~Jiyong~

"I'm not sure about this Seung" I say hesitating outside the door, that seems to be growing larger and more ominous the longer i stare at it.

"It will be fine" Seunghyun chuckles, giving me a look that makes it clear about how childish i am acting "just don't let yourself get into your head too much, and I'll be here the whole time." he takes my hand and squeezes it, assuring me that he won't leave my side.

I breathe out an exasperated breath, owning up to my defeat "okay, fine let's go eat lunch with your stupid friends."

He chuckles and opens the door, leading me to a table across the cafeteria that is full of the type of people I normally go out of my way to avoid.

We get closer to the table surrounded by Seunghyun's friends that were loudly talking and laughing... at least they were until they catch sight of us, then not a sound can be heard from the wide eyed, and shell shocked teens.

I tense due to all of the attention on me, but Seunghyun just squeezes my hand again and starts rubbing small circles across it with his thumb. He is trying his best to keep me calm, but inside i'm a wreck. This is why i avoid people, because when i get around them my brain scrambles, and my nerves tingle, making me oversensitive to everything. I've always had anxiety around people i'm not close to, and these people are no exception, actually the fact that they are my boyfriends friends might just make it worse.

"Guys, you all know Jiyong, right? Is it cool if he sits with us today?" Seunghyun questions, mainly to Youngbae and Minji making it clear they sort of operate as the heads of this group.

"Of course, I've been trying to get Ji to eat lunch with me for years." Minji laughs, but a bit of disappointment peeks out in her voice that only I seem to catch.

Youngbae seems hesitant but nods his head lightly, giving me a heavy gaze, that wasn't sure over its hostility yet. He seems curious, but i can also see a warning in his facial features making me confused to what he is thinking.

Seunghyun smiles brightly, forcing my heart to flutter slightly and I find my lips twitching upward at the sight. I'm sure that he will always be able to do this to me. No matter how long we are together and no matter how well we figure each other out in time, Sunghyun will never fail to make my heart tremor.

Sunghyun takes a seat and pulls it out for me to sit, causing my face to heat up, but I take it anyways because I know he won't sit till i do, and furthermore causing me embarrassment due to the obvious gawking of the rest of the people sitting at the table.

"Thank you" I mumble as I sit down.

He chuckles into my ear and whispers "baby, you're going to have to breath, they aren't going to bite."

I take in an involuntary breath, and he chuckles at me once more, shaking his head and grabbing a seat, sitting next to me.

"So are you two like official now?" Someone suddenly asks and I look up, recognizing the voice. Bom stares at me with an almost confused look "I guess you makes sense, but I honestly didn't see you as gay Seunghyun." she comments as she shifts her attention to the boy sitting next to me.

Seunghyun snorts and pulls my chair closer to him. "No one ever asked."

"How did you convince Ji to actually go out with you, I mean let's be honest, he doesn't really... like people." Dara pops into the conversation.

"I guess he just couldn't resist my charms." my dork of a boyfriend flips his imaginary long hair over his shoulder, showing off his hidden diva.

I roll my eyes. "yes, you were such a charismatic stalker."

Laughter fills the table and my eyes bulge at the realization that I just spoke in front of his friends. When Sunghyun had proposed the idea of this little lunch date, I had made a resolve that I would bare through it silently, but somehow Seunghyun always manages to force me out of my comfort zone.

"Oh, so the quiet kid has some fire in him." Daesung laughs "I think I might like him if he can hold his own with you, Sueng."

I swallow hard and I see my annoying boyfriend smiling that stupid smile of his, that I swear to god if he doesn't wipe of his face, I will do it for him.

"He's shy right now, but trust me, he can snap it out as quickly as it's given. Honestly 'I'm' intimidated by it sometimes." Sunghyun states with mock horror on his face.

A boy that I recognize from my calculus class that I think is named Hobek, or maybe Hoesek laughs "so your saying Jiyong has a secret bitch side?"

Minji answers for him "yes, and it's worse than mine sometimes."

Again laughter erupts through the table, but all I can do was look at the ground and pray to God that the attention pulls off of me soon.

"Okay, maybe we should talk about something else, Ji looks like he's going to puke." Dara mentions with amusement lacing her words.

Sunghyun places a hand on my back rubbing comforting circles and leans forward, grasping my chin with the other "baby, stop that, you'll make it bleed." he pulls my bottom lip from between my teeth and I look up at him. I find my tenseness melting away as I become immersed in Seunghyun's eyes, that dark chocolate brown sweeping me away into a place of warmth and safety. A large grin spreads over my face and soon he mimics it, sending a shiver up my spine. I could lose myself in this man forever and never regret how I spent my life.

"I'm not sure if this is cute or sickening." Someone comments breaking me away from my happy place.

Minji barks a laugh "it's a disturbing combination of both, trust me they are worse than this when we're at home."

I narrow my eyes and cast her a warning glance.

