreads over me and I instantly regret agreeing to come here tonight.

"Minji, I'm going to go sit at the bar, just come find me when you're ready to leave" I tell her, having to yell slightly over the music.

She looks at me like she's about to protest but I walk away without giving her the chance. Honestly, I just wanted to be anywhere but here right now.

I can feel Seunghyun's eyes following me as i walk away, and i hate myself for the shiver of pleasure that slides up my spine at that knowlege.

>>>>>

~Seunghyun~

"Well that's freaking awkward, you okay man?" Youngbae asks me, but I barely hear him because I focus in on Ji.

Ji reaches the bar and sits down, seeming like he wants to be anywhere but here at the moment. The last words he had spoken to me still burns in my head, stuck on an endless replay. Just let me go, Seunghyun. You're better off this way, trust me"

Had I really made him that angry? Was I just assuming that he liked me all this time? And most importantly, was I really going to let him push me away this time? So many questions swirl in my head of why he could be doing this, but the answers never seem to surface.

A battle had been waged between my heart and my head on the night he left me standing on the sidewalk, and had been waging ever since. I haven't been sleeping, eating, or functioning properly at all. I miss Jiyong, i want to hear his voice, even if he is just making some bitchy comment. I yearn to hear it in ways that I am surprised by the intensity of. My life is sort of miserable without him, and i just want to be near him in any way possible. The worst part of it is that the one person who I knew could make me feel better, the one person who I want comfort from is the one person who did this to me in the first place. 'irony is a bitch, isn't it?' my head mocks me, making me feel even worse.

"Dude, he's not worth this." Youngbae says pulling me away from Ji momentarily. "You just need to let him go and move past this."

I sigh, "you don't think I've tried? I've tried to forget about it, trust me my life would be a hell of a lot better if I could just forget about him and move on, but I can't... it's like the damn universe is pulling me to him, and there's nothing I can do."

"Have you tried talking to him since that night he basically told you to screw off?" Dae questions slinging an arm over Youngbae's shoulders, leaning against him.

"No, he will barely even look at me, let alone talk to me, Taemin said to give him some space, let him calm down... but it's been almost a week and he's still ignoring me." I huff out an annoyed breath "I just wish he would quit pushing me away, it's like one step forward two steps back."

Suddenly a hand pulls at my arm and i look up to find Minji pulling me out of my seat "what are you doing?" I ask.

"Come on, I have to talk to you" I allow her to drag me across the dance floor and into the slightly quieter hallway outside the restrooms.

"Okay, now...what?" I ask a little annoyed at her actions.

Minji glares at me "you know I'm on your side, don't give me that look." she snaps and I feel like a child being scolded for a second "now, Seunghyun, as i'm sure you're aware, my brother is a special case. Ji has a tendancy to feel that everything is his fault, and he also feels like he's not good enough to be loved... So if he's putting this much effort into staying away from you, then you're really important to him." Minji states catching me off gaurd.

I'm important to Ji? But he acts like he hates me most of the time, so why... "Defense mechanism I guess" Ji's words echo through my head as my mind starts to put the pieces together.

Minji continues "I think the biggest reason he freaked out on you wasn't because of Taemin, but he was the catylist that pushed him over the edge. Your brother is really important to mine, because he reminds him of Seungri, and you we're a potential threat to Taemin, but you're a bigger threat to him, you can get past the walls he's been working on for years to perfect, and that scares the hell out of him."

"What do you mean a threat and who is Seungri?" I ask feeling a little confused.

"As in you could break through his defenses... He's scared that if you see his scars, you will leave him, and Ji will do everything possible to prevent that from happening, even if it means breaking his own heart. The way Ji sees it, it's better to push you away than to have you run away." Minji glances over at Ji, who we have a perfect view of from the spot were standing in 'clearly I'm not the only one keeping an eye him'

She bites at her lip for a second before answering my second question. "as for Seungri, you'll have to ask Ji that question."

I breath in deeply and lean back against the wall. I feel like I have just been punched in the stomach. After all this time, that possibility never once popped up in my head, that Ji pushed me away to protect me from himself. 'can someone really be that self-hating?'