"What?" She asks defensively "I have to deal with it almost every meal, I'm glad someone else is feeling the annoyance for once"

"Even breakfast?" Youngbae's voice peeks out over the groups loud laughter, with a hint of suspicion, like his question is insinuating something else entirely.

I catch his gaze and once again find myself wondering where his head is. Is he just confused? Is he mad? Disgusted? Or maybe he's still weary about me. Youngbae seems to be intensely protective over Seunghyun and I didn't make it easy for my boyfriend in the beginning. It seems like I am going to have to work on this one, if I want to get along with Seung's friends like he wants. After all Youngbae is his best friend and I don't want Seunghyun to be caught in that situation of his best friend and boyfriend disliking each other.

"Yeah, I stay the night at Ji's most nights." Seunghyun says not noticing his best friends 'interest' in me, but grasping the hidden meaning of his friends question that I hadn't.

"I bet your aunt and uncle love that." Youngbae remarks sarcastically.

Seunghyun sighs and I feel like I'm missing something. "what about your aunt and uncle? Do they not like you staying over? I've told you many times you don't need t..."

He stops me. "I told you, I don't like to be away from you at night and you know why. It's not a big deal... they just don't exactly approve of me being in a relationship with a man is all."

My eyes widen. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not a big deal, it's not like they are homophobic, just uncomfortable with it. They don't say anything about it when I see them and I don't feel that I need them to understand." He explains, "the only people that I want or need approval from is my flamboyantly gay brother and my boyfriend... and I'm sure I'm good in both cases."

I unwillingly giggle at his joke and shake my head, which rewards me with a warning glance from him, we both know what that sound does to him. "Fine, but you know one of these days I'm going to have to meet them"

Seunghyun opens his mouth but is interrupted by Taemin suddenly siting down on my lap "tell me when that goes down because I definitely want to be there."

I laugh at the boy in my laps humor and snake my arms around his waist. "Minnie, where were you? I was starting to worry."

He beams at me. "My teacher wanted to talk to me about a paper I turned in. He wanted to know how I suddenly started to sound so smart."

I snort. "And you told him?"

"Because my bestie is amazing at tutoring." Tae laughs and I join him.

"Hey, find your own seat, Tae." My jealous boyfriend gives his brother a disapproving look, and starts to push at him.

"Bro, i did, and he's called JiJi." Tae snaps back and I almost high five him at the bitchy comeback.

Seunghyun narrows his eyes and Tae straightens up a bit, before finally rolling his eyes and hopping off of me. He pulls a chair up next to me and leans his head on my arm, pouting cutely. He may be learning how to stand up for himself from me, but i would never condone him disobeying his brother, so i keep my mouth shut.

But i do shoot the older boy on my other side a glare, while I pet Tae's head. "It's ok Tae Tae, he's not as mean as he looks, I won't let him hurt you."

Tae smiles his childlike smile and snuggles more against my arm, but soon pulls back, yelping when Seung leans over, flicking him in the forehead.

My once again jealous boyfriend pulls me against him, closing his arms around mine tightly "mine" he says pointing at his brother, who is deeply pouting and rubbing his head. I elbow Seung and he lets go with a hiss, while I lean over to inspect the damage done to my baby Tae.

Daesung laughs from across the table "ouch, Seung. Looks like you will always come up second to your little bro."

It is Sunghyuns turn to pout and I sigh, leaning back into him once I find Taemin to be unharmed and let him wrap me back up in his arms, an act that I know will make him instantly forgive me. I'm not big on public displays of affection, so anytime i allow Seunghyun this privilege, he forgets whatever was happening before. Honestly it's a blessing and a curse, i don't want to trick him, but at the same time i never want him mad at me. It's a dilemma i'm still working through the morals of.

"That's the difference," Seunghyun laughs then points at both him and me."boyfriend and boyfriend." He smirks then points in between Tae and me. "Mother and daughter"

I roll my eyes. "What if I hate both of you and want to run away with Daesung?" i say, surprising myself at the playful comment, hoping Daesung doesn't think i'm weird for it.

My anxiety calms though when Daesung laughs and nods. "I'm game, I can treat you so much better than that dumbass."

I bark a laugh, feeling a comfort spread through me with this boy, and feel that there is a possible friendship here, but shy away again when I get not one but three jealous gazes on me. One innocent pouty one that can only belong to Taemin while Sunghyun's heated, tense one bores into me. Which neither surprises me, but Yongbae's narrowed eyes take me back for a second. They also gave him away, he obviously has a thing for Daesung, and has refused to admit it yet, but right now he wasn't hiding it from me. I smirk and lift an eyebrow at him and his eyes widen when he realizes his mistake, he knows I have him now. Much to my relief I don't get another intense gaze from the short boy across the table.

The rest of luch period goes by in a better manor that I had figured it would have. Seung's friends were really easy to get along with and talk to. I was surprised to find that I didn't hate them, and actually I was seriously entertaining the idea of coming to eat with them sometimes. I guess this is why Seunghyun picked them, and was so eager for me to meet them, because he felt comfortable around them and honestly, so did i.

"See, I told you, they just take some getting use to." Seunghyun says as we walk to gym class.

I smile. "You were right, I guess I was just nervous."

He laughs "when are you not?"

"When we're together, just you and me, in my bed, and I'm wrapped up in your arms. I feel safe and warm... like I can finally breath after being suffocated for so long." I say honesty.

"Well I have to say that I'm pretty happy during that time as well." he laces his fingers through mine and brings my hand up to his lips "I love to watch you sleep in my arms, so cute when you make little whining sounds or when you mumble things under your breath."

I stop walking "I talk?" I know I talk when I have nightmares, but I had no idea that it happens the rest of the time.

He chuckles "yeah, not as bad when you're not having nightmares, but you do."

I blink, still letting this new information sink in "what do I say?"

"All kinds of things, one time you told me that we needed to go shopping because the amount of pink in your wardrobe wasn't nearly enough." He laughs at the memory. "But actually last night you said something that made me really happy"

I roll my eyes at the pink comment, but my curiosity peeks. "What did I say?"

"You said that you wanted our wedding colors to be blue, red, and gold." he looks deep into my eyes, giving me a look of uncertainty. "Do you really feel that way?"

My eyebrows knit together. "I'm not sure if those colors will look good together, maybe red and gold, but I'm not sure about the blue"

Seunghyun blinks at me, as if saying 'really?' And I giggle, then watch his eyes light up.

"Are you asking if I see us getting married one day?" I question making sure.

He nods shyly "do you see that for us?"

I smile and place a hand on his cheek "Of course, I want a wedding, a house, kids, maybe even a dog or two..." i pause realizing all that i just revealed "i-is that... what you want?"

"I just want you, Ji. The rest is... Extra." he smiles, while the intensity in his eyes makes my heart flutter.

I bite my lip and grin, while my cheeks flush with heat "yah, quit making me blush"

"Aww, but it's so cute." He places multiple kisses on my cheeks and I start to giggle, pushing at his chest. "You know what that sound does to me, Ji. I don't know if I can stop now."

"Seung" I groan playfully and push him harder with no effect.

A sudden clearing of a throat behind us, forces us apart and we finally notice the third person that has joined us in the hallway. Youngbae stands there, with an eyebrow cocked and a smirk on his face.

"You two about done, we need to get to class." he says after a couple seconds.

Seunghyun releases me, but still holds onto my hand "sorry if our happiness is upsetting your inner emo, but i won't let you ruin this for me. "There is a slight uneasiness in the air between them, making me feel awkward, like I have no business being here. "i saw the way you were staring at Ji at lunch, is there a problem i'm unaware of?"

Youngbae almost looks guilty, but he holds his ground. "You can't blame me for being worried Seung, especially after all of the shit he put you through before you got together."

Seunghyun gives his best friend a look that makes me want to back up. "There is so much more to that story then you will ever understand. I don't blame Ji for any of it and neither should you. I trust Ji entirely and you should respect that by trusting me."

"Fine, i'm listening, what don't i know?" Youngbae nearly spits "What would suddenly make everything you went through; the nights you called me a complete mess, or drunk off your ass, the days where you were so tortured mentally all you did was stare off into space, or when you started losing weight because you had stopped eating, all because of him... Seriously, Seunghyun, i would love to know what makes all of that okay." Younbae hisses, making me flinch.

All of that happened? Seunghyun didn't even tell me that he went through so much because of me, he never told me of how bad it was. I knew i had caused some damage, but hearing the extent of it made my stomach churn and my chest ache. I never ever want to hurt Seunghyun, but i had done so without even trying, and this knowledge is threatening to tear me apart.

"Was it really like that? Did i really cause all of that to happen?" i ask Seunghyun desperately wishing he will tell me otherwise.

His attention shifts to me instantly. "Ji, don't. It was before i knew, before i understood. I put myself through all of that, not you. It was my fault for being so stupid and not giving you time, letting you warm up to me." He places his hands on my cheeks, seeming worried. "Please don't blame yourself, i'm fine now, promise."

"But you wern't, Seunghyun. I seriously thought you had regressed back into the person you were after you first moved here, when you were still dealing with that aftermath" Youngbae mentions in a slightly softer tone.

"Drop it, Youngbae. Like i said, there are elements here that you don't understand." Seunghyun warns without breaking his gaze away from mine. "Just stay out of it and leave Ji alone"

I glance at Youngbae, desperately needing answers that Seunghyun isn't giving me "what do you mean? What happened before he moved here?"

The shorter boy smirks bitterly "clearly you don't trust him that much if you still haven't told him about Ravi." He says, clearly not speaking to me.

"Youngbae!" Seunghyun snaps. "Enough."

Yougbae shakes his head, lifting his lip up in a small snarl, and walks past us into the gym, but stops at the door. "Don't expect me to pick you up after this one, Sunghyun. If he breaks your heart, all i will be able to do is tell you that i told you so." With that he leaves and my head whirls.