I find my gaze back on Ji, and I breath out quickly "so what do I do?"

"Be the persistent pain in the ass we all know you can be, break down his defenses and show him that he deserves to be loved" Minji picks up her phone giving it a quick glance before looking back at me "please just don't give up on him, he's had too many people leave him, don't be one of them." She pats my arm then makes her way back out to the table, leaving me with racing thoughts and a tightness in my chest.

>>>>>

~Jiyong~

"Hey there, cutie" a rough sounding voice greets me.

I turn to find a half drunken, mess of a human being trying to hit on me.

I sigh and turn back around "sorry, not interested."

"Oh come on, don't be like that, baby." The man places an arm over my shoulder and i tense up to the point where it's painful.

"I think he said that he's not interested" a booming voice growls sending a shiver up my spine. I can't believe how much that voice makes my heart race, or how much i've missed it.

The guy removes his arm thankfully, swiveling around, wobbling a bit. "this ain't any of your damn busi..." but stops talking when his eyes met Seunghyun, finally noticing that he is twice the drunks size "hey man, no problem, he's all yours." the drunk scampers away with his tail tucked tightly between his legs and I have to smirk at the sight of it.

"Something funny?" Seunghyun asks leaning against the bar next to me.

"Just people's reactions when they first meet you, tickles me. If only people knew that your personality doesn't match your face" I laugh lightly "But thanks, I didn't feel like beating the crap out of some random drunk tonight."

Seunghyun laughs "sure, Ji, you know i'll always look out for you"

We sit in awkward silence for a few before something catches my eye, making me snort.

"What are you doing?" Seunghyun asks me humored at my behavior.

I smirk again "Observing"

"Observing what?"

"You see that guy over there?" I point in the direction of a guy who is clearly drunk off his ass about to make a fool of himself.

Seunghyun nods looking in that direction.

"He's about to go in for the 'surprise kiss' pickup" I snort

Seunghyun rolls his eyes a habit I think he might be picking up from me. "Ok, so this is interesting because?"

I smile, focusing back on the mess of a scene "I'm waiting to see what type of 'drunk girl' meets him on the other side"

"Meaning?"

I laugh and begin to explain "The way I see it, there are five types of drunk girls; the 'you're hot, lets do this', drunk girl, the 'your not attractive enough... Or as I like to call it, I'm not drunk enough' drunk girl, the 'you're not attractive, but I am drunk enough for this' drunk girl, and last but not least, my personal favorite 'you don't know me, you don't know my story' drunk girl... Which usually results in a very hard bitch slap to the face"

I snort again watching intently, to discover that he was met by the 'you don't know me, you don't know my story' drunk girl, and receives my call of a very hard slap to the face.

"Ha, called it" I exclaim, smiling wildly.

Seunghyun laughs "I've missed you"

I feel my face fall instantly at his words, I had forgotten about keeping my distance with Seunghyun and as always felt very comfortable with him to the point of letting my gaurd down. But I also feel terrible for what I said to him, I was really harsh, and I don't want to admit it but I really do miss him too.

"Seunghyun, I want to apologize for how I treated you the other night, I shouldn't have been so mean..."

"I get it, you were terrified of losing Taemin. I may not understand why you're so attached to him, but I do see that you care about each other a lot. You just got caught up in that fear and took it out on me." he says

I nod feeling more guilt seep into me "still I didn't want to hurt you, I wish there was a way that everyone could be happy."

He laughs bitterly "unfortunately, Ji. The world is a heartless bitch that doesn't care about people being happy, but it also never fails to destroy you when it can."

"Don't think like that, what happened to optimistic Seunghyun?" i ask shocked to hear such a dark sentence come out of his mouth.

Seunghyun takes a large drink out of a glass that I don't think contains water "Last I heard he got his heart broken."

I sigh "I didn't want to hurt you" I hate to hear him talk like this, and I hate even more to think that I am the cause of it. 'I want my Seunghyun back' my head whines at me, and even though the thought surprises me, I know it is the truth. I miss that goofy, annoying man-child that Seunghyun normally is.

"Well you did, Ji. Have you ever thought that keeping me away from you is doing more damage than letting me in will?" His tone is low, but held a sharp ice to it, his anger coming across loud and clear.

I sit back on the bar stool, letting his words take effect. Something clicks in my head, I guess on my road to protecting Seunghyun I never thought about the damage I was inflicting along the way. Was I being stupid? Was I really doing all of this to no avail? Looking at him now, this is exactly the type of person i was trying to prevent him from becoming, somone whose mind is filled with darkness and pain, but is pushing him away forcing him into the very place i didn't want him to go?

"Yes, you're being stupid" Seunghyun answers my unsaid thoughts "you are trying to protect me, i get that... but in actuality you're just hurting me... it doesn't make sense to save someone from pain by causing them pain."

I sigh feeling defeated, he is right, none of this makes sense. All of my attempts to push him away is just hurting everyone involved. Seunghyun had gotten under my skin, he had broken through so many of my walls. I miss him, I want to be around him all of the time, and and dare I say I might even care deeply for him.

Finally I just have to own up to it, there's no denying what is crystal clear. Seunghyun had gotten to me, he had broken through without even really trying, and that is what scares me. Everything with Taemin had been an excuse, though I don't want to hurt my best friend, I know Tae will bounce back quickly... The truth was I was terrified to let Seunghyun in because... What if he didn't like the person who is locked away inside of me?

"You're right" I whisper looking down at the bar, I know he is listening closely and I can't bring myself to look at him "this doesn't make sense anymore, but then again nothing about us does."

"No, Ji. Everything about us shouldn't make sense, but for some odd reason we fit together like we were made to be that way." he says moving closer to me and placing a hand over mine.

I don't flinch like I normally do when people touch me and I know that this is what he is talking about, this connection we have had from the very moment we met each other. I wanted to be with Seunghyun then, and I still do now, the force that constantly pulls me to him is almost too strong to bear sometimes. I can't keep fighting this anymore, i just want to give in, what is the point of keeping Seunghyun away if i'm just hurting him anyways?

"I'm tired of pushing you away" I whisper my words laced with vulnerability.

"Then quit pushing, let me in, Ji." He leans forward placing his hand on my cheek.

I close my eyes and breath in a shaky breath, letting the warmth through his hand spread through me. I want this man in front of me, in every way possible and this feeling scares, but also electrifies me.

I slowly open my eyes to meet Seunghyun's dark, intense ones. His eyes that send shivers up my spine just by being the focus of, his eyes that make me melt every time they convey the love he has for me, and his eyes that make me feel grounded and safe because I know they will always tell me the truth.

Seunghyun leans forward and places a light kiss on my lips, then pulls back searching my face for my reaction. Honestly I don't want him to stop, I want to pull him close to me and finally claim him as my own, but the tremble in my fingers tells me that I'm not ready for that.

"Can you give me some time?" I ask

His eyebrows knit together "time?"

I sigh "I just need some time to figure things out, this kind of just hit me, and I'm confused, and I just..."

"Of course, take your time, just please don't distance yourself from me anymore." he pleads.

I shake my head "I'm not sure if that's possible anymore."

He beams, but it quickly turns into a shy smile "can I kiss you again?"

I swallow hard, but nod giving him the go ahead to lean in and place his lips on mine. It is deeper this time, and more heated, my hand moves up to his hair so I can pull him against me more.

He brakes the kiss and pulls back, despite my protesting whines.

Seunghyun chuckles "sorry, Ji, but I think we have an audience."

He glances over and I follow his eyes to find a table full of his and Minji's friends gawking at us. Some wearing fan girls smiles, and are giggling while others just sat there with their mouths wide open... My sister of course being among the fangirls.

I clear my throat and bite my lip "that's awkward,"

Seunghyun grabs my chin and makes my look away from our spectators "don't worry about the others, all that matters is you and me right now"

I nod and place my forehead against his "what are you doing to me?"

Seunghyun chuckles "I'm breaking down your walls, Ji and I won't stop till I find you."

>>>>

I backed against the wall, shaking violently, staring into his violent charcoal eyes.