"What is he talking about, Seunghyun? What happened before? And who is Ravi?" i question, feeling lost and confused.

So many questions swirl through my head, making me dizzy. Does Seunghyun really have a past that effected him that bad? And why hasn't he told me about it yet? What happened to him? Who is this Ravi person? Was he the person who made him into that person that Youngbae was talking about?

"Stop it, Ji." Seunghyun's commanding voice breaks through my thought process. "Don't let him do that to you. Trust me it's nothing, i'm fine now."

"..But" i start, and Seunghyun forces his lips against mine kissing me roughly and in turn silencing my questions, external and internal.

"Baby, please... one day i'll explain, i promise. Just not now." He says when he pulls away.

I sigh, not feeling that much better about it. Why won't he tell me about his past? Does he really not trust me enough? "okay, but i'm not going to let it go."

He smiles faintly "i would never expect you to."

I nod, but still can't manage a smile "go to class, we'll talk later."

He mimics my movement. "Okay, i'll meet you after class as always."

I push up onto my tiptoes and place a small kiss on his lips. "I'll be waiting" i start to walk away, but his voice stops me.

"Ji" turning around, i meet his gaze once again. "i love you"

Finally a smile finds it's way to my lips "i know, thank you."

He beams at me, then waves cutely and walks into the gym, leaving me silently laughing and shaking my head. Even with all of the new questions and emotions creating a storm inside of me, that man still makes my heart flutter and my knees weak. I swallow thickly, hoping Youngbae is wrong, because i'm not sure if i can ever survive through losing Seunghyun, and after what he told me, clearly Seunghyun can't either.

>>>>>

~Jiyong~

"What's wrong with you two?" my dad asks while we're sitting at dinner.

I look up from the food i was just kind of pushing around on my plate. "What?"

My dad sighs. "You two" he gestures to me and Seunghyun. "You're acting weird. Usually both of you are talking and laughing with each other, off in you own world. But now you two look like your goldfish just died."

I glance at the other party in this situation and realize he has been doing the same thing i have, pushing his food around, staring at his plate, off in his own world. He looks up too and frowns.

"Why arn't you eating?" he asks me, seeming almost angry.

"Why arn't you?" i counter.

He sighs and places his chopsticks down on the table "i'm not very hungry. Can we be excused? I think we need to talk."

I'm taken back for a second and look at my dad waiting for his reaction "i think that's a good idea. Hwa Yun and i will save your plates just in case you get hungry later."

Seunghyun nods and stands, holding his hand out to me. "Come on, this silence is killing me"

I take a deep breath and nod, taking his hand, and letting him lead me out of the dinning room and up to my room. He pulls me inside and turns around shutting the door, staring at it for a second, before turning back to me with a confused expression.

"You know, i've always wondered... why don't you have a lock on your door?" He asks, making me almost laugh at his random question.

"When i first moved here, i was kind of a mental case. I guess they were worried about me, so they put in a door knob that can't be locked" i answer suddenly feeling board and a little annoyed. If Seunghyun was going to spend all night dancing around the subject then I at least need something to entertain my time.

I pad over to my bookshelf and start reading the titles trying to find a good one. "They've never changed it back and i've never had a reason to want a lock on it." I say nonchalantly.

"Oh... What are you doing?" he questions, sounding really close to me.

I turn my head, seeing him standing behind me. " "looking for a book. I don't have homework or practice tonight so i want to read something."

"Are you not going to talk to me?" he asks and i can hear the disappointment in his tone.

"What is there to talk about, Seung?" I implore, my voice sounding irritated, even to me.

"What's wrong, Ji? You've been like this all day, and it's really starting to make me upset." He grasps onto my arm and turns me to face him. "Please talk to me."

I bite my lip. I want to tell Seunghyun about what's going on. I want to talk to him about this, but i don't want to upset him or start asking questions he's not ready for. Also I guess I feel hurt that he doesn't trust me, when I trust him completely.

I sigh and tilt my head to the side bitchily "It's nothing, Seung, just a little tired."

He lifts a eyebrow, seeming surprised by my answer. "I think that is the first time you've lied to me since we got together."

A strike of anger ripples through me and I can't hold it in any longer. "Like you're being completely honest with me?" I bark and Seunghyun blinks at me shocked by my outburst.

He hangs his head and sighs deeply. "I know there are some things I haven't told you, Ji, but I'm not lying about it... I just want to know what's wrong."

I know I'm being irrational, I know he's promised to tell me everything in his own time, but all of the questions mixed in with my own guilt are making it impossible to think straight. "What do you want me to tell you, Seung? Where do you want me to start? That i hate myself for what i did to you when i pushed you away before? That it's eating me alive to think that i hurt you in any way? Or would you like me to fire off all of the questions that are constantly inhabiting my thoughts since Youngbae mentioned your past? Go ahead, pick one, because all of it is killing me." I yell, but once the words are out of my mouth, my hand flashes to it with a quiet smack.

My vison blurs and i take a step back. what have I just done? I've never talked to anyone like that, especially Seunghyun. Sarcastic remarks are one thing, but that was pure anger I just felt. Why am I so angry? "i-i'm sorry Seung, i didn't mean to yell at you."

He sighs and steps forward till the space in between is is nearly nonexistent. "It's okay, Ji. I should have figured that all of that was going on up there." He points to my head and smiles, but it doesn't touch his eyes. "but i want you to quit worrying about what happened before us. Yes, i was hurt and it was a rough time, but Ji, i'm so happy now and all of that has faded away. It doesn't matter anymore, you matter to me now, and i don't even remember most of it." He places his hands on my hips. "And like i said earlier, i'm not ready to talk about what happened yet, but i can try to answer as many of your questions as possible."

I blink at him, then look away. "I don't have questions."

"Don't lie to me." He growls. "Where is this coming from, why are you suddenly hiding from me?" I can feel his eyes boring into me, but i can't bring myself to looks at him.

"I can't take it if i ever hurt you again. Youngbae said.."

A hand slams into my bookshelf beside my head, making me flinch and finally look into his eyes. "Stop it, don't let him do this to us. Yes, i was a mess when Youngbae found me, yes he's being an overprotective pain in my ass, but what happened between me and Ravi will never happen to us."

Finally i get an answer, one that makes me sick to my stomach to hear. And Seunghyun instantly realizes his mistake, as his eyes widen, and he sucks in a breath.

"Ravi is your... your ex?" I ask, my voice trembling.

Seunghyun looks away, but not before i see a flash of pain enter his eyes. "Ravi was my best friend, the one that i fell in love with, and he kind of... messed me up before I moved here."

I take a deep breath, feeling like i have just been punched in the stomach "oh" is all i can say, and my vision blurs once more.

Truthfully, i really don't understand why it hurts so much to think of Seunghyun loving someone before me, or that someone had hurt him, but it does.. it hurts like a bitch. The thing that really claws at my chest though is a sudden thought that pops into my head 'this Ravi hurt him... but so did you' A tear escapes and rolls hot and angry down my cheek. I had hurt Seunghyun, i had hurt him just like that boy did, and this made me want to revert into a ball and disappear forever.

"Please don't cry, i didn't mean to get upset." Seunghyun brushes my cheek dry with his thumb.

I shake my head. "I'm not upseat about you getting mad, you had every right to."

"Then what's wrong baby?" Seunghyun closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. "Please let me back in."

"It's stupid and childish, i'm ashamed to feel this way, please let's just forget everything." I want to let Seunghyun in, but my mind is being overloaded, as I get more answers, even more questions pile up. I just need Seunghyun to tell me everything, I just want to know what happened.

"What way, baby. Come on, talk to me." Seunghyun pleads.

My lip trembles, and i shake my head again. Seunghyun sighs and i feel his hand caressing the area between my thighs and hips, sending warning flags up in my head. 'what is he up to?'

I gasp out when his hand slides to the center, cupping me through my jeans. His hand moves in small, slow strokes, creating friction that has me moaning out at the feel of it. Once i was starting to get into it, and my arousal was growing intensely, Seunghyun stops. I whimper embarrassingly loud, and i open my eyes that i didn't notice i had closed.

"Tell me." Seunghyun says in a low husky tone, forcing a shiver down my spine.

"You're not fighting fair" i whine "please, Seung."

He narrows his eyes slightly. "I wouldn't have to if you would just tell me the truth, baby."

Another embarrassing whimper leaves my lips "i can't."

He sqeezes me lightly through my jeans and i call out quietly. "Yes, you can. Trust me Ji, please."

I take in a deep breath, i know that he isn't doing this to be mean, he is doing this so i can't think, so i won't be too in my head, but i still feel like he's cheating. "It hurt to think that you loved someone else before me." I finally say, deciding to let the little things out first.

He rewards me with a couple kisses to my neck "and?" he pauses.

I bite back another whimper and try to calm my heavy breathing. "And i hate the idea of him hurting you."

Seunghyun starts kissing me again, this time sucking and nipping at the sensitive flesh. "Anything else?" he asks, pulling away after creating what i'm sure is going to be a dark hicky tomorrow.

I bite my lip and he starts to pull his hand away from my achingly hard sex. "No, please." I beg.

He looks deep into my eyes. "No more holding back Ji. I want everything or i'll stop and let you get back to picking out a book."

"I hate myself for the fact that i hurt you like Ravi did." i say quickly and look away, ashamed to have said that out loud.

Seunghyun clasps my chin and forces me to look at him "one; thank you for telling me the truth, two; don't ever say you hate yourself again, and three; you didn't hurt me anywhere near the level he did, trust me on this. What i dealt with before we got together was no where near as bad. Youngbae is just being a drama queen."

"Did you really get drunk?" I ask skeptically. "And you stopped eating?"