"You should learn to listen to me, Jiyong. I'm beginning to lose my patience with you." his voice rasped, as the smell of cheap alcohol wafted through in the air.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it was an accident" I pleaded, trying to make my case.

"Accident my ass, I think you do things like this on purpose you little shit, just to piss me off." he spat at me, curling his lip up in disgust. "Clearly my point isn't getting across with just the normal methods anymore."

My eyes widen in terror, what does he mean by that? What is he going to do to me?

He leans forward pressing his hand against the side of my face, causing my lip to tremble "you know you've always been a pretty boy, specially when you wear that eyeliner like the little faggot you are."

A wimper leaves my lips "please, I swear I won't do it again, please just let me go."

He smirks "now how would I teach you a lesson if I let you go" his hand slides down my cheek to my throat, and continuing down till he reached my hip "you'll learn one of these days to listen, even if I have to fuck it into you."

A tear slides down my cheek "please don't do this."

Both of his hands slid down my thighs, caressing them in an almost tender way that made my stomach churn, and forcing a strangled sob to leave my lips "shut up you little shit, you're nothing but a fuck up. You did this to yourself. This is your fault."

My body continues to shake violently and tears start to flow down my cheeks, as his hands roam all over my body, leaving behind a feeling of disgust and shame.

"Unless you would like to volunteer your brother to take your punishment? he's sleeping just down the hall, I'm sure he would be fun to punish." he suggests cockily.

My eyes widen and a fear spreads through me worse than before "no, don't, I'll do it, just p-please don't touch him."

He chuckles "that's a good little fuck up." then his hands find their way to my zipper.

..

I awake shooting straight up, gasping for air. My body shakes, and I feel cold, in fact my body is freezing, but sweat pores down my face, and has drenched my shirt.

I glance at the clock on my bedside table, looking at the time, that reads 4:42am. I breath out a shaky breath and move my blankets aside, then climb out of bed. With wobbly legs, I force myself to the bathroom, where I turn on the shower and strip out of my cloths.

I let the bathroom fill with steam before I climb in, feeling my body relax as the warm water rolls over me. I sigh, and drop to my knees, then sit back pulling my knees to my chest, as the water falls over me. I take deep breaths, and slightly rock back and forth, hoping the water will work today, I really don't want to skip school. Actually I want to go, I want to see Seunghyun more than anything now.

My eyes close, and I can feel a warm wetness on my cheeks that I know isn't from the shower. Leaning over, so I can rest my body against the shower wall, a sigh leaves my lips in exhaustion.

After a while, the water starts to cool, and i know I will have to get out so i can get ready for school, so I stand up, wash my hair and body, then turn the water off.

I step to my mirror, whipping the steam off the glass, then state at my reflection for a few minutes. 'you're nothing but a fuck up' echoes through my head, and suddenly my eyes turn a dark brown, almost black. They weren't my eyes, they were his eyes staring back at me.

I shut my eyes quickly "this isn't real. This isn't happening. Calm down. Breathe."

I open my eyes again and find my light, almond brown eyes staring back. Heaving a sigh of relief, I sag against my bathroom counter. 'come on, Ji, keep it together, just think about seeing Seunghyun today'

Before I know it a smile finds its way to my lips, and I start to get ready for my day, the only thing getting me through is the knowledge that I will be with Seunghyun soon enough.

.....

"Good morning" Seunghyun greets me, as i step out of my car.

A shy smile finds its way to my lips "morning"

Concern quickly lites up his features "you look tired, are you okay?"

I sigh "just had a bad dream, i'm alright."

He places a hand on my cheek, and i sigh leaning into its warmth "Ji, you're freezing."

I nod "i woke up that way, just a little chilled i guess."

"Is this what it's going to be like all the time now? Do i not even exist to you anymore?" Taemin's voice rings out, breaking Seunghyun and me out of our happy bubble we had created.

Seunghyun growls "maybe you should follow example, and go get your own boyfriend."

My eyes widen and I freeze, and seunghyun does the same, before starting to stutter out an excuse "i-i, didn't mean boyfriend... it just came out."

I smile, relaxing some "i don't exactly hate the sound of that... but maybe it's a little too soon."