He rolls his eyes. "That happened once, and it wasn't just because of you, and yes i stopped eating for like a couple days because I was sick, not because of you."

I frown at this. "I didn't even know you were sick."

He smiles tenderly "I didn't want to look weak in front of you."

"But still I caused you pain back then, I hurt you, how can I be any different from Ravi?" I ask

He sighs "you are not, Ravi. The way I felt before us... I can't quite explain how i felt back then... it was like... missing someone that you don't really know why you miss them. You didn't hurt me like, Ravi. I wasn't miserable because of you, Ji. I was miserable without you."

I blink at him, finally starting to piece this together, I didn't hurt Seunghyun, he was just a love sick puppy walking around without its owner. "So I've been thinking about this all wrong?"

He nods. "you didn't hurt me because you pushed me away, or because of anything you said. It hurt because i loved you and just wanted to be with you and didn't understand why you didn't want the same when you clearly felt what I did."

"So it wasn't because of anything i did?" I asked needing him to confirm that I hadn't hurt him directly.

He smiles. "No, baby. Trust me if i couldn't handle your bitchiness, we woudn't be together."

I breath out and lean forward, placing my head on his chest as a small sense of relief takes me over. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, just please talk to me if you have something like this happen again, don't shut me out." He wraps his free arm around my waist and lifts me up, allowing me to wrap my legs around his hips.

"I won't." He sets me on the bed and climbs over me.

Seunghyun kisses me, slowly, but heatedly before pulling away and giving me a serious look. "And don't ever lie to me again, Ji."

I nod "i won't, i promise"

"Good boy" Seung says, once again his hands taking position at the place between my hip and thigh. "This is my favorite spot...can i try something?" he asks almost shyly, a complete shift from the Seunghyun who was just forcing answers out of me seconds before.

I prop myself up on my elbows, once again receiving warning flags. "What?"

"Beta test?" he suggests with a raised eyebrow.

Swallowing hard and biting my lip, i nod slightly. He smiles and reaches toward my jeans button, slowly unclasping it and then pulling down my zipper. His movement's were slow and careful so i could stop him anytime, and also to keep me calm. He grabs the waist of my pants and starts sliding them down my hips, and i help by lifting my butt slightly off the bed.

He stops when the waist line of my jeans reach the tops of my knees, being overly careful not to touch me in my no touch zones and hesitantly reaches for my boxers. I watch with wide, curious eyes as he slides them down till his favorite spot is naked.

Seunghyun glances up at me, with questioning eyes and i nod lightly granting him permission to proceed. Then without anymore hesitation he leans down a places his lips right against the crease, forcing heat to surge through my body and my skin to prickle with electricity around the area his lips are touching.

I gasp at the feeling, and he kisses me again placing his lips inches from the last one. This continues and before i know it he's sucking on the area, causing me to moan out and throw my head back.

"Seung." I pant.

He chuckles. "You okay?"

I shake my head. "Fix it."

"How? What do you want baby?" He asks and i can hear that stupid smile of his in his voice, but i'm too aroused to be pissed off about it.

"Touch me." i beg.

"Where? Here?" he asks placing a hand on my lower abdomen. "or should i go lower?"

I bite my lip and nod erratically. "Yes, lower please."

He chuckles "ah, here." He says finally touching me in the place that needs his attention.

I let out a high pitched whining sound, as his hand starts to do amazing things to my clothed member, i feel my hips pushing up agaist him trying to gain more friction.

But suddenly the touches disappear and i look down to see Seunghyun sliding my pants all of the way off, followed by my boxers. My lower half naked and my erection freely standing out in the open. He positions himself between my legs on his knees, and my body goes on alert.

"Seung?" i question, my voice sounding a bit strangled.

He looks up and halts his actions. "Tell me if you want me to stop."

I swallow. "What are you going to do?"

He smirks and leans down, his eyes not leaving mine. His lips touch the head of my dick, kissing it gently, and my mouth drops. Electricity courses through my body and my hips move involuntarily.

"Keep going?" he asks, inches away from my aching hardness, forcing his hard breath across the tip.

My breath comes out harshly and all i can do is nod, while he smirks and leans forward placing his lips on me once again. His lips part and wrap around me, sucking lightly on the head.

I make i high pitched moan and throw my head back, while my eyes roll back in my head. He licks his tounge around, swirling it in a wonderful motion that has me nearly coming already. He slips his tongue to the underneath of my shaft and takes more of me in. My back arches off the bed and i'm caught up in the sensation of how amazing this feels.

Abruptly, without warning, images start flashing through my head and i start to squirm. "Seunghyun, stop." i cry out.

"Ji, what's wrong? What's going on? Did i hurt you?" he asks pulling away from me, his voice panicked.

A small sob leaves my lips and i cover my face with my hands. "Make them go away, Seung. I don't want to remember"

"Shh baby, open your eyes." Seunghyun says leaning over my, pulling at my hands. "Come on, Ji. Look at me."

Seunghyun succeeds in pulling my hands away from my face, and i slowly peek my eyes open, noticing my eyelashes sticking together from tears that were freely flowing down the side of my face.

I look into Seunghyun's eyes and he stares down at me with a mixture of fear and concern. "What happened baby? What went wrong?"

My lips trembles. " I thought about... and i started remembering... Seung." I whimper.

He leans down a places a small kiss on my lips "it's ok, shhh, i'm right here. He can't hurt you, you're safe."

I take a deep breath letting his words wash over me, and i slowly return to him, cutting my mind off from the unwanted images and memories. I stare into Seunghyun's eyes, losing myself in them, letting myself feel his comfort, his warmth, and his protection. Everything I've ever wanted, ever needed staring me in the eyes offering me happiness.

"Seunhyun." i say after a beat, feeling that my mind is my own again. "Touch me please, i need you."

He shifts hesitantly "Ji, I'm not sure..."

"Please, Seung." I beg as a tear rolls down my cheek. "I need to feel connected to you."

He sighs noticing the need in my voice. "Right here, do not break, understand?" he says pointing to his eyes, telling me not to look away.

I nod "i understand."

He mimics my action and slides his hand back down, wrapping around my member. I tense and he pauses. "don't stop, it feels good, just let me get use to it."

Slowly he starts to stroke me, and slowly i start to relax, feeling myself beginning to sink into the sensation once again. A moan leaves my throat, and Seunghyun's eyes flash, causing the corners of his mouth to lift up.

His movements start to speed up and i find myself bucking my hips up, while my hand fly's out and grasp onto Seunghyuns shoulder to stabilize me.

"Seunghyun." i gasp when i feel that heat balling up in my lower stomach "i'm close,"

"Let it come, baby." He smirks at me, our gazes still connected, only intensifying my pleasure.

It surges through me, lighting me on fire. My body tingles with the most amazing sensation and i call out Seunghyun's name, as i fall to pieces in his hands, riding it out with Seung staring deep into my eyes, witnessing every bit of me in its rawest form.

I come down from my high and smile lazily at him, while breathing like i had just ran a marathon. Seunghyun chuckles at me and leans forward kissing me deeply, but briefly. He then rolls over and off the bed, standing up and walking across the room into my bathroom. My eyes follow his every move, feeling way to needy for his touch at the moment. I need to be held, and i don't want to me more than a couple inches away from him.

Before i can complain, and ask him to come back, he reemerges with something in his hand. He wordlessly walks back to the bed, and my ability to breath gets easier with every step. Remaining silent he climbs back onto the bed, shuffling over to me.

To my surprise me starts to clean me off, with a wet washcloth, making sure to wipe up every bit of my release.

"Seung, you don't have to do that" i say, feeling my cheeks heat up as he very gently cleans me up.

He glances up at me and smiles "i want to, i like to touch you, even if it's cleaning up your...mess." I giggle and bite my lip, watching him concentrate. "I think you're going to need another shirt, let me go get you one." He says about to head for my closet.

"No, don't... just please stay with me for now" I grasp onto his wrist.

"But you're a mess, Ji" he jokes, but my distaste for messes makes me frown. He laughs at me and sighs "okay, here."

Before I understand what is happening, Seunghyun is taking off his shirt and handing it to me, then he turns around to allow me privacy. I swallow hard, but waste no time thinking about it. I pull my shirt over my head and put his on.

Seunghyun's smell attacks my nose and makes me feel a sense of overwhelming calm. I place my arms around my chest and hug myself, wanting to cuddle up in his shirt and fall asleep instantly.

"Why did you keep going?" Seunghyun asks with his back still turned, catching me of guard.

"What do you mean?" I ask, wondering where his head is at the moment.

I look up to the welcoming sight of Seunghyun's bare back, facing me, in its wonderful muscular glory. The pure sight of it is almost making me hard again. I reach forward and let my finger tips brush over the lightly tanned skin causing Seung to shiver.

His voice is horse when he answers. "Even though you were having a hard time and i could almost see the pain in your eyes when i touched you again, why did you tell me to keep going?" He specifies.

Taking a minute, really letting his question sink in, i thought about the answer. Why did i want to keep going? Why didn't i push him away and let myself recover before trying again? But even as i asked these questions, the answer already made it's presence.

"Because, i don't want anything else to be taken away because of him. I don't want to push you away. I want to be able to pull you close and lose myself in you, in us. I feel that if i start letting him control my mind, he'll take everything else. I won't let him win Seung, he's taken enough and now i'm taking it back."

He turns to me and his eyes light up, all of the stress draining from his features. He stares deep into my eyes, leaving nothing of my soul untouched "Ji, you amaze me sometimes, you know that?"

"I do?" I ask once again caught of guard.

He nods "yes, you're so strong and brave, normal people would have crumbled in your situation and choose the easy way out, but you fight through a battle no one can really see every day, coming out on the other side that much stronger. Is it weird to say that i'm proud of you, at how strong you are?"