Seunghyuns lips pull into a quick 'o', then a bright smile streches across his face "don't worry, I'm patient."

"Gross, just so gross." Taemin says pulling out his inner diva and i'm almost proud of him.

I break away from Seunghyun feeling a little disapointed at the lost contact and grab onto Taemins arm "oh come on, Minnie. You know i love you."

Taemin trys to fake his discust a little longer, but eventually gives in with a face splitting grin, and turns, hugging onto my neck "i love you too, JiJi."

"Okay, now its my turn to call gross." Taemin sticks his tounge out at his brother and hooks his arm in mine leading us into the school.

.......

It is an unusually sunny day outside for febuary, so i decide to make my way outside to enjoy the sun for lunch. I sit my back up agaisnt the large tree in the courtyard and place my headphones in, turning on some relaxing music.

Seunghyun comes up to me, blocking my sun momentarily forcing me to look up. He smiles down at me when i pull out my earbuds "don't you look peaceful."

I sigh "it was peacful" i say adding emphasis on the 'was' implying that he is disturbing my happy bubble.

He laughs "so i'm guessing that smartass mouth doesn't go away even though we are closer now."

I smile as he sits down next to me. "Not really, you just kind of learn to find it endearing."

"Oh, so thats the trick to it" he jokes laying his head on my lap, and i don't really feel the need to push him away. I let my hand find it's way to his hair and start running my fingers through, taking notice at how soft it feels.

A content sigh leaves his lips, and we sit there for a few minutes, enjoying the combination of each others company and the deliciously warm sun. Suddenly he lifts his head and try's to reposition himself, then groans "Ji, i don't want to sound mean, but your legs are rock hard, I can't get comfortable" he reaches up and starts squeezing my thighs with his hands "do you work out, or something?"

I tense and before I know what's  happening, I had Seunghyung's face pushed into the ground, with his left arm tucked up on his shoulder blades and my knee resting forcefully on the center of his back. I suck in a breath when I realize what i just did, and recoil from him quickly, backing up against the tree and pulling my knees up to my chest.

My eyes widen and I start to shake "I-I'm s-sorry" I stutter.

Seunhyun gets up quickly, kneeling in front of me, worry plastered all over his face "it's okay, Ji, honestly. I'm fine" he holds up his hands reassuringly letting me observe the damage.

I start to shake harder, how could I have done that to Seunghyung?.... But more importantly why? My dream envades my head last night, and i remember his hands all over me, forcing my eyes to tear up sightly.

"It's ok Ji, it happens... Now I know, thighs are a no touch zone" he says smiling at me, attempting to crack a joke.

I shake my head "this is what i don't want happening, i don't want my problems to effect you like this." I whisper.

Seunghyun look deep into my eyes "i'm fine, Ji, please dont shut me out now, we were doing so well."

"And as always i ruin everything... i'm damaged, Seunghyun." We stare at each other for a second, seeming to digest my words.

I jump up from my position on the ground and look down at Seunghyun who's eyes were filled with confusion and caution. A sigh leaves me, feeling like I didn't have to say it, we both knew what my actions are saying. I walk away from the tree, quickly moving as far away from him as possible, and enter the school.

I nearly run down the hallway, I need to get away from him right now. No matter how much I care for him and no matter how much it hurts both of us, Seunghyun can't know about my past, because if he knows, he'll leave. Watching him walk away because i told him to will hurt, but the thought of him walking away because he's repulsed by me will destroy what's left of my heart.

My dream last night made this crystal clear, reminding me that I don't get the happy ending, that I don't get to ride off into the sunset living happily ever after, and what happened outside only proved that more, Seunghyun deserves better than me. He is too close to finding the person hiding behind these walls I put up. I can't let him see me, I can't let him find out how damaged I really am.

Suddenly I feel a hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me back not so delicately. I let out a yelp of surprise when Seunghyun pushes me up against the nearby wall. The amount of hurt and desperation in his eyes makes me feel like a knife is twisting in my chest over and over agin. I have done it again, I have hurt him.

"Seung..." I start, but he cuts me off as he always does.

"No, Ji, you listen for once. I'm so tired of you pushing me away when this is clearly what you want. Why are you like this? Why are you so kind and gentle one minute, but then so cold and distant the next?" Seunghyun pleads, his eyes starting to form an emotion that surprises me a little, he is angry. "Damn it, Ji. Tell me the truth, please, for once let me in."

"Seunghyun, you should stay away from me, you don't need someone like me in your life." I whisper.

He slams his hand on the wall next to me, prompting my eyes to widen and my heart to quicken. 'it's fine, he's not going to hurt you, you're safe.' I repeat over and over in my head, but the desire to drop into my safe place is becoming to much.

"Don't tell me what I do and don't need, Jiyong. Because whether I understand it or not, I do need you, Ji. It's painful to be away from you. When we're apart it feels like all of the oxygen has been sucked from the room, and like someone is constantly stabbing me in the chest... I need to be beside you, Ji. Please quit pushing me away."

I whimper "don't do this, I'm trying to protect you."

"Quit talking about yourself like you're a monster, Ji." he orders loudly. "You're not a bad person, you are kind, caring, and pure, so quit telling yourself otherwise."

"But I'm not, Seung. I'm tainted, I'm bad for anyone around me..."

"Damn it, Ji. Stop this." Seunghyun yells, and slams his hand against the wall behind me, once more.

I gasp lightly and shut my eyes tightly 'you're fine, you're safe, breathe, Ji. Breathe.' Before I can stop it, I drop to the ground, curling into a tight ball, rocking back and forth.

I hear Seunghyun gasp, then i feel his breath against my neck "Ji, what's wrong? Oh god, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get angry with you, please stop, you're freaking me out." I hear Seunghyun's panicking voice, causing me to open my eyes to look at him, but I just can't pull myself together.

"Get away from him" a high pitched voice screams, and Minji appears in front of me in a crouch. "Ji, it's ok, you're safe... shhh, no one is going to hurt you."

"What's wrong, why is he acting like this?" Seunghyun asks sounding broken, and panicked.

"You'd act like this too if some jackass started screaming at you, bringing back memories of sixteen years of physical and emotional abuse" Minji yells, only to slap a hand over her mouth in shock of what she just said.

My eyes bulge and I start to shake 'oh god...He knows now, he knows, and now he's going to leave me" my lip starts to tremble and I can feel tears starting to pool up. 'You wanted this stupid, you wanted him to leave you' I whimper 'no, no I didn't, all this time, i just wanted him to love me, please don't let him leave me' I continue to fight with myself.

"Ji, is this true?" Seunghyun's voice asks, sounding strangled "did someone hurt you?"

I don't answer, I just shake and rock myself back and forth. I am starting to unravel and I don't know how to stop it.

Abruptly I feel strong, protective arms wrap around me and pull me off the ground. I don't push him away, instead I curl into his safe embrace, whimpering slightly at the feeling of his arms enveloping me. I don't know where he's taking me, but I don't care, he's here, he's not running away, and he's holding me in his arms.

"I told you before, you're stuck with me whether or not you like it... is this what you've been afraid of, that I'll hurt you?" his deep, voice whispers in my ear.

I shake my head against his chest "no, I was afraid that once you found out how messed up I really am that you will leave... I have problems.", Seung. One's that won't go away overnight... No one should have to deal with that."

Seunghyun tightens his arms around me "I'm not going anywhere, Ji. I promise, I am not going to leave you."

I take in a deep breath, feeling a deep ache at his words in my chest, because at those words I feel the last of my defenses that we're keeping him out, crumble. I knew in that instant that Seunghyun was in, and there would be no way of getting him out.

'Please let what he says be the truth' I beg with any form of higher power I could 'please don't let him leave me'

Seunghyun sits down with me on his lap, and I look up to realize we are in the library on one of the reading couches. I glance back at him and see the sadness in his eyes, but it wasn't pity, it was almost a sort of helplessness.

"Don't" I say placing a hand on his cheek. He leans into my palm, sighing contently. "Don't look at me like that, it's been two years, I'm alright"

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you like that, I shouldn't have..."