I feel tears well up and i breath in quickly trying to keep them from spilling over. "Really? You're proud of me?"

I don't know why, but hearing Seunghyun say this to me, makes me feel weightless. Like i'm bulletproof and can conquer anything. Seunghyun being proud of me, makes me really happy and i want nothing more than to always make him proud of me.

"Yes, you're amazing baby" he places butterfly kisses on my cheeks, then one on my nose before giving me a loving stare. "i love you, Ji."

My cheeks heat up. "Me to." It isn't exactly the words but it was close enough and Seunghyun beams like a child, rolling over onto his side, pulling me to him in a tight hug.

"Ugh, Seunghyun... i'm still not wearing pants" i say looking between us and noticing my overly exposed torso.

"I know, you're beautiful." He says staring at my naked lower half. "i just want to stare at your beautiful snow white skin all day."

I blush hard. "Seung, please... i'm cold."

He chuckles. "Okay, baby. Here." he hands me my boxers and helps me slide them back on before pulling the covers over us "better?"

I hum happily and snuggle up against his chest "Seung, you know I still have a lot of questions."

"Like?" He inquires, luckily seeming calm.

"Like, what happened between you and Ravi? What did he do that messed you up so bad? And there's some more that are stupid and childish, that I don't really want to ask."

"I can't really explain it now, it's still hard to talk about." his words come out in a sad tone and I find myself huddling closer to him, wanting to comfort him the best I can.

"Is it because you don't trust me?" I question, I didn't want to ask this question but I know it will eat me alive if I don't and Seunghyun will know if I keep it from him. I made a promise that I won't lie to him ever again and I always keep my promises.

"What? No baby, I trust you with every piece of me, how could you think..." he breaks off "what Youngbae said earlier, about me not trusting you enough, is that where this is coming from?"

I sigh "yes"

"Ji, I'm going to tell you this one last time, don't listen to Youngbae. He's letting what happened in the past cloud his judgment. He'll come around when he realizes how incredible happy you make me and that we are in this for the long haul." And with that, he squashes any doubt I have over him not trusting me.

I finally understand how stupid I'm being, how can I take the words of a person I barley know over the only man who I know better than myself?

"I'm sorry, Seunghyun. Please just forget how stupid I acted today." I plead, wishing I could just rewind life.

He chuckles. "See what happens when you actually talk to me, shit gets sorted out."

I nod. "can I ask another question without you getting upset?"

He laughs. "of course, but it better not in any way be negative towards yourself."

I bite at my lip. "I guess it's not negative, maybe a little insecure."

"Then I will be glad to break any insecurity you have, because to me your perfect."

I giggle lightly but sober up before asking my question. "did you love him more than you love me? Or... do you still love him?"

Seunghyun narrows his eyes "Ji, come on."

"I know it's stupid, but it's one of the questions I'm not sure I can hold in for to long."

"No, I don't love him anymore, not in a romantic way at least. He was my best friend and I will always love him as my friend, but the way I loved him in no way compares to the way I love you, Ji."

"The love I have for you, scoffs at the love I had for him and curses it for having the audacity to call itself love... does that answer you question?" He states a bit over dramatically, lightening the mood a bit.

I bite my lip to keep from grinning like an idiot. "That will do."

"What am I going to do with you? Sometimes I seriously don't know whether to kiss you our hit you." He gasps "but I would never hit you Ji. I swear, I will never touch you out of anger."

I smile "I know, Seung. If I had any doubt about that, we wouldn't be here. I know you will never hurt me. I feel safe and protected with you, I think that's why I fell so quickly, because you give me everything that I need"

Seunghyun leans his head against mine. "You give me the same, Ji."

"What do I give you?" I ask. "what do I have that you were missing?"

"Someone who needs me, someone who lets me take care of them and wants only me. You're loyal and honest. All of which, I need desperately."

Guilt seizes me. "I'm sorry I lied to you. Its one of my ways of pushing people away, so they can't see what's really going on inside of me."

"It's okay, I understood what you were doing and you promised honestly from now on which makes me so incredibly happy because I know you won't break that promise."

I smile. "You know me so well"

He laughs. "Speaking of which, I know that you are probably starving right now."

I blink and realize that he is right, my stomach is trying to eat itself, I'm so hungry.

"Let's go get something to eat, your dad saved our dinners." He jumps up and off the bed, then turns toward me.

I bounce and reach out for him, grasping at air like a child. He laughs and shakes his head, leaning down and picking me up like a baby.

"Your lucky I love you." he jokes heading downstairs.

"Yes, yes I am." I sigh happily, leaning my head against his chest.

>>>>>>

Hello darling Chickens!!

We've got some drama this Chappie. I hate when they fight, but it might get a bit worse as Seunghyun's past starts coming out. Just warning you guys, proceed with caution!!

Big things are about to happen, so make sure you pay attention, and hold on tightly. I know this was s bit of a long chappie, but I hope it makes up for how long it took me to get it out.

I love you guys!!

사랑해 💕

~M~