"No, stop... don't ever apologize for treating me like any other person, my scars may run deeper than others, but I just want to be like everyone else." I place my arms around his neck and pull myself closer to him, letting his warmth and scent invade my senses, calming me.

He sighs, but doesn't say anything else, he just lets himself be pulled against me.

"Seung?" I whisper.

"Yes?" His deep voice sounds relaxed, peaceful even.

"I'm sorry, i just got scared... i didn't mean to hurt you again."

Seunghyun grasps my chin and forces me to look him in the eyes "you can hurt me a thousand times, Ji, and i will be fine as long as you always come back to me."

I lean in closer to him so our lips are inches from each other "always, Seung."

He closes in the rest of the distance and forces his lips agaisnt mine, saying everything that there is left to say. There was a desperation in the kiss, a type of need that we had pushed away from each others veiw that was now making its obvious appearance. I know i can't leave him now, it may be selfish of me, and i may sound weak, but i need him. We are stuck together, condemned to deal with my demons as they come out of the woodwork, i just hope that they don't destroy both of us along the way.

We break the kiss and i rest my head against his shoulder "Will you rub circles over my back?" I ask feeling like a child, but I just need that extra comfort.

I can feel his body tense in surprise, but he obliges and places his hand on the middle of my back. I suck in an unwilling breath and tense. He lifts his hand away slightly, but I shake my head, prompting him to put it back in place.

He starts to move his hand in a circle slowly at first, but gradually speeds up to a calming pace. I feel my body relax, as I melt into his arms. I bury my face in his neck, and I swear I almost hear a light moan escape Sunghyuns lips. I'm unsure of how long we stay like that, but eventually the bell rings signaling the end of lunch.

"We have to go" I whisper into his neck.

I hear him sigh "I know." but we don't move, I wasn't ready to leave my safe place, and he wasn't ready to let me go.

"Seung.." I finally pull away, to look into his eyes, they are full of happiness and love. I smile, and lean forward kissing him on the cheek "we really need to go."

He beams at me "okay." he stands up with me in his arms, forcing a giggle from my lips. "I love that sound." he says staring at me in shock and awe.

I blush "I might make it more now, if you're going to be sticking around."

"I'll follow you anywhere just to hear that one more time." He says, in a serious manor.

I close my eyes soaking in every bit of Seunghyun I can, then release my hold on his neck. He understands and finally puts me down, but grabs my hand in exchange.

I shake my head, but the smile never leaves my lips "hopeless."

"Only for you, baby, only for you" he leans his forehead against mine, before placing a feather light peck on my nose, then pulls away and leads me out of the library.

>>>>>

~Seunghyun~

We step into the hallway to find Minji leaning against the wall outside the doors, looking like a complete wreck.

"Oh my gosh, Ji are you ok? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to blurt that out in front of everybody... I'm so sorry." Minji sobs in front of her brother.

"It's fine, Minj, honestly I don't know how we managed to keep it a secret up until now, don't be sorry." he looks up at me and smiles "I'm alright actually."

Minji looks from her brother to me a couple of times, then a bright smile erupts across her face. "I so called it."

Ji squeezes my hand and starts to pull me down the hallway, with Minji walking beside us, smiling brightly.

In a million years, I never expected this to happen. I never expected that Ji would let me in, in only a matter of minutes and all I had to do was prove that I wasn't going to leave him.

I have a feeling that there is still a lot of ground to cover, and obstacles to get over before he fully let's me in, but I know if he lets me I will never leave his side. Because now I know, I have completely fallen in love with Kwon Jiyong, and there is no way I'm ever letting him go.

✨✨✨✨✨

My darling chickens!!

Are you as happy as I am that Ji finally let him in? Yes? I know it's great, and it's so beautiful the way it happened!!! Haha sorry, but I'm just so giddy right now!!

Lol if you're curious over the video at the begging of the chappie, look up the lyrics, seriously it's an amazing song, just make sure you get the live performance of T.O.P's 'Pretended' or 'act like nothing's wrong' the song goes under both titles.

I'm going to go do my happy dance now, Love you guys!!

사랑해💕

~M~